Simple enough. Whether you are famous or not, if you have someone who like you chances are you have someone else who doesn’t like you, based strictly on the fact that the other person does.
Of course, famous people have it to a much larger degree. Maybe you have the fame that leads to people ‘unfriending’ you on Facebook. Maybe you have the fame of people not going to your concerts anymore because too many people like you. It’s not cool anymore. They knew you before you were ‘popular’.
Maybe you are Lady Gaga and people just completely hate you no matter what, they don’t have a clue what you do, what you sing. They only know that an annoying amount of people pay attention to you and if they do as well then they are just part of a crowd.
In the end, the person with confidence and belief in oneself, whether a high schooler suddenly faced with some serious hate going on or a world famous celebrity, will be the ones who can withstand the popularity AND the hate.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.” – Yogi Berra, 1925-2015, American athlete. By the way, if you think he is ‘popular’ because of his funny phrases, you should also know that Yogi was the catcher for the New York Yankees Baseball Team from 1946-1963. He was on 10 winning world series teams (a record), was MVP 3 times, an all-star 15 times!
My god this quote is such a revelation to me. It really does explain, in one short sentence, so much about the women I have known and loved over the decades. Nothing stays remote, by itself. Ideas, places, things, events, all connect back or forward into a person or people. Maybe not a real person, maybe just an ideal or an anti-ideal, but a person nonetheless.
I know, not ALL women are like that. I know that just the same as I know all men aren’t one way. But it does seem to be a dominant way of looking at the world for women. What do you think, is it accurate from your experience?
I believe in freedom of speech. But it is best if one learns freedom of thought and practice it BEFORE indulging in all that much speech. This is especially true in relationships, but it’s also true in politics, media, education and religion as well.
But what is freedom of thought? License to think whatever? Well, yes it is that. But it is more about being free to think through something clearly. To be free from a warped heritage for example, or an angry, habitual response mechanism, or a obsession with being witty, funny and attention getting instead of thoughtful and helpful.
It’s not just what you are free to do, it is also what you are free from.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.” – Soren Kierkegaard, 1813-1855, Danish philosopher
In honor of Earth Day I just want to say that Earth is my favorite planet of all time! By the way, did you know that if the earth were just one foot farther from the sun….I would be wearing a sweater right now!
I want to turn around. I don’t know if this is the right direction. I might get lost. I don’t think I am ready. I am afraid. I can’t do it alone. I miss my old life. I need better shoes.What if I meet someone who knows me? What if I look like a fool? How can I be sure? Why should I bother? What if nothing comes of it? What if I fail?
What is your excuse at the second step?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily “The second step in the right direction is the most difficult.” – Theo Mestrum, 1956-not dead yet, Dutch guy
Nobody likes to admit they lie. They don’t want to admit it to themselves much less to others. Nobody likes to admit it because they are thinking about big lies, or even white lies. But I am more interested in unconscious and subconscious lying. Lying done without really even thinking about it.
For example. You might say ‘I hate turning 40.’ or ‘ugh, it’s raining today’ to a friend. But are you just automatically saying what is expected at that moment? Are you really bummed that it is raining or you are 40 or are you parroting what you think is expected? Are those lies?
I would say they are. You aren’t paying attention to what YOU really believe, but instead are just saying some automatic response that is, when you get right down to it, a lie.
How do we get pleasure from those lies? What do they feed in us?
“Lies are essential to humanity. They are perhaps as important as the pursuit of pleasure and moreover are dictated by that pursuit.” – Marcel Proust, 1871-1922, French essayist and novelist
Have you ever told a story about something big that has happened to you and a person listening will shyly say something like that happened to them too, but on a much smaller scale? They speak with the feeling their event wasn’t really worthy compared to yours. It was inconsequential, unimportant. It might have been an accident, or a home improvement project, or meeting a minor celebrity versus meeting a major one.
When that happens to me I always try to listen and reassure the person that what they went through, their ‘event’, was important, even if it was small in the grand scheme of things. Because after all, what event isn’t small in the grand scheme of things, no matter how large you think it is?
This is especially true when talking to teenagers and young people. Their events might not be as dramatic and big as yours, but they are that big to them! Treat their events as important and big, don’t denigrate them just because they aren’t on the scale you have experienced.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“Every man’s affairs, however little, are important to himself.” – Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784, English author
A vintage napkin from 2000. Drawn for my daughters and put in their lunches for school.
No, I don’t remember why I drew a toilet saying this quote. I do believe the quote is true so I don’t think I was trying to say it was a waste product. Maybe I thinking that even people we don’t have high regard for can say things of value. Or maybe I was thinking teenagers like toilet humor so I would use that image to say something profound? heck it was almost 10 years ago, as if I can remember now!
Drawing and what passed for a commentary today by Marty Coleman
“Pain makes people think. Thought makes people wise. Wisdom makes life endurable.” – John Patrick
Three out of my four daughters were in either Cheer or Pom squads as they were growing up. Some did it for many years, some just for one. I spent a lot of time watching cheerleaders.
Have you ever noticed how uniforms attempt to do what the name suggests? They are used to create uniformity. Uniformity is good to create the visual impact of a team working together. Identity and purpose is based on the team.
But uniforms did the opposite for me. They focused my attention on what made each individual cheerleader just that, individual. The uniform created a standard base by which I could see how they were all different, all beautiful.
And what made them beautiful? It wasn’t how they were similar, it was how they were different from each other. If there is one thing of utmost importance for a parent, especially a father, to instill in his daughters, it is that he sees them as beautiful in their uniqueness, in how they stand apart and are themselves, not how they look like everyone else.
That doesn’t mean you denigrate their desire to fit in. We all want to fit in, and that is ok. But as they work to fit in they will always find that they don’t completely. When they experience that, it’s a parent’s job to build the value of their uniqueness, the beauty in it.
If a woman isn’t proud of her unique beauty, she will only be proud of how she appears to be like someone else. That doesn’t lead to true self-confidence, just the temporary illusion of it.
“There is no excellent beauty that hat not some strangemess in the proportion.” – Francis Bacon, 1561-1626, Englishman, 1st and Only Viscount of St. Alban
How do you know you are going the wrong way? It isn’t just by looking at the path itself. You are on that path because part of you, maybe a large part, maybe a small part, thinks it’s the right path. It’s green, easy to walk on, not too hard. You can be fooled if you only look at the path. Look not at the path itself, but at two things, inside you and your surroundings.
Your Surroundings:
When my daughters were young they played a game I also played as a child. It was called ‘hot lava’. They would put stuff down on the floor; pillows, paper, blankets, stuffed animals. Then they would have to go all around the house with never touching the floor. The floor was hot lava and they would die if they fell in!
Look around you as you? Is your path surrounded by barrenness? Friends, family, work, fun all are far away? Are the surroundings dangerous? If you go off the path just a bit, will you encounter prickers and hot lava and burning coals? You are on the wrong path.
Inside you:
As you walk your path, are you peaceful? I don’t mean every second of every day, obviously life has heartache, stress and pain even when we are on the right path. I mean overall, in general, are you at peace with your path? Are you able to walk it and be nourished? Are you able to help others whose paths cross yours? Are you able to understand and grow on your path? Do you feel it has a destination that is worth the effort it takes to stay on the path? If the answers are no, you are on the wrong path.
If you realize you are on the wrong path, there is only one thing to do: Step off it. You may have to hack through an unexpected jungle to find your right path, but it will be worth it. You can’t go in a new direction if you don’t take that step.
People often cannot allow themselves to think certain things. It might be an idea, ‘God exists’, or maybe ‘God does not exist’. It might be about a relationship, ‘I am going to leave him’. It might be about your career, ‘I am going to change careers and move to another town’. It might be about fitness, ‘I am going to run a marathon’.
Those things are all too big, too far advanced for you to wrap your head around. You can’t think them, you won’t think them. And if you do, you quickly follow it with, ‘no, that’s insane’ or something equally dismissive. But the idea remains, tucked in the back of a drawer in your mind.
Eventually one or more of those ideas might actually sound not so insane. You might think them achievable and bring them back out into the sunlight of contemplation. What matured, you or the idea? The idea never changed. The idea that I could run a marathon is the same idea now, less than 2 weeks away from me actually running my first, as it was a year ago when it was in my ‘insane idea’ drawer!
What insane idea do you have that you need to take another look at?
