“Whenever I am caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.” – Mae West
Ok, for any of you that were born without humor DNA she is NOT talking about REAL evil, like murder, abuse, addiction, etc. Good, got that out of the way.
But for the other ‘evils’, the fun and non-destructive ones, there is something to be said for being open to new things, whether it is a new decadent chocolate candy bar or a new idea for you and your partner to have fun with. In other words, don’t get in a rut with your indulgences, branch out, have fun!
The quote is by Mae West, a movie star from the 1920s and 30s. Those of you too young to know who she is, think of the biggest celebrity now and add a very saucy, sexy, funny, witty and bold personality to that person, and you would have Mae West. Oh, and add a very curvaceous figure as well. She was the queen of one liners with outrageous sexual innuendo, and she was very funny. Look her up some day, she will make you crack up.
Hello Everyone! ‘Absorbent Ideas’, an exhibition my napkin drawings is open at DoubleShot Coffee here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I thought those of you who aren’t local (there are a LOT of you) might want to see it so I put together an online version.
The drawings are for sale and you can buy them online as well as in person at the show. If you don’t like using PayPal you can email me and we can make arrangements to pay another way.
Enjoy the show and thanks for all your support from around the whole world! I love that the napkins and the ideas they hold are going everywhere people love to think, smile and be better in life and love.
“The best brought-up children are those who have seen their parents as they are. Hypocrisy is not the parent’s first duty.” – George Bernard Shaw
This is an important one. All you have to do is think back to your own childhood and remember how easily you could sense falseness and fakery in your parents. You could tell when they were being hypocritical, you could tell when they were trying to show the world this person you knew they were not. You may not have known what the word ‘facade’ meant, but you knew it when you saw it.
If you think your children are any different you are fooling yourself. They know you very well. They see you more than any other people see you. They know when you are pretending and being hypocritical.
What are some examples of that?
Saying they shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage, but they know you are dating and having sex with someone. (by the way, if you think you are fooling them and they don’t know, you aren’t and they do.)
Giving lip service to charity and community service, but they don’t see you giving money or time to either.
Saying beauty comes from within, but they see you fret incessantly about your looks and how you appear to others. and they see you judge others harshly on their outside appearances.
I mention those because I have been guilty in all those areas, but there are plenty of others we all can relate to. The point isn’t to be the perfect person, the point is to be a real person. I am not suggesting you expose all your adult secrets to a child. I am suggesting that you speak and live consistently for them.
“Depression is the inability to construct a future.” – Rollo May
I have had many friends and loved ones become depressed over the years. I have seen drugs help, I have seen a change of relationships or scenery help, I have seen a recommitment to helping others help. Many things can help. But what all those things have in common is that underneath them is a little flame of ‘futurethink’. A little glimmer, a glow, that I might have a reason to be, a reason to get up, a reason to care, that is what they, me, you, anyone needs.
So, if you are depressed today, whether clinically, severely, or just in a funk, remember that if you are alive, you have hope, if you are not, you don’t.
“He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.” – Joseph Joubert, submitted by Michael Jamison, Thanks Michael!
The quote is trying to caution against imagination without learning, but I have seen many a time when a formal education results in a person having less unique imagination and creativity. They become all feet and no wings.
“It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere.” – Voltaire
I am usually a pretty encouraging person, and I will always lean towards the assumption that people want to become better, want to improve their lives, their mind, their behavior. But sometimes you come across people who you realize, though they consciously think they want to change, really have no interest in it at all. They are wrapped up in their chains of whatever and hate with a passion the idea of having those chains taken away. After all, who would they be, without those chains?
You might think I am talking about addicts here, people who can’t give up cigarettes or alcohol, etc. And yes, of course those of us who deal with that have our chains. But, I am thinking of a different sort of chain. The chain based, not on reality, what really is, but on self, what THEY think really is. The person who isn’t interested in learning, isn’t interested in finding out truth, but is interested only in defending their foolishness, prejudices, superstitions and magical thinking. Absurd, self-absorbed rationalizations are the chains.
We all have our blind spots I know, but sometimes I come across a person who has more blind spots than seeing spots and I come to find out they put those blind spots there on purpose! That get’s old and it becomes hard to continue to encourage in that case.
“When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit can still rejoice over what it has left.” – Sufi Aphorism
The pain of a break up or loss is about so much. If you are the breakee, then it is about wondering why you aren’t lovable, why you can’t keep a man or woman. If you are the breaker, then it is about not wanting to hurt someone but needing to get out. Those are just two things. But in either case, you will feel loss, you will feel something missing, a hole in your whole.
The suggestion that you might get from well meaning friends, ‘Hey, look at all you still have.’ might seem like just so much torture, since at the time you don’t feel you have anything at all. But in truth, in time, your spirit, in spite your heart’s desire to continue grieving, will look towards what remains and will find in them your strength and happiness for the days ahead. Cliche as it might be, it is how it really does go.
“The first key to greatness is to be in reality what we appear to be.” – Socrates
This is the cruelty for all of us who like to talk idealistic talk, about the world and about ourselves. It is so easy to be fooled into thinking what we present, what we say, about ourselves is the reality. But that isn’t always case. It takes two things that aren’t always easy to do. One, I have to be honest, perceptive and realistic about myself. Two, I have to be willing to let others see that real person.
The question is, what if that real person isn’t all that nice, or talented, or great? What if I am filled with pettiness, am shallow, am mediocre? What then? Then you are free. You are free to start where you are, with who you are and go forward. You can’t go from the shallow end to the deep end if you don’t even know you are in the shallow end in the first place.
“No snowflake in an avalanche thinks it is responsible.” – Voltaire
I loved the example of something that contributes to a catastrophe in such a small way that it is impossible to blame that thing. Nonetheless without that one thing, person, ceo, bureaucrat, etc. and a million more like him/her the catastrophe would never have taken place.
So, what is the lesson when you really can’t place individual blame?Is it to not let bankers gather in large groups at resort spas? Maybedon’t let too many talking heads on TV at one time? Or maybe weshould do what people in the mountains do to prevent avalanches,shoot a cannon in their general direction and disperse the danger!
“Delusion is a natural stage that follows the holding of an illusion.” – Susan Saughnessy
So, it’s Sunday morning and I am going to draw a napkin while still in my jammies. I choose this quote because it is clever and insightful in a way I don’t usually see. I like the idea, though I don’t want people to take it to mean they shouldn’t have dreams. Just that realism, REAL realism, isn’t a bad thing.
I am thinking about sort of a sad woman, unadorned and real, not sure why. I know I want to include a mirror since the mirror so often represents both illusion and reality in one. I am stuck when it comes to what to put in the mirror, partly because I have made it so small I can’t draw another version of the woman holding the mirror very well. Then blind cat walks in and wants to sit on my lap. She becomes the reflection.
I think about the background and decide on a volcano because I have the room in the middle for it and I like the idea of this explosive thing happening between the woman and the mirror that creates a ‘cat’ illusion instead of a ‘her’ reality.
Not sure about the why of any of these decisions, but I thought it would be fun for you to hear how random and odd my train of thought can be sometimes.
Oh, and I am going to put the name of the person who spoke the quote down here now, instead of on the napkin. I want the napkin to be about the idea, not the person who originally said it. I do want to give credit however, so here is where I will post the person’s name.
“You don’t reach Serendib by plotting a course for it. You have to set out in good faith for elsewhere and lose your bearings.” – John Barth, ‘The Last Voyage of Somebody the Sailor’
I love the idea of Serendipity as being an actual place, the exotic land of Serendib, that you can’t get to without losing your way first. Sort of like Shangri-La or Brigadoon. The truth is it is a wonderful place, where you find incredible love, joy, fulfillment and peace. You can be in and out of the town in a moment, barely having time to stop. You might not even have known you stopped actually. Then again it could be your final destination, where you retire and live out your years. Who knows.
All I know is that it makes me smile whenever I find myself in the town of Serendib. And I always order a plate of shrimp when I go (see Repo Man video clip on an earlier napkin post to know what I am talking about).
This is for all those whose life didn’t go in the direction they hoped or expected. Let it be known that your life is at this moment for a reason, no matter your age. It starts new today and you can do what you want. Susan Boyle, Albert Einstein, Grandma Moses, James Michener, many more have in common one thing, they didn’t know how they were going to achieve their goals, in some cases they didn’t even know their goals. But Susan sang 27 years late, Einstein worked away in spite of only finding a lowly clerk job, Grandma Moses started painting at age 70 and Michener didn’t publish his first book until age 40.
They all found themselves in the little village of Serendib having no clue how they got there. But they knew what to do once they arrived. They worked towards their dreams. So, check in to the Serendib Hotel and make your plan.
“The arts are not a way to make a living, they are a way of making life more bearable.” – Kurt Vonnegut
That is why how your home, yard, office or town looks makes a difference. It isn’t about impressing other people, it is about creating a world that inspires and rejuvenates you. You can’t do that with crappy art, design, or furnishings. You don’t have to spend a ton of money, but you do need to put out the effort and be creative. But in the end it will make a big difference in your mindset and feelings.
“It takes a long time to grow an old friend.” – John Leonard
I recently have reconnected with many old friends from high school, college and early work/life/church days. I think so lovingly of so many of them, have such a dear place in my heart for their friendships back then (and it turns out, now as well). I don’t know what it is about the connection, but it is strong and filled with a simple joy and happiness that makes me smile.
There is only one that gives me pause, makes me have to stop and think about what my response is going to be. There was some pain there, some feelings of betrayal and disregard that makes me cautious. But I thought about forgiveness and how I would go about doing that in this case and came up with what I had learned many years ago during my divorce, which is to move towards hoping the best for the person. You can see that thought in the napkin from yesterday actually.
But for the rest I have no such hesitation. I am happy to have them as friends and smile when I think of how they love me for no good reason.
“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” – Lewis B. Smedes
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. It is easy to think that if you forgive then the person thinks that means everything is ok, and what he or she did wasn’t all that bad after all. Or that you will welcome the person back in your life as it was before the act that broke things.
But that is not what forgiveness means. It simply means you are able to hope the best for them. That should include them getting help for any issues they have as well, but overall you just hope they can live a happy and good life, not hurting others in the future the way they hurt you.
“As a rule, I am very careful to be shallow and conventional where depth and originality are wasted.” – Lucy Montgomery
I love this quote, it’s such a good lesson about when to be what. I usually think about the negative aspects of being shallow and conventional and I forget that being deep and original, while not negative, can be wasted time. The biblical injunction ‘do not throw your pearls before swine’ comes to mind.
“There is a secret person undamaged in every individual.” Paul Shepard
And that secret person comes out sometimes. What is the catalyst for the innocent and good, the self filled with unselfconscious love and joy, to come out. What playmate, what cause, what endeavor calls to you through your psychic neighborhood and you respond enthusiastically?
That is your secret undamaged self as a grown up person. The more you let that person out, the less the damaged shell will control you. The less you will lean on alcohol or drugs or anger or grudges or shopping or sex or any number of things to avoid the damaged part of you.
I am not just talking about the damaged part of you now or in the past. I am also talking about your fear of the future. You might look at the future and see only your damaged, incapable self, unable to cope and function and enjoy life. That stops you from taking away the addictions or destructive behaviors. You don’t think you will have what it takes to cope without them.
And the truth is, maybe you are right. BUT, realistically….is your damaged self coping all that well now or in the future? Do you envision a successful life with your damaged self leading the way? I am not saying you have to be undamaged to have a successful life. But I am saying that the more you allow your undamaged self to come out, the more you will enjoy whatever life, whatever success, you have.
“We judge ourselves by our motives and others by their actions.” – Dwight Morrow
If we think about Jesus’ teaching of ‘do to others as you would likethem to do to you’, there is no deeper area where we can apply thisthan here. Dig deeper than their actions. Try to understand theirmotives, as you understand your own, and perhaps you will be moreforgiving and loving towards them, as you are towards yourself.
“it is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.” – Andre Gide
The most intense struggle of growing up is rooted in this quote. Go to any middle school (about 12-15 years old) and you will see the beginnings of children trying to figure out who is ‘me’ versus who is not ‘me’. If by that time the child isn’t starting to be confident in who that ‘me’ is then they will be at the mercy of the cliques, crowds, bullies, glamourizers and over-confident ones.
The greatest gift anyone can give their child is the gift of helping them know the ‘me’ that is genuine inside them. You can’t tell them what it is, and you can’t force them into your ‘me’. You have to watch and pick up on their signals, you have to subtly find ways to guide and direct them towards that ‘me’ they might not even see yet.
“You Can’t Talk Your Way Out Of Things You Act Your Way Into.” – Stephen Covey
I first came across this quote when I was working as an asst. animator at a company making educational software for children. The Art Director and the Producer of the product had dug themselves big holes by their behavior and were trying to talk, instead of act, their way out of it. It was perfect timing to find the quote. But as with all perfect things directed at others I soon found it was just as applicable to me, not at work, but in my personal life.
I think many men, maybe women too, but I see it more often in men, believe the words they speak, the ones that exhalt the moral, the good, the noble. But that man isn’t nearly as adamant when the situation arises where he has act in those same ways instead of immorally or unethically. It’s as if he thinks the words are what count, that he is his words, not his actions.
Truth be told, words do count. But they don’t count if the man can’t back them up with actions. I know that has been a struggle of mine over the years, and I also know how good it feels to have my words and my actions in harmony with each other. I don’t do all that well with it, but the repeated attention to it has brought me closer, and that is how anything is achieved.
Speaking of words, here are the most amazing city names from which the Napkin Dad Daily has had visitors this past week.
“Forget regret or life is yours to miss.” – Jonathan Larson
Notice it doesn’t say ‘Don’t have regret’ It says to ‘forget regret’.
We all have regrets, it’s whether we let the regrets rule our lives and our thoughts, make us feel defeated and pessimistic about what lies ahead. It also usually means you don’t see, or at least aren’t paying attention to, the good lessons that came from whatever it is you are regretting.
I thought back on my regrets when I decided on this quote today and the ones I most vividly remember are the ones where I didn’t do something, not where I did do something. I am not talking about moral or immoral actions, I am talking about not having introduced myself to someone, not having called someone, not having said I am sorry to someone, not having done something because I was scared or worried.
Those are the regrets that I need to learn from, then forget and go on to live a fuller life.
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” – Bertrand Russell
America (where I live) was founded on Puritan and Protestant ideals of redemption. You became good by redeeming your time, work, money, basically everything. Everything had a purpose or it was sloth and wasteful.
That isn’t as predominant as it once was but it still does have a strong thread in many families and, to be honest, I have learned great lessons from one such family about that, and it has made me a much better person.
But, it defeats the purpose of having a ‘purpose driven’ life to only pay attention to what you are SURE is bound up in your purpose, in your effort to achieve something.
Steve Jobs of Apple tells the story of his deciding on a whim to take a Calligraphy course. He had no idea why, just sounded fun. He knew it didn’t have any connection to whatever goals he had in life (he didn’t have many at that time) but he just wanted to do so he did.
He credits that course with being one of the essential elements to him making the Mac the graphic designer’s favorite computer. It brought in fonts and design ability that had not been contemplated by prior computer makers. He was just enjoying wasting his time taking that course. But it was not wasted time.
