I am going to be speaking and attending Blog World LA next week. In anticipation of that event I am going to be talking to myself this week. I want to remind myself of why I am going and what I hope to accomplish while I am there. Hopefully what I say to myself will resonate with others who are going to this, or any, conference.
It’s such a well understood idea that it is a cliche: You must cultivate relationships in networking to get ahead. I agree with it, as far as it goes. The problem is it doesn’t go far enough. It is not enough to collect contacts like so many vegetables at harvest time. For me to feel and be successful at networking I want to transform my private garden into a community teaching garden.
I have many areas where I need the expertise of other gardeners in the blogosphere. Wordpress, database development, monetizing, you name it, I need help with it. But I also have some expertise as well; art, design, writing, content creation, If I want my fellow blog gardeners to help me in my areas of need then I need to be willing to help them in theirs. But wait, isn’t that what I am doing by speaking there? Yes, it is what I am doing and I am very hopeful my session, Six Stop Signs on Creativity Road (Friday 4 pm) will be of great benefit to many. But my session is going to last an hour. With people talking to me after (if I am lucky), maybe another 45 minutes. The conference lasts 3 days. Am I going to single-mindedly pursue harvesting from other people’s garden during the other 70 hours or am I going to set in my mind that I am in a community garden where I will look for opportunities to plant encouragement, motivation, inspiration, knowledge and friendship in at least equal portion to what I harvest for myself?
The following is a correct statement:
Today is Day #3 of Life Science Week
The Glory of Confusion
One of the most satisfying things about studying science, even at my amateur level, is the glory of discovering how many things are contradictory truths. It doesn’t make sense that both are true, but they are. I like that, even as it confuses the bejesus out of me. I am not a big fan of confusion, but I am a big fan of that feeling of understanding that comes after it! That is why I study and/or try stuff that is really hard and confusing (ask me about php and mysql database stuff…THAT is confusing!)
The Life in Life Science I think what maturity I have came into being when I started to realize that my understanding of the world and my response to it wasn’t some absolute truth. It was my truth. It was affected by my biology, my family, my DNA, my experiences, my body, my decisions. I think that is one of the hardest things to deal with in a marriage, for example, is realizing that your spouse is not thinking about your life together exactly as you are. His or her understanding and response is completely and utterly different than yours, even if there are areas of overlap. How you cope with that truth is key to whether you will have a happy and successful marriage.
The Beginning of Maturity It is true that we all have different truths of how the world works, why it is that way, and what our response should and will be to it. Understanding that everyone’s truth is a profound truth that deserves to be understood and respected, even if it causes stress and complications in life, is the beginning of maturity.
The Better Truth After all, how can any of us move into a better, more accurate understanding, a better truth so to speak, unless we can acknowledge the truth we already are living.
For the life of me I can’t believe it’s only day #2 of Life Science Week at the NDD.
I had a conversation once with a friend once where we were talking about what we believed. We asked each other questions and some of my answers were, “I don’t know.” and some were “This I believe.” His answers were all, “I don’t know.” He was unwilling or unable to state, “This I believe.” about anything. In his mind the declarative statement was one he couldn’t step back from once it was made. He didn’t want that restriction on him. The conversation was frustrating for me as a result. We had no no base from which to explore, so to speak.
Having that ‘Eureka!’ moment is a great moment in life. Finding something, whether material, intellectual or spiritual, is wonderful. But the declaration of finality can also shut off possibilities. It’s overdone and it gets in the way of further discovery often times because your mind closes off.
But I also have the attitude that it’s ok to say you believe something. You aren’t making a vow that you will always believe it. You are simply saying, “As of now, I am starting with this as true. I might find it’s not true in the future, and if I do, that is fine.”Scientists do that. They start with certain assumptions of truth. They are willing to test those assumptions to see if they hold up. They don’t test them every day, all the time. Many of their assumptions will be with them all their lives. But a good scientist is always willing to entertain the notion that something they believe may not be true. They are willing to say “hmmm…that’s funny. I wonder if…”
Are you willing to do that in the science that is your life?
We all know the scientific method. It’s pretty simple in its essence – hypothesize, test, evaluate. Then you repeat with variations until you get it right.
Here is my question to you – Do you follow the scientific method in your life? Are you deliberate about figuring out what works, what is true, what is healthy, what is wise in your life? Do you experiment and find something to be true or false or do you just go along with what you have been told, afraid to test on the chance you might have to change what you think or how you behave? Perhaps you do experiment but you never learn it, repeating the exact same test over and over again even though you know it will end in failure.
I know in my own life the people I trust and admire the most are those I am confident will look at the evidence that is their life, will be honest about what is really happening in it and how they feel about it, and will adjust as needed, even if it is painful.
As it is in science, so it can be within yourself.
It’s day #4 of ‘What’s The Problem?’ Week at the NDD
When I got divorced in 2000 I had a lot of resentment towards my ex-wife. When she would come over to get or drop off the kids I would be civil, but cold and short with her. I knew that forgiveness was good, but forgiveness also meant telling her that what she did was ok, right?
Wrong. I realized that forgiveness wasn’t about my ex-wife, it was about me. What person did I want to be? I wanted to be the person I always had been, a kind and forgiving person. I couldn’t be that if I was holding it back towards the most important person in my life up to that point, no matter what she had done.
But I was confused. I thought I had to forgive first, then I could eventually be kind. But I soon realized the opposite was true. I had to be kind first, and in the act of kindness my forgiveness would blossom. So, I started inviting her in when she came over. I offered her something to drink. I asked her how she had been doing, what new things were happening. I told her about my life as well. We talked more about our kids, what they were going through, what they needed. And eventually, through my decision to show kindness first, before forgiving, I started to see her as she really was, a good woman who made a choice I didn’t agree with. She wasn’t evil, bad or terrible. She was the same woman she had been before the divorce and I could still love that woman, albeit from afar and in a different way.
So, in the end, loving the person became more important than holding on to my problem. And the result? The problem went away.
The most important thing in life is love. If you are angry at someone don’t lose sight of the fact that in the end you want your own heart and mind to feel and show love towards that person. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever get angry or upset. It means you keep in mind the end goal, the purpose, behind your expression. Have the courage to work through it within yourself and with the other person until love is what is left and the negative feeling is what is left behind.
I am not a great writer. I get my grammar wrong, my sentence structure is sometimes caddywumpus and I definitely do not know proper punctuation. But I do know metaphors and analogies pretty well and it’s one of my great pleasures in life to read, hear or come up with good ones. But just as pleasurable is when I hear, read or come up with really bad ones.
Why is it so great to hear something so bad? Because it’s as if the world suddenly became an absurdist Looney Tunes cartoon with funny looking people and fractured language right in front of my eyes. I like things that make no sense whatsoever but still point to something that makes sense.
Most importantly, it makes me laugh and I like that.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
Have you ever dealt with someone in the middle of addiction? You will probably hear them admit that the solution is for them to stop drinking, gambling, etc. long before they will accurately admit the problem. How can that be? Ask them what the problem is and see what they say. They might say it’s stress, or maybe family, finances, parents, spouses, where they live, their job, health, kids, responsibilities, boss, environment or politics.
But they will do everything in their power to avoid seeing the real problem because the real problem is them. They will offer all sorts of solutions for how to change all those things, but they won’t ever get to and succeed at implementing the real solution until they admit the real problem.
If you pay too much attention to everyone else’s problems and how to solve them you might just be avoiding your own.
I hope you don’t have a problem with it being day 2 of ‘What’s The Problem?’ week.
FEELING ALONE
Have you ever NOT felt alone with your problems? They are unique and private and not many will understand. Even when you KNOW the problem is not unique to you, it still finds a unique way of manifesting itself in you that makes the problem different than how others experience it, right?
THE PROBLEM WITH COMMONALITY
It is true, each person’s problems are unique. But sometimes they are so alike to other’s problems that medical professionals or communities at large see and treat only that commonality. But if you really want to help a fellow human you have find your way clear of the generalities to seeing them as the individual they are. You can’t do that if you only see them as a statistic or a vessel for a chemical reaction.
THE PROBLEM WITH INDIVIDUALITY
Have you ever felt good about owning your own problems? That can be good; indeed you do have to deal with them as your own. BUT, if you then take the next step – becoming prideful and self-righteous about how you suffer alone, then you move from positive self-awareness to an ego driven path of isolation and delusion.
If you are one of those suffering from feeling alone in your problem just remember that IF you are willing to share your situation with those who love and care for you, whether they are professionals or friends and family, then your journey for solutions will be at least be traveled on the common ground of love and care, not only on the lonely ground of private suffering.
Wrong assumptions can usually stop someone dead in their tracks.
If you have a problem, something as big as a financial mess or as small as being late for a meeting, and you think your first attack on it is going to yield an immediate solution to the problem, then you could be quite disillusioned when instead your solution yields more problems.
But if you know in advance that is how life works, that problems worthy of attack will attack back, then you can gather up the courage and mental fortitude to fight back, not just once, but again and again until the problem is solved.
In 2008 I helped found the Tulsa Digital Photography Group, later named ‘PHOTOG’. It now has close to 600 members, making it the largest in Oklahoma. We put on photo shoots once or twice a month and have a monthly library presentation that I lead. Sometimes I do the presentation other times we have guest photographers come in.
Here are some of the photos I have taken at our shoots over the years.
Rust
This was taken after a studio lighting seminar. The outdoor area had a lot of great locations as well and we continued taking portraits well after the seminar ended.
Look
This was also taken at a studio lighting session. She was the owner of the studio and it took a bit of convincing to get her to model for us.
Another Way of Seeing
This was taken at an equestrian competition shoot. I had to run fast when I saw this girl hanging upside down to get the shot.
Tulsa
This was taken at a ‘painting with Light’ session. I had my camera on a tripod with a long exposure and ran out into the field to draw the word ‘TULSA’ with a flashlight. It took me 7 tries to get the S facing the right way, it’s HARD!
Color Composition #3
This was taken at a Color Composition shoot I led at the Cherry Street Farmer’s Market. Who says red and pink don’t go together.
Tail #1
this was taken at a ‘How to Approach a Stranger’ shoot I led at Tulsa’s Blue Dome Festival. I had already taken photos of this woman’s face when I got attracted to the great color and textures of her scarf, hair and shirt.
Tail #2
This was taken at a Tulsa Zoo shoot. The tail said it all about this guy.
Candy Cane
This was taken at a Bokah Christmas Lights shoot at Rhema Bible College. Bokah is a technique using a very short depth of field where only a small area is in focus.
Ghost Walk
This was taken at a studio/model shoot. This window covering was meant to diffuse the light for portraits but I was drawn to it for how it created silhouettes and shadows in very compelling ways.
Halloween
This was taken at our annual Halloween Cemetery shoot. We have our models dress up in all sorts of fun halloween type costumes and just have a blast with a myriad of the techniques taught over the years.
