I am not too shy to say today is day #1 of ‘The Extrovert and Introvert’
DIY Prison
I have had many friends over the years who have felt locked up. They feel paralyzed in life. They can’t move emotionally, socially, career-wise, or physically. They are imprisoned. Sometimes that imprisonment is imposed from the outside. It might be a societal thing, or a marriage, bodily illness/injury or family expectations. But often I find that the prison is made by the prisoner. The family judgment is minimal. Society is actually paying very little attention. The spouse is actually supportive and encouraging. They are healthy. The prison is not built by others. It’s built by themselves.
Best of Intentions
And the prison is custom built for only one prisoner, by someone who knows the prisoner best. And even at one point, had the prisoner’s best interests at heart. After all, when we are growing up, don’t we need defenses? Don’t we learn how to protect ourselves from danger? The bullying classmate, the judging mother, the condemning father, the harsh friend, the manipulative pastor, the scolding teacher. Haven’t we all had someone like that in our lives? We figured out ways to protect ourselves. We built a fortress to keep those people out. And it worked. We were protected, if we were lucky.
Bed and Breakfast
But we didn’t realize that a fortress is also a prison. As we grew older the need for the fortress lessened, but the fortress was still there. Fortresses don’t come down by themselves, do they? They have to be knocked down and destroyed, right? Or perhaps they don’t have to be. Perhaps they can be simply opened up to public viewing, like an ancient castle in Europe that is now a Bed and Breakfast.
Invitation to Your Brain
I once took part in an open studio tour. I had rented a large garage space as my studio in my next door neighbor’s lot behind my house in San Jose, California. I put up many pieces of art; drawings, photos, paintings, etc. for everyone to see. At one point I noticed a good friend of mine sitting quietly on the coach in the middle of the room, just staring at the work. I came over, sat down and asked him what he was thinking. He chuckled and said, “I was just saying to myself that sitting here looking at your art makes me feel like I am wandering around inside your brain.” That was a pretty cool compliment. Well, at least it was after he explained that what he found in my brain didn’t freak him out too much.
More Than One Tool
Maybe that is the key. Don’t expect to completely destroy fortresses you have built up for decades. Maybe have more than one tool. Have a wrecking ball to knock some parts down and a welcome mat to allow access to other parts.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Frans Hiddema, 1923-1997, Dutch Poet and Psychoanalyst.
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