Monica the Brave

Many of you will remember Monica Lewinsky, the White House intern caught up in the 1998 Clinton impeachment scandal due to her affair with the President.  She recently gave a TED talk about public shaming, something she knows a lot about. It’s a fantastic lecture and she brings up what I think is a horrible aspect of contemporary life, even more harsh than when she was in the center of the storm, and that is public humiliation and shaming. 

Miles of Headlines

She had a number of great lines in the lecture and this quote was at the top of the list.  It perfectly updates the old quote about walking a mile in someone’s shoes to apply to our current world.  To really understand what the people most affected by public humiliation and shaming, think about living through the headlines and publicity they have to live through.

Compassion and Empathy

What she is asking for is to be compassionate and empathic in the cyber world as well as in the real world.  Now, it’s important to clarify one thing.  Feeling compassion for someone does not mean you are absolving them of guilt. Being empathic does not mean you don’t approve of some serious consequences for their actions or words.  Having both in your repertoire of responses simply means you treat that person as you would like yourself to be treated, with understanding.

Influence and Power

Here is her suggestion for action;

The theory of minority influence, proposed by social psychologist Serge Moscovici, says that even in small numbers, when there’s consistency over time, change can happen. In the online world, we can foster minority influence by becoming upstanders. To become an upstander means instead of bystander apathy, we can post a positive comment for someone or report a bullying situation. Trust me, compassionate comments help abate the negativity. We can also counteract the culture by supporting organizations that deal with these kinds of issues, like the Tyler Clementi Foundation in the U.S., In the U.K., there’s Anti-Bullying Pro, and in Australia, there’s Project Rockit.

We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression. We all want to be heard, but let’s acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention. The Internet is the superhighway for the id, but online, showing empathy to others benefits us all and helps create a safer and better world. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion, and click with compassion. Just imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline.

I agree with her.  I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions as well.

Ted Talk

Here is the video of her talk.

You can go to the written transcript from there if you prefer to read it.

Here are my other posts on Shame –

Parenting in Anger Shame #2

Sara Haines, Kim Kardashian and the Power of Empathy – Shame #3

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman

Quote by Monica Lewinsky, 1973 – , American author and activist.