How to Draw a Napkin – Step 10: Find New Wife

Finally Step 10!

how to draw a napkin 10-6

Step 10a-10d: See 1a-1d

Step 10e: Get divorced after 20 years of marriage.

Step 10f: Start dating woman from church who is also getting divorced.

Step 10g: Stop dating woman from church and introduce her to guy in Sunday School.

Step 10h: Have woman from church say she can’t ever talk to me again because her new boyfriend I introduced her to is jealous.

Step 10i: Go internet dating.

Step 10j: Have some wonderful girlfriends who aren’t quite the right fit.

Step 10k: Meet woman on match.com, think she is cool and date her for 2 years, with a break up in there somewhere.

Step 10l: Meet woman from match.com’s daughter and think she is cool.

Step 10m: Ask woman from match.com to marry me.

Step: 10n: Get married to woman from match.com

Step 10o: Find out woman from match.com’s name is Linda.

Step 10p: Live happily ever after.

This is a great place to stop for a while. I will pick it back up later, maybe doing it once a week or so.

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Concept, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who thought internet dating was fun.

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Fact of the day 

Approximately 1/3 of marriages in the US are step-family involved remarriages for one or both partners.

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How to Draw a Napkin – Step 9: Lose Job & Wife

It sounds worse than it was, but it was bad.

 

Steps 9a-9d: Repeat 1a-1d

Step 9e: Watch as wife drifts away from relationship.

Step 9f: Watch as company where I have dream job goes bankrupt.

Step 9g: Become unemployed.

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Concept, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who didn’t actually almost drown himself in a big reusable jelly jar glass.

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Fact of the day

The average American spends 4 years at a job. In Portugal the average is 12.5 years.

How to Draw a Napkin – Step 8: Move Far Away

Take a road trip with me across the country!

how to draw a napkin 8-6

Steps 8a-8d: See 1a-1d

Step 8e: Give up looking for a college teaching job after 8 unsuccessful years.

Step 8f: Retrain yourself in computer graphics, using your family’s and friend’s computers during the day while they are at work.

Step 8g: Land a dream job in Tulsa, Oklahoma after you promise the company you will use your own computer as your work computer.

Step 8h: Drive sight unseen 1,692 miles across the country with your wife and kids to start a new life.

Step 8i: Start at entry level pay that is less than you made working four part-time jobs back in California.

Step 8j: Work hard and get promoted until 18 months later you are the Art Director and Producer at an educational software company.

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Concept, Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who doesn’t actually have a cowboy hat but wants one.

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Fact of the Day

Oklahoma originally was going to be 2 states but the Republican controlled congress did not want 4 Democratic senators added to their ranks. They made the two potential states into one so that only 2 would be appointed.  Oklahoma was admitted to the union in 1907.

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How To Draw a Napkin – Step 7: Teach Drawing

Yes, I am trying to draw you in.

how to draw a napkin 7-6

Steps 7a-7d: see 1a-1d

Step 7e: Get a part time job teaching drawing at a community college.

Step 7f: Get another part time job doing the same thing at a different community college.

Step 7g: Get a third job doing the same thing at yet another community college.

Step 7h: Keep your job working in a restaurant, creating art and raising your family.

Step 7i: Apply for full-time teaching jobs at colleges and universities all around the country.

Step 7j: Repeat steps 7e-7i for 9 years.

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Concept, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman

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Trivia of the day

The teaching job I applied for that had the most applications was at the University of Virginia. There were 0ver 600 applications for one Assistant Professor position.

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How To Draw a Napkin – Step 6: Get a Degree (or 2)

It’s a new week and we are graduating to step six!

how to draw a napkin 6-6

Step 6a-6d: See steps 1a-1d.

Step 6e: Move 515 miles to first college out of high school.  Miss first semester because of being blown up.

Step 6f:  Move 919 miles to second college because first college closes down.  Lose girlfriend.

Step 6g: Move 3,072 miles to third college because you can’t afford the second college. Get Religion.

Step 6h: Graduate from 3rd college. Get married, have kids.

Step 6i: Move 2,399 miles to go to graduate school. Have car crash that should have been an omen.

Step 6j: Move 2,431 miles to second graduate school because you get kicked out of first graduate school for being a crappy artist.

Step 6k: Graduate from Graduate school.  Start looking for jobs.

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Concept, drawings and commentary by Marty Coleman, who wasn’t really as crappy an artist as the professor said, but was still pretty bad.

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Fact of the day

There are over 2,700 colleges and universities in the US as of 2009.  My immediate family has gone to 12 of them and graduated from 5 (so far).

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How To Draw A Napkin – Step 5: Wait Tables

I know you have been waiting for this, so I am putting it on the table for you!

how to draw a napkin 5-6

Steps 5a-5d: See steps 1a-1d

Step 5e: Get job at a restaurant.

Step 5f: Draw and photograph many of your co-workers and patrons (but not the ones you spill things on).

Step 5g: Meet art teachers, dealers and collectors and show them your work.

Step5h: Meet famous people and rich people and encourage them to buy your art.

Step5i: Repeat for 13 years.

Step 5j: Draw another waiter (not me, in spite of the resemblance, really) spilling food and wine all over.

Step 5k: Color in drawing of waiter.  Use pretty colors.

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Concept, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who never spilled wine or food on anyone but did drop a few plates.

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Fact of the Day

The highest amount paid for a painting by a living artist is 34.2 million dollars at an October, 2012 Sotheby’s Auction. The artist is Gerhard Richter and the seller was Eric Clapton.  

gerhard richter painting

Here is a photo of the painting being sold. It's the colorful one.

 

 

How To Draw A Napkin – Step 4: Have Babies

I know you weren’t expecting this, but it was due!

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how to draw a napkin 4-6

 

Steps 4a-4d: Repeat steps 1a-1d. 

Step 4e: Meet someone.

Step 4f: Marry them (traditional version)

Step 4g: Have sex with them (traditional version)

Step 4h: Get pregnant, or help at least (traditional version)

Step 4i: Have baby (traditional version)

Step 4j: Repeat 4g-4i as often as you wish.

Step 4k: Draw baby being born from memory. (don’t draw as it happens, that would be rude).

Step 4l: Color in drawing (be accurate)

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Concept, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who contributed to this scenario 3 times (and added another in an untraditional way).

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Trivia of the day

An average of approximately 3,000 babies in the US are dropped upon delivery each year.

How To Draw A Napkin – Step 3: Have A Show

Come on, let’s have a show!  Here is what you do next in your journey to draw a napkin.

 

how to draw a napkin 3-6

Step 3a-3d: Repeat steps 1a-1d

Step 3e: Draw yourself at your big exhibition opening greeting all the admiring guests.  

Step 3f: Color in the drawing of yourself at the big opening.

Step 3f: Make sure to include your art and the rich and famous collectors, dealers and critics who will be there.

Step 3g: Show yourself complimenting them on their outfit and hair (if they have any). 

Step 3h: Show yourself selling your work. Tell them the piece would go well over their bed.

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Concept, drawings and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is no relation to the artist in the drawings. Really.

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Fact of the day:

There are over 60 Museums on the Island of Manhattan, New York City.

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How To Draw a Napkin – Step 2: Become an Artist

I hope this public service series on how to draw a napkin is helping you.

how to draw a napkin 2-6

Steps 2a-2d: Repeat steps 1a-1d

Step 2e: Go to art college or at least a big empty space and draw naked people a lot. Men, women or hermaphrodites are acceptable.  

Step 2f: Move from drawing naked people to painting naked people. Use pretty colors.

Step 2g: Practice being an artist for 30 years (this is an important step, don’t skip it).

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Concept, drawings and commentary by Marty Coleman

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Fact of the day:

Top ten most popular subjects in art (according to a survey conducted by Art Business Today magazine (UK)

1. Traditional landscapes.
2. Local views.
3. Modern or semi-abstract landscapes.
4. Abstracts.
5. Dogs.
6. Figure studies (excluding nudes or nakeds).
7. Seascapes, harbour, and beach scenes.
8. Wildlife.
9. Impressionistic landscapes.
10. Nudes (this includes Nakeds as well).

How To Draw A Napkin – Step 1: Learn To Draw

 

Many people have asked me to teach them how to draw a napkin.  So here is my FREE tutorial. Pay close attention.

 

Step 1a: Get a napkin

Step 1b: Get some markers

Step 1c: Draw a rectangle in the color of your choosing (note: creative moment of free will)

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Step 1d: Write the title in the rectangle

Step 1e: Draw a line around the rectangle (1d and 1e are interchangeable, but it is more dangerous)

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Step 1f: Draw another rectangle (this time using another color of your choosing)

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Step 1g: Write the subtitle in the rectangle

Step 1h: Draw a line around the rectangle (you do not have to repeat the border line, it’s already there, SCORE!)

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Step 1i: Draw someone learning to draw (be accurate) under the 2 rectangles

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Step 1j: Color in the drawing of someone learning how to draw (use pretty colors)

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TADA, you are now done with Step 1.  Now practice.

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Concept, drawings and words by Marty Coleman

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