by Marty Coleman | Dec 16, 2009 | George Santayana, Self |
How many times has this happened to you? You are cruising along, feeling fine about yourself, your life, your career, when you hear someone say something negative about you and your day (and maybe week) just goes to crap.
I hate it when that happens! I especially hate it when I get all mopey and depressed about something they said that I ALREADY KNOW IS TRUE! It’s as if I think I am hiding it from everyone else and now that it is out I have to realize it all over again about myself.
My unfather-in-law, Dwight Johnson and I couldn’t have been more different one from another. Where I was extroverted and opinionated, he was introverted and diplomatic in discussions. Where I was artistic and distracted he was logical and focused. Where I was a ‘bad boy’ with innuendo humor and a flirtatious streak, he was a straight arrow and wouldn’t know how to flirt if Marilyn Monroe landed in his lap.
The reason I mention this is that I was a relentless teaser of Dwight in the early years of our relationship. It wasn’t hard to do. But his response was always in good humor. It’s as if he knew my teasing, my comments about his habits, his attitudes, etc. weren’t about him. They were about me. His stock response, the response I am now recommending you take, is simple and easy to remember. He used to say ‘I just consider the source’.
So, consider the source. Not just to understand the comment in it’s proper place, but to also be understanding of the person who said it, their weaknesses and eccentricities and insecurities that led them to say something like that.
By the way, Dwight eventually became the most important male adult in my life. I learned more from him about how to be a good husband, father and man than any other single person. I didn’t learn the lessons very well, I flunked many times, but nonetheless it was his example, and his good humor with me, that gave me much of what I deem of highest value in who I became.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.” – Santayana, 1863-1952, Spanish Aphorist and Philosopher
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 15, 2009 | James Chartrand, Sir Walter Scott |
Yesterday I read a story from a writer and blogger named James Chartrand. He wrote an article on his blog titled ‘Why James Chartrand Wears Women’s Underwear‘. In the article he proceeds to explain that, contrary to his name and persona online and in business for the last three years, he is a she.
She then goes on to tell the story of how that came about. It includes being in a desperate situation financially, possibly being on welfare with 2 kids to feed.
Her solution, was to turn to the internet where she became a writer under her own name. Business wasn’t great and she decided to use a pen name that would allow her separation from her struggling company. As an experiment she decided to use a ‘male’ name.
I will let you read her story from there if you want to. It will include why she had to ‘come out’ and then a gazillion comments after her story (including a number of my own. Find them and I will give you a prize, maybe).
It got me thinking about deception and lying and when it is ok or not ok. Most of the comments in her story are very supportive of her, basically blaming the sexism in this country (which I am not discounting) for her dilemma. But it wasn’t just a name change, it included a whole new brand identity – her company is called ‘Men With Pens’ and has a macho looking header with a bullet coming through it, and a series of methods to avoid being found out by her clients, including never talking on the phone to them, and of course having all money transactions being through the company name, not her made up male name.
It is an interesting read and I recommend you take some time to do so when you have a chance. I would love to know what you think so come back here after you are done and comment, ok?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” – Sir Walter Scott, 1771-1832, Scottish Author
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 14, 2009 | Les Coleman, Travel |
At first I think, how pathetic – this stupid goldfish swimming around in circles going nowhere. But as an analogy how different is it from our own lives?
We are trapped on the earth, we aren’t going anywhere (well, except for the 20 million I am going to pay to go up in a rickety Russian spaceship, but besides that). Whether we travel all around the globe or barely make it out of our town, we still are contained by something.
The breakdown in the analogy is that we can change the size and look of our bowl while the goldfish can’t. But, in truth, we do not do that unless we feel some unmet need. Even then often times we will suffer with an unfulfilled dream or hope and not take the steps necessary to expand or change our bowl.
What is your bowl? Are you satisfied with it? Do you have the courage to reshape your bowl to encompass the world you want to swim in?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The distance a goldfish swims is not controlled by the bowl.” – Les Coleman (no relation), 1945-not dead yet), British guy
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 13, 2009 | Kurt Vonnegut |
Here is a vintage napkin from 2004, given to my daughter, Chelsea, close to the last day of her senior year in high school.
One of the most amazing things about watching kids grow up is seeing them trying on different personas to see how they fit. The ones they will try on first and most often are those of their parents obviously. But they will try on their friends’ and teachers’ as well. Eventually what started out as a series of ‘pretendings’, of ‘acting adult’ will coalesce into part of who they become.
Some will have those variations close to the self they are really comfortable with, others will have those roles take over and become them, even if it isn’t anywhere near their true soul.
I wanted Chelsea, and all my daughters, to know that what you pretend, or practice, is what you will become so choose your role models and your roles carefully. Let them be true to the real self inside you.
For those of us who are well past high school and the pretending we did once is now a person we hardly know the only thing to say is to start practicing the real you now. If you don’t know who that real you is, then pick something fun, that makes you smile and play with that. If you do, the real you will come out.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“We are what we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007, American Author
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 11, 2009 | Kahlil Gibran |
Or perhaps it is a truth that is laughing too hard. Or a truth that is trying to hide something. Or a truth that has size issues. Or a truth that only wants to help. What do you think an exaggeration is?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.” – Kahlil Gibran, 1883-1931, Lebanese-American writer and poet
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 10, 2009 | Ralph Marston |
Why do I have someone washing dishes in this drawing? Because how clean your dishes are is a result of attitude, not skill.
Not to say you shouldn’t teach your children the proper way to wash dishes, but if you never taught them chances are they would figure it out on their own, right?
It is SO EASY to settle into a ‘good enough’ frame of mind. In many areas that is acceptable. Sweeping the garage can be done ‘good enough’. But in most cases ‘good enough’ is really another way of saying ‘I’m lazy’. I don’t want to work that hard to reach excellence. I want to just do the minimal and be done with it.
I have had that attitude before, and sometimes I still have it. It doesn’t go away.
So, how do you increase this attitude of excellence? It seems to me you have to think it makes a difference. It might make a difference to your pride at the Christmas dinner if your plates are caked with bits of food from Thanksgiving, right? In that case it is worth doing an excellent job cleaning your dishes.
What about at work? Does it really matter if you get the work in on time or a day late? What if the boss doesn’t seem to care, why should you? Does it really matter if you spell check and proof read or not? Who is going to notice anyway, right?
Here is the key. The truth is it matters because what you do, defines YOU. It doesn’t first define the company or the family or the holiday or the client, but you. It affects those people and institutions and that is important, but no family reputation, no company brand identity and no sales association is ever going to have a definition without its individual members having their identity first.
If you are a ‘good enough’ person, and your boss is, and your son and daughter are, and your sales associates are, then you find yourself living in a good enough world. So you ask, what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with it is that you have 50 other companies being excellent that are kicking your ass in the business world. Your son or daughter have thousands of fellow students kicking their ass being excellent at school. You have rival sales people kicking your ass getting the sales you aren’t getting. That isn’t just the rear end they are kicking. They are kicking your wallet, your company, your chances for success, your opportunities for the future as well.
I have to recharge myself with this attitude frequently. I tend to slide into the ‘good enough’ world really easily. Truly it is the #1 reason I am the Napkin Dad, to inspire myself to be excellent as well as communicate it to others.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Excellence is not a skill, it is an attitude.” – Ralph Marston, still alive, author of The Daily Motivator
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 9, 2009 | Heart - 2010, Kelly Diels, Lianne Raymond, Marty Coleman |
Via a tweet from Julie Roads of ‘writingroads‘ that mentioned a blog named ‘Cleavage‘ by Kelly Diels that mentioned a quote within a conversation with Lianne Raymond that was rolling around in her head for 10 days I got part of this quote. I added the ‘every day’.
What is dying to be born in you? When is your due date? Is it perhaps overdue? Should you perhaps induce labor?
The pain of giving birth to this thing will be far outweighed by the love that will come from fulfilling your dreams.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Every day something is dying to be born in you.” – Lianne Raymond, Kelly Diels and Moi
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 8, 2009 | Scott Adams |
This is a cynical quote I know, and I am usually not a cynical guy. This quote is also a pretty accurate observation about the lengths to which we humans will go to feel secure. When I say ‘feel secure’ I am not talking about actually being secure. I am talking about having the hope, the assumption, the desire for security all wrapped up with the methods to get that security.
Who doesn’t pursue it? It is a rare individual. But there are differences among people who nonetheless reside in close proximity to one another in socio-economic levels. One person takes losing a lover in stride and moves on, the other goes over the top and becomes a stalker. One person lives and breathes by the lottery numbers, another plays it and forgets they even have the ticket a day later. One person lives with guilt all day everyday and the worry of eternal salvation that may or may not result. Another person feels guilty but doesn’t worry about the afterlife.
Why is this? What drives us in our fears and thoughts? How do we grow into the best understanding of ourselves and our world and behave accordingly?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating and religion.” -Scott Adams, 1957-not dead yet, American Cartoonist – Creator of Dilbert
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 6, 2009 | Napoleon Bonaparte, Stupidity - 2001-2011 |
One of my pet peeves is conspiracy theories. This quote is why. The vast majority of things that happen in the world are not controlled by nefarious, evil-doers bent on world destruction (though some are).
Most are a result of a guy falling asleep at the wheel, a woman leaving a pot on to boil and then taking a nap, a government official signing the wrong thing in the wrong place, or the engineer transposing a number after an all-nighter trying to finish a project.
So, remember, the store return clerk is not out to get you, they are just not very good at their job, at least today. The wedding coordinator is not working to make yours a disaster, she just forget to write something down on her ‘to do’ list.
Give people the benefit of the doubt about their motives, but don’t hesitate to demand competence. The incompetent person doesn’t really want to be that way, they may not know how to do the job right, or might just be lazy and not have the ideals or vision for themselves they really would like to have. Be kind about your demand, but demand it nonetheless.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Never ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence.” – Napoleon Bonaparte, 1769-1821, French General and Emperor
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 5, 2009 | Cynthia Heimel |
I was going to choose a quote on failure because I totally blew part of a photo shoot recently. It is embarrassing and I had to refund some money. I was angry at myself for not paying attention to details and for not being keeping my standards at the level I should.
But instead of beating myself up over it I decided I needed to just buckle down and be much more deliberate, much more ‘professional’. What that means for me is I need to leap into my endeavors with more respect for the entire set of skills and knowledge I need to have and work to attain and retain all those things.
I take creative leaps pretty regularly, it isn’t a thing I fear. But now I need to take a leap in another way and I need to realize it is the same leap. I need to commit to the leap, and prepare for the leap as best I can.
Do you know what I mean?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. It’s a microscopically thin line between ‘brilliantly creative’ and ‘gigantic idiot’ so, what the hell, leap.” – Cynthia Heimel, born sometime – not dead yet, American writer
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How many times has this happened to you? You are cruising along, feeling fine about yourself, your life, your career, when you hear someone say something negative about you and your day (and maybe week) just goes to crap. 
