A vintage napkin from 2001. Put in the lunches I made for my daughters.
I am not busy enough, but I should be.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“A busy person never knows how much they weigh.” – E. W. Howe, 1853-1937, American author
Day #5 of Art Week at The Napkin Dad Daily
This is the essence of art. This is the most important truth about being an artist. This is the single indispensable characteristic for creating art.
It is simple, and to teach it is simple. To be an artist, you have to admit who you are. You have to tell the world you love naked people. You have to tell the world you love the color red and only red. You have to tell the world you love the smell of oil paints more than the smell of food. You have to tell the world you love the discarded cutting from the bottoms of the flowers more than the flowers. You have to tell the world you love flowers so much you hate that you aren’t one. You have to tell the world you like asphalt more than grass.
In other words, you have to admit your passions, no matter how absurd, silly, perverse, scary or mundane they are. Do that and find YOUR way of expressing them, and you will be an artist.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“To create one’s own world in any of the arts takes courage.” – Georgia O’Keefe, 1887-1986, Artist
Day #4 of Art Week at The Napkin Dad Daily
This is how my mind works. I liked the quote. It reminded me of the artists Millet, Courbet, et al and their finding beauty in the humble everyday lives of peasants, something not the seen as worthy of artistic contemplation until their generation came along.
The Amazing Gift
Do you help them turn to art? Do you encourage it in your kids or friends or the ones you have in your school or youth group or just out and about? Do you help them find their voice in creativity? Do you show you are proud of their artistic accomplishments, do you hold that in high value?
Art allows them exploration, growth and discovery. It allows them to process their feelings, angst, anger, feelings of being different and alone. It is a bridge into adulthood and self awareness. It is comfort.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.” – Twyla Tharp, 1941- not dead yet, American dancer and choreographer
Day 2 of Art Week at The Napkin Dad Daily!
The reason we do this is because we know that our intention, our meaning, is not the end of the artwork. It is not the only thing that can be gathered from it. As a matter of fact, if it is the only thing that can be gathered then it isn’t art, it’s propaganda. Propaganda is created in such a way that there is almost no chance of it being seen or interpreted in any way but the way the creator intended. Everything is spelled out.
I don’t know of any great art that attempts to spell out one and only one meaning. That is why this quote is good and true. Mature artists create with joy in the knowledge that others will come and take new and unique ideas from their art. Ideas the artist didn’t think of, nor could have anticipated.When you look at art (and you should, regularly) don’t restrict yourself to what you think is the ‘right’ interpretation. Your interpretation IS the right one, even if it is off the deep end. Nobody can tell you otherwise.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“A good spectator also creates.” – Swiss proverb
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“I wonder whether art has a higher function than to make me feel, appreciate, and enjoy natural objects for their art value.” – Bernard Berenson, 1865-1959, American art historian
Sometimes even in color. This was drawn 16 years ago, 1/15/94, in California. You can see not all that much has changed. I still like turtles, cities in the distance, puffy clouds, oceans and volcanoes.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
Day #3 in my Sports series
David and Goliath is the drawing but I am going to talk about baseball.
My favorite moment in all of baseball history was October 15, 1988. It was the World Series, the Oakland A’s vs the Los Angeles Dodgers, game 1. The A’s were heavy favorites to win the game and the series. I believe everyone on both teams and all their fans thought their team could win at the beginning of the game.
But I doubt that the many of the Dodger fans believed it when they were losing 4-3 in the ninth inning. After all, the best player they had was out for the entire series. He wasn’t in the dugout, he was in the training room, not able to play. It was hard to believe it when there were 2 outs and the best relief pitcher in all of baseball, Dennis Eckersley, was throwing his best stuff.
It was still hard to believe it when the star who couldn’t play because of a bad knee and a bad hamstring, Kurt Gibson, came out of the dugout to pinch hit for the pitcher. Not many believed. They hoped, but the didn’t believe. But Gibson believed. He tells the story of being in the training room, his knee on ice the entire game, imagining the scenario where he might be able to bat in the 9th inning. He spent the entire game believing that if the chance arose he could bat. And it came to pass as he imagined. Even with a full count Gibson believed he could do it. He also believed he could read the pitcher. He knew what type of pitch Eckersley was going to throw. When that pitch came, Gibson hit the most improbable home run ever to win the game. Not only did that hit win the game, but it so demoralized the A’s that the Dodgers went on to win the World Series. Gibson never played another inning of the series.
Gibson didn’t pay attention to what another person said. After all, it wasn’t their bat, their glory, their moment. It was his. He knew that what mattered wasn’t how strong he was, or how fast he was. What mattered is he believed he could do it.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man. Sooner or later the one who wins is the one who thinks he can.” – Vince Lombardi, 1913-1970, Football coach, Green Bay Packers
Day #2 in my Sports series. It also seems to be turning into a ‘John Wooden’ series since both quotes so far are by him.
Long ago I once had a friend who hated sports. He thought it was just the stupidest thing in the whole world for someone to chase after a ball, hit a ball, kick a ball, throw a ball or do any other thing with a ball. It held no interest to him. I also think he saw it as a waste of time. It was not utilitarian, not for a redemptive purpose of some sort. It was frivolous. He took pride in his dislike for sports. I think he saw it as an intellectual badge of honor.
I saw it as elitist and ignorant. Now, I know many will say I shouldn’t say that. That he has a right to not like sports just as I have a right to like them. And that would be true. But I am not arguing with his dislike of sports. I am arguing with his denigration and dismissal of the sport itself, those who play the sport and those who watch it as having no value.
I don’t watch sports a lot, but when I do I find great value in many aspects of it. Great examples of character being revealed, for good or bad. Beautiful displays of physical agility, intense and amazing split-second strategic decision making, and fantastic coordination of individuals into one cohesive team among other things.
If we want humans to only be utilitarian, to be only focused on redeeming their time, money, work, effort for a specific puritan purpose, then many other activities will seem worthless to do or pay attention to, maybe even dangerous. If sports is included in this list, then we should also include:
You don’t have to like sports. But denigrating them and those who participate them doesn’t make you a better person, it makes you a lesser one.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Sports do not build character, they reveal it.” – John Wooden, 1910 – 2010, UCLA Basketball coach. Read about him and his UCLA teams at his wiki bio. You will be astonished at the depth and width of his character and ability.
Here in America people who pay attention to the popular culture tend to see a lot of desperate attempts at fame and stardom. These fame pursuers see the greased pig and think they will be the one who can hold on to it. They think they have the right idea or the right looks or music or art or invention or style. They are better than the other ones, they will succeed where the others failed.
They are most likely wrong. The reason is they are pursuing the pig of fame instead of the path of success. I don’t mean that in some cliché marketing way. I simply mean that if fame is the end goal, you aren’t on a path, you are on a hunt defined by your desperation and fame’s fickle route through the prickers and thickets, a route you have to follow mercilessly.
If you’re end goal is success (which may include fame as a by-product) you can make a plan, you can follow through on it, and you can gauge your success on that plan. Most importantly, you will have substance that will sustain you whether fame comes or not.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Fame is like a shaved pig with a greased tail. It is only after it’s slipped through the hands of thousands, that some fellow, by mere chance, holds on to it.” – Davy Crockett, 1786-1836, U.S. Congressman, frontiersman.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Other sins find themselves in evil deeds, pride finds itself in good ones, but both destroy.” – Augustine, 354-430, early christian father, Bishop of Hippo
But there is something reassuring about this quote when you see everything going well for someone who is dishonest, mean, hurtful, prideful, ugly hearted and malicious. It’s called Karma in some cultures, and ‘what goes around comes around’ in others.
Whatever you call it, it’s a good thing to teach your children that while luck ebbs and flows, sometimes to people you don’t think deserve it, and sometimes to people you do, luck will change, life will even out in the end. Our attitude while we go through these ups and downs is the deciding factor in our success and happiness.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.” – Anonymous
There are two types of people in the world and you know which one you are.
You are either one of the agreeable ones or one of those annoyed by the agreeable ones.
You are either the type that talks first in the morning, or the type that wishes no one would talk until lunch.
You are either the type that enjoys that happy person or the type that wants that happy person fired.
You are either the type that likes liking people or the type that suffers liking people so you can get invited to stuff.
You are either the type that hopes to see someone you know when you are out and about or the type that goes grocery shopping 2 towns over to make sure you don’t.
You are either the type that is laughing at this post or the type that isn’t.
Drawing and incredibly insightful commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.” – Jane Austen, 1775-1817, English novelist
I loved my school days. Do I seem like a bully to you? I don’t think you could find a friend from high school who thought I was.
But they would be wrong. I knew how to bully and did it at times. Why did I do it? Let me quote someone else who said it best.
“There doesn’t always have to be a reason. People don’t even always dislike the people they’re bullying, it’s just something they have fun doing … It’s not really something they even care about – it’s just like something they can do, and then friends join in, and it’s almost like entertainment, I guess.”– Dylan Kaufman, 12th grade, Northampton High School
Reported at Gazettenet.com
Here is my worst case of bullying and it fits in perfectly with that reasoning.
In our junior year of high school a number of my friends and I drove to Florida on spring break. In Florida we met up with two girls that were co-workers back in our home town with some of our gang. They were both fun and pretty and we were having a great time. We were also drinking.
One of the popular songs at the time, that we all happened to hate, was ‘Every time I see your face’ by Ringo Starr. It came on the radio when we were driving around with the girls. We started singing along with this song we hated.
In the meanwhile, one of the girls had been upset about something I think, I don’t remember for sure. I do know we were sort of annoyed about it. So, what happened? We turned on her. We weren’t trying to bully, we were letting out our annoyance at her. But with a bunch of guys all drinking, bantering and feeding off each other, it wasn’t long before we were singing very cruel and hurtful lyrics about her and her face. It didn’t cease until she was out on the balcony of our hotel room in tears.
In truth, it had very little to do with her at all. We were just ‘having fun’ cracking ourselves up over who could come up with the rudest lyrics. But our intent was beside the point. We knew we were hurting her and we continued because our fun was more important than she was. We thought she should have understood what we were doing. We thought she should just ‘get over it’. We thought the next day she would have forgotten about it like we did. That was not the case.
It was a shameful and bad thing we did. I remember thinking later how that really was over the top cruel and I never wanted to get that out of control with my words and actions again. I didn’t like being that mean, it wasn’t fun like we thought. It was just mean. If I could find that woman I would apologize in a heartbeat for that cruelty and whatever bad feelings remained with her about that moment in time.
An important note: My best friend, Jim Moore, who was with us on the trip, did not contribute to this cruel episode. I don’t remember it all that clearly but I think he was instrumental in getting us to finally stop. He was kind and thoughtful that way and it made me look up to him even more after that.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Show me a person who enjoyed their school days and I will show you a bully and a bore.” – Robert Morley, 1908-1998, British actor
Day 5 of the Napkin Dad’s guide to Manners and Etiquette. This is the last in the series for now. Though if you all get rude and mean, I will come back with more!
I like that this most relaxed and easy of definitions is by Emily Post, the queen of American etiquette for the past 100 years. She was known, as are her descendants, as being easy going, unpretentious and utterly unimpressed with showy displays of so-called etiquette.
Think about those around you and try your best to make them comfortable and cared for. Try your best to not purposely offend them or hurt their feelings. Do those things and most any other issues of etiquette and manners will take care of themselves.
That means you have to pay attention and be humble about your own status and knowledge, especially when traveling to foreign countries. That includes traveling across town in many cases!
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” – Emily Post, 1872-1960, American author and etiquette expert.
Some things to note: Post was a divorced single mother, a pretty rare and sometimes shameful thing back in the 1800’s. She started writing after her sons were grown up a bit, publishing first at the age of 32. Her famous book ‘Etiquette’ did not get published until she was 50 years old.
Day 4 in The Napkin Dad’s guide to good manners
I hadn’t thought of that term as a rebellion against manners and etiquette, but it is.
I understand how sensitivity becomes a joke after a while. It seems ludicrous, doesn’t it. But when we get beyond that reaction it is about treating others as they want to be treated.
For example, if my wife didn’t like me using the term ‘baby’ when referring to her, it doesn’t take a genius to understand that if I love her I would stop using that term, right?
How is it any different than a nationality, tribe, or group not wanting to be called by a certain term? If you proclaim love and respect for all people then wouldn’t you be willing to change the word you use?
After all, caring for someone isn’t about making yourself feel good, it’s about making them feel good. Which mean you have to actually pay attention to their needs and desires.
What terms do you think should be ‘retired’?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The pejorative term ‘political correctness’ was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette to cover all people, in spite of this being a principle to which all Americans claim to subscribe.” – Judith Martin, 1938-not dead yet, American author and etiquette authority
It is still rude, however. But when someone is rude to you it isn’t that they are judging you. Their rudeness proves they are judging those they have battled before. Those who hurt them, fooled them, laughed at them, were rude to them. Those who denigrated, belittled, betrayed, and otherwise disappointed and hurt the person’s hopes, desires and expectations. Rudeness is their way of battling back.
It feels good to be rude sometimes. It’s satisfying, like you got someone back. But of course, the problem is you usually don’t get the right person back and, even if you do, you don’t end up being satisfied in the long run.
Better to stop the chain of rudeness and be nice, ok? That’s easy enough, isn’t it?
By the way – I know they don’t look like very realistic tongues. But that race of skinny headed people have giant lozenge-like tongues. I checked.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“It’s not a slam at you when people are rude – It’s a slam at the ones they’ve met before.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1896-1940, American writer
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” – Fred Astaire, 1899-1987, American entertainer
Day one in a series on manners
I found this quote on twitter and it hit me as a fantastically concise and perceptive statement about the truth of rudeness.
When I think about examples of rudeness it seems there are two main reasons for it. One, the person really doesn’t know they are being rude. We are not talking about that.
Two, the person does know and feels empowered by it. They like the expansion of their field of control. They stretch out their fork to get food off another person’s plate. They stretch out their voice into a phone and a waiting room or theatre. They stretch out their disrespect by never acknowledging people who serve and care for them.
The list can go on. But what they all have in common is the rude person attempting to be superior. subjugating others to their physical, emotional or psychological space. People who are confident and strong don’t have that need, they know who they are and can treat others with respect and good manners. The weak person is the one constantly trying to get others to see the strength they know they are lacking, usually in a passive aggressive way.
You can’t avoid rudeness in life. But you can contribute to it’s diminishing by not enabling it. Don’t be a weanie when it rears it’s ugly head. Say something. That is unless of course you live in Oklahoma where they just passed a law allowing people to wear guns in a holster on their hip like back in the wild west. In that case, be careful!
Seriously though and more importantly, if you are a parent raise your kids to not be rude by teaching and giving them experiences that bring out their true strength and confidence.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Rudeness is a weak person’s imitation of strength.” – Eric Hoffer, 1902-1983, American writer and social philosopher.
Posted on twitter by Lisa Merlo-Booth of ‘Straight Talk on Relationships’ blog
This idea is important for parents, grandparents or anyone working or living with people substantially younger than they are.
As is obvious to people who have read the Napkin Story I tried to impart all sorts of substantial ideas to my daughters over the years. But those ideas aren’t like food. Put in front of them and eaten immediately. They are more like a seed that is planted. It needs to germinate and grow at its own pace, depending on the soil, weather and other plants it encounters, not what the parent plant encountered. Just as in evolution there is variation and mutation over the generations so to with ideas and thoughts.
The key for the older person is to show respect for the thoughts and ideas the younger people have. Even if they sound similar to your ideas it is essential for the growth of the next generation that you accept that their ideas are their own, new and fresh, for the world they live in. If you do that you empower them to continue thinking and exploring and you give them the right example for how they should respond to the next generation when they are your age, many years from now.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Those who say our thoughts are not our own because they resemble the ancients, may as well say our faces are not our own because they are like our parents’.” Alexander Pope, 1688-1744, British author and wit. By the way, you think you have good excuses to not produce good work? Pope contract spinal tuberculosis as a child and had stunted growth as a result. He also had severe headaches, spasmodic fits and respiratory problems. He eventually had to wear an iron corset to simply sit upright.
Thanks to one of my favorite quote books for that information, Geary’s Guide to the World’s Great Aphorists.
Greetings to yesterday’s visitors from Qatar, Chili, Israel, France, Germany, India, Canada, and the UK! Hope to see you again soon.
