by Marty Coleman | Dec 14, 2012 | Gift Giving Notes - 2012 |
Being of sound mind and body I declare this day #5 of Gift Giving Week!
Chicken or the Egg
What comes first the mental illness, then the stinginess? Or does stinginess lead to mental illness? Now, of course this isn’t really a serious question. Mental illness has a myriad of reasons for its existence, not just some simplistic outer indication. But their is a kernal of truth in the question nonetheless.
Acting vs Feeling
One of my favorite quotes is, ‘It is easier to act your way into another way of feeling then it is to feel your way into another way of acting’. In other words, take action first, then the feeling will follow. It’s not always the case, but it is true most of the time. You don’t want to go run, not in the mood, but you run anyway, and guess what? Your mood most likely will change. You don’t want to give away stuff but you do anyway and, lo and behold, you start to enjoy the giving.
Hoarding and Mental Illness
Hoarding has just been designated a mental illness of it’s on this year. What is hoarding about but stinginess? You don’t want to let go of something, get rid of something, allow someone else to have something. Why? Maybe it’s because controlling that object means you control yourself and those around you. And where does grabbing at control lead? To the desire for more control. Is attempting to control everything in line with the human reality we all live within?
Giving and Mental Health
Giving away stuff, giving away time, effort, self, keeps you grounded in a very persistent reality, and that is the reality that nothing lasts. Not you, not your stuff. Staying in that reality is being mentally healthy so maybe it is true, that giving is not only a sign of mental health, it can actually lead to and sustain mental health.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who doesn’t even control the remote.
Quote by Karl Menninger
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Trivia of the day
What does ‘Never look a gift horse in the mouth’ mean? The only sure fire way to tell the age of a horse, and thus it’s value, is it to look at it’s teeth. The higher the gum line the older the horse. When you get a gift you should not question it’s value, if you do you are looking a gift horse in the mouth.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 13, 2012 | Gift Giving Notes - 2012, Products |
I am saying this with a Poker Face…It’s the perfect time for day #4 of Gift Giving Notes!
The Gift of the Game
One of my best memories is of playing board games at the family cabin. Whether it was Christmas, Thanksgiving or just a visit without a holiday, we always found time to play board games. It tells you something about the people you might not ever discover otherwise. I discovered some people just could not pay attention for very long at all. Others were highly competitive in certain games, and not in others. The quiet ones were usually the most dangerous players. Some were sticklers for the rules. I mean REAL sticklers, others couldn’t have cared less. As a matter of fact often times they wanted to reorganize the game with new rules. “let’s play with just 3 cards each.” “Let’s use 4 die instead of 2.” or my favorite, “Let’s play the game backwards!”
Poker
If I ever came across a person like that again I would definitely recommend them playing something like Poker instead of a board game. Poker has so many variations. When they were young I taught my daughters how to play poker using penny stakes. It was great fun and they had a blast learning the game. It was very simple 5 or 7 card draw. I remember once watching poker on TV and I didn’t have a clue what they were playing. It certainly wasn’t Texas Hold ‘Em, I knew that much. Since the variations are endless the type of person who likes to change the rules up can just play a different version and voila, the rules have changed!
Mixing It Up
Even if you play the same game, you can always mix things up and try different strategies or approaches. I do that online with the various types of games I play; backgammon, Scrabble, Mancala. You can do it even more in Poker or other card games. If you do like playing cards, check out this lesson on how to mix up your card game in Poker. The site is Poker Junkie and while you can’t play there, you can learn a lot! If I hit Las Vegas soon, which I might to attend a conference, you can be sure I will take a look at Poker Junkie to see what I can learn (which is a lot!)
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman,
In collaboration with Elizabeth Bridges of Pokerjunkie.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 12, 2012 | Gift Giving Notes - 2012 |
It may not feel like it, but here’s my gift to you today
Forgetting Gifts
I don’t remember gifts. My wife can remember a gift someone gave from 5 or more years ago at the snap of her fingers. I can’t remember what gift she gave me for my birthday this year. I also don’t remember what I gave her for her birthday, but you can be sure she remembers. I would like to remember more, but I just don’t. At least so far.
The Forgetting Gift
But there is another aspect of forgetting gifts that I also have and I am glad about it. That is forgetting what gifts I gave. I like forgetting them because I hate the idea of keeping track of gift giving for some tit for tat type reason. I just don’t have the energy for it and it doesn’t matter to me. So, I like giving and forgetting, unless of course I give the same gift 2 years in a row, then I wish I had remembered!
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who thinks copper eyeshadow almost always looks good on women, but rarely on men.
Quote by Max Beerbohm
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Hanukkah Trivia of the Day
There are a total of 44 candles lit during the eight days of Hanukkah
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 11, 2012 | Gift Giving Notes - 2012 |
And here is my gift to you, day #2 of Gift Giving Week!
What Doesn’t Last?
What do you give your child (or anyone for that matter) at Christmas or Hanukkah that lasts? I have a few things given to me when I was a kid. That means they have lasted 40+ years already. I don’t give most of them another 40 though. So, 80 years maybe? Maybe more if I hand it down and one of my kids care about it and keep it. Some gifts are lucky to get taken off the living room coffee table after the presents are opened. They are played with during the time right after the opening of the presents but they are left behind when the presents are taken to the receiver’s room for safe keeping. Most gifts last a bit longer, but not nearly 80 years.
What does last?
Your love lasts. That is what they will take with them and keep a lot longer than whatever present you give. So, if you are prickly with your love, an untouchable, unfriendly sort, then you aren’t giving much love. If you are an impenetrable wall that hides behind your strength, you aren’t giving much love. If you are a snake, intent on deceiving, then you aren’t giving any love. And your child isn’t receiving any either.
Just remember, when you give a gift, it isn’t really the material gift that will last, it’s the love in the giving that will.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman, who got a lot of love growing up.
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Christmas Trivia of the Day
The song, ‘I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ was written by a 12 year old.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 10, 2012 | Christmas, Gift Giving Notes - 2012 |
This is my gift to you – a week of notes on Gift Giving. Aren’t you happy?
Trauma Giving
It’s so simple it only needs one sentence. Don’t be a stingy jerk at Christmas or Hannukah. Ok, maybe a few more sentences. That doesn’t mean you give a lot. It means what you give you give willingly, with joy and enthusiasm. If you complain about the cost of something, especially to the person you are giving it to, then DON’T FREAKING BUY IT in the first place! If you complain about how hard it was to find something, how they better enjoy it, how you hope they appreciate all the terrible trauma you went to to get it…then you are ruining the gift giving. Just shut up and give it to them with a smile. You can tell them all about the near death experience of your Christmas shopping in your memoirs or when you are in couples counseling, but don’t do it Christmas morning.
Gracious Giving
The attitude of gracious gift giving is what your loved ones will remember and learn from, not the gift itself (unless you give them an encyclopedia, then they will probably learn from the gift as well). Of course, to get to gracious giving you might want to stay within your means and give gifts you enjoyed getting, finding, making, buying, discovering for that particular person. Just a thought.
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Drawing and quote by Marty Coleman, who never drew a violin before (that he can remember).
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Interesting Gift Giving fact of the day
People with longer last names give more gifts at Christmas
(source: The Goods – the blog of uncommon goods)
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 7, 2012 | Where's The Evidence? - 2012 |
Under the circumstances, you need no proof to know today is day #4 of Evidence Week!
The question is, what does this evidence prove?
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Drawing and question by Marty Coleman, for whom trout is his favorite meal.
Quote by Henry David Thoreau, who knows what this means but is dead.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 6, 2012 | Bodyless Ghirl Ghosts - 2012-2013 |
Chapter 1 – Urgent Care
They had made themselves up for a night on the town but when Margie came down with red dots on her face they got worried. They went to the bar and by the time they finished their first drink Beth and Bonzai also had red dots. They went to Urgent Care and the doctor saw all eight of them. He was nervous because he had never had eight people, much less eight bodyless girl ghosts, in one examination room at the same time. It was crowded and they all had on a lot of perfume. Daphne was a bit drunk and tried to kiss him but smacked the needle dispensing box instead. He diagnosed Ghost Measles and sent them to the pharmacy to get medicine.
Chapter 1 -Phloating at the Pharmacy
Prudence had the biggest balloon (girl ghosts travel by balloon when they are going out in big groups) so they went with her to the pharmacy. It was deserted except for an old guy reading women’s magazines, which they thought was creepy. They had to wait 15 minutes for the medicine so 4 of them floated aimlessly while 4 of them went back to the magazine rack. Being bodyless they have no hands so they just hung around behind the old guy and looked at the French Vogue he was perusing from behind his back. They liked the editorial of the man and woman wearing masks and underwear.
Chapter 1 – Quarantine
The pharmacist told them that ghost measles was reaching epidemic proportions and that they should leave the city if they could to avoid infecting other ghosts. The decided to go to Jordona’s grandgirlghost’s summer home at the lake and wait there. Luckily for them Prudence’s balloon did not pop until they were almost there. This is a drawing of them floating down from the balloon and landing right at the front porch of the house. They stayed there for 8 days and it all went fine except for Penelope’s melt down over running out of mascara.
The End
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Drawing and Short Short Story by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 5, 2012 | Where's The Evidence? - 2012 |
I am feeling day #3 of Evidence Week bubbling up from the primordial ooze!
Rational/Irrational
My wife, Linda, once told me of a certain fear she had. I tried to explain rationally and logically why she shouldn’t have that fear. She looked at me in exasperation and said, ‘Marty, it’s not a RATIONAL fear, you can’t talk me out of it using rational ideas.’ And I was done. There was only one thing to do and that was to let her know I felt for her in that situation and give her assurance I would help her deal with the fear when I could.
Sailing on the Ship of Illogic
Whether it’s big issues about God & heaven or small issues about fear of bugs, we all have areas where our thinking and the actions that come from those feelings are not rational or logical. They aren’t based on evidence. We all need to be empathetic in understanding how universal it is to behave irrationally.
The Wrong Brag
But knowing that we sometimes aren’t Mr. Spock doesn’t mean we should revel in our irrationality. At least for me, I work hard to minimize that irrationality in my life. I don’t brag about or declare how proud I am of my ignorance of science, mechanics and engineering. I am humbled by it and want to learn more about it. And I make a concerted effort to do so. I make better and wiser choices as a result and I am safer and happier as well.
The List Within
But the main problem with willfully ignoring evidence isn’t that we might not comprehend how electricity works (which I barely understand to this day). It means we are very likely to be held hostage by superstition and fear in many, many areas of our lives. And those can lead to danger and violence, discrimination and bigotry. The list is so long.
Are you afraid of the evidence? Why so?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is not.
Quote by Sam Harris, who also is not.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 4, 2012 | Where's The Evidence? - 2012 |
I know it’s extraordinary, but today is only day #2 of Evidence Week!
Three Scandinavian Women
Have you ever proclaimed something has happened for which you have no evidence to back it up? It can be pretty disconcerting since you know it happened you just can’t prove it. I have story from high school about 3 Scandinavian women on a boat in a cove where we were water skiing that is pretty darn extraordinary. But the climax of the story happened with no one else around, no one else to corroborate the events (except the Scandinavian Women and they were long gone the next day). So, I can tell the story and I know it’s true, but listeners have no way of verifying it. There is no evidence.
The Religious Moment
This is especially true of religious moments. Where is the evidence that what it is you have gone through came from God, Satan or some other spirit being or force? How do you prove such a thing? The truth is you can’t prove it. You take it on faith that it came from that source and people choose to believe your story on faith as well. If they don’t believe whatever it is you went through came from God then they are still most likely going to believe that YOU believe it came from God.
The Pudding
There really is only one way to even get close to proving something like that is real. If you say your mind has been illuminated by God and as a result you have a new way of thinking about something, then your behavior is the proof. The key is to realize that SAYING you have made the change is not the proof. All the talk in the world about a conversion to a new way of thinking and understanding is not the conversion. That is just a description of the conversion. The true conversion is in the action. As a matter of fact, the real conversion doesn’t even start until the action starts. True change takes place and becomes permanent when it is practiced. Talking about it isn’t practice. Practice is practice.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman, who wonders what ever happened to them
Quote by Carl Sagan, who was a billion time smarter than I am.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 3, 2012 | Where's The Evidence? - 2012 |
Don’t fear, it’s only day #1 of Evidence Week!
Evidence-based Fear
What do you fear? Is it based on evidence? For example, I fear getting shot in the heart by a bullet because the evidence shows that people getting shot in the heart will almost certainly die. If I am in a situation where that looks like it might happen, you can damn well be sure I will be both afraid and will do everything I can to not let it occur. However, I do not fear Friday the 13th, black cats, walking under ladders, breaking mirrors or spilling salt. Why? Because there is no evidence that those things hurt anyone in any more proportion than any other day, color of cat, walking anywhere else, breaking or spilling anything else. Those who believe they are dangerous are believing a superstition, meaning something that has a tradition, but no evidence, as being a bad thing.
Superstition-based Fear
Yesterday at the church we attend the Pastor asked a woman to come up to the alter and read an email she had sent him a few months prior. The woman had written it in response to a sermon he had given. In the email she told the story of living a fear-based life. Her fear was directly connected to her overhearing a conversation when she was very young between her father and her pastor. A man in the church who had voiced his disagreement with the Pastor’s direction for the congregation had been in a terrible automobile accident. He was mortally injured but suffered greatly before he actually died. The pastor was overheard by the young woman telling her father that it was probably a good thing that he had died, and it was also a good thing he had suffered before his death because it indicated he was being punished for being outside the will of God. This led the young girl to live her entire life with that fear of God punishing and hurting her or others if she did not obey exactly what the church told her to do and be. She had written the email to our church’s pastor to let him know how liberating it was to hear him rebut that idea and instead replace it with a vision of God being loving and caring and not out to crush and hurt her or others over theological or any other differences.
This is a perfect example of the acronym of fear. She was captive to False Evidence Appearing Real because she listened to an authority whom she trusted and she wasn’t old enough to understand cause and effect, science, biology, and other evidence-based areas of life that argue against that vicious, superstitious and self-serving way of seeing the events in life.
What do you fear?
Is there good evidence that makes the fear valid?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Neale Donald Walsch, American Author of a book series, ‘Conversations with God’.
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