It’s a compliment just to be nominated for Best Napkin Drawing of Day #4 of Compliment Week!
Compliments – The Love Hate Tango
I started this series because I had a conversation with a friend in which she said she didn’t know how to take compliments very well. She thought she was alone in that regard and I assured her that is not true, that a LOT if not most people, especially women, are not at all comfortable or believing of compliments given to them.
While I started to look for quotes and ideas relating to compliments I did indeed come across many who were also not comfortable with praise and compliments. But I also came across many who love compliments, live for them, get sustenance from them and continually hope for them. Mark Twain was one and this quote is an example. It seems egotistical but I think he meant it tongue in cheek, a self-deprecating comment about his own ego.
The Compliment Pool
But there is another way to take this quote. Perhaps it can be interpreted not as wanting more ego stroking, but wanting more specificity. The woman in my drawing is saying ‘nice font’ while reading a profound book. She is staying shallow and superfluous. noticing just the surface, when there is a whole world of depth she has completely ignored.
The Deep End
What about you? When you give a compliment, do you really say what you truly admire, or do you say something generic and forgettable? If you want your compliments to have more power the focus in on more than ‘You are handsome’ or ‘nice work’. Dig down a bit and see if you can’t be more specific. Why is he handsome? How about ‘You have a great jaw line.’ Why was her work nice? Can you say ‘You did a fantastic job negotiating with that client.’ instead?
I can imagine Mark Twain meaning it that way. Perhaps he wanted a compliment that dug down a bit deeper, that reflected a deeper understanding on the part of the person giving the compliment.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mark Twain, whom I compliment on his vast array of quotes about compliments.
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Compliment of the Week
Judge Nicki Minaj’s compliment to American Idol contestant Tenna Torres (wearing the outfit below) – “I like your hair, I like your boobs, too.”
Compliments can be a way to soften potentially hostile or insecure people. Now that sounds manipulative and in a way it is. But, here’s my example. I have a rather rasty sister-in-law who can be quite blunt and insulting quite often. Over the years, I’ve realized that she’s just insecure. What comes naturally to me is to start off by finding a, yes, specific/real thing about her at that moment to compliment her on. She always seems amazingly happy to receive a compliment and it puts her in a good mood for the rest of the interaction–at least w/me!! Just a thot on compliments.
Sounds very wise. It’s so easy to just get defensive and elevate the tension. Your way is much better!