by Marty Coleman | Jan 31, 2014 | Harry Truman, Philosophy of Life - 2014 |
I, S**thead
One day long long ago, when my first wife and I were headed towards a divorce, My wife was out and I was upstairs in the computer room seething about the situation. I was really, really angry. At the same time downstairs my daughters were being really noisy with each other. They were annoying me to no end. Instead of being calm and civil about it I stomped downstairs and yelled at them. One of them asked something along the lines of ‘Why are you so angry?’. At that point I had gone into the kitchen and had started to unload the dishwasher. I had about 6 full size stoneware dinner plates in my hand. I blew up, threw the plates as hard as I could straight down on the kitchen floor and yelled, “Because your mother hasn’t loved me for most of our marriage and forgot to tell me, THAT’S why!”
My words, actions and the breaking of the plates froze them in place where they were in the living room, eyes and mouths wide open in disbelief. It obviously scared the s**t out of them. It was, in my opinion, the single worst behavior I ever exhibited in front of my kids and I deeply regret any emotional damage it did to this day.
I calmed down almost immediately, apologized and started to clean up the broken plates. My wife came home right then and asked what happened. One of the kids said I had dropped some plates and my wife thanked me for cleaning it all up. I considered not saying anything and just letting her believe I was doing a good deed. But I didn’t. I responded to her compliment by telling her the truth. She later said that was one of the critical moments of our final year that tilted her towards divorce.
Girls, if you are reading this, I am still really sorry I did that.
No Blame
Now, of course, there was no way for my kids to know I was a pile of fresh s**t having a hot emotional day. They were not to blame in the least for my incredibly stupid outburst. I tell the story to illustrate that most of the time when we are confronted with a s**thead acting s**tty we haven’t done anything purposely to provoke him or her. We are just in the wrong place at the wrong time and aren’t to blame.
Philosophy of Life, Really?
So, how is this a philosophy of life? Well, in the small sense, when we know we don’t have to do anything to have s**theads come across our path way too often, there’s no reason on earth to make life even harder by purposely provoking a s**thead, right?
In the larger sense, it’s as simple as this, don’t do stupid things on purpose.
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Drawing and life story by Marty Coleman
Quote by Harry S. Truman, 1884-1972, 33rd President of the United States
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 30, 2014 | History Lessons - 2012 |
The UCLA Interview
Back in the late 1980s I applied for a job as an Assistant Professor of Art at UCLA in California. I got an interview and it seemed to go well. The person interviewing me was the chair of the painting department and he said that the committee had been taken by how fresh and unique my work was, that it was refreshing to see. He seemed impressed with me and my work.
The Question
He then asked me something along the lines of ‘where does your work fit in art history, who has influenced you?’ After his praise for my work’s uniqueness the question caught me a bit off guard. On the one hand they wanted a one of a kind artist, on the other hand they wanted him or her to fit in with other artist and their work. My answer was pretty much that I stood alone. Yes, there were influences but I was not directly and tightly linked to a style or movement, an artist or group of artists. I was proud of that.
Not Too Original
I didn’t get the job. I tried to figure out why and I think it was that answer that did me in. They wanted a leaf that was part of a tree, not a leaf by itself. They were an institution that needed to promote originality to their students and the art world, but not so much originality that they couldn’t explain how the art and artist fit into the rest of the art world.
At first this annoyed me but as time went on and I matured it made perfect sense. Understanding where we are in history matters to people. It reassures them, it helps organize the world. It also protects them, sort of like a warranty. I no longer begrudge people who want to place me somewhere. I might not agree with them, but I understand the need.
Knowing My History
If I could do it over again I wouldn’t change my work at all. But I would change my awareness of how my work is part of a continuum of art and also a compendium of influences outside of art. That it actually did come from somewhere; bits and pieces of the art that was on my Grandfather’s walls for example. The cartoons I watched as a kid. The artists who emphasized simplicity and elegance in composition and line, like Edward Hopper and Henri Matisse. My inherited Irish gift of gab. The truth was I didn’t connect my personal history or my art history back to my artwork. I was a leaf not connected to the tree.
It’s great to be a unique leaf, but it’s also of value to know what tree you belong to.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Michael Crichton, 1942-2008, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 29, 2014 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
You can’t be depressed knowing today is #7 in The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living, can you?
The Funeral Reason
When my ex-father in law died I attended the memorial service. I didn’t give a eulogy and I didn’t sing. It appeared as if I just sat and experienced others expressing themselves. But they weren’t doing it just for themselves, they were representing a community of people. Their expressions were on our behalf and that made it our expression as well.
Later, at the reception, I spoke briefly of my memory and love for this man. It was my own expression but from the smiles and laughs and tears I saw around me I knew my expression was more than just my own. We were all lifting each other.
It’s often said we have funerals and memorial services for closure. But I am not sure it’s the main reason. After all we don’t close the book on that person’s life and forget about them, do we? The main reason, in my mind, for a funeral is expression. Why is that? Because, expression is one of the most important ways to defeat depression.
Depression By Any Other Name
Just to be clear, I am not talking about the clinical definition, but the broad, lay meaning of depression as you might find in these statements; ‘I am depressed my BF broke up with me.’ ‘I am in a funk that I didn’t get the raise.’ ‘I am really bummed my great Aunt passed away.’ There are all sorts of ways to say it but, whatever the word, the sentiment is pretty much the same, you are depressed.
Expressive Ways
How do we express ourselves out of depression and back to happiness? We might listen to the music or write the music, see the art or create the art, read the book or write the book. But whatever we do, we take expressive action of some sort. THAT is the key. It’s in our expressive action that we start the ball rolling back towards happy living.
So, if you are depressed, go get your pencil and draw, stand up and sing, find your keyboard and play, get your laptop and write that short story. Whatever it is you do to express yourself, go do it, see if it doesn’t help bring you back to your happiness.
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Home – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 28, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman |
The Shower in 1992
Prologue
Shannon was excited to go skiing but she didn’t realize until they got there that they were going to be living dorm style for the week. It made her nervous because she was very shy about her body.
Chapter One
The first 2 days she was able to avoid being in the bathroom when anyone else was by going very early in the morning to shower. Shannon freaked out the second morning when she heard the door open while she was washing her hair but whoever it was went to the bathroom quickly and left, leaving her alone again. She was relieved.
On the third morning she overslept and by the time she got into the bathroom someone was already in the shower. She was going to go back to the room and just forget the shower when the shower turned off and a woman emerged from it. She only had to take 2 steps to get her towel but she only took one step out and stood there. Shannon was frozen, looking in the mirror as the woman squeezed her hair to get out as much water as possible. She looked past the woman’s body to the snowy hills in the window above her. She could feel her face flush with embarrassment.
The woman, without looking at Shannon or asking if she was going to shower, said, “Sorry for taking so long but I think there is plenty of hot water left”. She grabbed a towel and started drying her hair.
Shannon, still looking anywhere but at the woman, said, “That’s ok, I don’t take long showers so it probably will last”.
Shannon’s body stiffened when she saw the woman take a step towards her, still with just one towel, which she had wrapped around her head. She could see her reach out her hand and knew she was going to introduce herself. She didn’t know what else to do but turn around and face her. She reached out her hand and the woman took it, saying, “Hi, my name is Sinann, what’s yours?” Shannon introduced herself in return. “Nice to meet you.” Sinann said as she turned back to get her second towel. She started to dry herself.
Sinann moved over a number of steps to a bench and said, “I’m out of your way, you can get in now.” Shannon was freaking out. She absolutely panicked anytime she anticipated people seeing her body, even in a bathing suit at the beach or a pool. She always wore a t-shirt and shorts over her bathing suit and never, ever took them off, even when going in the water, unless she was alone. The idea of someone seeing her naked was completely unbearable.
Finally, she realized she was going to have to say something. She looked at Sinann and said, “I’m sorry, but I am really, REALLY self-conscious about my body so I am going to wait until you are done, is that ok?”
Sinann, looked up, covered herself with her second towel and said, “Oh my god, I am SO SORRY! I didn’t even think about that. I will get out of your way asap. And I am REALLY sorry for not covering up right away. I am so bad about that.”
Shannon let her shoulders relax and smiled. “It’s not your fault, I am just super weird about it. It’s something I need to work on.”
Sinann smiled back and said, “Well, we both have something to work on I guess, right?”
Shannon laughed and said, “It seems we do!”
Epilogue
Shannon and Sinann found themselves on the same ski lift later that day and laughed hard about the morning’s start. They decided to have lunch together in the ski chalet and by the time they were done they had both made the decision in their own heads that this was the friend they had been looking for their whole life.
They have been best friends for 22 years now. Shannon still doesn’t get naked in front of anyone and Sinann still does.
The End
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Drawing and short short story by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 24, 2014 | Britt Greenwood |
The Interview
The same day I left on my emergency trip to California to visit my ailing father, I was interviewed by Britt Greenwood for the Tulsa World’s online edition. She is from Glenpool, where I live, and is doing a number of interviews with artists and other creative types who live in our town. We met at a new coffee house in Glenpool called ‘The Well’.
She wanted to write an article about what the Napkin Dad had been up to in recent years. Here it is.
Marty at The Well – © 2014 Britt Greenwood/Tulsa World
Glenpool’s ‘Napkin Dad’ to appear at SXSW
Many thanks to Britt for taking the time to sit and talk with me about my art and my business. I really appreciated it.
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The Interviewer
As usual, I requested that I be able to photograph or draw the person interviewing me. I’ve done this since I was first interviewed in 2009. Since I had my sketchbook with me it made sense to do a drawing of her.
Britt Greenwood-
drawing in progress
Here are the final drawing.
And here is the photo I took of her after I did the line drawing in the sketchbook.
Britt Greenwood
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The Artist
She is also an artist. Here is a triptych of her ‘Twisted’ series in wire. If you are from anywhere near Tornado Alley in the U.S. you know what this is all about!
Twisted – Britt Greenwood
It’s always so much fun to be interviewed. I have met some of my favorite people this way and I think Britt will be in that category from now on as well.
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Drawing and photograph of Britt by Marty Coleman
Article, Wire Sculpture and photo of me by Britt Greenwood
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 23, 2014 | Launching a Business - 2014 |
Launch
Tonight I am being interviewed for a spot in the Tulsa Community College Launch program. It’s a 16 week entrepreneurial boot camp of sorts. With the help of over 32 community mentors and once a week hands on sessions the participants are led through the steps in making a sustainable small business.
Everything
I have produced The Napkin Dad Daily for several years now, and started calling my company ‘Napkin Dad Publishing’ in 2013. I have a catalog of thousands of napkins on hundreds of topics. The blog is seen around the world, by hundreds, sometimes thousands, every day. How many see it via links and forwards, I don’t know, but it seems substantial. That number increases dramatically with my presence on a wide array of social media sites, including Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, Flickr, Instagram, Tumblr, LinkedIn, About.me, Meetup, Skype, and more. I have merchandise on Zazzle.com that sells with some regularity. I do sponsored blog posts on a variety of topics, from travel to fashion. I do speaking engagements about a variety of topics that sometimes pay, sometimes don’t. I get better than average publicity about my napkins in the local media. I sell the actual napkins once in a while. I even had a 2 page spread about me in a coffee table book about napkins, in Norway. I have a lot going for me it seems, and I am grateful and glad about all of it.
Everything But
What I haven’t done with all that YET is take the next step to it being a sustainable, money-making business. But I intend to and this is a possible step in that direction, if I get accepted. Wish me luck. If I do get in I will document the journey here, sharing what I am going through, learning, etc. Either way, you will start to see some some changes here at The Napkin Dad Daily. The content might change a bit, but not too much. It might be formatted and presented in a better, easier to navigate and read style. But the site itself, how it is designed and the technology behind it, that I think will change to a greater degree. The merchandise will change dramatically, that I know for sure. I am excited about that!
Rockets Away!
I look forward to the process of building a business and I look forward to the help you, the Napkin Kin, will hopefully give me. Thanks for your support so far, and here’s to the future!
Enthusiastically,
Marty
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Dreaming It – Launching a Business #1
Trouble Maker – Launching a Business #2
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 22, 2014 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
I judge today to be a great day for you to enjoy Happy Living #6!
The Ballerina in Your Living Room
Back in the 1990’s I taught Art Appreciation at a Community College in California. I once took my students on a field trip to San Francisco to do some gallery hopping. While in one gallery I noticed a student contemplating a certain Abstract Expressionist painting. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, “I wouldn’t put it in my house.” That statement got me thinking so I gathered up the class and asked how many others had thought that same thing. More than half raised their hands. I then said, “Well guess what? It is unlikely that that painting, or any of the other paintings here, will ever BE in your house. They all have price tags of $100,000.00 to $500,000.00.”
I continued, “Would you go to a Ballet and say, ‘Well, I wouldn’t have that Ballerina in my living room.’? Of course not. You KNOW she is not going to be in your living room. You don’t need to judge her as if she is. Actually, you don’t need to judge her at all. And you don’t need to judge the art in this room. You might enjoy the work more if you judge it less. Now let’s evaluate these paintings again, without the idea of possession and judgment in the way of our enjoyment”. We then walked around talking about the work without judging it good or bad or worthy of being over our couch. We were all much happier without the judgment.
Obsessed with Judging
I believe America is obsessed with judging and I think it’s debilitating to creativity, compassion and happiness. I don’t mean there is not a time to judge. I like talent shows and I don’t mind the judging that has to go on there. We also need to judge behaviors to keep ourselves safe. The law is all about judging, and I am a fan of the law in general. But think about how almost every aspect of American (and probably many other countries’ social life) is filled with non-stop judging.
The Non-Judgmental Tattoo
Let’s take one example, tattoos. I happen to like tattoos, yet I have none of my own. Neither does my wife. I am pretty sure none of my 4 daughters do either, but if they do, they aren’t apparent. But I like tattoos nonetheless. Why? Because they are interesting. And they aren’t mine. They are simply something I witness go by. Part of what I call the passing parade. I can witness, admire, observe, evaluate, investigate, explore, question, wonder, imagine, and otherwise enjoy a tattoo that passes in front of me. But I will unlikely do any of those things if I judge it first. Judging cuts off those things, cuts off happiness. Judgment says good or bad and done. Case is closed.
But why does the case have to be closed? What is so important that I have to render a judgment of a woman’s snake tattoo as she walks by. Why can’t I just enjoy it, experience it? What will happen if I just look at it, explore it, contemplate it’s color, texture, shape, and meaning. Why not ask her about her tattoo? Why not just let it pass without judging it? We will be happier, I know that much.
What other examples can you think of where we tend to judge quickly when there isn’t any real need to judge at all?
Don’t Judge
Here are some tattoos I have found and photographed over the years. It always makes me happy when I find one. See if you can simply explore them without judgment.
It’s not that easy, is it? But it is worth it to escape the debilitating, uncreative, unhappy prison of judgment.
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Home – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing, photographs and commentary by Marty Coleman, who might get one someday, who knows.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 21, 2014 | Charles de Montesquieu |
God is Us
Have you ever noticed that those who believe in God tend to believe in a God much like themselves? Those who are judgmental, tend to believe in a God that is about judgment. Those who are meek tend to discover that God is meek as well. Those who are powerful, their god is also powerful. Those who are artists tend to believe in a creative God. Of course we mix and match attributes, I might be creative and judgmental, another might be meek and creative, and the God we discover is a mashup of attributes.
God is the Missing Us
And then again, some believe God is what they are not. A friend of mine from years ago felt unworthy of love and acceptance. Her God was forgiving, loving, and accepting. Another friend was severely disorganized in life. His God was all about order amidst the chaos. Their God was what they were not but what they needed.
What if God Was One of Us?
In the end, I believe this is what we will find. And that is good with me.
Joan Osborne – One of Us – 1995
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous. The quote was mentioned in a 1721 letter by French diplomat Charles de Montesquieu as a saying he had recently heard that he greatly admired.
It was most likely an adaption of a 1674 observation by Dutch philosopher Benedict Spinoza, “If a triangle could speak, it would say that God is eminently triangular, while a circle would say that the divine nature is eminently circular.”
The idea didn’t start there though. The 6th century B.C. Greek Philosopher Xenophanes said this, “If oxen and horses had hands, and were able to draw with their hands and do the same things as men, horses would draw the shapes of gods to look like horses and oxen would draw them to look like oxen.”
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 20, 2014 | Martin Luther King Day, Marty Coleman |
He had a dream that we would someday allow everyone to have their own dream. Silly or profound, understood or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is being free to dream it.
The Dream of a Different Martin
A dream of a brightly colored self and a matching kite smiling in the wind, yes.
A dream of floating above a canyon, far above the dangerous water, yes.
A dream of radio and rock and roll, yes.
A dream of green across the sky, yes.
A dream of a serenading snake, yes.
A dream of a cat as important as the sun, yes.
A dream of a sailboat waiting for you to make it move, yes.
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Drawing and poem by Martin Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 16, 2014 | Travel Napkins |
Emergency Trip
I’ve been out of touch the past week due to a family emergency in California. I took photos, mostly family oriented pics, but only was able to find time to do one drawing while I was there and that was in the airline terminal as I was leaving. I drew it on a Starbucks napkin.
Mrs. Bowen
She sat across from me in the waiting area. We were both almost 2 hours early. We had seen each other in the check in line and said hello again as I sat down. She was headed back to Salt Lake City after visiting her husband who was in the Bay Area on work. She was an oil painter and showed me her paintings on her iPhone. I showed her my sketchbook and photos/drawings in my iPhone as well. I asked if I could draw her and she was kind enough to allow it. She had expressive eyes and lines.
I finished the line drawing portion and as I was starting to use my colored markers a large contingent of Mormon missionaries going home to Utah after 2 years of mission work sat down near us. She went over to talk to some of them. I showed the drawing to her when she got back, took her picture with it and she took pictures as well and we all got on the plane.
Mrs. Bowen
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Small Hands
I ended up sitting next to one of the missionaries. He had the smallest hands of any adult man I have ever met. We talked Jesus and religion. It was interesting. He gave me a Book of Mormon. I didn’t draw him but I wanted to, just didn’t find the right opportunity.
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Drawing and photo by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 10, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories |
Chapter One
Art lived in a museum. Many people touched her. Even the guards would touch her when no one was looking. She liked being touched. A few people thought she was stupid or that she was ugly. Some thought she was old looking. Some thought her lips were too big while others thought they were too small. Some felt sorry for her, others ignored her. Some wanted to know what she was made of. A few wondered how she got there. But most thought she was very beautiful and almost everyone took a photo of her.
Chapter Two
One lady used to come and stare at her every Friday afternoon. Sometimes the lady would cry. Art didn’t understand that but she liked the lady a lot. The lady looked like her, which Art thought was odd. Her hair was longer, and had some gray in it, and she had more wrinkles than Art did, but she had the same pinkish skin color and the same red lips, blue eyes and strong eyebrows. Art thought she was very beautiful.
Chapter Three
At one point the lady disappeared for many weeks. Art wondered where she had gone, wishing she had legs so she could go find her. Finally, one day the lady came back, this time in a wheel chair. She had a scarf around her head and her skin had changed color. She cried a lot that day. Art didn’t know what it was all about but she was very sad as well. She didn’t see her again after that.
Chapter Four
About a year after the lady’s last visit a new person started to come to see her regularly. This was a young girl, probably no more than 15 years old. Art didn’t know who she was but she also looked a lot like Art, and she liked that. The girl started coming by on Saturday mornings with a bright pink sketchbook. She would sit cross-legged on the floor in front of Art and draw her again and again. When she first started coming to visit she cried just like the lady did. But after a while she no longer cried. She would smile a lot though. Her drawings got better and better. Sometimes Art thought the drawings looked like her and other times she thought they looked more like the lady who used to visit. The young girl did this for many years.
Time passed and Art continued to enjoy the company of many people. She liked where she was and never complained but her young friend had stopped visiting many years before and sometimes she missed her. She often wondered what happened to the lady and the young girl.
Chapter Five
One day, many years later, workers in the museum came into the room where Art lived and took down all the paintings in the room. It was very lonely for a few days but then they started bringing in new paintings. All the paintings were wrapped so she didn’t know anything about them but she was hopeful they would be as friendly as the old paintings had been. Finally a few days later the workers took off the wrappings. Art couldn’t believe her eyes. All the paintings were of her.
Chapter 6
That very same night a lot of people came into the museum and walked around looking at all the new paintings. They also looked at Art a lot. They talked about how much the paintings looked like Art. They talked about how beautiful and meaningful Art was. Art was happy for all the attention.
It was very loud with everyone talking at the same time until all of a sudden a beautiful woman walked in the room. Everyone stopped talking and looked her way. The woman smiled a big smile and waved at everyone. She stopped right in front of Art and stared at her. Art stared back. It was the young girl in front of her, all grown up. But it also seemed to be the lady who used to come visit. They had the same blue eyes, red lips, pinkish skin and strong brows. The beautiful woman leaned forward and kissed Art on the cheek. She held the kiss for a moment, leaned close to Art’s ear and whispered, “Thank you Art, you saved my life. I love you”. Then the beautiful woman straightened up, turned around to face the crowd and said, “Thank you for coming to see my Art. I hope you love it as much as I do.”
Art smiled and cried inside.
The End
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Drawing and story © 2014 by Marty Coleman, who also loves Art
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 8, 2014 | John Barresi |
I fear you might need to hear what the Napkin says today.
Fear and/or __________?
This quote is pretty self-explanatory; What you need is also what you fear. I think it’s true, do you?
now let’s go a step further. Let’s substitute the word ‘fear’ with another word (or words) you think also make a true statement.
What word or words would you put in it’s place? And why?
Examples
What examples from your own life prove this to be true, either now or in the past.
______________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who fears not knowing what I fear.
Quote by John Barresi – sent by Peter Meek
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 7, 2014 | Patrick Evans |
It was a good decision to publish a drawing about poor decisions.
Teenagers are Dumb, Adults are Dumber
As most of the US knows and feels, it’s been brutal cold all over the eastern 2/3rds of the country. We are lucky here in Oklahoma, the cold is not nearly as bad as north and east of us. Still, it’s cold enough (12 degrees this AM) that parents are fighting with their teenage kids about how to dress to go outdoors.
I went to Wal-Mart yesterday. In cold weather it’s fun to make a game of finding the most inappropriately dressed person. Yesterday, when it was all of 14 degrees with a strong wind that person was a teenage girl walking out of the store in a simple long sleeve t-shirt and shorts. Her shoes were Tom’s type slip-on canvas shoes. No socks. She was the winner UNTIL a second later I spotted her father walking behind her. He was in a t-shirt and shorts. It wasn’t hard to figure out where she got her common sense and attitude of preparedness. Did they make it home ok? Probably so. His poor decision for himself and his daughter (yes, he was responsible for how she dressed) probably did not end poorly. But would they have made it home ok if they had gotten into a wreck on the icy streets, going off into a culvert and disappearing from the road? Maybe not. In which case, that poor decision could have ended badly.
Another Sort of Poor Decision
Being underdressed in the cold is dumb, but there are much worse decisions people make. Decisions with HUGE life altering consequences. But even those don’t have to end poorly. For example, you have unprotected sex with someone and get pregnant, or get them pregnant. That was a poor decision. But that poor decision doesn’t mean the child’s life is doomed. That life (and your life) can be a great one. Your relationship with the father or mother can be good, even if you don’t stay together. You can arrange your lifestyle so the child is raised safe and happy. You can build a life for your family that is positive and good. It might take more work than it would have otherwise, but it can be done.
The Kid at the Bus Stop
If I see someone at the top of a cliff, about to go over, I am going to yell and scream and do whatever I can to stop them. But if they have already fallen off the cliff and are at the bottom, I am not going to yell and scream. I am not going to tell them they shouldn’t have been so close to the edge. I am going to help them up, tend to their wounds and help them recover. Then, and only then, we might have a discussion on how to avoid that cliff in the future.
If you have made poor decisions, resolve to not have them end poorly. If you are a witness to poor decisions others make, do what you can to help them have the end be rich, not poor.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by my cool Son-in-Law and father of my granddaughter, Patrick Evans
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 6, 2014 | Falling Into Place -2014 |
I fell for this quote the moment I read it.
Falling Apart
Have you ever had every expectation of what your life is going to be destroyed? I have, twice. It was my injury and burns from a boat explosion the first time and my divorce the second time. In the scheme of things they weren’t nearly as brutal as truly terrible events; a tsunami, a terrorist attack, genocide, maiming, killing, destruction of your physical world. Those are cataclysms that it’s hard to recover from.
I remember being in the hospital in September of 1973 and having someone say something about January, 74 coming up. I remember how impossible it was for me to imagine January. It wasn’t just far away in terms of time, it was psychologically far away. I didn’t believe it would ever come because every day was the same painful day, again and again. The pain was never going to leave and if the pain didn’t leave then time really wasn’t moving forward at all. January was just another word, like bandage or blood, it wasn’t a moment in the future.
In it’s own way, less physically painful than the burns, but emotionally much more devastating, my divorce destroyed a lot of what I was expecting from the future. I hadn’t verbally formulated much of what I expected to happen in the future while I was still married; my ideas were assumptions about how it would go. But once the divorce was in the works those ideas were obliterated. I wouldn’t have a 50 wedding anniversary for example. That was tough to take. I couldn’t allow myself to imagine a new relationship with a new family structure.
Falling Into Place
What happens next? Well, if you are the one whose life has been blown up, then what you can do is have an open and brave heart. That is not an easy thing to do, but it can be done. Not all at once, but over time, you can take a brave step into the future and see where it leads.
My experience of the explosion, recovery and my still existing scars ended up being one of the single most important events of my life, changing me into an artist, friend, husband and father I never would have been otherwise. Everything fell into place in large part because of that event.
My divorce, while unfortunate, led to me dating Linda, marrying her and inheriting a fourth daughter, Caitlin. Both have been blessings beyond what I could have imagined. Everything fell into place in large part because of that divorce.
Time
Of course, you can’t necessarily explain that this obliteration of life is actually an essential part of future happiness to someone who’s just gone through such a trauma; they really don’t want to hear it since it sounds like just so much patronizing crap. And it probably is patronizing crap at the time. But it’s also true. The future can be better than what you allow yourself to imagine.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is a variation on one by Lolly Daskel
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 3, 2014 | I Draw in Church |
Who’s at Church on the Last Day of the Year Today – A Poem
She was alone,
But she smiled at a friend.
Her makeup was dark,
But her smile was light.
He had a ponytail,
But he took it out.
He raised his hands
And said things out loud.
She had on a long skirt that swayed
And raised her hands as well.
But they were facing her,
And then she put glasses on.
He wore red pants,
He didn’t sing all the songs
And he kept his scarf on and
He gave no money.
Marty Coleman, 12/29/13 – 1/3/14
I was going to show her the drawing as I left the balcony at church but she saw some friends and I didn’t want to interrupt. I saw her on the way out of the church a while later and showed it to her then. She seemed happy about it, though one can never be completely sure of those things.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 2, 2014 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
Here is your opportunity to see another in my Happy Living Guide, but don’t feel obligated.
Holiday Obligations
Because the holidays are just over, it’s a perfect time to talk about obligations vs opportunities. We do much in November and December out of obligation. And for some, obligation is a word empty of any happiness. We have to clean house, put up decorations, take down decorations, clean house again. We have to plan trips, plan time off from work, plan our return. We have to worry about weather, food, clothing. We have to think about presents for everyone, or no one. And then there is family, family we may not want to visit. But we are obligated so we do it.
Moments of Happy
Remember, I am not talking about ‘a happy life’. I am talking about ‘living happy’. There is a difference. Living happy means you have happy moments. That allows you to live in reality and reality includes moments that aren’t happy. But you can find happy moments in any life. Find enough of them and at the end you will likely be able to say ‘I lived a happy life’. But that will be after the fact. While you live your life you have to find happy moments within it.
Holiday Opportunities
In my experience you find happy moments within obligations when you are able to see past your expectations. When you allow the unexpected to come in. You do that by putting judgment on the shelf and forgetting it until later, and finding something to love in the moment. For example, you go to visit your sister’s family. You know she is going to be judgmental and controlling and nosey about your life. That’s a drag. But her daughters or sons on the other hand, they can be an opportunity for you, finding out about who they are now, not lumping them in with your judgment of your sister. Find that happy moment with them. You may not have a fantastic time at your sister’s house, but you can find happy moments there and you can focus on those when you tell the story of your visit to others. You don’t have to tell the story of your judgmental sister. You can tell the story of your amazing nieces and nephews instead.
And then maybe your next visit you will look like this as you arrive.
It isn’t just over the holidays or with family this idea is important. It’s in your health and fitness, in your job, in your home design, your clothing, your hobbies, everything.
What is an example from your own life?
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Home – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 1, 2014 | New Years Resolutions |
I created these at the end of 2012 and am presenting them again at the beginning of 2014 because they are recurring, never ending resolutions that we can all bet better at but can never fully achieve. Click in the image to go to the original posting with commentary.
Kindness
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Patience
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Diligence
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Humility
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Charity
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Drawings and resolutions by Marty Coleman
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