So, for all my intelligent female friends, relatives and readers, please do your best to avoid those stupid men, ok?
And to all the stupid men. I really, really loathe you and wish you would just grow up or ship off to a dumb men island where you can’t hurt anyone.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“An intelligent woman has millions of born enemies…all the stupid men.” – Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach, 1830-1916, Austrian author
This is why self-pity has a timer on it. You are allowed just so much time for it, then the alarm goes off and you need to move on.
One thing I was only so-so successful at as a parent of daughters was teaching them certain things they would need to know as they became adults. Things I probably would have been more forceful in making sure a son knew. Things like changing tires, doing home improvement projects, working with power or manual tools. I tried, and I am sure they learned something, but I didn’t do it as much as I think I should have. Maybe they think I did ok in that department, but I know I could have done more.
Not knowing how to do something can lead to a feeling of incompetence and helplessness and not just about the immediate problem. It can infect much more of one’s life. When you don’t know even how to start solving a problem it is easy to devolve into giving up. Giving up is usually infected with paralysis, self-pity and unfairness.
I say WOA to that, even IF it’s all true. It might give you ammunition in your hate for the unfairness of life, but that is all it will give you. Your satisfaction will be in your complaints. Will that really be satisfying? Won’t it be more satisfying to take action and climb the mountain? It might be squishing that spider, or fixing a leaky faucet, or moving on from a really destructive and crappy relationship. But as long as you are wallowing in self-pity, those accomplishments are not nearly as likely to happen.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“Self-pity makes even the simplest problem almost impossible to solve.” – found via @dtcav on twitter
It’s ‘I draw in church’ Sunday. Sometimes I am not drawing a scene or person in church, but an idea that germinated from the sermon. This one had something to do with prayer, but I don’t remember the specifics (it was 19 years ago, give me a break).
What part of your past are you holding onto with bitterness and anger? Let go of that memory and turn the focus to adding it to your collected wisdom of life. Forget the pain, remember the gain. That is how you will create a healthier and safer future for you and yours.
“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucius (Kong Qiu – 孔丘), 551BCE – 479BCE, Chinese philosopher
Ancient Philosopher Series – Day #2
Are you feeling alone in the world, insignificant and of little use? Become part of a beautiful landscape. Dive into a group, an club, a service. Contribute your time, expertise, muscle, ideas to something that interests you. It does not matter if you think you will be of use. Your probably won’t be of great value at first. But you will be if you stick with it.
Two years ago I started running in an organized group from a running store in Tulsa called Fleet Feet.
I was out of shape and started with a group that ran 1 minute then walked 3. It was sometimes tough. I was not contributing much. I was making friends though and encouraging them when I could catch my breath. Now it is 2 years later and I am a coach of that same group. I lead the out of shape people. I direct them to their goal. I contribute in larger ways now than I could have before. I am part of a beautiful landscape of humans working to be healthy and I love that.
Here are some things you can do:
Join a nature group. That could be helping in a urban wilderness area, or helping at a community garden center.
Join a political movement. You want to have passion in your life? Get connected to a cause, you will be surrounded by passion. Just don’t join some stupid group that hates, ok?
Volunteer with a cure group. What runs in your family? Heart disease? Autism? Schizophrenia? Cancer? Make yourself of worth to that group, be part of the cure.Join a mentor program. What are you good at and love? Do you know how many people need help learning to read? How many kids need help with math?
Help out with animals. No city has enough funds or people to take care of the stray animals they find. No zoo has enough people to take care of the animals and the visitors as they would like. No breed of dog or cat will reject your help in rescuing them.
If you are isolated you can change that. If you are alone and lonely, you can change that. If you are not part of the wider world, you can change that. Take the step. Be part of the beautiful landscape.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The most beautiful order of the world is still a random gathering of things insignificant in themselves.” – Heraclitus, of which we know nothing. Well, ok. He was Greek and lived 540BCE – 480BCE, but that’s all we know.
The reason I chose this quote though is not about real slaves and owners, it’s about how to master those traits that enslave you. You can hope to get rid of a trait or a habit, and that is best in many cases such as cigarettes and alcohol. But if we are honest with ourselves we are not going to get rid of all our traits and habits, even the bad ones. We are going to live with them. The key is figuring out how to master them and bend them away from negativity and destruction.
Let’s talk eating for example. You can’t not eat. You can’t take it out of your life. You have no option but to let it control you, or you control it. If you were a slave (to the master named food) and you wanted to actually become the master of that master how would you go about it? Would you do as Diogenes did and announce to the world that you were going to be the master? Or would you be more subtle and slowly, but with strong intent, design the life of that master in such a way that you controlled everything he did, everywhere he went, everyone he saw.
Think of it that way and perhaps it will give you a new perspective. And here is the best part. Your master, be it food or something else, is actually pretty dumb. It will allow you to take control of it if you have the will to do so. It’s not up to food, it’s up to you.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“The art of being a slave is to rule one’s master.” – Diogenes, 404 BCE – 323 BCE, Greek philosopher. Famous for the story where he went looking for one honest man in Athens and couldn’t find one, even with a lamp in broad daylight. Thanks to one of my favorite quote book authors for this info. James Geary, author of ‘Geary’s Guide to the World’s Great Aphorists’.
A vintage napkin from 2001. Put in the lunches I made for my daughters.
I am not busy enough, but I should be.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“A busy person never knows how much they weigh.” – E. W. Howe, 1853-1937, American author
Sometimes even in color. This was drawn 16 years ago, 1/15/94, in California. You can see not all that much has changed. I still like turtles, cities in the distance, puffy clouds, oceans and volcanoes.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
Day #3 in my Sports series
David and Goliath is the drawing but I am going to talk about baseball.
My favorite moment in all of baseball history was October 15, 1988. It was the World Series, the Oakland A’s vs the Los Angeles Dodgers, game 1. The A’s were heavy favorites to win the game and the series. I believe everyone on both teams and all their fans thought their team could win at the beginning of the game.
But I doubt that the many of the Dodger fans believed it when they were losing 4-3 in the ninth inning. After all, the best player they had was out for the entire series. He wasn’t in the dugout, he was in the training room, not able to play. It was hard to believe it when there were 2 outs and the best relief pitcher in all of baseball, Dennis Eckersley, was throwing his best stuff.
It was still hard to believe it when the star who couldn’t play because of a bad knee and a bad hamstring, Kurt Gibson, came out of the dugout to pinch hit for the pitcher. Not many believed. They hoped, but the didn’t believe. But Gibson believed. He tells the story of being in the training room, his knee on ice the entire game, imagining the scenario where he might be able to bat in the 9th inning. He spent the entire game believing that if the chance arose he could bat. And it came to pass as he imagined. Even with a full count Gibson believed he could do it. He also believed he could read the pitcher. He knew what type of pitch Eckersley was going to throw. When that pitch came, Gibson hit the most improbable home run ever to win the game. Not only did that hit win the game, but it so demoralized the A’s that the Dodgers went on to win the World Series. Gibson never played another inning of the series.
Gibson didn’t pay attention to what another person said. After all, it wasn’t their bat, their glory, their moment. It was his. He knew that what mattered wasn’t how strong he was, or how fast he was. What mattered is he believed he could do it.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man. Sooner or later the one who wins is the one who thinks he can.” – Vince Lombardi, 1913-1970, Football coach, Green Bay Packers
