by Marty Coleman | Jun 26, 2014 | Marcus Aurelius |
Don’t be insulted but it’s the last day of The Illustrated Insult.
The ‘Slut’
There once was a woman, Natalie, who found out, second hand through her friend Sandy, that another friend, Lisa, had called her a slut. This was said because Natalie had gone out on a date with Ben, who bragged to a mutual friend, Sam, about his conquest. Sam in turn told Lisa. Lisa was upset about this and and ranted to Sandy. Sandy then mentioned it to Natalie at a party the next night.
Response #1
Natalie was hurt by this. The reason she was hurt was she knew that Ben had lied. He had not ‘conquered’ her (meaning had sex with her). She also knew he had told Sam he had done so as to make Natalie look bad. She didn’t know why, but he obviously hated her for some reason. Sam had to hate her too and also wanted to wreck her reputation. As a matter of fact all four of her ‘friends’ weren’t her friends at all, they hated her.
Natalie left the party, cried long into the night and isolated herself for the rest of the weekend. She stayed distant from them all and others in her circle of friends. When she did return to the fold she wasn’t the same. She remained angry and eventually she drifted away from the group and spent the rest of her year pretty much on her own. She found it hard to make friends for a long time, always suspicious that her trust was misplaced.
Response #2
Natalie was hurt by this. The reason she was hurt was she knew that Ben had lied. He had not ‘conquered’ her (meaning had sex with her). But she also knew he had told Sam he had done so as to make himself look good. She didn’t know why, but he obviously felt inferior to Sam and wanted to prove himself somehow. It wasn’t good that he had lied, but she felt bad that he would go to such lengths. He had some issues he needed to deal with that had nothing to do with her. She know that Sam always felt on the edge of the group of friends. Him finding out about this supposed conquest would give him an in with a girl he had a crush on, Lisa, so it made sense he would tell her. This also wasn’t good, but it certainly didn’t say anything about how he felt about her. She knew Lisa had just had a pregnancy scare earlier in the year and had preached to her about making sure she didn’t make the same mistake she had made. Now Lisa had heard Natalie HAD made the same mistake and so had likely just gone off on a rant, calling her a slut the same way she had been called a slut by some just a few months earlier. Natalie also knew Lisa had a short temper and that her parents were extremely judgmental of almost everyone. Natalie also knew Sandy was everyone’s confidant and she would listen to anything. The fact that Sandy had told her what Lisa said was more about Sandy thinking she was being a friend that it was her trying to hurt anyone.
Natalie stayed at the party. When Ben showed up she brought him aside and told him what she had heard. She looked him straight in the eye and told him that not only was their friendship over but she would expect to hear from Sam, Lisa and Sandy that he had gone to them all and said he had lied. She doubted he would really do that but she wanted him to know she was in control, not him. She eventually talked to Sam and Lisa, explaining what actually happened. She left it at that. It made her a bit wary of her friends for a while but she not only kept their friendship over time but rose high in their eyes as a woman of character and someone they admired and trusted.
Rejecting Injury
How did Natalie reject this injury? She did it by assuming the best motives and understanding the weaknesses of her friends. She approached them, in spite of the hurt, with love and kindness instead of hatred and anger.
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Drawing and Story by Marty Coleman
Quote by Marcus Aurelius, 121AD – 180AD, Roman Emperor, Stoic Philosopher
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Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 25, 2014 | Fitness & Health |
Hola Napkin Kin,
Hey, look who got profiled in Oklahoma Sports and Fitness magazine. Many thanks to Betsy Penturf for writing an article that makes me look better than I am!
Check it out, let me know what you think. http://www.oksportsandfitness-digital.com/publication/?i=213773&p=18
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 23, 2014 | Sigmund Freud, The Illustrated Insult 2014 |
I would be insulted if you didn’t look at offering #4 of ‘The Illustrated Insult’ series!
Sticks and Stones
I’ve let words stop my progress in life a LOT more than I’ve let physical setbacks. You wouldn’t think so given my physical history. I cut myself falling over things hundreds times as a kid, stubbed my toe every day, got sunburnt, fell off bikes and skateboards regularly. I bodysurfed my way into faceplants in the sand, snow skied into trees going down expert slopes I never should have been on, kicked sprinklers hidden in ivy while running full bore looking for a lost tennis ball. I’ve run marathons that had me wiped out and promising to never run one again. And of course there was the boat explosion I’ve mentioned before where I was blown up and burned on 70% of my body.
None of these physical accidents, stupidities, injuries, wounds, etc. ever help me back from anything (once I recovered of course). I didn’t move ahead with doubt or fear. Maybe I moved forward with a bit of wisdom (I hope) but I still felt confident I could tackle whatever I wanted, including those same things that had caused the injury.
Words Will Ever Hurt Me
But here is the curious thing, I have let my career be stopped again and again by words. Harsh words of critique, the absent words of praise, the second-hand words of gossip, the unspoken but assumed words of disdain or condescension, the ‘helpful’ words of correction. Why is it that I, someone supposedly confident (and I am to a large degree) is stopped in his tracks by mere words? Why are these such powerful insults to my psyche? What is the difference between ‘sticks and stones’ and ‘words’?
I would like to hear your ideas and stories about this.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Sigmund Freud, 1856-1939, Austrian Neurologist and Psychoanalyst
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The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization.
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 19, 2014 | Anonymous, The Illustrated Insult 2014 |
Mickey and Me
Ever since I was a kid I was told I looked like Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees. My buddies and I convinced a clerk at a McDonalds once that I was his younger brother and she gave me a free coke because of it. I even had someone put his photo on my FB page claiming he was my doppelganger.
Hot or Not
Now, if you ask me, I don’t think Mickey is all that handsome. And those who say I look like him aren’t necessarily giving me a compliment, they could easily think he isn’t all that handsome either. They may think he is, as I do, sort of squinchy-faced, a bit too rough and blockhead looking, for their taste. Then again, they may find him very handsome. Plenty of people have, after all. I can assume then, that among those same people, some find me handsome, some don’t.
So, that made me wonder how others thought about this. What about you? Do you find those who look like you attractive, ugly or something else altogether?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who also has been told he’s looked like the following over his life; Taylor Lautner (played Jacob in Twilight), Butch Patrick (played Eddie on The Munsters), Brandon Cruz (played Eddie on ‘Courtship of Eddie’s Father ), Jason Alexander (played George Costanza on Seinfeld), Steve Martin, Tommy Smothers and “you know, that guy in the movies…what’s his name?”
Quote is Anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 17, 2014 | George Eliot, The Illustrated Insult 2014 |
I am crowing about today being day #2!
Cock a Doodle Doo
Last year my wife and I went to St. John in the US Virgin Islands. It was a fantastic vacation with only one thing that wasn’t great; cocks. We were staying in a beautiful cottage that was up a steep road, overlooking Coral Bay. Down below were small homes of full timers who lived and worked on the island. And they all had roosters. A lot of roosters. And all these cocks crowed. Some didn’t just crow when the sun rose. A few started crowing at about 2am and they didn’t stop crowing sometimes until maybe 6pm. That is a lot of crowing. Luckily it was an almost an imperceptible background noise during the day. It was only at night that it was annoying, waking us up. We unfortunately had to close the sliding glass door to muff the sound instead of being able to enjoy the beautiful night air.
Cocky Men
It occurred to me that this all day cock crowing was an appropriate analogy for some men. Some men crow when they get up, some men crow at other parts of the day. But there are some men who just crow all the time. They might crow incessantly because they are horny, or angry, or insecure, or power hungry or something else. But the one thing they all have in common, no matter their root motivation, is they want all the attention all the time. And they think they deserve it. ‘The world revolves around me and deservedly so’ is their spoiled thought.
Enabling
Where does this come from? If I had to guess, it would often be from an enabling mom and dad. The mom feeds the boy everything they need, always making them the center of attention, never demanding they share the limelight with others, or share the work load of life. It’s a peculiar form of enabling and spoiling mothers can sometimes do (it’s not restricted to boys, girls can be raised the same way). And how do dads contribute to this? By being a grown up little boy, also not sharing the limelight or the workload.
Another reason is very likely simple hormones. A horny guy is going to crow. He may not crow about sex, as a matter of fact he probably won’t be crowing about sex, but he is likely going to crow about something; maybe work, maybe family, maybe sports. In other words, men can be real dicks until there is some resolution (or distraction) for his issue. This isn’t about all men of course, but it’s about enough men to make it worth taking note.
Sexual Assault and Rape
If it was just a lot of talk, it would be bad enough, but in light of all the college campus and church issues of sexual assault and rape (to name just two areas of concern) you can see it leads to not just blustering talk, but to terrible and damaging actions as well. It’s not a good thing and men need to take notice of it as a real and dangerous character trait of entitlement that needs to be put in it’s place by men who see it in action among their friends.
Who the Sun Actually Rises For
I have four daughters so I can’t say exactly what I would do with a son. But I have a pretty good idea that I would make sure he understood that the sun actually rose to greet his mother, not him, and he sure as heck better help his mom (and the rest of the family) if he wants to share some of that light.
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Drawing and Commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by George Eliot, 1819-1880, English author. George Eliot was the pen name for Mary Ann Evans.
George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)
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He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 16, 2014 | The Illustrated Insult 2014, Winston Churchill |
The truth is, it would be an insult for you not to read day #1 of ‘The Illustrated Insult’.
The Truth
Do you know people who do everything in their power to avoid the truth? It might be the truth about themselves, about their failed relationships, their job woes, their looks, their spouses, or something else. I have known some people like that in my life. Actually, I have BEEN one of those people. A perfect example is someone who drinks heavily and makes excuse after excuse about why their drinking isn’t that big a deal. I did that. I finally realized that the problem was never going to go away via the avenue of blaming others or finding rationalizations. It would only go away if I recognized what was tripping me up was me and that I had to something about it.
It’s You
That is the hard part, realizing the solution to the truth you are stumbling over is you. The stone in the road may not be self-inflicted. It may be your spouse or your job or your drinking or worse yet a civil war or a natural disaster. it can be any number of things. But solving it always starts with you. You have control over you. Not complete control of course, but certainly more control than over someone else or many outer circumstances.
Even When it’s Not You, It’s You
But what if it is outer circumstances? What if your job sucks? What if you are being abused by your husband or wife? What if you spouse put you in terrible debt? You can blame all those people and circumstances if you want, and it is good to properly evaluate who is doing what wrong. But once you realize that, you still need to make your choice as to how to respond. It’s still you that needs to take action, recognizing the truth and doing something about it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Winston Churchill, 1874-1965, British Politician. The quote was originally about a specific male, using He and Himself, in the quote. I changed it, as I sometimes do, to bring attention to the all to common linguistic assumption that everything is about men, not women.
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She occasionally stumbled over the truth but hastily picked herself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 12, 2014 | Family History, The Extrovert & Introvert - 2014 |
It’s time to party hearty on day #4 of ‘The Extrovert and Introvert’ week!
The Plan
Years ago, in the 1980s, I planned an anniversary weekend with my first wife, Kathy. It was a big deal; an overnight trip to San Francisco’s Union Square with a stay at the St. Francis Hotel, a dinner at Postrio, the hottest restaurant on the west coast at the time, finishing with a fun night attending the play ‘Noises Off’. It was glittery, fun and filled with sounds, tastes, smells and sights that stimulated and entertained. It went off without a hitch and we had a great time.
The Reality
Well, ok. I had a great time. I thought Kathy was having a great time too. But later, on our way home, I asked her how she liked it, fully expecting her to be swooning over all of it and especially my exquisite romantic effort. Her response? It was ok but she didn’t like it all that much. Say WHAT? Are you kidding me? How could she not like it? My feelings were hurt, I felt like she had no respect for how hard I worked to put it all together to give her a great anniversary weekend. I was bummed.
She said the weekend I planned was too much. Maybe one of those things we did in the city would have been ok, but put them all together and it was too much. It was too stimulating, too sensory, too noisy and crowded and bright. I asked her what would she have wanted the weekend to be like. She said she would have preferred a quieter, more natural setting, maybe in the woods, in a cabin, going hiking, etc.
My Mistake, a Cautionary Tale
What I figured out later was that I had indeed planned the perfect anniversary weekend….for me, the extrovert. I didn’t really plan it for her, the introvert. I didn’t know her well enough to realize that doing all at one time filled her with anxiety, not joy. It didn’t excite her, it exhausted her.
I wish I could say I ceased to make those sorts of mistakes but I didn’t. It took me a long time to pay attention to who she was instead of who I wanted her to be. I think I am better about that now in my second marriage, to Linda. I am sure she sees times when I still don’t see her clearly, but I definitely pay more attention than I used to.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Criss Jami, 1987 – not dead yet, American poet
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 11, 2014 | Marilyn Monroe, The Extrovert & Introvert - 2014 |
It’s day #3 of ‘The Extrovert and Introvert’ series!
Alone Together
I started out in college studying printmaking. Because you have to use big, heavy and expensive presses to print your work, and you have to use chemicals and inks that require special handling, you usually are in a group environment in a big studio. You do your own work but you are talking to others, maybe helping them print something or asking advice on how to get something right, as well as just idle chitchat that happens during long hours in the studio. It’s the perfect ‘alone together’ environment for an artist who is an extrovert.
Alone Alone
But early on I was so much of an extrovert, I wanted so much socializing, that I didn’t really spend an adequate amount of alone time doing my artwork. I believe my career as an artist actually suffered because of that. What I eventually learned is embodied in the quote, ‘A career is born in public, talent in private’. In my understanding now I believe you will not be successful creatively unless you spend immense amount of time alone simply practicing, training, learning, exploring and creating your work.
Model Alone
This is true of artists, actors, singers, writers, speakers, and more; anyone who has to be in the public at some point. Even professions you wouldn’t at first think about. In my capacity as an organizer for PHOTOG, the photography group I help lead here in Oklahoma, I often will need to find models for shoots. If the model is inexperienced one of the essential bits of advice I give is for them to practice posing in a mirror by themselves. The reason is so they can really know their own face and body, what it does, how they can make it do this or that.
Being alone, focused on practicing something over and over, is where talent will be born. We who are extroverts can learn something from introverts who already know this.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Marilyn Monroe, 1926 – 1962, American actress
Norma Jean Baker
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 10, 2014 | Family History, Marty Coleman, The Extrovert & Introvert - 2014 |
I hope you haven’t had your fill yet, because today is only day #2 of ‘The Extrovert and Introvert’ series.
Raised by Extroverts
I was raised by two extroverts. My mother was a loud laughing broad who likened herself to Lucille Ball, even if she did look more like Jackie O. My father was the smooth charmer who could work a room like no other. My sisters and I are pretty much the same. We aren’t overly self-conscious and we make friends easily. We certainly wouldn’t be called shy by any stretch of the imagination.
I Married an Introvert
So, when I married my first wife, Kathy, I really had no idea what shyness and introversion were all about. I didn’t understand being self-conscious. I simply had very little exposure to what it was and how it affected people. Kathy was pretty shy. As a matter of fact, she probably was the shyest person I had ever met when we first crossed paths in 1977 at UCSB. It wasn’t until 2 years later, in San Francisco, that we met again and started dating. We were married within the year and my journey of discovery started.
I didn’t pay nearly enough attention to what it was all about and as a result Kathy suffered quite a bit. I was not aware of what she was going through, and when I was, I more often than not blew her feelings off as not being valid. After all, in my mind, what was there to be shy or self-conscious about, right? It just seemed ridiculous to me. That obliviousness to her and how her mind worked, that judgment I had about it without really understanding it, were contributing factors in our divorce 20 years down the road.
I Married an Introvert, Again!
Fast forward a number of years and I marry Linda. Linda isn’t shy. She isn’t at my level of extroversion, but she is comfortable and easy going in social situations. But I learned something very important this time around. Just because someone is able to socialize, doesn’t mean it is easy. I found out that Linda has to work hard to socialize. She works a room and it is what it says it is, work. She is tired and exhausted after socializing. It wears her down. She needs down time after it. I respect that and we live a life that allows for that rejuvenation to take place as often as possible.
They Married an Extrovert
If it was and is hard for me dealing with being married to introverts, it was and is equally hard for them to be married to an extrovert. I make friends with baristas, waiters, people I happen to run next to in a strange town (yes, I mean actually running down a street and meeting another runner), and random people on the internet who live around the globe in Slovenia or Australia or Korea or who knows where. It isn’t a chore for me to make friends. I like it. It makes me happy. I am not tired after a long day of socializing, I am usually ready for more.
I sometimes will tell Linda a story about someone I met and something they are going through, and she will stop me and ask, “How exactly do you know them again?” My response will most likely be along the lines of, “I am not sure, I think I met them on Flickr, maybe back in 2006, or maybe I was in the lawn mower repair place. Oh wait, I think they were on that bus in Florida that time in 2009, remember?” She’ll look at me with that look that that says, ‘I am exhausted just listening to how you met this person, much less hearing the rest of this story.’
Who We Are
I think what both Kathy and Linda eventually learned was that this ease and love I have for socializing and making friends is not part of a secret agenda on my part, any more than their reticence to socialize was part of some agenda on their part. It’s simply what feeds me and what feeds them. None of us are the same, and neither are our offspring. We are on a social continuum, not in one camp or the other, like sparring political parties. That’s always good for me to remember.
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Quote, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 9, 2014 | Frans Hiddema, The Extrovert & Introvert - 2014 |
I am not too shy to say today is day #1 of ‘The Extrovert and Introvert’
DIY Prison
I have had many friends over the years who have felt locked up. They feel paralyzed in life. They can’t move emotionally, socially, career-wise, or physically. They are imprisoned. Sometimes that imprisonment is imposed from the outside. It might be a societal thing, or a marriage, bodily illness/injury or family expectations. But often I find that the prison is made by the prisoner. The family judgment is minimal. Society is actually paying very little attention. The spouse is actually supportive and encouraging. They are healthy. The prison is not built by others. It’s built by themselves.
Best of Intentions
And the prison is custom built for only one prisoner, by someone who knows the prisoner best. And even at one point, had the prisoner’s best interests at heart. After all, when we are growing up, don’t we need defenses? Don’t we learn how to protect ourselves from danger? The bullying classmate, the judging mother, the condemning father, the harsh friend, the manipulative pastor, the scolding teacher. Haven’t we all had someone like that in our lives? We figured out ways to protect ourselves. We built a fortress to keep those people out. And it worked. We were protected, if we were lucky.
Bed and Breakfast
But we didn’t realize that a fortress is also a prison. As we grew older the need for the fortress lessened, but the fortress was still there. Fortresses don’t come down by themselves, do they? They have to be knocked down and destroyed, right? Or perhaps they don’t have to be. Perhaps they can be simply opened up to public viewing, like an ancient castle in Europe that is now a Bed and Breakfast.
Invitation to Your Brain
I once took part in an open studio tour. I had rented a large garage space as my studio in my next door neighbor’s lot behind my house in San Jose, California. I put up many pieces of art; drawings, photos, paintings, etc. for everyone to see. At one point I noticed a good friend of mine sitting quietly on the coach in the middle of the room, just staring at the work. I came over, sat down and asked him what he was thinking. He chuckled and said, “I was just saying to myself that sitting here looking at your art makes me feel like I am wandering around inside your brain.” That was a pretty cool compliment. Well, at least it was after he explained that what he found in my brain didn’t freak him out too much.
More Than One Tool
Maybe that is the key. Don’t expect to completely destroy fortresses you have built up for decades. Maybe have more than one tool. Have a wrecking ball to knock some parts down and a welcome mat to allow access to other parts.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Frans Hiddema, 1923-1997, Dutch Poet and Psychoanalyst.
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 6, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories |
Prologue
They had their conversation in the shade.
Chapter One
She was talking about her pain. She told of her silly assumption that her best friend would overlook a very minor annoyance given the circumstances and how it hurt to realize no benefit of the doubt was given.
Chapter Two
Her best friend sat back, her heeled sandal dangling from her big toe, saying nothing for a long time. When she spoke, she defended herself and said she had been under pressure too. That it wasn’t her responsibility to know everything.
Chapter Three
She picked up her purse and held it in front of her chest as she explained that it wasn’t just her, but all the girls in the bridal party, who had messed up. “Why did I deserve to be treated so badly?”, she asked.
Chapter Four
Her best friend kept pulling her dress up under the table to scratch in the same locale high on her thigh. It was turning red. She would then pull the dress down again and smooth it out.
Chapter Five
She kept pressing her open hand hard against her chest, gesturing with the other, sometimes turning it into a fist and pressing it also against her chest. She was crying but determined to be discreet.
Chapter Six
Her best friend crumpled and uncrumpled a napkin, sucked on her iced drink and avoided eye contact for most of the conversation. She sighed repeatedly. She sat up straight at one point and her back had a deep lined impression from the back of the chair. She slouched back down within 20 seconds.
Chapter Seven
She kept her purse in front of her, leaning forward, wanting to leave. She wanted her best friend to understand before she left. But she was getting frustrated and realized it wasn’t going to happen. She finally said, “Well, that’s all I wanted to say. Thanks for coming. I will see you around.” and stood up to leave.
Chapter Eight
Her best friend didn’t get up but did say, “Ok, I will see you. Sorry.” and sucked on her drink as she walked away.
Epilogue
The best friend left a few minutes later and two women immediately grabbed the table. One had a string of pearls around her tan neck, the other had on large diamond earrings and a bag from Saks.
The End
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Drawing and Story by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 3, 2014 | I Draw in Church, Sketchbook History Tour |
As some of you know, I draw in church. I have oodles of sketchbooks full of drawings. Sometimes I start with real person, other times I make something up out of my head.
We usually sit about 3-6 rows back on the right side of the sanctuary and I have a pretty good view of the pianist playing in the orchestra or accompanying the choir.
She’s become my go-to model and I suppose I have drawn her at least 100 times over the years.
Years ago I showed her the drawings in a prior sketchbook. I thought she enjoyed them and was flattered.
My wife thought she was probably creeped out. It was probably something in between.
I just finished a sketchbook that took close to 2 years to fill. Since she is a recurring theme I thought I would show you those drawings.
I drew her from the balcony a few times. Linda was in the choir so I moved around the sanctuary, sitting wherever I wanted just for fun.
People who sit still for long periods of time in the same position are good models.
She is a wonderful starting point for my imagination, a muse. I thank her for that.
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Drawings by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 1, 2014 | Margaret Atwood, Violence Against Women - 2014 |
It’s #3 of my Violence Against Women series, sparked by the murders in Isla Vista and UCSB, my Alma Mater. Addition events in India with the rape and lynching of two teenage girls only increases my desire to keep this issue on the front burner.
Size Matters
No, I don’t mean THAT size. I mean the size of the anger, the size of the ego, the size of the insecurity (which of course could possibly be linked to THAT size, who knows). In most cases men feel a little embarrassed and maybe a little humiliated by a woman laughing at them. It might sting a little, and it might make them a little angry. But most men are not all men. And all it takes is one man whose anger is BIG and whose predilection to violence is BIG to create a violent situation.
Not All Men
Too often men will listen to a woman talk about an incidence of sexual violence and their response is will be, “Well, not all men are like that.” But what they don’t realize is that for a woman, they may know most men aren’t like that, but they have very little way of knowing which man is which. I heard a great analogy the other day to help a man understand what a woman is dealing with.
Yes, All Women
Imagine you are given a bowl of M & Ms and are told that you shouldn’t worry too much because they are mostly safe, but there are about 10% that are poisonous. Would you be inclined to grab a handful? I doubt it. Well, that is how many women, especially those who have had run-ins with poisonous men already in their lives, feel about men in general. It’s hard to know who is who in advance. And yes, all women have to deal with it.
The quote above is true: Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.
Hidden Men
The other thing us men who aren’t poisonous don’t realize is that we don’t see the poisonous men doing their damage, their seductions, their manipulations, their intimidations because they don’t do it around us. They do it when we aren’t around. What does that mean? It means we don’t default to saying, “Nah, that didn’t really happen.” or “eh, I am sure he didn’t mean anything by it.” It means we have to default to believing a woman when she tells us that it has happened. It means if a woman says WE are doing it, even if we don’t think we are, we stop and believe them. We don’t believe them because we are guilty of something (even though we might be). We believe them because the effect of what we said or did gave them that feeling. That is enough.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Margaret Atwood, 1939 – not dead yet, Canadian author
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