Being Annoying – Writing Lesson #4

by | Aug 29, 2011 | Kingsley Amis, Writing Lessons - 2011/12 | 0 comments

Here is another in my occasional series on writing that I am doing in collaboration with the literary agent, Rachelle Gardner.

Have you ever read a book where you liked everyone and everything they did?  Did you like everything about how they behaved, all their quirks and eccentricities, all their choices and concerns? If that was the case I think you read a pretty boring book.

The essence of a story is conflict. Maybe it’s not through a ‘good vs. evil’, black and white dilemma, but in a story you are introducing characters who have to go through something.  They can be very nice people, but if you don’t show some aspect of their character and their methods contributing to the problem as well as the solution, then they really aren’t all that engaging.  


You can’t root for someone who has nothing to overcome.  What they have to overcome isn’t always something on the outside.  It’s often overcoming their own shortcomings.  It makes you annoyed seeing those things inside them holding them back while at the same time you are rooting for them to overcome.

Sort of like real life, isn’t it.



Drawing, commentary and Chapter 12 by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by Kingsley Amis, 1922-1995, English novelist


You can find Rachelle Gardner’s blog here.

Building Character – Failure Week #5

by | Aug 26, 2011 | Failure - 2011, Marty Coleman | 0 comments

Hey all, got some GREAT news last night!
I am going to be a speaker at BlogWorld LA!  The dates are November 3-5, 2011. I am not sure of my slot yet, but I will let you know. If you are going to be there you can bet I would love to have you at my presentation and meet you!  I will give more information as I know it myself.

Did I fail to mention how much I love being The Napkin Dad?  That’s probably because it’s day #5 of Failure Week.

 

All this week I have been reading ‘failure’ quotes.  I read one Monday and all week it’s been bugging me.  It is the opposite of the what I wrote above – here it is: “Success builds character, failure reveals it.”

It bugs me because I think it’s completely backwards. In my experience it is failure that builds character, not success.  Here is why I think this:  What do you learn from success?  That you are great, smart, funny, lucky, hard working, pretty, talented, savvy, better than others?  Does knowing any of those things build your character? Hard working is probably the only one of the bunch, right?

What do you learn from failure (or catastrophe)?  That you can be wrong, dumb, unlucky, flawed?  Yes, you can learn those things. But what else can you learn?  That you are resilient, strong, persevering, diligent, humble, better than your circumstances, helpful, thoughtful, caring, selfless, patient, empathetic, intelligent?  Yes, those as well.

And what is character made up of? Is it made up of ego, looks, talent and smarts? or is it made up of resilience, empathy, strength, humility, perseverance, love and patience?

I have had a LOT of failures and catastrophes in my life; schools I got kicked out of, a failed marriage, rejection in the art and academic world and physical disasters just to name a few.  If I had not had those ‘failures’ and not gained the resulting character I now have, I would not be able to take the successes I have had in a good, positive and mature way (which I attempt to do).

Our successes reveal the character we’ve built during our failures.



Quote, drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

The Unlived Life – Failure Week #4

by | Aug 25, 2011 | Carl Jung, Failure - 2011 | 0 comments

 ’tis day #4 of Failure Week at the NDD

Not all parents give up some grand dream as they settle down and become parents. But many do.  If you are one of those, but you moved forward and created new dreams and your children see that, then they will be emboldened to both pursue their grand dream and have the flexibility to change that dream if they have to.  Your example makes all the difference as to whether they can do that successfully.

But, if you are one who just put away the dream inside the guitar case in the attic, or in the paint brushes in the drawer, or in the hiking boots in the basement then do your children a favor and get them out, dust them off and use them.  Your children will be excited to see you once again pursuing a dream. It doesn’t have to be the same dream of a recording contract or a big gallery show or a job as a naturalist in a National Park. It just needs to be you pursuing what gives you joy.

Nothing will be better for your kids than to see you live the life you want to live.


Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily


Quote by Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss psychiatrist

Contentment – Failure Week #3

by | Aug 24, 2011 | Abraham Lincoln, Failure - 2011 | 0 comments

Napkins don’t fail me now! It’s day #3 of Failure Week.

Here is a question: In the Aesop’s fable, The Tortoise and the Hare, do you think the hare was upset at having lost the race to the tortoise?  I have a feeling the hare wasn’t upset at all. I think he was ok with it.  I can see him laughing off the loss while hanging out at his favorite watering hole with the boys. 


Why? Because he had excuses ready.  He felt ill. He had a hard night.  His shorts were too tight.  He woke up on the wrong side of the burrow.  His stop watch was broken. The temperature was too hot.  The path was confusing. The turtle stepped on his foot at the start line.


It’s a fine line between allowing that you will fail on occasion and not completely beating yourself up over it and being content and lazy about your failures, using excuses and rationalizations to talk away your inability or unwillingness to meet your goal.


It’s important to be dissatisfied with a failure because the feeling of dissatisfaction is what will cause you to evaluate what really happened. And evaluating what happened is how you can avoid the same mistake and improve the next time out.  There might be reasons for the failure and you need to know them, but there should be no excuses.  Excuses never help you grow.



Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by Abraham Lincoln, 1809-1865, 16th President of the United States


Past and Future – Failure Week #2

by | Aug 23, 2011 | Failure - 2011, Li Ao | 0 comments

I fail to see the humor in it being only day #2 of Failure Week at the NDD!

There is a certain mindset I have come across again and again in my life. It’s the mindset that says, because my past has this negative thing in it I can expect to have more of it in the future.

It might be the woman who says, “My boyfriends treated me badly, so I am sure that is how all men treat all women and I can expect more of it.”  Or it might be the man who says, “I always got overlooked at home and at work in the past so my type of personality will always be overlooked by others into the future.”

They are the people illustrated at the bottom of the napkin drawing.  They are much more likely to fail at achieving their positive desires because they are defining their future by their negative past.

Is that what you do?  If so, try defining your future by your imagination instead of by your history.

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by Li Ao, 1935 – not dead yet, Chinese politician


Easy Success – Failure Week #1

by | Aug 22, 2011 | Failure - 2011, Tamara Lebak | 0 comments

I think I FAILED to mention that it’s FAILURE WEEK at the NDD.

 

Yesterday our Associate Pastor at All Souls Unitarian Church here in Tulsa, Rev. Tamara Lebak, gave a sermon titled ‘Faith in Failure’. She had a lot of great things to say about it and this is one of her best lines.

It got me thinking about failure in general and how impossible it is to avoid it. It’s also unwise to avoid it. I don’t mean one should fail on purpose, or just give up trying to do a great job or achieve excellent results in what one does.  I just mean that the pursuit of success (which is not a bad goal) without the recognition that failure is a possibility is basically not living in the real world.  Recognizing that something happens doesn’t mean you approve of it, encourage it, want it or revel in it.  It just means you understand the world you live in.

Another thing Rev. Lebak said was that if you are going from success to success it might be because your bar is set too low.  To really test who you are and what you are capable of in life, you need to have the hurdles be a challenge. And a challenge means you might hit one and tumble onto the track.  Why be on the track if you aren’t there to challenge yourself a bit, right?

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by Rev. Tamara Lebak

 

Getting Mad – Anger Week #5

by | Aug 21, 2011 | Anger - 2011, Colin Powell | 0 comments

I am not angry that this is the last day of Anger Week!

If you think you are saving a marriage, a job, a relationship, or anything else by suppressing a legitimate feeling of anger, you might find you are mistaken.  Note I say the word ‘suppress’.  You won’t be mistaken if you feel anger, realize it’s not legit, or you can see through it to understanding.  But if you feel the anger, feel it is legit, hold on to it but THEN decide not to say anything, then guess what?  It is very likely it will not go away.  You may put it on the shelf, it’s true. But if you didn’t make peace with it in some manner, it will be there on the shelf, ready to take down and throw at a moment’s notice.


That doesn’t mean you have to rant and rave and express your anger in a mean or violent way. You can express anger calmly and with some reasoning.  Often it’s best if you can do it that way.  But if something is bugging you, it really is best if you let the other person know then get over it.

The last thing anyone needs is an old offense dragged out on display when it is only your inability to move on that made it come out.


Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote by Colin Powell, 1937- not dead yet, American Secretary of State (2001-2005)


The Daughters of Hope – Anger Week #4

by | Aug 18, 2011 | Anger - 2011, Augustine | 0 comments

 I HOPE I got my days right!  Today should be #4 of Anger Week.

If you want to have HOPE, make sure you know how to raise both ANGER and COURAGE to be equals.  
Anger if left to run riot will find fault with everything and everybody but never feel the need or ability to do anything about it.  
Courage left to dominate will be indiscriminate and undisciplined in how she helps others.  
But if they are raised as equals they will help each other make something real and good happen in the world, and really that’s our HOPE after all, right?

 

Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote by Augustine, 354 CE – 430 CE, Early church father, Bishop of Hippo (present day Annaba, Algeria), author of ‘Confessions’ and ‘City of God’.

SPITE – Anger Week #3

by | Aug 17, 2011 | Anger - 2011, Henri Frederic Amiel | 0 comments

 In spite of myself, we have reached day 3 of Anger Week at the NDD.

The second half of the quote is, 
“…it is an impotent fury conscious of its impotence.”

 

There is a new TV show being advertised this summer.  It’s called ‘Revenge’ and it’s all about a young woman who is going to get back at all the bad people in the beautiful Hamptons of New York who did her and her family wrong.  She will obviously watch with glee as she spites those terrible wrong doers, finding nefarious ways to do them in.  

She also will have no room in her brain for love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, courage, maturity or kindness.  Any time she does show those things it will be an act.  It will be just another in a long line of entertainments about someone getting satisfaction by spiting someone.What amount of time do you take to think about how to hurt another person, either in secret in the form of spite and revenge, or in their face?  What will you get from it? What are you missing out on because your brain is filled with those thoughts?

Forget what it would do for the object of your spite, moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself.


Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Quote by Henri Frederic Amiel, 1821-1881, Swiss author

What Good Would It Do? – Anger Week #2

by | Aug 16, 2011 | Anger - 2011, Frank Colby | 0 comments

Remembering things about anger in my life:


I remember my parents always arguing. My father especially was angry often.  I never could figure out what good it did.

I remember being very attracted to this one young woman after college.  We didn’t argue or fight in our relationship. I liked that so I married her.

I remember having a conversation with her about me being angry about something.  She said she didn’t understand why I was angry, ranting and raving about whatever it was.  Her question to me was ‘What good does it do?’  


I remember my answer.  It doesn’t have to DO any good. The good is in how good it feels to just get it out, to just express myself.  That by doing that, I let go of the anger and it goes away.  She said, ‘Then why does it come back? It doesn’t actually seem to do what you say it does.  You don’t get rid of it.’


I remember so many years of my first marriage, thinking we were doing well and she was happy because we didn’t argue or get angry very often at each other, if at all.

I remember realizing that wasn’t true. She wasn’t happy, she was just unwilling to argue and get angry about the situation, bottling it up instead until it was too late.

I remember when we got divorced. I was explaining the situation to a friend. I was going over our thought processes and how we communicated various things.  She got mad at me because we weren’t getting mad at each other. She said we should be angry; yelling and arguing about all these things we were discussing calmly.  I told her I didn’t do that because I couldn’t figure out what good it would do.

Do you think Anger does any good?  Explain.




Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily


Quote by Frank Moore Colby, 1865-1925, American educator