Zen #1 – There is no Path

by Marty Coleman | Mar 7, 2011 | Robert Allen, Self, Zen | 0 comments

I am not a Zen master. Me saying that proves, of course, that I am one.

This isn’t about Zen Buddhism, about which I know virtually nothing. It’s about perception and the precision of language.

Substitute any of a number of words for ‘Zen’ in the quote above. Then what? Let’s use ‘self’ for an example. Are you trying to find yourself? Are you trying to find your ‘self’, in other words?

Where is that ‘self’?

Does it reside in your career, if only you could get a promotion?
Does it reside in your hobbies, if only you could be finish a project?
Does it reside in your friendships, if only you could be worthy of them?
Does it reside in your makeup bag, if only you would not age?
Does it reside in your kids, if only they would not age?
Does it reside in your golf clubs, in only you could reach par?
Does it reside in your religion, if only you could be good enough?
Does it reside in the future, if only you can find it?
Does it reside in the past, if only you can recapture it?

Or does your ‘self’ reside right here, right now? If it isn’t here right now, how are you reading this? Is it someone else occupying your body doing the reading? No, it’s you, it’s your ‘self’ doing it.

So, back to the ‘precision of language’ I mentioned. What you pursue is not your ‘self’. Your pursuits are those things I listed and more. You may want those things better understood, better defined, better lived. And that is good, pursue them all with great passion.

But call them by their name and don’t be sloppy with your name calling. Their name isn’t ‘self’. You are named ‘self’ and you are here right now. Indeed that is the only place your ‘self’ will ever be.

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Quote by Robert Allen, author of ‘Zen Questions’

Sketchbook History Tour, 2006

by Marty Coleman | Mar 7, 2011 | Sketchbook History Tour | 0 comments

I had an online conversation with an old high school chum this week about church. In essence, he hates the church and thinks it’s evil. He sees church-goers as being of one mind, one thought, one idea, one personality, one belief. He wasn’t discriminating between congregations, theology, creeds, or purposes. It seemed to me to be one broad condemnation of all who go to church.

I actually agree with him in many theological and social areas. BUT, One of the reasons I love drawing people in church is that it really help me to pay attention. Not just to the sermon, which I do, but to the person I am drawing. I notice details, real small details that help me to see them as completely unique people, not just another person in the pew. I see they sit a certain way, that tells me they are worried or stressed about something. I see another who is showing way more leg and cleavage than one might expect in church. I see another who still has his coat on even though it’s hot in the sanctuary. I see a young boy touching his father but never his mother. I see a really, really old lady who has the brightest, funnest, most smile-inducing hat and shoes on you can imagine.

In other words, I see individuals.

The upper class woman with the bra strap showing and a tag as well listening to the simple sermon by the Methodist who looks like that character actor who later did infomercials whose voice is coming to her as a flying turtle translating it into what she wants to hear so she can live the life she wants as do we all.

The beautifully coiffed mother sitting very still while her down syndrome child fidgeted and touched everything around him including his father but he never touched her once and she has a tired strong face that speaks to her pain and vanity and dreams deferred and love she goes to church to find and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and

Giving

by Marty Coleman | Mar 3, 2011 | Chinese Proverbs, Self | 0 comments

Thanks to CK for the quote today.

Everything is part of a cycle. It isn’t just one thing about you that can help fill others. It’s all sides of you.

That includes your kindnesses, wisdom and expressions of concern.
It also includes your humor, intelligence and expertise.
Don’t forget your athleticism, competitiveness and enthusiasm.
Don’t denigrate or downplay the value of your beauty, looks, clothing, smile, hair, and body.
Your creativity as well; your art, voice, green thumb and love of culture.
Most importantly, don’t make the mistake of thinking your struggles, successes and failings aren’t helpful to others.

The world and the people in it may need all sorts of sides to you. To give yourself, you need to feed all those things in you as well. That is why being enthusiastic about your life, pursuing with passion what you have available to learn and experience, isn’t a selfish thing.

I have a friend, from whom I got this quote actually, who is a great example of this. She has her own personal goals in many aspects of her life. She pursues them with a passion. BUT, she doesn’t just do it just for herself. Every step of the way she is revealing herself and her passion to others. She is encouraging others in concrete ways to pursue their own dreams and goals as well. It is not one-sided, and she is not alone. There are many who do the same for her as well.

Everything is part of a cycle. Fill yourself to fill others. Fill others and you will be filled.

Quote is a Chinese Proverb

giving 2011 love self growth sustainability “chinese proverb” proverb receiving selflessness

Island of Knowledge, Shoreline of Wonder

by Marty Coleman | Mar 2, 2011 | Series | 0 comments

I love this quote. Contrary to some religious cliches spoken by uneducated people living in fear, you are NOT doing something wrong by becoming educated and then relying on that education to help you make good judgments in life.

The best example of this for me is my eldest daughter, Rebekah. She is the most curious, knowledge seeking person I know. She has enthusiasm and energy for anyone and anything that comes alongside her on her journey.

After high school she decided to go to a unique school, St. John’s College, in Annapolis, Maryland. The curriculum is inspired by the Great Books collection that was published back in the 30s out of the University of Chicago. They study the major disciplines from the original source material dating back to the ancient Greeks and moving forward historically. They do the science experiments, the math problems, and discuss the philosophical issues that the great minds throughout history have taken on. All the students study the same curriculum and get the same degree, basically a degree in Philosophy and Math.

Her time there led her to find an area of further study that one doesn’t usually associate with an esoteric curriculum of Philosophy. She decided to go into Neuroscience. She is now a Ph.D. candidate in Neuroscience at George Mason University in Virginia. She is what I consider to be a budding superstar in her field.

But here is the funny thing. She is still the most enthusiastic little girl when it comes to her life. She loves going into creeks and finding frogs and turtles. She loves video games and can whoop most anyone’s rear in Halo and any other hard-ass ‘boys’ games. She loves martial arts and singing in her Unitarian Choir. She will call me up and be talking about cellular biology with the same enthusiasm and joy that she had as a little girl talking about American Girl dolls or our garden in the backyard.

I love her for that and this quote is all about that love for her.

Quote author unknown

wonder knowledge education curiosity exploration daughter father love enthusiasm

The Girl with the Wonderful Eyebrows

by Marty Coleman | Mar 2, 2011 | Texas, Travel Napkins | 0 comments

Part 1

Today I am in Waco, Texas visiting my daughter. I am hanging out at Common Grounds, a coffee spot right off the Baylor campus. I am watching the parade of students come in, order their drinks and go back out to their next class. The woman serving, Hilary, has beautiful eyebrows. I did a drawing of her at the coffee bar and showed it to her. I like them, and told her so. She is not sure she likes her eyebrows Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t.

Part 2

The next morning I came down to the dining area at the hotel in Waco. I saw a young woman with great, fun, spikey hair sitting down with someone who looked like her mother and a friend. I went and found a guest napkin & drew them. The mother had copper eyeshadow, and I love copper eyeshadow on almost anyone. Haven’t ever really figured out why, but I do. I know, the color of her eye shadow in the drawing isn’t copper, so sue me. This story has nothing to do with this drawing.

As I was drawing a woman asked if she could borrow one of the chairs at my table. They sat at the table next to me and I overheard them talking about the big Baylor Sing competition of the night before. My daughter was in the same event so I asked them what they thought of it.

We got into a friendly discussion about the various acts, which were good, bad, ugly, etc. It turns out their daughters were also in the competition (they were in acts that we ranked very high, so that was good). I mentioned that I was an artist and I didn’t think enough attention was paid to the visuals of set design, costumes, etc. in the judging. They said they noticed I had been drawing and I explained about ‘The Napkin Dad’, and told them about this website/blog. I gave them my card.

My wife showed up so I went to help fix a plate of food for our daughter, still upstairs getting ready. When I came back my new friends were laughing and cracking up about something. They had just gone to my site on their iPhone and said, ‘You won’t believe it, but Hilary, the girl with the wonderful eyebrows? We have known her since she was 6 months old, she is one of my daughter’s best friends.’

I brought out the drawing I did of Hilary and they took a photo to immediately send to Hilary’s mother back in Phoenix. I like this story. Life is good sometimes and it makes me happy.

Yellow – Silence isn't Always Golden

by Marty Coleman | Mar 2, 2011 | Colors - 2011 | 0 comments

Day #5 of the Color series. Check out white, green, blue and red in days past.

The cool thing is to always talk about being silent. Listen with two ears, talk with one mouth in that ratio. Sayings like that are all around us. Religion says silence is good. Meditation is good, it’s silent.

What isn’t good is silence that is rooted in cowardice and fear. Silence when you see abuse and violence. Silence when you see corruption and hate. Silence when you see manipulation and deceit. Then it is good to speak.

But just like anything else, if you aren’t going to speak up in the small things you see, if you aren’t going to practice speaking, then when it comes to something big, something that really matters, you might not be able to speak very well.

Don’t be a coward. Don’t be yellow. Speak up.

Quote author unknown

Red – Beauty, Comfort and Kick-ass Red Lipstick

by Marty Coleman | Mar 2, 2011 | Colors - 2011, Gwyneth Paltrow | 2 comments

Have you noticed yet that I am doing a series and I haven’t even told you? It’s on color. So far we have white, green, blue and today, red.

Do you like GREEN eyeshadow? THEN why aren’t you wearing it?

Do you like PURPLE bras? then why aren’t YOU wearing one?

Do you like PINK? Then why isn’t your ROOM painted it?

Do you like RED lipstick? ThenWHY aren’t you wearing it?

Finally, are you a cyclops? No, of course you aren’t. BUT, you are unique somehow. Why aren’t you admitting, allowing and celebrating that uniqueness?

You aren’t EVER going to be comfortable in someone else’s skin, only, if you are lucky, in your own. So, why are you living your life to please those who don’t like green eyeshadow, purple bras, pink rooms and RED lipstick?

I mentioned yesterday that my cousin’s son, Gavin Powell, died in a terrible tragedy this week. Reading about him in his friend’s memorial tributes online you get the picture of a very unique and fun young man. One who wanted to grow a beard at age 16 and did. Who liked Rastafarian style hats and wore them. He was seen as a bit eccentric. My response? Three cheers for it! The world needs more uniqueness, more eccentricity, not less.

My grandfather, who spent many summers in Colorado, got into the habit of collecting and wearing western style bolo ties as he got older. My father inherited some of those and would wear them as well. I, in turn, have inherited them, and have some of my own. I love bolo ties. Not only do I think they look kick-ass cool, they connect me to my father and grandfather just the same as a ring might for a woman. In the meanwhile, my wife isn’t so hot on them. But guess what? I love my wife, and I don’t want to embarrass her (that’s why I shower once in a while) but I am going to wear bolo ties when I want to wear bolo ties. And I hope she wears what she wants, even if I don’t think it’s the greatest thing.

Being comfortable in your own skin means be who you WANT to be, in style and substance.

Quote by Gwyneth Paltrow, 1972- not dead yet, American actress

Blue – RIP Gavin Powell

by Marty Coleman | Feb 22, 2011 | Anonymous, Colors - 2011, Death - 2001-2011 | 0 comments

My family is blue today. I have a cousin, Jim Powell. His only son Gavin died along with his best friend Matt in a rafting accident this week in Walnut Creek, California. He was 17, Matt was 16. There had been heavy rains in the area and after Gavin found an old inflatable raft in his garage they made plans to raft down a local creek. They wore helmets but no life vests and were unable to navigate in the fast rushing waters. Both of them died during their trip. Links to the story are below.

As any parent knows and will tell you, nothing in the complete realm of human existence can be more completely and utterly destructive to one’s soul than losing a child. I have not had that happen and I am very grateful. But I know the fear, as do all parents I have ever known. I may not be as controlling of my kids as my wives have been, I may say ‘you have to let them go do this or that’. I am that father who said that is how it has to be to my wives. But make no mistake, for every time I have said that, and I bet for every other spouse who played the role of the one saying it’s ok to let them go, we knew we were gambling a bit. All of life is a bit of a gamble, sometimes greater odds, sometimes lesser. It’s a sad, sad moment when the odds go bad and something like this happens. The essay below says it better than I can, I encourage parents to read it.

So, why did I illustrate a quote about a dog? I didn’t draw this to say I hope he has a dog. I drew it because ‘blue’ can’t always be explained, even when it is so obvious, as in this case. The pain, the suffering, the what ifs, the if onlys, the guilt, the loss, the anger, the hopelessness, the fear, the emptiness. They can’t be listed out like that in a broken heart. They can’t be categorized and compartmentalized and logically explained one by one. I can imagine that is what one feels they must do when asked ‘why do you feel blue’.

Maybe it’s best to be like a dog, not ask why, even if we know what we think the answer will be, but just comfort and be.

You can google Gavin Powell to find more

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Drawing by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily

Quote author unknown

The Grass is Greener

by Marty Coleman | Feb 21, 2011 | Anonymous, Colors - 2011 | 0 comments

Whose world do you water? There is nothing wrong with watering someone else’s garden, but there is something wrong with neglecting your own. Whether it’s a wife, husband, home, children, community, family, friends, profession, team or actual garden, if you only pay attention to other ones AT the expense of your own, you will end up with neither.

A shout out to the Napkin Kin from these countries in the Middle East; Syria, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates and Israel, who have been coming to visit the blog over the last month. Thank you!

Quote author unknown

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