by Marty Coleman | Feb 25, 2014 | Barbara Kingsolver, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
We wave goodbye to the Mothers series with drawing #4.
This is true of fathers too, by the way.
The Gift
When I left home in 1973 for college, I really left. I went to college in Ohio, then Massachusetts, then moved to Hollywood, then to more college in Southern California, then to Michigan and back to California, this time Northern. I felt confident and able to make my way in the world and that is what I did. My parents raised me so I would be able to do that. I am very grateful for that gift.
The Forgetting
But with that confidence also came a forgetfulness. I forgot how much I had, at one point, needed them, especially my mother. I wish now I had repaid that attention with attention back to her in her later years. While I visited with some regularity, it really wasn’t as much as it should have been. My mother taught me well how to cope, and how not to cope, with life. I learned invaluable lessons from her, even when she was not aware of her teaching me. I did let her know some of that, and thank her for it, as best I was even aware of it at the time. But she died when she was young, only 62, and I was deep in the middle of raising young kids at the time, not really all the way to the place where I understood the lessons so I wasn’t able to thank her as I would want to now.
The Much Sweet and The little Bitter
Now my daughters are all grown. And all of them are strong and independent and able to make their way in the world. They make their missteps just as I did, but for the most part they are more than capable of correcting the misstep and moving on. They like hearing from me and they probably call me more than I call them. But they don’t need me the way they once did. A little bittersweet but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The joy of seeing someone who once knew nothing of how to cope with the world navigate through it with class and intelligence is a heart-filling thing for a parent. I think it is probably easier for me, maybe as a man, maybe just as me, I am not sure, than it is for their mothers. But even though it might be harder, I know it makes them so very proud to see their daughters strong and capable, able to move forward on their own, just as it does me as well.
What is your story of letting go of your mother or your child? Was it easy, hard? How did you do it?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Barbara Kingsolver, 1955 – not dead yet, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 21, 2014 | Marty Coleman, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
What a perfect day to present Mothers #3!
Perfection in Parenting
After Mothers #1 was published earlier this week a comment was posted by Julie from APlaceforThoughts.com. Julie was worried about failing at her work as a mother, comparing herself to her father who had to raise her on his own and had done a great job in her estimation. In the course of that conversation I came up with the above quote to try to assure her that it wasn’t about perfection in parenting, it was about love in parenting.
The thing is, kids are looking for love, not perfection. If you are supporting them and encouraging them and guiding them, they don’t really care if you are good at math, or able to run a marathon or make a million dollars a year. And if you do do all those things but don’t show them love, they don’t really care much about those accomplishments either.
Love Over Limitations
We all have our limitations in physical capabilities, emotional strength and intellectual prowess. One mother is missing an arm and a leg. Another never graduated from high school. A third is fragile emotionally. But none of that matters if they make the decision to deliver love to their children as best they are able. That is what the child will remember. That is what the child will pass on to their children.
Don’t expect to deliver perfection in your parenting. Expect to deliver love.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 20, 2014 | Travel Napkins |
Once again this week I needed to take a car in for servicing. This time it was my car. And again I spent the time waiting at Starbucks. This time I drew 3 drawings, one on a napkin, one in my small sketchbook, and one in a larger sketchbook I was given as part of the launch program. I also drew a number of work sketches for a new character I am working on for Napkin Dad Publishing .
I usually use a Sharpie Ultra Fine Point black pen for my napkin drawings. If I am actually traveling away from Tulsa I will have a selection of my colored markers with me as well but in town I just bring the black pen and wait until I am home to do any coloring.
This is Elaine. I drew her as she worked, then showed her the drawing. She seemed pleased. She took a picture and posted it on FB and very soon thereafter a mutual friend commented on the drawing saying it looked like a ‘Marty Coleman’ drawing. I thought that was cool.
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After that I moved to my sketchbook and drew two people in conversation. I use a different pen for my sketchbook. Recently I have been using a Signo UniBall for these types of drawings.
I would have shown her the drawing but they were deep in conversation, perhaps even an interview. I didn’t want to interrupt. They then left quickly and there was no time to show them.
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This final drawing I did in a large sketchbook. I had been drawing some studies for a character I am looking to develop for Napkin Dad Publishing, sort of a lead icon type character. I had done about 5 of those and was starting to repeat myself so I turned the page and started drawing these two people in conversation.
I didn’t show them the drawing because neither image really flatters them much and it gets pretty sensitive when I draw an inaccurate drawing of someone. I know it doesn’t look like them (nose too big, teeth to severe) but no matter what an artist says to a subject, they will take away that they really do look like that. So, sometimes it’s best to just not show it and move on.
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I then turned to working on my SXSW presentation coming up in 2 weeks (March 7th) in Austin. I have it on my cell phone so I am able to work on it to some degree. It’s great for making sure the timing, images and transitions are all working (they weren’t). It’s also great to see how it will appear on mobile devices.
Then the car place called and it was time to go. All in all a productive & creative morning.
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 19, 2014 | Jane Sellman, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
Yesterday we wondered why, if evolution were true, mothers don’t have more hands.
Well, today I solved that problem.
SAHM, WAHM, WAW and WAHWEE
The Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) supposedly that means they don’t ‘work ‘at home, they just ‘stay’ at home. Those that ‘work’ at home, they are WAHMs. The Work at Home Mom combines some sort of job, all the way from part-time self-employed to full time corporate employment, with the bulk of the domestic activities. And then there are the WAWs (I just made this up). The Work at Work mothers go someplace to work and then come home. And then there are the WAHWEEs (I made this up too). Those are the ‘Work at Home & Work & Everywhere Else’ moms.
Most of the women I know, including my wife, sisters, oldest daughter and many friends, are WAHWEEs. In other words, all mothers are working mothers. They do it all and they are awesome.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Jane Sellman, American author and college professor
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 18, 2014 | Milton Berle, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
The start of a new series on Motherhood.
Hard Moms
I always feel very sad when I hear from someone who had a mother that did not care for them as they deserved. I am not talking about moms that are a bit too controlling or a bit too demanding. I am talking about moms who abandon and abuse. It’s just really, really sad when I hear those memories come out.
Luckily it does seem they are in the minority. Most of those I know are very grateful for their mothers and what they did for them, even when there are shortcomings in them that cause hardship for us. I had that with my mother. She was an alcoholic and wasted many good years in a fog of liquor. But she became and stayed sober for 15 years before her death and that made a huge difference in the redemption our family had together. There is nothing quite as sweet as a family rebuilt and restored.
Emotional Hands
We read the quote above and look at the illustration and it seems to be about physical limitations. But what about all the emotional and psychological hands a mother needs? How many of those hands does one have available? It becomes a lot more complicated when we realize it’s not just about if they can do all the activities they need to do, but about all the emotional personas they have to deal with and be. It isn’t easy being a mom.
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Drawing and commentary © 2014 by Marty Coleman
Quote by Milton Berle, 1908-2002, American comedian
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 12, 2014 | Sketchbook History Tour |
I had to drop off one of our cars to be serviced this week. I waited at a Tulsa Starbucks for a few hours hoping the car would be done without me having to drive home and back.
Here is the finished version of the line drawing I did in my sketchbook while there.
I thought it might be fun for you to see how one of my drawings looks before it is finished so I scanned it before I shaded it. Here’s the flat, color-only version.
The original drawing was done in pen. Here it is before any color was added.
What do you think? Is the final drawing the best or do you like one of the other two better?
And another question, what does it look like they were talking about? What are their stories?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 10, 2014 | Breasts - 2012-2013, Joyce Grenfell |
I know many of the Napkin Kin would say the moment below is the moment, right?
Purchase the Original Drawing or Purchase a Print
The Sublime Moment
I don’t regularly have this sublime moment in my life repertoire, but I did have it once. The moment helped me understand the ecstasy of which my female friends speak. No, I didn’t enter a drag queen contest or dress up as a woman for Halloween (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I had to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours as part of my annual physical. It was strapped around my chest the whole time and what an annoyance it was. It was SO great to finally have it off. I figured out then that if I were female I would probably be one who takes her bra off the second she gets in her car to go home from work. I just knew I would want it off that bad.
Anyway, just a fun drawing today to let my female Napkin Kin know I understand your agony and ecstasy (at least a little bit!)
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Joyce Grenfell, 1910-1979, English actor and songrwriter. She actually used the word ‘corset’ instead of ‘bra’ in the original quote. I can imagine a corset would be even harder to keep on all day.
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Happiness is the sublime moment when you get out of your bra at night
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 4, 2014 | James K. Glassman, Launching a Business - 2014 |
I hope I don’t cause trouble with #2 in my ‘Launching a Business’ series.
Launch
Last night was the first meeting of the 2014 TCC (Tulsa Community College) Launch program for Entrepreneurs. Napkin Dad Publishing is one of 15 teams taking this 16 week program on how to launch a business. As a result of this I thought I would do a series on launching a business. #1 in the series is linked below.
Me, A Trouble Maker?
Some might say so. But honestly, I am excited to learn the ‘right way’ to do things. That doesn’t mean I am going to do things that way mind you, just that I am going to learn those ways. I might do them too, who knows!
What is ‘making trouble’ anyway? I don’t know much about the business world but it seems the intent and effect of an entrepreneur with a good idea is to stir things up, causing a change to occur. For example, they might change the accepted order of things in their industry by putting out a product that threatens an existing product. They might brand, market, advertise and sell in ways completely foreign and bizarre to established players, vendors and competitors. Just look at the technology, networking and communication changes in the last 10-20 years if you don’t think that is possible. In any number of directions the entrepreneur is a trouble maker. I like that idea so maybe I am a trouble maker.
The Napkin Kin
I love my Napkin Kin and feel you all are some of the smartest and most insightful people around. I will be asking you questions, throwing out ideas, announcing directions and changes over the next several months. I am looking forward to hearing your ideas, suggestions, critiques and analysis as we move forward.
Feel free to send me your ideas. You can reach me by commenting on this or any blog post, of course.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by James K. Glassman, 1947 – not dead yet, American business writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 31, 2014 | Harry Truman, Philosophy of Life - 2014 |
I, S**thead
One day long long ago, when my first wife and I were headed towards a divorce, My wife was out and I was upstairs in the computer room seething about the situation. I was really, really angry. At the same time downstairs my daughters were being really noisy with each other. They were annoying me to no end. Instead of being calm and civil about it I stomped downstairs and yelled at them. One of them asked something along the lines of ‘Why are you so angry?’. At that point I had gone into the kitchen and had started to unload the dishwasher. I had about 6 full size stoneware dinner plates in my hand. I blew up, threw the plates as hard as I could straight down on the kitchen floor and yelled, “Because your mother hasn’t loved me for most of our marriage and forgot to tell me, THAT’S why!”
My words, actions and the breaking of the plates froze them in place where they were in the living room, eyes and mouths wide open in disbelief. It obviously scared the s**t out of them. It was, in my opinion, the single worst behavior I ever exhibited in front of my kids and I deeply regret any emotional damage it did to this day.
I calmed down almost immediately, apologized and started to clean up the broken plates. My wife came home right then and asked what happened. One of the kids said I had dropped some plates and my wife thanked me for cleaning it all up. I considered not saying anything and just letting her believe I was doing a good deed. But I didn’t. I responded to her compliment by telling her the truth. She later said that was one of the critical moments of our final year that tilted her towards divorce.
Girls, if you are reading this, I am still really sorry I did that.
No Blame
Now, of course, there was no way for my kids to know I was a pile of fresh s**t having a hot emotional day. They were not to blame in the least for my incredibly stupid outburst. I tell the story to illustrate that most of the time when we are confronted with a s**thead acting s**tty we haven’t done anything purposely to provoke him or her. We are just in the wrong place at the wrong time and aren’t to blame.
Philosophy of Life, Really?
So, how is this a philosophy of life? Well, in the small sense, when we know we don’t have to do anything to have s**theads come across our path way too often, there’s no reason on earth to make life even harder by purposely provoking a s**thead, right?
In the larger sense, it’s as simple as this, don’t do stupid things on purpose.
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Drawing and life story by Marty Coleman
Quote by Harry S. Truman, 1884-1972, 33rd President of the United States
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 30, 2014 | History Lessons - 2012 |
The UCLA Interview
Back in the late 1980s I applied for a job as an Assistant Professor of Art at UCLA in California. I got an interview and it seemed to go well. The person interviewing me was the chair of the painting department and he said that the committee had been taken by how fresh and unique my work was, that it was refreshing to see. He seemed impressed with me and my work.
The Question
He then asked me something along the lines of ‘where does your work fit in art history, who has influenced you?’ After his praise for my work’s uniqueness the question caught me a bit off guard. On the one hand they wanted a one of a kind artist, on the other hand they wanted him or her to fit in with other artist and their work. My answer was pretty much that I stood alone. Yes, there were influences but I was not directly and tightly linked to a style or movement, an artist or group of artists. I was proud of that.
Not Too Original
I didn’t get the job. I tried to figure out why and I think it was that answer that did me in. They wanted a leaf that was part of a tree, not a leaf by itself. They were an institution that needed to promote originality to their students and the art world, but not so much originality that they couldn’t explain how the art and artist fit into the rest of the art world.
At first this annoyed me but as time went on and I matured it made perfect sense. Understanding where we are in history matters to people. It reassures them, it helps organize the world. It also protects them, sort of like a warranty. I no longer begrudge people who want to place me somewhere. I might not agree with them, but I understand the need.
Knowing My History
If I could do it over again I wouldn’t change my work at all. But I would change my awareness of how my work is part of a continuum of art and also a compendium of influences outside of art. That it actually did come from somewhere; bits and pieces of the art that was on my Grandfather’s walls for example. The cartoons I watched as a kid. The artists who emphasized simplicity and elegance in composition and line, like Edward Hopper and Henri Matisse. My inherited Irish gift of gab. The truth was I didn’t connect my personal history or my art history back to my artwork. I was a leaf not connected to the tree.
It’s great to be a unique leaf, but it’s also of value to know what tree you belong to.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Michael Crichton, 1942-2008, American author
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