by Marty Coleman | Jan 31, 2010 | Anatole France |
A vintage napkin from 2001, drawn for my daughters and put in their lunches.
Then the question must be, ‘If dreams are in the future, how do you get to them?’
Perhaps one way is by finding someone whose tomorrow happens to be today and hitching a ride with them. That’s how I do it, at least. Sometimes that person is myself, other times not.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The future is a convenient place for dreams.” – Anatole France, 1844-1924, French writer. No, the country was not named after him.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 30, 2010 | Japanese Proverbs |
A young friend of mine had a car accident on Friday, here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The winter weather – sleet and freezing rain – had been falling most of the day and when something went wrong on the road, I don’t know what, she rolled her car over. She thought she had died because all she saw was white, then she realized it was snow and ice everywhere. She ended up hanging upside down in her car by her seatbelt. Her dog was in the car with her and she thought he was dead as well until she reached out for it and it responded.
She posted photos of the strangulation-like raw marks all over her neck and upper chest from the seat belt. It was not a pretty sight. She can barely move her neck.
The lessons learned? Don’t take life for granted. Pay attention to important things. Don’t delay telling people how you appreciate them. These are not uncommon lessons. We hear them over and over. My hope is that my young friend takes action and turns these new lessons into the habits of her life.
Because it isn’t learning a lesson that is hard. It is becoming the lesson that is.
Say the word.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“One kind word can warm three winter months.” – Japanese proverb
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 29, 2010 | Sweets - 2010, William Shakespeare |
I remember reading or hearing stories about the ‘good ol’ days’ when kids would get a candy treat or an orange for Christmas and it was the biggest deal in the world. A sweet dessert was something that happened very rarely and was akin to a special present.
I certainly don’t think that is now the case for most of in the US or most other developed countries. I wonder if just in general we lack joy and excitement in large part because we don’t have to wait for things. We get what we want pretty quickly, whether it’s a TV or a candy bar. We might be excited about something of course, but that uniqueness that comes from something being uncommon isn’t there nearly as much as it used to be.
I also wonder if some of our feelings of entitlement come from that abundance as well. The stores are stocked with candy. I want candy. I am in the store. I deserve the candy I will buy the candy. Candy costs a buck maybe, no big deal. But project that same entitlement to a TV or a Car and man, your debt balloons pretty darn fast!
Practicing the art of delayed gratification is not easy in a world of abundance.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Sweets grown common lose their dear delight.” – William Shakespeare
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 28, 2010 | Marty Coleman, Sweets - 2010 |
How many people do you know are stressed as they eat desserts? So, the key to peace, serenity and fulfillment is, by logical inference, eating desserts. Anyone care to argue with that?
Drawing and genius insight © Marty Coleman
Quote by lots of people, but I rewrote it my way so it’s by me now.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 27, 2010 | Anonymous, Sweets - 2010 |
And it’s exercise as well!
Drawing © Marty Coleman
Quote by who knows
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 26, 2010 | Death - 2001-2011, Ernestine Ulmer, Sweets - 2010 |
Day 2 of my series on Sweets.
A few pet peeve contradictory morbid confessions here:
#1. I always feel morbidly curious about the following phenomenon. Not the people on the airplane that crashes, but the poor guy in the car that was driving over the bridge that the airplane smashed into. Airline passengers accept a certain level of risk, even if they do everything they can to avoid thinking about it. But a person sitting at home watching ‘Wheel of Fortune’ does not expect an airplane to come crashing in the front room and kill him. I feel for that guy. What an unlucky break, right?
#2. The idea that we should actually treat each day as our last. That would be completely obnoxious if it happened every day. People crying, confessing, forgiving, wearing their ugliest outfits (or no outfits) etc. Nothing would ever get done! There would be a lot of dessert eaten though, of that I am sure. The contradictory part is that because I was once almost killed unexpectedly (blown up in a boat explosion) I actually make a point of saying things to people in the moment because I know that I might not get the chance to say it later. Mostly they are just simple compliments. But I don’t go crazy about it. I probably did more often when I drank, but my last drink was over 16 years ago so I don’t have that excuse anymore!
Back to the quote. Of course really following this admonition is silly, you aren’t going to die any happier if you ate a bite of cake last or a bite of mashed potatoes. But if you imagine this simple idea. One day it will be your last day. Likely it will be when you are old, maybe it will be in your sleep. But then again it could be by comet or by stray nuclear fission, who knows.
But here is a way to make sure you die happy, or as happy as you can die considering you would rather keep watching Wheel of Fortune. Instead of worrying about eating sweets before the end, just be sweet until the end.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Life is uncertain, eat dessert first.” – Ernestine Ulmer, 1925-not dead yet, American Writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 25, 2010 | Sandra J. Dykes, Sweets - 2010 |
As I promised, a new series on a not quite as serious topic…..Sweets!
You know, supposedly the statistics say women prefer chocolate over sex…is it true?
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“Forget love – I’d rather fall in chocolate!” – Sandra J. Dykes
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 23, 2010 | Abigail Adams, Feminism - 2010 |
This is the 5th and final day of the feminism series. I hope you have enjoyed them and have passed them on if you were so inclined.
Who wrote this? Some radical, wild-eyed commie pinko feminist of the 20th century? No, it was Abigail Adams, wife of our 2nd President, John Adams. Obviously from the quote you can surmise she was not alone in this statement. The ‘We’ she is talking about were New England women, raised in a relatively traditional religious atmosphere.
But they were as smart and educated as their husbands. Maybe not in formal schooling, but they read the same books of the enlightenment. They read the same pamphlets. They saw the same spirit of liberty and equality rising up as their husbands saw.
But they knew that the liberty did not really extend to them. They knew lip service was given, but that is not liberty. They knew some men were inclined to agree with them, but that is not liberty.
Standing up for yourself and your cause is the act that forces those who are not voluntarily willing to give liberty to all to give it anyway. Adams didn’t see the day, nor did her daughter or granddaughter. Maybe her Great granddaughter did. But however long it took, you can see it now. Are you grateful for that? Are you aware of the blessing?
I am not talking to women here. I am talking to men and women. I am a man, but I have no interest in living in a world where half of the population, in many ways the smarter half, don’t have a voice, don’t have a vote and can’t contribute as they should be able.
Just don’t forget our history.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and we will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.” – Abigail Adams, 1744-1818, American mother, wife, writer, political adviser, revolutionary, activist
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 22, 2010 | Feminism - 2010, Henry Kissinger |
Day 4 in the feminism series.
This isn’t about cliche feminism, it’s about facing reality and oneself, no matter your gender. It’s about real feminism, the feminism of equality and differences co-existing in an atmosphere of forgiveness, understanding, admitting wrong, working sincerely for equality, examining self & society and taking responsibility for your part.
Those things are the signs of victory for both sides.
And enjoying each other, don’t forget that!
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s just too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger, 1923-not dead yet, German born American Diplomat
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 21, 2010 | Feminism - 2010, Rebecca West |
Does that voting booth look a bit dated? It’s a voting booth style that saw American women for the first time, in 1920. That was 90 years ago.
It’s hard to believe that not only didn’t women have the right to vote only 90 years ago but guess what? It was preached from churches, preached in congress, preached in the marketplace, preached in the home, that women weren’t CAPABLE of voting intelligently. And, not only men thought that, some women thought that too and were against having their own right to vote. I am not joking.
Who changed the mind of America? Was it politicians? preachers? theologians? businessmen? No, it was feminists. It was women who fought for what was right. Who argued and protested and were arrested and condemned and shunned and labeled and destroyed in some cases.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that type of thinking is long gone. It isn’t, and it will creep back as long as people, men and women, don’t see it for what it is. Fathers, are you teaching your daughters to be strong and to know themselves, or are you teaching them to be a doormat? Mothers, are you teaching your daughters to respect themselves and to know their value, or are you teaching them to be prostitutes of one stripe or another?
Drawing and Commentary © Marty Coleman
“People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.” Dame Rebecca West, 1892-1983, English Author Read about her amazing life and career here.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 20, 2010 | Feminism - 2010, Florynce Kennedy |
Day 2 of my feminist series. That, of course, means these are feminine napkins.
In the US we seem to have made great progress (though not complete) towards equality in job opportunity among the sexes. I know it isn’t equal in all industries though and there are two reasons for this; men and women.
Yes, in most cases, it’s men in charge and men with the attitude that says women can’t do it. But there are also women in those industries who believe the same thing. They have bought into the idea that they can’t do the job.
For that to change, the mindsets of both men and women have to change. Women need the courage to fight for the jobs they want, men need to courage to overcome their outmoded prejudices and see that that the world will not fall apart just because changes come.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“There are very few jobs that require a penis or vagina. All other jobs should be open to everybody.” – Florynce Kennedy, 1916-2000, American lawyer and activist. Read about her amazing life here.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 19, 2010 | Betty Friedan, Feminism - 2010 |
Day one of a week-long series on feminism and equality.
Disappearing does seems easy sometimes, seems like a relief because you don’t have to make decisions about what you want to do, who you want to be, how you want to act, what interests you.
But what seems like the easy way often turns into a very hard way and this is why. Because sooner or later you are going to find that you want your own identity and you will be playing catch up, or you will have lived your life and found it is too late and you have none. That will be a depressing moment.
So, no matter how strong or domineering the people or person are who you are connected to, you have no other successful option than to be strong and resolute in standing up for who you want to be. If that means you have to argue, then you argue. The option of just keeping quiet to avoid an argument will work for a while, but in the long run it will only succeed in building resentment from you and imbalance in the relationship.
Oh, and don’t blame the other person or people. They may make it difficult, true. But you, and only you, are responsible for creating yourself. Saying someone is in your way is a sterile statement. Either fight your way past the person or rid yourself of the person.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself.” – Betty Friedan in ‘The Feminine Mystique’, published 1963
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 18, 2010 | Polish Proverbs |
Here the guest sees worse, but the guest also may see better than the host.
Every perception is a real perception. That doesn’t mean that you have to take another’s as your own. You just have to live with, and be at peace with, the reality that two conflicting perceptions can exist at the same time.
You are your own host, you see yourself in more detail than others, and you have blind spots to yourself that others see easily.
That is why we often find that someone we consider beautiful doesn’t think they are at all. They don’t see themselves the way we do.
What do you see?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“A guest sees more in an hour than the host in a year.” – Polish proverb
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 18, 2010 | William Shakespeare |
I love the grand gesture. I love the big proclamations of gratefulness, love. I love the big confessions and repentances, as seen on TV and sometimes in real life. I am a sucker for them.
But, sometimes those gestures can backfire. Sometimes they are overblown hyperbole; goals not attainable, transformations not sustainable. They come from the right place. They are the soul feeling guilty, the heart needing absolution and a gigantic conversion seems to be just the right thing.
I will no longer be the dog, the ass. I will BECOME the good man, the redeemed woman, the solid citizen, the consummate artist we say to ourselves as we cement our resolve to be better.
But the truth of life is that we backslide. The truth of life is that we return to who we didn’t want to be. We don’t completely return. We don’t not make progress. But we don’t usually stay up in the stratosphere of our epiphanies. What we really do is slowly become. We slowly transform. Yes, sometimes it’s faster than other times. But life transformation is not the montage with music score, it is a barely perceptible change in most cases.
It would be so much more fun if it were like in the movies, wouldn’t it? Maybe it would be. But now that I am older I am glad it isn’t. I like the slow change, the real change of becoming better where you don’t lose the good you already are.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Striving to be better, oft we mar what’s well.” – William Shakespeare, 1564-1616, English playwright
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 16, 2010 | Series |
Hello Napkin Dad Fans!
The 2009 Okie Blog Awards are open for nominations.
YOU MUST BE AN OKIE BLOGGER TO NOMINATE.
If you are, please consider offering The Napkin Dad Daily in the following categories:
- Most Inspirational
- Best Kept Secret
- Best Overall
Top 10 in each category will be voted on by okie bloggers.
Finalists will be reviewed by a panel & winners chosen.
Send nominations to: 2009okieblogawards@gmail.com
Remember to put a link to The Napkin Dad Daily in your nomination email.
For those of you outside the US and Oklahoma, this is for blogs within the state of Oklahoma only. But, if you know of another blog award please feel free to nominate the Napkin Dad Daily for that as well! Let me know if you do, ok?
Thanks!
Marty
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 15, 2010 | Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin |
I know this will get some cosmologists (and maybe cosmetologists if they happen to like stars a lot) upset. I don’t mean to diss the discovery of new things in outer space. I love hearing about them and I love the art of discovery in that realm.
But stars and galaxies don’t touch the senses the way a dish does. The smell, heat, taste, look, even the sound (in the cooking especially), all those things are at the heart of making one smile in that blissful sort of way that illustrates happiness so well.
My wife and daughter love to go out to dinner. When we do we often will order a very common appetizer that we see in restaurant after restaurant, spinach and artichoke dip. We do it because we love discovering the new recipe, to see and taste how it compares to our memories of past dips. It’s a shared sensual treat, a treat of the senses that makes us happy.
What dishes make you smile that smile?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The discovery of a new recipe does more for human happiness than the discovery of a new star.” Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, 1755-1826, French lawyer, politician and gastronome.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 14, 2010 | Helen Rowland, Marriage - 2012/13 |
My first marriage lasted for 20 years, 1979-2000. While I thought things were ‘ok’ for most of that time, my wife did not. When the damn finally broke in year 18 and I started to see how she really felt, then, and only then, did I really start to understand her, her depth, her feelings, her reasons, her ‘issues’, etc. I think it was probably a mutual thing. I believe she started to see me and my ‘issues’ more realistically, compassionately and insightfully as well.
We went to marriage communication weekends, counseling, religious retreats and other things. We talked more and listened more than we had throughout our marriage. Obviously all that talking and listening did not cause us to turn around and stay together. But that is not a lesson that teaches ‘Don’t bother trying to understand’. It is a lesson that teaches ‘The effort to understand and really see the other person is of value in and of itself, no matter the outcome of the relationship’.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“When people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign the ‘don’t understand’ one another but a sign that, at last, they have begun to.” Helen Rowland, 1876-1950, English-American writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 13, 2010 | Jeremy Irons |
These are the questions you might answer as you get in your time machine.
Is what you see in the future, in your dreams, a recreation of your past? Decided by it? Is your past created anew by what happens in your present?
How do you remember? What if you re-remembered your past differently, then who would you be? Then what would your future look like?
Drawing and quote © Marty Coleman
“We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they’re called memories. Some take us forward, they’re called dreams.” Jeremy Irons, 1948-not dead yet, British actor
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 12, 2010 | Ellen Degeneres |
What are your buns like? Mine are like Fettuccine Alfredo crossed with low grade steel, not to be used for highway construction, but maybe to hold up a merge sign.
Drawing and profound commentary © Marty Coleman
“I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.” – Ellen DeGeneres, 1958-not dead yet, American comedian
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 11, 2010 | Thomas Carlyle |
Is this true of a dictatorship I wonder?
Is it true of the people in a nation who have no voice, can’t or don’t vote due to personal or societal restraints?
What would be the symbol of your country?
Tell me here.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“In the long run every government is the exact symbol of its people, with their wisdom and their unwisdom.” – Thomas Carlyle, 1795-1881, Scottish writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 10, 2010 | Samuel Johnson |
But this is the wrong way to do it. If you are a wife or a boss, a girlfriend or a co-worker, reminding someone is an act of kindness, not one of anger.
I know with me I am not intentionally forgetting something when I can’t remember. I am not testing someone, I am not out to annoy someone. I am simply not remembering.
What I need, and I suspect most men need, is to be reminded in a simple, non-judgmental and neutral way, what it is I might be forgetting. That might be an appointment, or a thank you card I am supposed to write, or a home improvement project I let slide.
Nobody needs to be harangued and nagged about stuff. They need a partner or partners to help them achieve what the need and want to achieve (or to just find the car keys).
Is this only true about men? No, of course not. It really doesn’t matter the gender, the attitude of care and help is what matters.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Men more frequently require to be reminded than informed.” – Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784, English author
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 9, 2010 | Francois de La Rochefoucauld |
A vintage napkin from my daughters’ lunch, circa 2002.
Give me an example of someone you think would have to do this.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“There is great ability in knowing how to conceal one’s ability.” – anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 8, 2010 | Lance Armstrong |
We are not talking about chronic pain. We are talking about the pain that is caused by you making an effort at something.
When you were a child you cried when you had pain. Why was that? In part because you had no idea it would ever end. It was forever as far as you were concerned. But over time you realized the pain eventually went away, so the pain that made you cry at age 3 made you just grimace and hold your breath at age 10. You knew it would pass, you know you could outlast it.
Isn’t that true today of most pain we go through? Childbirth is pretty darn painful, but women go through it again and again in many cases. Why? Because they know it will pass and they will have a baby that will dissolve that pain into love.
Athletes go through the pain of training and of the competition because they know the pain will subside eventually and the glory, fun or exhilaration of the competition and the accomplishment will takes its place.
What level of pain are you willing to suffer, and for what goal?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour, a day or a year, but eventually it will subside & something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” – Lance Armstrong, 1971-not dead yet, American Athlete
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 7, 2010 | Kin Hubbard |
I live in Oklahoma, USA. It has about 30-60 days each summer over 90 degrees F. It has mild winters though, usually around 40 degrees average temp. Not so far this winter. We are in the grip of a cold spell that we haven’t seen in close to 14 years. It isn’t terrible compared to some places, but it is freaking a lot of people out, nonetheless.
So, why do you talk about the weather so much? What does it have that allows that?
It’s that it affects everyone, so everyone can talk about it with each other. Pretty simple. But it is more than that. Talking about the weather is a method of telling others how you feel, what you are thinking, what your emotional temperature is.
What is your emotional temperature?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while 9 out of 10 people couldn’t start a conversation.” – Kin Hubbard, 1868-1930, American Author and Humorist
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 6, 2010 | George Bernard Shaw |
Let’s get right to it. Examples of hypocrisy in action on the part of parents that do no favors to their children in the long run.
Telling your child to wait until marriage to have sex but you are having sex with your BF or GF while you are dating.
Telling your child that they shouldn’t drink but you drink like a sailor on leave.
Appearing to always be cheery and perky while hiding blue moments from everyone.
Telling your child to live by the golden rule but you gossip and malign others incessantly.
Telling your child it’s inner beauty that counts but you obsess over your looks.
Telling your child that money isn’t the most important thing in life, but acting as if it is, judging people on their perceived wealth.
So, what is the alternative, to show your kid what a jerk you are? No, the alternative is to work to integrate who you are….who you REALLY are, with what you teach your child. You don’t have to expose every flaw, you simply have to be the same person with the same beliefs in your whole life, not one life for you as an adult alone and another for you in front of your kids.
You may ask, why not be two different people? My kids don’t need to see that side of me. The point is, they WILL see that side of you, no matter what. They may not see it at age 5, but they will by 15. They will see your hypocrisy and it will teach them the lesson you don’t want to teach them, that integrity isn’t real and from within, it is just a charade you play to look acceptable on the outside. That is the lesson a child of hypocrisy learns. Then guess who they teach that lesson to?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The best brought-up children are those who have seen their parents as they are. Hypocrisy is not the parents’ first duty.” – George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish Playwright
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