by Marty Coleman | May 20, 2010 | John Wooden, Sports - 2010 |
Day #2 in my Sports series. It also seems to be turning into a ‘John Wooden’ series since both quotes so far are by him.
I started coaching a beginning running group this week. Maybe that is why the sports idea popped into my head. I do know that my group includes many who are scared and nervous about running. Some are overweight, some are out of shape, some have never done any real exercise in their life, EVER. They don’t know if they can do it.
With each session we have a goal race at the end. In this case it is a 5k race in about 12 weeks. Many are worried they can’t do that. Guess what? They can’t….yet. If they focus on what they cannot do, run 3.1 miles without stopping, they are likely to feel stress, anxiety, nervousness, defeated, scared and overwhelmed.
However, if they focus on what they can do, which is to run this one training run, which includes walking intervals, less distance, water stops, training, coaching and support, then their fears will be much less. It is doable.
What is the huge brick wall you keep staring at that you can’t jump or climb over? What smaller hurdles are before it over which you can leap? In this case, I want you to turn that old saying, ‘Keep your eye on the prize’ upside down. I want you to take your eye off the prize and instead put it on only the next task in your journey towards the prize. Don’t worry, you know and I know you will NOT truly forget the prize. All you are doing is looking where you need to look for the task. You can do that and the prize will actually get closer.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” – John Wooden, 1910 – 2010, basketball coach
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by Marty Coleman | May 19, 2010 | John Wooden, Sports - 2010 |
Long ago I once had a friend who hated sports. He thought it was just the stupidest thing in the whole world for someone to chase after a ball, hit a ball, kick a ball, throw a ball or do any other thing with a ball. It held no interest to him. I also think he saw it as a waste of time. It was not utilitarian, not for a redemptive purpose of some sort. It was frivolous. He took pride in his dislike for sports. I think he saw it as an intellectual badge of honor.
I saw it as elitist and ignorant. Now, I know many will say I shouldn’t say that. That he has a right to not like sports just as I have a right to like them. And that would be true. But I am not arguing with his dislike of sports. I am arguing with his denigration and dismissal of the sport itself, those who play the sport and those who watch it as having no value.
I don’t watch sports a lot, but when I do I find great value in many aspects of it. Great examples of character being revealed, for good or bad. Beautiful displays of physical agility, intense and amazing split-second strategic decision making, and fantastic coordination of individuals into one cohesive team among other things.
If we want humans to only be utilitarian, to be only focused on redeeming their time, money, work, effort for a specific puritan purpose, then many other activities will seem worthless to do or pay attention to, maybe even dangerous. If sports is included in this list, then we should also include:
- Hobbies
- Art
- Dancing
- Music
- Play
- Movies / TV
- Books (especially novels)
- Decorating and landscaping
- Celebrations such as birthdays and anniversaries
You don’t have to like sports. But denigrating them and those who participate them doesn’t make you a better person, it makes you a lesser one.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Sports do not build character, they reveal it.” – John Wooden, 1910 – 2010, UCLA Basketball coach. Read about him and his UCLA teams at his wiki bio. You will be astonished at the depth and width of his character and ability.
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by Marty Coleman | May 17, 2010 | Davy Crockett, Fame |
Here in America people who pay attention to the popular culture tend to see a lot of desperate attempts at fame and stardom. These fame pursuers see the greased pig and think they will be the one who can hold on to it. They think they have the right idea or the right looks or music or art or invention or style. They are better than the other ones, they will succeed where the others failed.
They are most likely wrong. The reason is they are pursuing the pig of fame instead of the path of success. I don’t mean that in some cliché marketing way. I simply mean that if fame is the end goal, you aren’t on a path, you are on a hunt defined by your desperation and fame’s fickle route through the prickers and thickets, a route you have to follow mercilessly.
If you’re end goal is success (which may include fame as a by-product) you can make a plan, you can follow through on it, and you can gauge your success on that plan. Most importantly, you will have substance that will sustain you whether fame comes or not.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Fame is like a shaved pig with a greased tail. It is only after it’s slipped through the hands of thousands, that some fellow, by mere chance, holds on to it.” – Davy Crockett, 1786-1836, U.S. Congressman, frontiersman.
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by Marty Coleman | May 16, 2010 | Sketchbook History Tour |
Here is another Sunday drawing for you. Except it wasn’t drawn in church. It was drawn in a dentist’s waiting room. I just happen to like it and wanted to show it to you.
Drawn 2/21/95 in Dr. Murcko’s office © Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | May 15, 2010 | Augustine, Sin and Science - 2012 |
A vintage drawing from 2004
I don’t believe this.
I understand the idea that being unrealistically prideful can make one egotistical or make one think they are better than others. But the truth is we constantly encourage our children, friends, family members to be proud of themselves for great accomplishment. I want my children to be proud and I think it is good that they are when they do something worthy. I don’t believe acting on one hand like pride is bad while on the other pride is normal and healthy does anything to help them successfully integrate their actions and motives.
What do you think?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Other sins find themselves in evil deeds, pride finds itself in good ones, but both destroy.” – Augustine, 354-430, early christian father, Bishop of Hippo
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by Marty Coleman | May 12, 2010 | Bullies - 2012, Robert Morley |
I loved my school days. Do I seem like a bully to you? I don’t think you could find a friend from high school who thought I was.
But they would be wrong. I knew how to bully and did it at times. Why did I do it? Let me quote someone else who said it best.
“There doesn’t always have to be a reason. People don’t even always dislike the people they’re bullying, it’s just something they have fun doing … It’s not really something they even care about – it’s just like something they can do, and then friends join in, and it’s almost like entertainment, I guess.”– Dylan Kaufman, 12th grade, Northampton High School
Reported at Gazettenet.com
Here is my worst case of bullying and it fits in perfectly with that reasoning.
In our junior year of high school a number of my friends and I drove to Florida on spring break. In Florida we met up with two girls that were co-workers back in our home town with some of our gang. They were both fun and pretty and we were having a great time. We were also drinking.
One of the popular songs at the time, that we all happened to hate, was ‘Every time I see your face’ by Ringo Starr. It came on the radio when we were driving around with the girls. We started singing along with this song we hated.
In the meanwhile, one of the girls had been upset about something I think, I don’t remember for sure. I do know we were sort of annoyed about it. So, what happened? We turned on her. We weren’t trying to bully, we were letting out our annoyance at her. But with a bunch of guys all drinking, bantering and feeding off each other, it wasn’t long before we were singing very cruel and hurtful lyrics about her and her face. It didn’t cease until she was out on the balcony of our hotel room in tears.
In truth, it had very little to do with her at all. We were just ‘having fun’ cracking ourselves up over who could come up with the rudest lyrics. But our intent was beside the point. We knew we were hurting her and we continued because our fun was more important than she was. We thought she should have understood what we were doing. We thought she should just ‘get over it’. We thought the next day she would have forgotten about it like we did. That was not the case.
It was a shameful and bad thing we did. I remember thinking later how that really was over the top cruel and I never wanted to get that out of control with my words and actions again. I didn’t like being that mean, it wasn’t fun like we thought. It was just mean. If I could find that woman I would apologize in a heartbeat for that cruelty and whatever bad feelings remained with her about that moment in time.
An important note: My best friend, Jim Moore, who was with us on the trip, did not contribute to this cruel episode. I don’t remember it all that clearly but I think he was instrumental in getting us to finally stop. He was kind and thoughtful that way and it made me look up to him even more after that.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Show me a person who enjoyed their school days and I will show you a bully and a bore.” – Robert Morley, 1908-1998, British actor
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by Marty Coleman | May 11, 2010 | Emily Post, Manners - 2010 |
Day 5 of the Napkin Dad’s guide to Manners and Etiquette. This is the last in the series for now. Though if you all get rude and mean, I will come back with more!
I like that this most relaxed and easy of definitions is by Emily Post, the queen of American etiquette for the past 100 years. She was known, as are her descendants, as being easy going, unpretentious and utterly unimpressed with showy displays of so-called etiquette.
Think about those around you and try your best to make them comfortable and cared for. Try your best to not purposely offend them or hurt their feelings. Do those things and most any other issues of etiquette and manners will take care of themselves.
That means you have to pay attention and be humble about your own status and knowledge, especially when traveling to foreign countries. That includes traveling across town in many cases!
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” – Emily Post, 1872-1960, American author and etiquette expert.
Some things to note: Post was a divorced single mother, a pretty rare and sometimes shameful thing back in the 1800’s. She started writing after her sons were grown up a bit, publishing first at the age of 32. Her famous book ‘Etiquette’ did not get published until she was 50 years old.
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by Marty Coleman | May 10, 2010 | Judith Martin, Manners - 2010 |
Day 4 in The Napkin Dad’s guide to good manners
I hadn’t thought of that term as a rebellion against manners and etiquette, but it is.
I understand how sensitivity becomes a joke after a while. It seems ludicrous, doesn’t it. But when we get beyond that reaction it is about treating others as they want to be treated.
For example, if my wife didn’t like me using the term ‘baby’ when referring to her, it doesn’t take a genius to understand that if I love her I would stop using that term, right?
How is it any different than a nationality, tribe, or group not wanting to be called by a certain term? If you proclaim love and respect for all people then wouldn’t you be willing to change the word you use?
After all, caring for someone isn’t about making yourself feel good, it’s about making them feel good. Which mean you have to actually pay attention to their needs and desires.
What terms do you think should be ‘retired’?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The pejorative term ‘political correctness’ was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette to cover all people, in spite of this being a principle to which all Americans claim to subscribe.” – Judith Martin, 1938-not dead yet, American author and etiquette authority
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by Marty Coleman | May 9, 2010 | Family History, Mother's Day - 2011 |
My mother wasn’t really the napkin mom. She probably gave me notes here and there, I don’t remember. But she did give me many things I hold dear.
I am an artist because of her. It was her father who taught me to draw. It was she, more than my father, who loved that I was an artist. My father liked it, but my mother loved it.
My mother gave me love of gardening. She was always piddling around growing potted plants. I gave her a small plant once, she grew it into a large tree in her staircase alcove. She named it after me. I always liked that. I grew one just like it for many, many years in our home as well. It was well over 8 feet tall by the time we moved and had to leave it behind.
My sister got the bug even worse than I did. She has a garden that would make my mother proud. For the most part I have houseplants my mother would say need watering.
She gave me love of baseball. I grew up watching the LA Dodgers in the era of Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale and Maury Wills. She was a stickler for always staying until the last out, no matter the score. She could NOT abide seeing that famous trail of rear lights leaving Chaves Ravine in the 6 or 7th inning.
She gave me a love of family. This is a picture of her being surprised by me coming home from college one year. Everyone knew I was coming home for the Holidays but her. She went berzerk with joy when I walked in the door. I always loved that moment, always felt loved in the best way. Brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.
She gave me a love of letting go. She let things go easily. Not everything, and not always. But she learned as she grew older to, as she, said ‘Let go, let God’. She understood what she could control and what she couldn’t and she was at peace with that. It was probably the most important example she showed me.
She passed away in 1988, a long time ago. I remember her with love today.
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by Marty Coleman | May 8, 2010 | F. Scott Fitzgerald, Manners - 2010 |
Offering #3 in The Napkin Dad’s Guide to Manners
It is still rude, however. But when someone is rude to you it isn’t that they are judging you. Their rudeness proves they are judging those they have battled before. Those who hurt them, fooled them, laughed at them, were rude to them. Those who denigrated, belittled, betrayed, and otherwise disappointed and hurt the person’s hopes, desires and expectations. Rudeness is their way of battling back.
It feels good to be rude sometimes. It’s satisfying, like you got someone back. But of course, the problem is you usually don’t get the right person back and, even if you do, you don’t end up being satisfied in the long run.
Better to stop the chain of rudeness and be nice, ok? That’s easy enough, isn’t it?
By the way – I know they don’t look like very realistic tongues. But that race of skinny headed people have giant lozenge-like tongues. I checked.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“It’s not a slam at you when people are rude – It’s a slam at the ones they’ve met before.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1896-1940, American writer
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