I am burning to tell you it’s day #2 of Marriage week!
___________________
Making Fire
A friend of mine, Natalie Tucker and her husband, from Glenelg, South Australia, recently went ‘glamping’ as she calls it, meaning camping without the roughing it. Even though I am not sure they had a fire and I AM sure it wasn’t out in the woods like the drawing even if they did (I saw a picture, they had a lawn at their campsite) hearing of their adventure made me connect when I found this quote about marriage. The end of the quote (which I didn’t include because it seemed obvious) compares the well built fire, with it’s closeness and it’s distance, to a well built marriage, which needs the same combination.
I also recently had a conversation with a friend who mentioned another friend who is considering divorce, the reason being that she has grown in directions, and in ways, that her husband hasn’t and/or doesn’t seem to understand or support. Her changes have led to them growing apart. I hear about this happening all the time and the one constant always seems to be not growing together. It’s not because they are doing different things, having different hobbies. It’s because they aren’t sharing those things with each other. It could be they are hiding something. They perhaps are afraid of a negative reaction. The other person might actively reject hearing about it. Or it could be they just forget to talk about things and before you know it they are so far down a road it seems impossible to backtrack and let the other person in on it.
It’s not an easy situation to be in and I certainly don’t think there is a simple solution. But at it’s essence, a relationship is about communication. If you aren’t interested or willing to communicate about who you are and the life you lead, then there is a pretty good chance you will have an empty marriage or no marriage at all.
____________________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who last went camping in 2002.
Quote is my variation on one by Marnie Reed Crowell, 1939 – not dead yet, American writer
It’s the IDEAL time to start a series on Marriage, don’t you think?
____________________________
Perfect. Ideal. Two words that marriage quickly eviscerates. But marriage doesn’t really do anything, does it. The people in the marriage do the eviscerating. They are the ones that, after a while, act without gratitude for their mate. They are the ones that forget the positive things their mate brings to their world. They are the ones that start to imagine greener grass. Then what is they usually find if they go off to that new plot of lawn? They discover it isn’t all that greener after all.
Why is that? What is it we have lost when the wife or husband no longer seems ideal? There are all sort of reasons, some I would think are valid, some I would think are not. But it isn’t up to me to decide another marriage’s fate. It’s up to me to discern what I might do within my marriage to become a husband closer to my wife’s ideal. Maybe I can come close, maybe I can’t. But I certainly won’t get very close if I am not paying attention to her and her wishes and desires for a mate, for her life.
I don’t think I am particularly good at that. But I am starting to realize it is as much or more about me and what I do than it is about her and what she does. Why is that? Because I can’t control my wife. I can’t make her my ideal, I can’t make her better or funnier or happier. I can’t change her. I can however work on those things in myself. Maybe I succeed, maybe I don’t. But if I pay attention to what I can do, then who knows who I can become. An ideal husband? Probably not. But a man moving in that direction? I bet most wives would take and keep that mate in a heartbeat.
_______________________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, married 25 years over two marriages.
Quote by Booth Tarkington, which I think is a funny name.
ALERT THE MEDIA! It’s day #3 of ‘It’s The Law!’ week at the NDD!
______________________
I read a great article this morning by a writer friend I haven’t ever met, Monica Bielanko. She writes for a celebrity oriented website and has been struggling with the issue of reporting on celebrity’s children. It got me thinking about the current state of affairs in our media culture and this is what I wrote in response to her article. Go read the article if you have time, it’s worth it. It gave me a great deal of respect for Monica.
Snarky judgment is the single worst cultural development of the last 20 years and I hate it. I know both have been around forever but we as a culture have embraced it and made it hip and cool in the past few decades. It’s not hip, it’s not cool. It’s sophomoric, it’s mean-spirited, and it’s demeaning to both the speaker and the object of the attention.
Any ongoing attitude you have in life, good or bad, is sort of like a chronic disease. It will increase and change into something fatal. If you focus on loving, forgiving, being compassionate and kind, you become more of those things over time. You end up being one of those fantastic grandparents that has more love than you can possibly comprehend someone having. If you focus on being sarcastic (even if it is funny, which much of it is) judgmental and purposely get a kick out of inflicting pain on others then you will end up being mean, bitter, hurtful and angry at the world. I choose the former set of attitudes to work on and pay attention to in others.
What do you think of the current media world we live in? Do you watch certain shows you actually hate yourself for watching? I watched both The Soup and Fashion Police for quite a while. I have stopped watching both because the judgment and mean-spiritedness was not what I wanted to pay attention to. Anyone want to produce a positive version of Fashion Police? I will watch it in a second!
___________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who wants to be a kind old grandpa one day.
Quote by Mark Twain, who was if I remember correctly.
I am biting my lip knowing it’s day #2 of ‘It’s The Law!’ week at the NDD!
It makes for some pretty useless laws at times. It does seem that laws are often passed for the egos of the legislators more than the needs of the citizens. As a result, when there are teeth to the law they seem like dentures, easily removed and put on the night stand.
Law Trivia Question: What is the basic difference between libel and slander? Answer tomorrow if you don’t get it first.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who was once caught stealing gum in 9th grade.
Quote by Anonymous, who has been arrested for many, many things over the years.
I read a quote* by Hillary Clinton this morning that made a lot of sense. It started me thinking about the law and next thing I know, voila, I am doing a law series.
So, here is a bad law idea. Kick out all 11 million illegal immigrants from the USA and send them back to Mexico and other locales. Some knuckleheads actually think that is a desirable and feasible plan. It’s not. How can we tell? Well, we could start with the logic of removing 11 million people all at once from all areas of society. It would sort of be a rapture situation, you know? Well, except probably there wouldn’t be any planes, trains and automobiles still moving without someone in control. But in essence it would do the same thing. The social, economic and relational damage to the US would be overwhelming if this were to happen.
But of course there are those who will argue all sorts of reasons my prognostication is not true. So, how do we find out? We enforce the bad law to the letter, kick them out and see the results first hand. Of course, by then it would be too late and the damage would be done and couldn’t be undone.
But we can look to a bad law example that was enforced with terrible results. That was prohibition. All the best of intentions turned out to be one of the worst social and economic disasters in the history of the US. And it was the enforcement that led to the repeal.
That is why bad and unworkable laws shouldn’t be passed in the first place and that is why it is important to pay attention to who it is you elect and what the hell they are doing on your behalf.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who should have been a lawyer.
Quote by Abraham Lincoln, who was one.
__________________________
* “In many places, including my own country, legal protections have preceded, not followed, broader recognition of rights. Laws have a teaching effect. Laws that discriminate validate other kinds of discrimination. Laws that require equal protections reinforce the moral imperative of equality. And practically speaking, it is often the case that laws must change before fears about change dissipate.”
This is an unexpected addition to my ‘Artists I Love’ series. I want to introduce you to a very special woman. Nina Levy contacted me a few months ago to express her appreciation for The Napkin Dad Daily blog. She explained that she also draws on napkins for her sons but she downplayed their value compared to mine. I went to look at her work and, of course, they were magnificent! Incredibly beautiful renditions of popular culture and personal images that are wonderful expressions of love for her children.
Screen capture from the New York Time blog article
I got a call from a reporter, Liz Robbins, at the New York Times this past week. She said she was doing an article about Nina and her napkin artwork and had been referred to me by Nina. Liz wanted a bit of background about me and my napkin drawings and I was included in the article towards the end as another example of someone working in Nina’s genre. What an exciting surprise to get the call and be included.
As is the case with me, Nina leads a double life. She is a napkin artist for her sons at night, but a world class sculptor and photographer during the day. I went out to investigate that side of her and found she isn’t just a kindred napkin soul with me but a kindred artist as well. Check out the video below to hear her talk about her 2011 exhibition and you will be amazed.
Still from a gallery discussion of her exhibition
Not knowing of any napkin connection, I had seen her work from a distance earlier in the 2000s and was mightily impressed. She is the type of artist I just love. Visually compelling, emotionally courageous and intellectually deep. She is an artist of the very highest caliber, one of the great portrait artists working today.
I heard a statement about Bullying this morning on NPR that makes perfect sense. It’s that a bully is a performer. And what does a performer need? A performer needs an audience. Take away the audience and the bully loses both her power and her incentive.
This allows the possibility for the change to be not just with the bullier and the bullied. It gives those who are bystanders and witnesses power too. Yes, they have the power to say something to the bullier, but that can backfire and cause the bully to turn her attention to the person protesting. But what if those with the bullier simply walk away. What if they decide to not witness it? What then? It allows the bystanders to have power in a way that will not hurt themselves but will still contribute to the bullying being reduced.
Whatever course the bystander takes, it takes courage. But that is important and good that they learn to exhibit courage since it is a character trait everyone badly needs as they enter into adult life.
Drawing by Marty Coleman who has been both in his life.
I didn’t know it when I started but this is an appropo week to be doing a series on Bullying. The documentary movie ‘Bully’ is coming out this week. It is meant to be seen by teens and in schools but the movie rating board gave it an R rating for language. The Weinstein Company, it’s distributor, decided to release it unrated instead. I hope it gets a wide audience, in spite of it being unrated. Here is a trailer for it.
I was having a hard time finding a quote about bullying this morning. There are many good ones but nothing hit me right today. I was browsing around when I finally decided I would click on the ubiquitous Britain’s Got Talent clip that shows a duo on stage. I knew they were singers but I had seen enough of those over the years to know that often times they underwhelm me so I still hadn’t clicked on it. But today I did. Take a look, it’s worth it.
THE CURE
I am not showing it because of the singing, which is indeed magnificent. I am showing it because it is a great example of the best cure for bullying. What is that cure? Love is that cure. Not the idea of love, but the action of love.
Jonathan, overweight all his life, is the object of bullying and teasing. His heart is broken and little pieces of him are taken away each time it happens. Then this one girl in his school sees him deeper than the others. She needs love to see deep. She needs courage to not do what her peers are doing, either neglecting Jonathan or deriding him. They become a duo and took the stage at this competition.
As can be expected (otherwise it wouldn’t be on YouTube) they exceeded expectations. But it’s what Jonathan said that really made the tears flow for me. Simon Cowell said he was great but Charlotte was not and that he would be better off going on in the competition alone. Jonathan replied saying, ‘we came as a duo, we will continue as a duo’. Charlotte’s inner beauty of love had it’s own return at that moment, Jonathan’s best way of showing love back to her.
That to me is the best cure for bullying because, in truth, we will never get rid of bullying. It will never be regulated out of humanity. But we can overcome it with love and that is what this is all about.
Bullieve it or not, it’s day #2 of Bully Week at the NDD
The quote is by Taylor Swift, the singer songwriter. She is young, blonde and cute. She is sometimes seen in the cliche filter those traits bring out, namely that she is weak and fragile. But she is not.
She has a secret weapon to fight back against the haters and the bullies. She uses her creativity and her voice to tell the story of the bully and put him or her on stage for all to see. The bully doesn’t like that.
