This is a continuation of my obsession with drawing using spirals that started when I read ‘All the light We Cannot See’. In it there is a young man who is so wounded emotionally and psychology by a terribly abusive beating that all he does all day long is draw spirals, which is seen as just the simplest, most minimal activity a person is capable of. I took it as a challenge to see what I could do just using spirals and it’s become an ongoing series for the past year or so.
I drew it while I was live streaming on Periscope and asked those watching what they thought the drawing was about. My thought as I drew it was that it was about the shapes, curvilinear vs rectilinear, that that was the juxtaposition between her and the world. But a friend in Turkey, Justine, said she saw it as a warm woman in a very cold world and that was a fresh look at it that I liked.
I’ve heard way too many Pastors speak about things they don’t understand. Whether it be science (especially cosmology and biology), sociology, psychology, art, or some other area.
How do I know they don’t understand these areas? Because they are ignoring the long development of these areas of art and science in favor of their interpretation of the Bible. The choose a specific interpretation that backs up their and their powerful congregational member’s uneducated opinion. And what is that opinion? The opinion is that things need to remain as the powerful congregants want it to remain. Why? Because those congregants give money that sustains both the church and the staff.
What it comes down to is intellectual curiosity and integrity over fear and accommodation. When a Pastor is willing to lead with intellectual integrity and is willing to stand up to powerful interests that are not acting in the best interest of the congregation’s true mission then I will be happy.
I did the black and white ink portion of this drawing in January of 2003 at Borders Bookstore in Tulsa, OK. We dated for a number of months in 2002/2003 and remained friends after.
I left it as a black and white ink drawing in my sketchbook for 16 years. This fall (2019) I was going through old sketchbooks and decided I would finally ink it up with some color. And this is the result.
Drawing is one of my favorite ways to keep memories from the past.
Her walk home that morning allowed for thoughts on what had just happened. She wanted to believe she was free but her behavior told her she was not. However, she also believed she could change and be free in the future.
I always thought there was a certain ethical and moral line that most politicians (of any party) would not cross in their pursuit of political power, money or fame. I really did assume that…until Trump came along.
But now I know better. Nothing in my 50+ years of following politics has astounded me quite as much as the Republican party’s acquiescence to the cult of Trump. And what can explain it? Competing bodies of evidence? No. The evidence is clear for all to see. It’s in broad daylight, spoken by the President himself and by his Chief of Staff. It’s in every single witness in both the Mueller Report and the Impeachment inquiry. It’s in the entire public history of Trump’s untruthful proclamations for the last 4 years, since he announced his run for office. Those who doubt this are living in denial.
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one explanation. The Republicans in power are fearful cowards. They fear losing elections, power, money, status. They fear tweets from an angry orange man. They know that if they stand up and say the truth, that Trump is a criminal and has taken impeachable actions, they will have people mad at them. That they will be ostracized from the club. They will lose speaking fees and appointments in the future. It will be like leaving the church they grew up in, excommunicated and shunned forever more.
And that is all true. It will take courage and it will have consequences. But that doesn’t matter. Their first and foremost obligation is to the country, period. If they lose an election, it’s still worth it. If they don’t get that plum lobbying job after congress, it’s still worth it. If they don’t get huge speaking fees or a gig on Fox News, it’s still worth it. And at every step along the way it will, more than anything else, be THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
Our country matters much more than a lucrative gig at Fox or a plaque on a wall at the state house.
There is a question that recurs again and again among us. Do people ever change? We state it that simply because it’s easily understood what it is about. It isn’t about if we change physically since we all know we do. It’s about whether our character and personality change. Will a high-energy, type A personality become a mellow, laid back slacker? Will an amoral criminal ever straighten up and become a fine, upstanding citizen? Will a cheater always remain a cheater?
As a person in the middle of his 7th decade I can tell you with absolute confidence from my personal experience that the answer is without reservation a resounding ‘YES…sorta, kinda, probably, possibly, maybe’.
I know, overwhelming in its decisiveness, right? Well, that’s the rub. I have changed dramatically in my understanding and my responses to all sorts of things. All I have to do is compare my relationship to my two wives. I was married to my first wife when I was 24. We divorced when I was 45. I married my second (and current) wife when I was 51. I am now 64.
I believe I am a much better husband to Linda than I was to Kathy. The reason is I changed. The experience of seeing Kathy so unhappy in our marriage and realizing how much of that was my fault changed me. As did the actual divorce and single life that followed.
When I married Linda I took my vows much more seriously. And by vows I don’t just mean sexual purity, I mean the whole idea of vowing to put her as #1 in my life. Part of this change was self-preservation. I didn’t ever want to behave so as to go through what I had gone through with Kathy again. But more of the change was my paying attention to what is right and wrong regardless of whether Linda or anyone else found out about it. I grew up a bit. I changed. I didn’t transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly, but I did become a better caterpillar. Not a perfect one, just better.
So, if you are wondering about this; whether you, or someone you know, can ever change. I say yes. That doesn’t mean it will happen, just that it can and does happen.
I run with a lot of people every week in my job as a training coordinator for Half and Full Marathon groups here in Tulsa. They are young, old, experienced, newbies, tall, short, fast, slow, and every type in between. I often see pictures of these men and women on their social media in situations much different than when they are running. It could be at work, a charity event, a football game, or maybe a night out. In these pictures they are dressed up and believe they are looking their best. They look beautiful (or handsome if you prefer that term for the men).
But they also look beautiful when they are running even though they are not dressed up and probably don’t think they look their best. Why is that? Because in truth the beauty in those photos and the beauty I see in person isn’t primarily about their looks. It’s about their exuberance. In both the photos and in person they are happy, energized, enthusiastic, and excited about what they are doing.
A woman went a building for a job interview. She didn’t know what floor she was supposed to go to so she started at the top.
There she saw a man expose himself so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a woman sleeping so she left and went down a flight. There she saw two people throwing up so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a man eating so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a woman and a man having sex so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a person with a bomb so she left and went down a flight. There she saw one man choking another man so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a person laying on the floor unconscious so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a person shooting another person so she left and went down a flight. There she saw two women arguing so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a man watching TV so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a woman sitting on the floor crying so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a dog barking for food so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a woman dancing at the barre so she left and went down a flight. There she saw a dead person in a pool of blood so she left and went down to the ground floor and left the building.
She called the interviewer outside the building and told them she couldn’t find the office for the interview. The interviewer told her she had indeed found the right office but she had failed the interview and would not be getting the job.
The woman left uncomprehending.
What job was she applying for? Give your reasons. Best answer is correct.
I’ve been reading a selection of the classic novels of western civilization over the past several years. Currently it’s Moby Dick by Herman Melville. Before that it was Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert and before that it was Candide by Voltaire. I will put a list of the others at the end.
I am learning a lot about culture, style, manners, and above all, truth and beauty. And what I am learning is that both truth and beauty are transient and fluid ideas. They are not permanent and they are not inviolate. I am learning this by seeing what the authors, and by extension, the readers of those eras felt was beautiful and was true.
Truth was seen in morality, science, and proper behavior. Beauty was seen in correct proportions, elegant design and comely & symmetrical features.
And none of those things are the same now as they were then. What we consider morally good is certain different. If you doubt that then ask yourself if slavery is morally good. It was thought of as such by many if not most people in centuries past.
The science isn’t the same, that is for sure. Do you believe in eugenics or the science of Phrenology? They were both commonly understood to be solid, evidence based science in the past. And of course, what is true and good in behavior is also certainly quite different, especially for those who were in oppressed groups.
And what about beauty? Those ideas change by the month sometimes, much less the decades or centuries. That is why we laugh so heartily at our style and beauty choices from just a few decades ago. “How could I ever have worn that?” or “Why didn’t someone tell me my hair looked so horrible.” are popular refrains when looking at old photos. What is that about but beauty ideals changing. What is true now was not then, what was beautiful then is not now.
And I will end with a beautiful truth: Truth is just as likely to be found in a hair salon as a library and beauty is just as likely to be found in a library as in a hair salon.
List of recently read classics
Moby Dick
Madame Bovary
Candide
Ulysses
The Odyssey
War and Peace
Dracula
Frankenstein
Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde
100 Years of Solitude
What other books should be on my ‘must read’ list?
What does it really mean to be quiet? Not talking, yes. But it is more than that. It’s being in a quiet space. That might be your head space where you can quiet your thoughts, or it might be the physical space where you aren’t distracted by many voices and sounds.
I ran the Chicago Marathon this week, #14 overall. But it was just my second big city marathon, the first being New York City last November. There were supposedly over a million people lining the streets in both of these races cheering people on. And that makes it LOUD LOUD LOUD! So loud in fact that it is hard to hear yourself think. It’s hard to not be distracted by all the sounds, people and sights, which means you really have to work hard to focus if you want to run a certain pace, take your nutrition at a certain time, etc.
While I was running this recent race my mind responded to this outer noise by creating inner noise. My thoughts were scattered, distracted, repetitive, fragmented and unfortunately, way too negative. I fought it, constantly trying to move from the negative thoughts to positive ones but even when I was able to, the negative ones returned after a short respite.
It isn’t just in a crowd that this can happen. It is possible of course that one can think negative and scattered thoughts even on a desert island. But, at least for me, the more outer noise there is the harder it is to hear anything from my own mind with clarity and focus.
My goal is to learn that no matter where I am, the only thing I have control over is myself and my thoughts. After all, even if I am off running a marathon in the redwoods of California, I still might find there is some crazy bird cawing at me, right? The key is to figure out how to be quiet within, no matter what is happening on the outside.
I don’t know how to do that very well…YET. But I do know, just as running a marathon takes a lot of training, so also does running my mind. To be quiet and listen, both to the outside and to the inside, I have to practice it again and again so it becomes a habit I can unleash when needed.
