by Marty Coleman | May 14, 2014 | Anthony J. D'angelo, Launching a Business - 2014 |
I am passionate about today being day #4 of my ‘Launching a Business’ series!
So Close I Can Touch It
When I graduated with my Masters in Fine Art from San Jose State University in 1984 I went about applying for college level teaching jobs. I landed a job right off the bat as a part-time, or adjunct, instructor at Cabrillo College in the town of Aptos on the Monterey Bay of California. That seemed like a good start. I landed other part-time teaching gigs shortly thereafter at Evergreen College and Mission College in the San Jose area. I was on my way, a full time job couldn’t be far off, right?
So Far Off I Can’t
It was far off. It was so far off that 8 years, hundreds and hundreds of applications, many interviews and more than a few finalist positions later I gave up. I switched focus, retrained myself on computers during the 93-94 year instead of applying for teaching jobs. I started applying for computer graphic jobs instead, focusing on getting something in the educational computer game market. It worked and by May of 94 we had moved to Tulsa and I had started a new job creating educational CDroms for children. It was the best job of my life.
Giving Up
I made the decision to give up because I saw that my persistence and passion was becoming stubbornness and ignorance. What I wanted may still have happened, who knows, but in my circumstances of having a family and 3 small children, I could not afford to be stubborn and ignorant any longer. I made the switch and never regretted it.
Self-Awareness
The same need to be self-aware is true when you have your own business. You want to be persistent and passionate. And some may call your persistence stubbornness before you do, and call your passion ignorance before you do. You might succeed in spite of having others say you have gone over the edge in those categories. You don’t need to bow to their opinion. But you should consider it. You should be willing to hear them out, see if they have any valid reasons why they think what they do. Especially consider their opinion if you believe they understand you and always have been on your side.
Honesty
Most importantly though you need to honest with yourself. No matter what anyone else says, you have to be self-aware enough, egoless enough, humble enough, strong enough, to face reality. If you face reality, you can move forward, if you don’t, very likely disappointment or even ruin will follow. You don’t want that.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Anthony J. D’angelo, American author
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by Marty Coleman | May 13, 2014 | Japanese Proverbs, Launching a Business - 2014 |
I got distracted (as entrepreneurs tend to do) and didn’t finish my ‘Launching a Business’ series I started a few weeks ago. Here is #3.
Being the Boss
My wife works for a big company, she is not an entrepreneur. But when she talks about her legacy it’s not often about her actual work, it’s about the team she leads and how important it is that she lead it well so those under her continue to be employed and get paychecks. That is what she really cares about. These people work for her, but she works hard for them as well.
Being the Entrepreneur
It is even more the case when you are an entrepreneur. You might hire 1 or 2 people to start. And then you understand very quickly that someone’s livelihood depends on you. The man works for you and you work even harder for the man.
Here is the whole series thus far.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is a Japanese Proverb
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by Marty Coleman | May 7, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories |
Your Turn
I liked doing my ‘Unnamed Series’ so much last week that I decided to try a variation on it. This time I am showing a drawing from my sketchbook. It has no title.
What I want you to do is tell me the story you imagine, then post the story in the comments. The only limit is the story must be five sentences or less. I will write my story based on the inspiration from your stories. I will then post the stories with this drawing in a blog post later this week and we can vote on our favorite story.
Ready to give it a try? GO.
Drawing by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | May 6, 2014 | The 'While Coffee Brews' Exercise Plan |
Last December I did a series illustrating my morning workout regimen. I have added some exercises that I do somewhat regularly since then and wanted to update the series to include them.
Butt Lift and Kicks
The big craze the past few years has been planking. I never planked until I did this exercise. It’s simple enough. You lay on your back, lift your butt of the ground and hold the pose. You really have to work to push your butt up in the air so you body is in a straight line, you can really feel it in your hip flexor and quadricep muscles. It was boring to me to just stay in that pose so I started kicking up high with one leg while maintaining the straight body line. It’s harder than planking if you ask me. I did 20 kicks on each leg.
Flutter Kicks
While I am down on the ground it’s easy to move to the next exercise. I simply lower my butt back to the ground and lift my legs so they are off the ground by a foot or so. This can also be a held plank position of course but once again I like action instead of just holding a pose so I scissor my legs as wide as I can. I mean REALLY wide, then bring them together and cross them, and then back wide again. This is great for strengthening your lower back since your legs are off the ground. It’s fantastic for your glutes and your hips, opening them up and stretching all the small muscles that go deep into your groin.
Because I am so unlimber and stretching is critical for me, I sometimes will lower my legs and use my ottoman and my coffee table to hold my legs wide open. It hurts but it also really helps me avoid really tight hip and groin muscles when I run long distances.
It usually takes about 15 minutes to do 3 circuits of the exercises. Just enough time to let the coffee brew.
The rest of the series is linked here: The ‘While Coffee Brews’ Workout Series. Scroll down once on that page to go from newest to oldest in the series.
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Drawing and exercise plan by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | May 5, 2014 | Being Alone - 2014, Blaise Pascal, Frederic Dard, Julien De Valckenaere, Marilyn Monroe, Martin Luther |
Hello Napkin Kin! Have you been wondering all weekend what the theme of last week’s ‘Unnamed Series’ is? Well, wait no longer, here is the answer: Being Alone
I started it because a dear friend of mine who is going through a divorce is now living on her own in a condo. She is learning how to be alone for the first time in many years. It’s hard enough to be alone when things are going right, but when your world has imploded and all seems lost, being alone can be devastating. These drawing and quotes were a result of my exploration of the idea of ‘being alone’.
Here they are from first to last, with the quotes written in.
Being Alone #1 – from the series formerly known as ‘Unnamed’
Being Alone #2 – from the series formerly known as ‘Unnamed’
Being Alone #3 – from the series formerly known as ‘Unnamed’
Being Alone #4 – from the series formerly known as ‘Unnamed’
Being Alone #5 – from the series formerly known as ‘Unnamed’
So, now that you know, what do you think? Do the drawings make sense now? Do the quotes fit the drawings? Come on, let me know. I want to do another series like this, it was a lot of fun and there was more than average interaction with the Napkin Kin and your feedback will help make the next series even better.
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Drawings by Marty Coleman
Quotes by the following:
#1 – Frederic Dard, 1921-2000, French author
#2 – Julien De Valckenaere, 1898-1958, Dutch writer
#3 – Martin Luther, 1483-1546, German monk, religious rabble rouser
#4 – Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, American actress
#5 – Blaise Pascal, 1623-1662, French mathematician and philosopher
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by Marty Coleman | May 2, 2014 | The Unnamed Series - 2014 |
Here is my final drawing in the ‘Unnamed Series’. The prior 4 images are below it. See if all 5 give you an idea as to the theme I am trying to illustrate and post your idea in the comments. Next week I will repost them all with quotes included and the series title. But before then, see if you can guess!
The Unnamed Series #5
The Unnamed Series #4
The Unnamed Series #3
The Unnamed Series #2
The Unnamed Series #1
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by Marty Coleman | May 1, 2014 | The Unnamed Series - 2014 |
Here is another installment in my experiment to see if my Napkin Kin can figure out the series theme for the week from just seeing the drawings – no quotes, no commentary, no series title.
This is #4. 1-3 are below it. What do these drawings have in common, anything you can discern? What do you think the theme of the series is?
The Unnamed Series #4
The Unnamed Series #3
The Unnamed Series #2
The Unnamed Series #1
I will do one more and then next week I will post them all again with the quotes and series title included.
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Drawings by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 29, 2014 | The Unnamed Series - 2014 |
As most of you know by now, I am doing an ‘Unnamed Series’. I am only showing you the drawing, not the series theme nor the individual quotes for each napkin. I am doing it as an experiment to see if anyone can figure out what my series theme is. I will post these again all at once next week with the theme and quotes included. All three images I have drawn so far are in this post so you can see them all easily and see if a pattern emerges. Let me know in the comments what your guess is!
Unnamed Series #3
The Unnamed Series #2
The Unnamed Series #1
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Drawings by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 28, 2014 | The Unnamed Series - 2014 |
Here is #2 in my experiment. I am not telling the theme nor am I writing in the quotes until I am done with all 4 or 5 of them. I would like you, my Napkin Kin, to guess what you think the theme is. I don’t expect you to guess the quote, but you might start to get a feel for the series theme as the drawings add up. Give it a try, what are your thoughts?
Unnamed Series #2
The Unnamed Series #1
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Drawings by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 25, 2014 | The Unnamed Series - 2014 |
Something New
I am going to try something new today. I decided upon my series theme this morning and started drawing the image before I wrote the quote on the napkin. I thought it might be fun to see if you, my Napkin Kin, can guess what my series theme is. I don’t expect a guess on the quote, just the theme.
Here is the drawing without the quote.
Can You Guess?
Put your guess as to the series theme in the comments. Share it on FB or Twitter, see if your friends or family have a guess as well. I will post the guesses and any winners, early next week.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 22, 2014 | I Draw in Church, Illustrated Short Stories, Judgment - 2013 |
Practicing at a Church I Usually Don’t Go To – A Short Short Poem
She is walking out of church with very long legs and very short shorts.
I am behind her, noticing, with a remnant, a wafting of judgment,
That I discard and think instead,
You are wonderful, as are your friends, and I love you.
The End
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Drawing and Poem by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 18, 2014 | John Green, Pain & Suffering |
I demand that today show #4 in my Pain and Suffering series!
Burn
When I was in the hospital back in the 70s I discovered three very annoying facts about recovering from burns.
- The procedures for recovery hurt far more than the initial burn.
- That the pain increases, not decreases, every day until you are ready for skin grafts.
- You can’t rush getting to the skin graft part.
In my case it took 5 weeks until I was ready for the grafts. During that time I had twice a day whirlpool baths at about 110º to 120º. After the soaking I had the dead skin taken off , sometimes pretty indelicately, by various nurses. Where the dead skin was didn’t hurt, but for them to get that skin off the had to work from the edges of it, which meant they were constantly going over the edge and touching the part of my body where there was no skin, only nerves. Sometimes I would have been given a pain killer but often that pain killer had not taken affect when this procedure took place. This hurt.
Breaking to Heal
The nurses would then put on a cream called Sulfamylon. This cream burned. It burned worse than the burns. This hurt. They would then cover my body with gauze, wrap me up good and off I would go to Physical Therapy.
In Physical Therapy the most important thing, besides maintaining my overall strength, was to make sure the Keloid scars didn’t grow so as to restrict my movements in the future. To avoid this my therapy consisted of stretching as much as I good, which in turn meant breaking open whatever was starting to heal too tight. This hurt.
I would then have about 10 or so hours until the procedure repeated itself later that day.
Growing Pain
Now here is the kicker. When you are burned your nerves endings are either burnt or retract. On day one of your treatment your nerves are not recovered and you only feel so much. But each day your nerve endings come back just a bit. Which means you feel more, not less, pain as the recovery makes its way. What this does to one’s mind is to keep it from thinking ahead. Not only are you focused, obviously, on the immediate pain, but you are also pretty much incapable of imagining life in the future. The constant pain contracts your ability to imagine. For example, I remember at one point during my stay, in September, someone saying something about January and the new year. I just looked at them and said, ‘I don’t really believe January will ever come.’ In my mind I could not see ahead because the pain was too great and was only growing greater.
Your Pain
I know a lot of friends in pain right now. Many in the throes of divorce, others due to physical pain, some are just emotional wrecks over everything being up in the air in their lives. It sucks for them right now and I feel for them. But I also know something, and I know it from very real experience. January does come. Healing does come. Life will not always be the life you are experiencing right now. If you can’t envision a future without your pain, then just take a chance and trust me. Believe my experience second hand. You will get through it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by John Green, 1977 – not dead yet, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 17, 2014 | Pain & Suffering |
Guess what? You are going to have to suffer through day #3 of my ‘Pain and Suffering’ series, that’s what!
Never
You know what I never hear or read? This: “Man, I just listened to a lecture about watching out for back stabbing people who pretend to be your friend and I am totally never going to let that happen now that I heard that. Lesson learned! “
A Lot
You know what I do hear and read a LOT? This: “Man, someone I thought was my best friend just completely stabbed me in the back. I trusted her and now I realize I shouldn’t have. I am hurt bad but I am never going to let that happen to me again. Lesson learned!”
Lesson Learned
Intellect doesn’t breed transformation, experience does.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Brian Herbert, 1947 – not dead yet, American Author and Kevin J. Anderson, 1962 – not dead yet, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 15, 2014 | Photographic Sunday |
There had to be a million or so people around the globe watching and photographing the Bloodmoon last night. I was one of them.
My friends on Facebook seemed very happy when I posted these. I wouldn’t be surprised if many of you, the Napkin Kin, also are happy that I posted here. Of course, they, and you, could go to a thousand other better photographers’ websites or social media sites and see much better photos of the moon. Why did they respond with comments like “Marty: Thank you for capturing this. Now I am happy. I was sad, that I missed it.”? I think it’s because relationship connections are what it’s about. Evette, who posted that comment, knows me. She knows I posted this to share with her and my friends. That means something to her. I am not a magazine, I am not a photo agency, I am not removed from her. I am connected.
It’s no different than when a friend of mine gets to go to a special event. If I see photos they took of it or read their description and feelings about the event, I feel connected. I am happy and grateful they shared it with me. I am experiencing it with them and through them. It’s not the same as just any old photo of the event by a stranger.
Linda mentioned as we were looking at the moon how many others on the planet were looking at the same thing at the same time. It’s an amazing thought. What takes that thought to the land of happy wonder for me is how many of my friends around the globe either saw it or felt connected by seeing my photos of it.
I think we live on a pretty cool orb. I love that we have been blessed to be conscious of it and intelligent enough to explore it, and the universe beyond, together. Knowing there is friendship and love at that heart of it all gives all that wonder and awareness the greatest meaning and value in my book.
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 14, 2014 | F. Scott Fitzgerald, Pain & Suffering |
I am picking today to be #2 in the Pain and Suffering series.
Pick Your Pain
I pick my scalp. My father did as well. My mother and sisters would tell him not to. My wife and daughters do the same to me on occasion. My response? I don’t stop for long. Why? Because I like picking my scalp. I like picking because I like the little bit of feeling, the pain, attached to it, among other things.
Picking a scab might lead to infection, it might bleed a bit too much. We all get that, but we do it anyway. Why? Because we like it. We like the pain because we know it is controlled. We know the pain won’t kill us (the infection might, yes, but the pain won’t). We know it will only go so deep. It’s the same reason we press a bruise or a sore spot on our body after we have exercised hard. We are testing the pain, seeing how painful it is. And that pain feels good because we know we can relieve the pain easy enough by just stopping.
Choose, Self-inflict, Repeat
Why are we so ready to repeat pain but not pleasure? To me the answer is simple, we don’t have any guilt with pain. Pleasure can make us feel indulgent, selfish. But how can you feel indulgent and selfish when you are feeling pain? It isn’t nearly as likely.
That’s why we have so many quasi-martyrs in the world who love to advertise their suffering. That’s why the ‘fruits of the spirit’ in the bible include ‘long-suffering’ but not ‘long-pleasuring’. We don’t unleash moral condemnation on pain and suffering, do we.
True Danger
There are times when self-inflicting pain really is dangerous and life threatening though. Self-loathing and self-hating can lead to inflicting pain that can have permanent and even fatal consequences. Sometimes to others as well as yourself. I wish I had the answer as to way we do that. All I know is it’s way too frequent among those I love.
What are your thoughts on it?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1896-1940, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 11, 2014 | Pain & Suffering |
Is is weird to be happy that today is day #1 of my new ‘Pain and Suffering’ series?
Friends in Pain
Recently I posted the following on my Facebook profile.
“Recently I have talked to 4 friends in pain over relationships and where they are in life. I don’t like seeing my friends in pain but I love knowing them well enough to know that they can get through it. Pain isn’t forever, even if it feels that way.”
Many people ‘liked’ the post. I went through the list of those who liked it and found six more who I personally have talked to in the past few years about the pain they have suffered in relationships or some other aspect of their life. And those are just the ones I talked to directly. I suspect many who liked it have also gone through a lot of pain, I just don’t know the specifics. Then again, when I think about it, how many of us haven’t gone through pain in our relationships?
Out of the 10 I have talked to personally, 6 have gone through or are going through a divorce. Of the other 4, they either broke up with long term boyfriends or girlfriends or are contemplating doing so, or they were not on good speaking terms with their spouse last I talked to them. Many of them have other painful issues they are dealing with as well. Who knows about the others, but I suspect there was a lot of pain in all those ‘likes’.
Imagined Future
I went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage. It was painful. One of the things that hurt the most was the loss of an imagined future. Not one I planned in advance, but one I realized was gone once the divorce hit. People would say, ‘but you will have a new future and who knows, it might be even better.’ I didn’t really want to hear that because at first I couldn’t imagine it was true.
But it was true. I am in that new future now and it has many things in it that I could not have imagined back then. Not all of this future is perfect, of course not. But it is filled with love and value and meaning and support and creativity and purpose. I am not sure I could ask for much more than that, right? Could you?
How the Future
How did this future come to pass? Well, eventually I had to allow the past to be on it’s own. I had to say goodbye to it as a constant companion because it didn’t want me looking at a new future. It wanted me to only look at it. The past was a jealous mistress and I had to divorce myself from it as well. That doesn’t mean I don’t visit the past. I love much of my past. but just as I don’t sleep with my ex anymore, I don’t sleep with my past either. I have a new wife I sleep with and a new present and future that accompanies her.
What that means is I made room for discovering a new understanding of my life and my future. If you are willing to do that, you can discover something new and wonderful as well.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Khalil Gibran, 1883-1931, Lebanese born poet
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 8, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman |
A Short Short Story
Transcript:
5 seconds in her mind while we were in a church and she was in front of us and I watched her for a while before I made this up
Second One: I am alone, I am still cold, I wish I was married, I wonder if I am getting sick.
Second Two: I don’t think I am sick; it’s just allergies, I need to pay attention & eat better but lunch sounds good maybe a cheeseburger. No, a salad.
Second Three: No, maybe I will skip lunch and fast. I need to pray more so I can lose weight & be happier. Maybe just 20 pounds.
Second Four: But I am already happy I think because I am saved and that means I am going to not go to hell. I think I don’t chew well.
Second Five: But if I lose weight I will have to buy new clothes and I am broke. I am going to close my eyes now just for a little while then I will fell better again maybe.
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Drawing and story by Marty Coleman
Model unknown
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 4, 2014 | Marston Bates, Research - 2014 |
This may boomerang on me, but today it’s #5 in my Research series!
True But
I think this is true but incomplete. I think it must be added that it’s not always the alley that is blind, it’s the person in the alley who is.
Blind Alley, Blind Person
A researcher can contribute their own blindness or shortsightedness to the process of going down an investigative alley. At least I know this holds true in art. If I am not paying attention to everything around me I can think a place is devoid of creative potential. But the truth is there is probably a great deal of creative opportunities anywhere, if I am paying attention. I would think the same is true in research. Yes, you have something specific you are looking for, but you can not be blind to what else the alley offers.
Recognize, Then Edit
As you go on your research journey, no matter the field, keep your mind and senses open to what presents itself, even if it’s not completely on topic. That doesn’t mean you have to grab it and indulge in it. It’s just saying you know what it is that is in front of you and are open to what it might mean. Recognizing something and deciding to leave it behind is much better than never recognizing it in the first place.
See the rest of the Research series here. If you are interested in having them as posters or framed prints for your school or company, let me know!
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Marston Bates, 1906-1974, American zoologist
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“Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind. “
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 3, 2014 | Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, Research - 2014 |
Do you see? Today is #4 in the Research series!
My Daughter Led the Way
One of the things I love about having a daughter who is a scientist is how it’s turned my attention to science as well. I read up on it as best I can and I like to watch shows on it. I don’t pretend to know much, but it’s an amazing path to follow, never ending in it’s ability to surprise.
Art and Science
I also find more and more how similar being a scientist is to being an artist. Yes, science has a certain rigor and a much more detailed protocol for everything that creating artwork usually doesn’t have, but the essence of discovery comes from the same spot in our minds. That spot is an open, non-judgmental space that tells us we are free to explore. Both scientists and artists believe that the joy of exploration is it’s own reward. But we also know another truth and that is that when you do explore with freedom, lack of fear and judgment, moral or otherwise, you are very likely to discover things of importance.
See the rest of the Research Series here. Scroll down to see them all.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, 1893-1986, Hungarian physiologist. Discoverer of Vitamin C and winner of the Nobel Prize in Medicine in 1937.
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 1, 2014 | Bill Watterson, Research - 2014 |
I hope you don’t think I am a jerk to tell you… today is day 3 in the Research series!
What would this field of research be in, anyway? What would the disease even be called? Do you think the government would give a grant for it?
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Drawing and questions by Marty Coleman
Quote by Bill Watterson, 1958 – not dead yet, American cartoonist, author of Calvin and Hobbes.
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 31, 2014 | Research - 2014 |
I researched it, and today is the perfect day for #2 in my Research series!
People often think science is all about facts and figures. That it is dry and boring. Don’t tell that to a scientist. Scientists won’t get mad at you about that claim, don’t worry. They will just look at you with a completely quizzical expression and say, “Are you crazy? Science is all about NOT knowing facts and figures. It’s about the excitement of investigating what it is we don’t know. That is what makes it exhilarating, not boring.”
Scientific research is walking a tightrope with the ‘Sea of Unknowing’ on one side and the canyon of ‘Can’t Be’ on the other. You try not to fall off. Then you DO fall off. Then, just as you think you are lost, you find the answer you thought was at the end of the tightrope way down in the canyon or sea!
Science research is very much like creating art.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Wernher von Braun, 1912-1977, German born rocket scientist
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 30, 2014 | Gwyneth Paltrow |
Hello Ms. Paltrow,
I don’t know you. I probably know more about you than you know about me though. I have seen you in some movies, on the red carpet via TV, read news/entertainment reports about you here and there. I know you have a lifestyle website that give advice and information about all sorts of things. I know you are considered beautiful by many. I know these things about you because America, and most of the world actually, has developed an amazing obsession with people who do one particular line of work. That line of work is the one you happen to be in, acting. You are lucky to be living now compared to 100-200 years ago, when your profession was not so highly regarded. Then you would have been considered disreputable, and while people might want to watch you on stage, they would not have wanted to actually know you.
How times have changed. Now everyone DOES want to know you. Not only that, they actually think they do know you. And to be honest, that is partially true. Your life is in the public eye, and that is, at least in part, a conscious decision made by you and your family. As a result, people you don’t know know about you. They know some about your family, your marriage, your likes and dislikes in fashion, food, charities, makeup, hair, and more.
The Special Categories
As a result of this appearance of knowing you, many feel close to you, like you are friends with them. That is a pretty cool thing. But you aren’t just showing yourself to ‘friends’, you are showing yourself to everyone. And here’s the bad part Gwyneth. You are in that special category of humans (actors) that America has decided does not deserve to be shown the respect they would show to their real friends. The reason for this is because they don’t, in spite of thinking maybe you are their friend, think you are actually real. You are just a creation, like the movies you are in. Those who follow this idea of course don’t feel the need to show you respect, or compassion, or mercy, or kindness, or forgiveness. They get a free pass on all that because you aren’t real.
Of course some may think you are real. But they have another category of human that trumps that and so they still feel they have the right to withhold those elements of civility. That second category is ‘the privileged rich’. You aren’t a person who just happens to have a lot of money, you are ‘the privileged rich’. As a result, many feel they can treat you like they would an alien species or an animal who doesn’t have feelings and doubts and hardships like they do. They can degrade you. They can mock you. They can rally their friends and society at large against you. They can destroy you. After all, you aren’t one of them. You are an alien who doesn’t deserve anything.
Working
Two recent events regarding you made all this come to the fore. First was your interview in which you said your type of work is harder for you than a different type of work that is more consistent and regular is for other mothers. Some people, mostly mothers, didn’t like that. But since you are in the two aforementioned categories they didn’t do what they would have done with their friends. What they would have done with their friend is perhaps say “yea, I can imagine that sucks. I wouldn’t want to be away from my kids that long either. My life is consistent, it’s true. I do the same things day in, day out, for the most part. But it’s can be really hard too.” At which point I have every reason to believe you would have said, “Yea, it can be hard for both of us.” and then you both would have continued to talk as friends about it.
Conscious Uncoupling
The second event was your recent separation from your husband. In your announcement you used the words, ‘conscious uncoupling.’ It was a phrase most of us hadn’t heard before. Some people made fun of that phrase because it wasn’t the single word, ‘Divorce’. They used your use of that phrase as a weapon against you, saying you are pretentious and elitist. What they didn’t do was actually think about the phrase. They were so busy mocking and denigrating they forgot to actually pay attention. If they had been paying attention then they might have realized the phrase is actually a pretty interesting and effective way of saying ‘separation’ or ‘divorce’. It makes you think about it in a new and different way. But those people don’t want to be faced with thinking new things. They want to stay with what their tribe, and the influencers that lead the tribe, say is approved. If it’s not approved, then it is worthy of being mocked.
What a Friend Would Do
Here is the crux of it all. I don’t know you. You might actually be pretentious or out of touch in real life, I don’t really know after all. But I certainly don’t think those to examples show it. But I do know that even if you did say something that showed a lack of understanding on your part, I would respond as I would to a friend. I would first try to understand you; where you are in your life, what you deal with. I would try to walk in your shoes. Not your supposed shoes of privilege, but your emotional shoes. Your real shoes. The shoes worn by a human, not a mockable category. I would then, if I didn’t fully understand, give you the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn’t assume you had bad intentions or motives or were a terrible person because of what you said. I would probably ask you what you meant. I have a strong feeling asking you that would solve any issue I had.
Judgment is the New Black
Unfortunately Gwyneth, you and I are living in an era where judgment is the new black. Judgment can be a good thing of course, but when it is bereft of it’s balancing partners it usually isn’t. What are judgment’s partners? They are compassion, understanding, mercy, silence, patience, forgiveness, openheartedness and openmindedness. Instead partners that bring out the worst in judgment are on the scene. They are envy, jealousy, self-righteousness, mean-spiritedness and hatred. What we end up with is an America that thrives on judging and attacking others in the most unthinking, vicious way possible.
Anyway, that is just a bit of what I have had on my mind in the last few days regarding your public situation. I hope it helps you to see that most of this negative response you are getting, and have gotten for quite a while, is not about you, it’s about them. It’s about their small minded desire to be part of their self-righteous tribe and their unconscious anger that they are not you.
I wish you the best with your family situation and your career,
A friend you don’t know,
Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 27, 2014 | Nora Neale Hurston, Research - 2014 |
Purposeful
Recently I gave a lecture about Photography to PHOTOG, a group I help lead here in Tulsa. The title of my talk was ‘What’s Inside Your Camera?’ and it was an explanation of the workings of the camera. Of course to talk intelligently about it I thought it might be wise for me to research exactly what DOES happen in a camera. I mean, I know…but I don’t KNOW.
Curious
So, I went about researching. My research was driven by what I was curious about. How does that image get on the screen in the back anyway? I knew how it worked in old film cameras, but I didn’t know the details of how it worked in a digital camera. My curiosity went in that purposeful direction.
I did that a number of different times; exploring this history, that part of the camera, this function. Whatever piqued my curiosity, I went looking into it. I followed threads of images, forums, essays, lessons, in whatever direction I wanted to know more about. I didn’t try to have it all make sense before I started. I explored first and it was only after I had done that for many hours that I started to see how it all worked in detail.
Purposeful Again
I then organized the talk with a certain logic; starting at the lens, where the light enters the camera, and ending at the very back of the camera, where we see the resulting image.
Purpocuriosiful
That is my favorite way to work, purpocuriosiful. I start with a general idea and a broad purpose. Then, within those wide parameters I just explore freely. I allow myself to be confused, to not know how something will turn out, how it will all make sense, while I do this exploring. I allow it because I know the process works. I know my brain will eventually see patterns and structures within my purpocuriosiful explorations and I will be able to organize the information so others can gain from it.
While I am not a scientist I know from talking to my daughter, Rebekah, who is a one, that she often works that way, as do many others. Art and science are not as far apart as people sometimes think.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Nora Neale Hurston, 1891-1960, African-American Folklorist and Writer
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 26, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories |
Prologue
I knew these girls. They were the girls I liked in High School. Not always the smartest, but definitely the smartassiest.
Chapter One
They were way too smart for school. Nonetheless, school they were in. And they weren’t doing very well. Especially in Chemistry. It wasn’t that they couldn’t learn Chemistry, it was that they didn’t care about Chemistry. What did chemicals have to do with anything? I mean, yea, you have ‘chemistry’ with someone, like your boyfriends. And yea, you don’t want to blow yourself or stuff up by accident so you should know how to not do that. But organic and inorganic chemistry as a whole class, a whole YEAR? That was pure torture.
Chapter Two
To save money parents had the option of having a group tutoring session. So now these two girls were at the bookstore sitting with the same tutor. They didn’t know each other, they just knew OF each other. They weren’t in the same clique and didn’t do the same school activities. The girl in blue, Amy, was a jock. The girl in gray, Abby, was in Band. Amy had a reputation for being really funny. Abby had a reputation for being really funny too.
Chapter Three
The tutor was a nice lady who wore a pink wool top and gray skirt. Amy thought the skirt was too short for someone so old. Abby thought the pink top made her look like she was from the 60s, like the President who got killed’s wife, whatever her name was. The tutor had been a full time teacher but had to quit when her mother got sick and needed care. Now she tutored 3 days a week and made almost as much money as she did teaching with nowhere near the hassle.
Chapter Four
The tutor was explaining chemically how gas is formed. This was an unfortunate topic for Abby, who at that very moment was having severe gas pains in her bowels. She was waiting to excuse herself until the tutor finished when it happened. Abby tooted. It wasn’t really loud or really long, but it was loud enough. The tutors eyes went wide. Amy put her hand over her mouth and tried to suppress a laugh. It didn’t work. Amy laughed loud, louder than the toot. Abby blushed, then looked at the tutor and said, “Sorry, may I go to the bathroom please?” The tutor scowled, rolled her eyes and said, “Yes, please do.”
Chapter Five
Amy immediately asked if she could go too and the tutor said yes. When they both got in the bathroom they started laughing hysterically. Abby said, “I don’t know what she was so upset about, that’s chemistry in action, right?” Amy caught her breath and said, “Exactly, that’s the chemistry they should teach in school, everyone would pay attention then!”
Chapter Six
The tutoring session ended a few minutes later with both girls barely able to keep it together. They stayed behind after the tutor left. They did homework, looked at magazines and talked about a million different things for another 2 hours before they both had to go home for dinner.
Epilogue
That day was the day they both met their best friend. Now, 25 years later, they live a mile from each other. They talk every day. Ironically enough, Amy actually did become a Chemical Engineer and Abby became a Science Writer. They have helped each other through college, graduate school, marriages, divorces, babies, moves, jobs, firings, illnesses and everything else. They love to tell the story of how they met.
The End
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Drawing and Story by Marty Coleman ©2014
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 25, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories, Sketchbook History Tour |
#1
I’ve gone to the same Starbucks in Tulsa about 3 times in a row now. It is not where I usually travel but I had to get my car serviced a number of times and it’s the coffee spot closest to the dealership. Each time I’ve spent time working and drawing, usually about an hour or so. Each time the same woman was there. The first time I noticed her but I was faced the opposite direction and ended up drawing a couple talking at a window table while it snowed.
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#2
The second time I drew her on a napkin and showed it to her. I also showed her the sketchbook drawing from my first trip there and the sketchbook drawing I was doing that day, of a woman being interviewed at the end of my table.
I haven’t finished her napkin yet but I did take a photo of her with it, as I always like to do if possible. I emailed her the photograph. While we talked I found out she liked to hang out there before her job at Dillards, a department store at the nearby mall. I also found out she had taught English in Korea for a year and had just got back in the summer of 2013.
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#3
The third time I sat across from her and drew her in my sketchbook. She told me that she had decided to go back to Korea for at least another year to teach again. I admire the courage it takes to go off to a new part of the world all by yourself. To go back a second time, that really says something about what you discovered about the place, and about yourself, the first time around. I wish I had done that in college or afterwards.
I wish her great fortune in her journey to Korea!
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Drawings and writing by Marty Coleman
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