by Marty Coleman | Oct 12, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012 |
It would be a sin not to post one final napkin for Judge Knot week!
I Hate Sin
I know you might be thinking that sounds like a nice Christian thing to say but I don’t mean it in the traditional way. What I mean is I hate the word sin. I hate the mentality that calls so much of our behavior sin. In my mind it is both archaic stylistically and ineffective practically to label everything a sin. Why is that? Because labeling something sin attaches an immediate moral judgment to it. What’s wrong with that you say? It is fine when it actually has something to do with morality, and indeed there is plenty of behavior that does. But most of what people call sin we know now isn’t nearly as much about morality as it is about biology and chemistry and psychology.
Off the Hook?
Wait a second, isn’t that going to lead to people using excuses for continuing on in their bad behavior? Well, first off, Christianity already has the ultimate safety valve in place, that is the doctrine that you are not saved by works but by faith. No good thing you can do (on your own) can save you and no bad thing you can do (once you have accepted the doctrine) can destroy you. So, people already have their excuse if they want it. But further than that, getting rid of calling behavior sin and beginning to call it something judgment neutral doesn’t make excuses easier, it makes them harder. Why is that? Because accusations and judgment always lead to a defensive response. Saying someone is bad demands the person respond with why they are not but saying someone might have a biological condition that needs to be explored has no accusation or condemnation. You aren’t condemned if you break your arm and someone says you have a broken arm and need to get it fixed. It’s judgment neutral and you are free to get the arm fixed.
One Deadly Sin
Let’s take one of the traditional sins, gluttony. That is usually attached to someone being obese. Condemning and judging them for their obesity doesn’t take one step towards them overcoming their ‘sin’. Once they are judged, they still have to figure out what it is that is going on in their bodies, their history, their habits. They still have to take deliberate steps to change what they can and move in a new direction. If the reason has to do with family eating habits, then that needs to be addressed. If it has to do with a imbalance in the thyroid, that needs to be addressed. If it is a psychological or emotional issue, that needs to be addressed. None of those reasons have anything to do with the original comdemnation/judgment so why add it in the first place?
Forget Judgment, Remember Reasons
A better avenue is to forget the judgment and just start with reasons. These are real reasons that we can do something about, not reasons rooted in an archaic and simplistic understanding of humanity. It’s important to note, we aren’t saying there isn’t a problem when we avoid the judgment of calling something a sin. We are saying the problem can be dealt with and solved by dealing with what is really happening, not what some religious doctrine demands we call something.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Anonymous
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Fact of the day
The Seven Deadly Sins were first codified by Pope Gregory and popularized by Dante in his ‘Divine Comedy’.
Here is the list in Latin:
- luxuria (lust)
- gula (gluttony)
- avaritia (avarice)
- Socordia (sloth)
- ira (wrath)
- invidia (envy)
- superbia (pride)
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 11, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012 |
I got roped into drawing Judge Knot #4 today!
Murder Suicide
I hate hearing about murder suicides. It’s always so completely tragic in every way. It’s the same with judgment. It kills you and the one you are judging. Now obviously I am not talking about physical death. I am talking about emotional damage.
Damage to Yourself
Being a judgmental person stifles you. It stunts your growth, diminishes your joy and shrinks the beauty of the world around you. I wraps you up like a cowboy ropes a calf, immobilizing you and keeping you from movement.
Getting to Know You
In the meanwhile you are hurting someone else. It’s possible you could be judging and the other person or people don’t even know it. And in that case you might think they aren’t being damaged. But I think they are, for no other reason then they don’t get the opportunity to know you. You might not be worth knowing but I doubt it. I bet you are worth knowing and you judging them keeps them away from you. You aren’t going to let them in. That is good if the person is rightly judged a creep or a danger in some ways. But what if your judgment is due to the color of their skin, or their zip code, or the club they belong to? Then what? Is there a legitimate reason not to know them, to let them know you? No, there isn’t.
In Your Face
What about when what you say, your judgment, does make its way back to the person? What if you say it directly to them? Once again, if it’s based on real reasons then perhaps the judgment needs to be spoken. But if not, if your judgment is frivolous and made for social reasons, not real ones, then you are damaging that person on purpose. You are purposely inflicting emotional pain on that person. And for what reason? To make you feel better about yourself or to look better in the eyes of someone else. It’s an ugly thing to witness and the person doing it is being ugly, no matter how pretty they are.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman
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Fact of the Day
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Chase was the only justice ever to be impeached by the U.S. House of Representatives (1804). He was acquitted of all charges by the U.S. Senate (1805). He also was a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
Samuel Chase, 1741-1811
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 10, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012, Walt Whitman |
I judge it to be day 3 of ‘Judge Knot’ week!
Will You Die?
In spite of the cliche ‘curiosity killed the cat’ what being curious does is teach you that you will not die (because you are not as stupid as a cat I hope). You will not die from appreciating the woman with the striped toenails at the public pool. You will not die from appreciating your co-worker with a lot of tattoos. You will not die if you eat at an exotic food at a restaurant representing a country you are unfamiliar with. You will not die if you have a date with someone of a different race than you.
Untying the Judge Knot
Do you want to untie your Judge Knot? Be curious. Curiosity doesn’t mean you don’t judge. It means you reserve judgment until you have knowledge. It means you don’t judge based on prejudice and bigotry. It means you hold your judgments and opinions lightly, being willing to change them when good evidence and strong ideas lead you to change them. I am a big judger. I judge and I believe in judging. I just don’t believe in doing it before my curiosity has had a chance to work. After I have found out about something I feel fine making a judgment. I then hold the judgment lightly and reserve the right to change my mind, which I often do.
That is how humans progress after all, right?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Walt Whitman
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Curiosity of the Day
Walt Whitman first published his famous collection of poems ‘Leaves of Grass’ in 1855. He continued to produce new editions with new material for 36 years, until his self-titled ‘Deathbed Edition’ in 1891. He died in 1892.
Walt Whitman by Thomas Eakins
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 9, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012 |
Me See vs You See
How do you see yourself? I photograph a lot of people and I always assume that how I see them will not be how they see themselves. I will more than likely think they are prettier, thinner, healthier, more colorful, more stylish, more confident looking than they think they are. Now, part of this is the obvious result of them knowing themselves better than I know them. They see the scars, they see the lack of muscle tone, they see the sags or pasty coloring that I don’t see. But even if I do see those things I am still not understanding their place the way the owner of those things understands them. That is to be expected.
You See vs You Judge
The more important question is, how do you see yourself? Is your awareness of some element of your face or body overwhelmed with negative judgment or is it just an acknowledgement? For example, let’s say you (talking to a woman here), notice that your skin is a bit pale lately as summer ends and fall begins. You put on a bit more blush and a brighter shade of lipstick to compensate for the paleness and you are good to go. If you had to go out without the blush and lipstick you would be ok, but you have the time to add it so you do. You feel good and unself-conscious.
Compare that to you not just seeing yourself as a bit pale but as judging yourself as ugly and unacceptable for being pale. You are judging yourself but part of that judgment is projecting a world full of judges you must face when you go out. You worry that others will be seeing not just you being a bit pale, but as being ugly or old looking or lazy for not tanning or using makeup better. You feel lousy and self-conscious.
Who is Paying Attention?
The important thing to remember in all this is that the entirety of almost all judgment that is going on is going on inside your own head. While there might be someone out there who is going to judge you, it’s not likely. The truth is, if someone does see you when you are pale and feeling vulnerable, it is likely they are going to either not notice or if they do, it will be a brief awareness and then a forgetting of it. They likely will not be judging you.
The question then becomes, why do you think they are judging you? Well, most of the time people think others think like them. So perhaps the place to start is in evaluating if you are, not only your own harsh judge, but a harsh judge of others as well. I know some people who would never be judgmental of others, but continue to think they are being judged much harsher than they are. Then again I do know some people who are always thinking others are judging them because they spend much of their time judging others rather mercilessly.
Untying the Judge Knot
Which one are you? If you are the judge, then that is where to start. Be conscious of it and make a decision to stop the judgment when you see yourself doing it. Avoid TV shows and other people who push judgment as a form of entertainment and social bonding. It isn’t. If you aren’t a judge but constantly feel judged then evaluate whether it really is an accurate evaluation of how others are responding to you. Do you have any evidence they are judging you? What is that evidence? Chances are you will find that evidence is in your head, not something actually coming from them. Keep evaluating and look for real evidence of that judgment. Not just some look that can be interpreted a million different ways, but actual proof they are judging you. I bet you find very little.
The best, most realistic way to untie the Judge Knot is to practice judging not. If you do, then judgment, either from yourself or others, real or imagined, will diminish.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Nancy Lopez, American Golfer
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 8, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012 |
The Judgment Stop Sign
I spoke at a 4H conference this past week and even though my talk wasn’t specifically about judgment I found myself returning to it again and again during the talk and in conversations afterwards. I was speaking on things that stop you from becoming who you want to be, and judgment is one of the big ones.
Why does judgment stop us? Because it stops consideration. Judgment is a decision about something. Of course, we need judgment to make wise decisions, to make moral or ethical decisions. But many of our judgments in life have nothing to do with those things. They don’t protect us from danger or destruction, they blind us to possibilities and joy.
The Judgment Response
Judgment is in our thoughts first of course, before it becomes words. What do we get out of judgment thinking? We get security for one. We know what is right and what is wrong and that is the essence of security. We get superiority and superiority gives a feeling of security as well. I am better than the person I am judging; I look better, speak better, sound better, care more and others see me as better. What else do we get out of judging?
Then we go from thinking to speaking judgment. What do we get out of judgment speaking? We get is validation. We get supporters, troops and weaponry. We get the ability to kill. This sounds great if you are in a war. But are you in a war? Do you want your life to be about fighting and judging? Can you pay attention to the beauty and wonder of the world and the people in it if you are always busy either attacking in judgment or preparing for judgment battle?
The Not Knot
Moving towards, and becoming practiced at, judging not can indeed be a knot that is not easy to untie. What steps can we take to untie the knot?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Ira Gassen
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