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Compliments

I am a big fan of compliments, both giving and receiving. I give them better than I take them, but I like getting them as well. When I give them I try to be specific. I won’t say someone is pretty, I will say I like their hair style, or their necklace, etc.  Often it’s something I might notice that others don’t.  An accessory, or a feature perhaps.  I like pointing out something specific because I am hoping the compliment I give makes them feel good about choices they made, not just that they were born looking a certain way.  And I feel good when a compliment I give makes someone feel great.

Enjoying and feeling good about a compliment is one thing.  Feeling your self-worth is attached completely to the compliments is another. The last thing I want is for someone to depend on my compliments for their complete value or worth.  First off, I don’t want that pressure, and secondly, it certainly isn’t healthy for the person getting the compliments.  

Criticisms

I don’t like giving criticisms, especially if it’s about style or looks. I deliberately step back when I see someone who is jarring to my established notions and let the visuals sit with me for a while. I practice withholding judgment, in other words. This is true in anything sensory; smells, sights, hearing, etc.  I like to live with it for a while. And I always try and remember I can view someone without judging them. I think of these sensory experiences as being part of the passing parade of life; something to be enjoyed, admired, explored. Not something I have to judge.

If I do criticize, I would be saying it hoping they gave it some value. But I certainly hope the person receiving it doesn’t automatically take it as gospel truth about themselves.  Once again, that would be too much pressure on me and would certainly be unhealthy on the part of the person hearing the criticism.

Balance

I assume that, for the most part, compliments make people feel good and criticisms make them feel bad. That is normal and to be expected.  But to get all your worth in life and to feel completely worthless in life due to them indicates an a skewed understanding of your own value. 

How do you overcome that? It’s not easy but it is doable.  You have to start with small steps.  I have a friend, Victoria James, in England, who does a daily live video called #Mindflowers  (you can find her as @victoriajamesUK on Periscope). The idea started with her feeling like she, and her friends, all gave compliments to each other a lot more than they give compliments to themselves. They would be much more likely to denigrate and dismiss themselves than say something nice.  So she started a daily routine that she now shares around the world. She simply asks the people watching her video to give themselves a compliment every day.

That is how you can start.

Periscope

Here is my periscope video of the drawing being created.

And here is part 2 where I color the drawing and we talk more about this idea.

Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com

Quote by Cornelius Lindsey, 1986 – not dead yet, American Preacher