This week we have been on vacation in Europe. We just finished 5 days in London and are now on the EuroStar train to Paris for another 5 days.
The Nest
During the international portion of our flight to London I sat next to this woman. She was frenetic pack rat who made her nest in the seat next to mine. It was pretty humorous. I felt like I was watching a Discovery Channel documentary on the odd nesting habits of humans.
We stayed at an Airbnb apartment in the Lavender Hill area of London. Each morning before my wife and daughter were awake I went to a little coffee shop, Il Molino, had a Caffe Mocha, a pastry and drew the people around me.
The Barista Libusa
The first drawing I did was of a customer ordering something from the barista. A bit later I showed the barista the drawing that I had done of her. She was very happy seeing the drawing. The barista’s name was Libusa. This was at the same time I ordered tea and croissants to bring back to the apartment for Linda and Caitlin. I tried to pay, but couldn’t due to having forgot my wallet back at the apartment. I offered to leave my iPad with Libusa to guarantee I would come back but she was fine with me going to get it without doing that.
Here is an edited Periscope video that shows me doing the drawing.
The Dreamer Giada
When I returned with my wallet I drew a young woman eating her oatmeal at a table nearby. She finished up and left and I continued to draw the rest of the scene.
While I drew I Periscoped live. Periscoping is live video broadcasting with texting interaction. In other words while I am on the air people can watch me draw, I can talk to them, and they can text comments, questions, etc. to me (and each other). The texts scroll up the screen and slowly disappear.
I was showing them this drawing and asking what I should write about her in my little space I reserved for the story. One my followers, @VictoriajamesUK said she should be in love and be waiting for her lover to return. Later Victoria told us that her husband was away inn Scotland and she was waiting for him to return and that was why she said that. In honor of her I put the initials VJ on the model’s shirt.
A bit later I showed Libusa the drawing that I had done of the woman eating the oatmeal, and told her I didn’t get to show it to the woman because she left quickly. The second Barista standing behind the counter said,”Oh, that is ME! I didn”t leave, I just went behind the counter.” She was even more excited about having been drawn than Libusa was. Her name was Giada. I later took a photo of her with her drawings.
Here is an edited Periscope video of me doing the drawing.
The Customer with Crutches
The next morning I returned to Il Molino and drew again. This time their was a woman with a pair of crutches that caught my eye and I drew and periscoped until Linda and Caitlin came to pick me up before we headed out for a day of sightseeing. She left quickly and I wasn’t able to get her name. I wasn’t too pleased with the drawing and realized that even though I love to periscope as I draw I still need to keep my creative process intact and not get too distracted talking to others. It’s learning process no doubt!
The Periscoping Self-Portrait
On our final day in London I didn’t have anyone in the coffee shop to draw so I drew myself periscoping. I scope using my iPad. I prop it up far enough away so the drawing can be seen as I create it. I highly recommend you get and use the app for your phone or ipad. It’s fun and insightful. You can find me at @thenapkindad.
The Inanimate Wish
And finally I did a drawing that was only partially based on what I was seeing. I had the coffee and pastry in front of me but the bus was made up obviously. Just a fun goofy drawing, more like my napkins to end my time in London.
I am off on a travel adventure. I will post here, on twitter and FB. I will also be periscoping so if you have periscope find me at @thenpakindad and follow me, ok? Then try and figure out where I am, ok?
Remember, the first step in having an adventure is buying the ticket. Without investing, deciding, there won’t be any adventure. Second step? Get on the train! or the boat, or plane, or sled or whatever. Take the step, take the ride!
While I was drawing this yesterday and today (I started a napkin using this quote yesterday but didn’t like it so I started over this morning) I was thinking that the person waving realized the person walking away wanted and needed to go somewhere on their own and was letting them. But just now I saw it the other way as well. The person leaving is doing so because they know the person waving needs to be left alone.
My Marriage
My first marriage lasted 20 years. There was a moment when I realized I had to give up and let her go. It was after I had been doing some pleading for us to stay together. I had told her that I knew we liked a lot of the same things, wanted to same lifestyle, etc. She then said, “Yes we do. It’s not that I don’t want those things. I just don’t want them with you.” Man, talk about harsh. That was tough. But it was then that I realized that while there might be some way to get her to stay, the truth was she was terribly unhappy and would continue to be unhappy if she stayed married to me. From then on out I didn’t argue for her to stay. Eventually I reached a point where I was able to do what the person waving in the drawing above was able to do – I was able to let her go and hope that she would be happy alone, away from me. It wasn’t a clean and easy process, but I did get there, as did she.
Both Ways
It works both ways, doesn’t it. You can need to be alone, to go, and hope others realize it and allow it graciously, or you can be witnessing someone else having to be alone and play your part as best you can to allow that.
By the way, I am now live video broadcasting the drawing of my napkins on the Periscope app every morning that I draw. I hope you will join me! You can find me at @thenapkindad
As some of you know, I have been heavy into a new app called Periscope. It’s live video with chat interaction. One of the first people I followed was Sara Haines, the weekend Pop News Reporter on Good Morning America.
One of her early broadcasts outside of the studio was a thoughtful reflection on how she works constantly to not be judgmental of celebrities she covers, especially ones like Kim Kardashian, who engender such hatred from so many. I did a blog post based on that for my Shame series. Here is the link to that. – ‘Sara Haines, Kim Kardashian and the Power of Empathy‘
Sara as Kim
A few weeks later Sara did a segment on GMA where she actually made up, haired up and dressed up to look as close to Kim Kardashian as she could. She did a periscope during the transformation and asked someone to take a screen shot. I took a few and sent them to her via twitter. Here they are.
Sara Haines in Kim Kardashian style makeup
Sara Haines in Kim Kardashian style clothing and shoes
In the meanwhile this is what she usually looks like on camera, not at all like the pics above.
Sara Haines as herself
Deeper
The interesting part of this story isn’t about her physical transformation into a KK type look. That was fun to see but it became interesting and insightful the next day when she went for a power walk and talked about what happened when she dressed up that way. She took the walk while it was raining. She had on no makeup at all, the exact opposite of the day before. Here is a very small and blurry screen shot I got during that walk. My apologies to you, Sara, that it isn’t better.
Better Than
Here is what I heard her say she discovered. First, many complimented her, saying she looked better than Kim. The compliments were appreciated but they also started her thinking about why they were being given in that way. Why didn’t they simply say “You look great in that style.” if that is what they thought. Why did they feel it necessary to say she looked better than Kim? Was it that they felt Sara needed to know she won a competition? Was that what it was about? While she was saying this I thought about the ‘who wore it better’ segments I used to see on Fashion Police (before I stopped watching it due to it being negative, gossipy and hurtful). It wasn’t enough to just give the compliment. Sara had to be propped up above the competition. In Sara’s mind that wasn’t true and it was a side to the experience she didn’t really like. It made her sad to think people had that need to compare and judge and that they felt Sara needed it.
Cutting Down
An even more disturbing discovery was how many didn’t just stop with the compliment of how she looked better than Kim. They went on to rant about Kim, cutting her down for her lack of talent, her exploitation of her body, her media overexposure, her big butt, her husband, her lifestyle, her TV show, her this her that…on and on and on.
This made Sara sad as well. It made her sad that so many of the people she came across, including friends, co-workers and family, spent so much time hating someone they didn’t even know. She said some of them seemed to be way too happy hating Kim. And then she said this to the camera, “Don’t love hating people.” and I had my quote for my next napkin.
Getting Smaller, Not Taller
It comes down to something we all started experiencing and doing as children, that is the cutting down of someone so you feel higher. It’s an immature and insecure reaction to life, to other’s success, to other’s looks or lifestyle or preferences, etc. And we all have moments where we do it or are tempted to do it. But when we are tempted remember what it really is we are doing. It’s the equivalent of cutting off someone’s legs so you can be taller than they are. You aren’t really any taller. All you have done is hurt someone else so you can grab hold of an illusion of tallness.
But really only one thing grows when we do that, and that’s hate. And when you fall in love with hating people, judging people, you become smaller. Much smaller.
Getting Taller, Not Smaller
So, if you feel you suffer from this, here is an exercise. Take a celebrity you hate and say five positive things about them. Now evaluate what happened. Did that celebrity suddenly feel empowered to do something bad? Did they feel justified about something? No, they didn’t. Why? Because they didn’t hear you. Only you heard you. Now do that same thing of saying something positive about that celebrity you hate in front of someone else. Was the celebrity affected? No, they weren’t. Just you and your friend. And how were you affected? You said something kind or nice or insightful instead of ugly and mean and gossipy. You aren’t approving of them or their lifestyle, you are simply choosing to find something kind and positive, just as you would if the person was a close friend of yours.
Once upon a time there was a very tall woman named Galindra. Most of her height was due to her very, very big head. Without her head she would be three feet tall. But her head was six feet tall all by itself so she ended up being 9 feet tall. Luckily she also had very, very long and skinny arms that allowed her to reach the top of her head. This was important when it came to grooming habits.
Chapter Two
One day Galindra went to an art gallery. She was going on a blind date and they decided to meet there. It was a hot summer day and she wore her favorite yellow shorts and her tight blue top. She wore flesh-colored flats that made her look like she was barefoot. She straightened her hair (it took an hour) and put on her summer makeup, including trying false eyelashes for the very first time.
Chapter Three
Galindra was there first. She walked around the gallery enjoying the paintings. They were of men doing various activities that involved holding things that looked very phallic to her. In addition there were part of things coming in from the edge of the paintings that were also quite phallic, like elephant trunks, baseball bats and long skinny party balloons. She thought these were very funny and interesting. She became engrossed in trying to figure out the meaning behind each of the paintings.
Chapter Four
As time passed she realized she was being stood up. The blind date had not shown up. This made her very angry and she expressed her frustration right in the middle of the gallery. She had been stood up many times over the years. She knew it was because of her big head. It made her so mad because she really was a smart, funny, kind and attractive woman but no one ever gave her a chance to show it because all they saw was her head.
Chapter Five
When she finished her little demonstration of anger and frustration she noticed someone had come into the room. He walked over to her and asked if she was ok. She said yes, that she had just been stood up and was venting. The man said, “I am sorry you were stood up, that was very rude of the person.” Galindra thanked him and asked him his name as she put her hand out to shake his. He said, “My name is Art. This is my exhibition actually.”
Chapter Six
Galindra shook his hand and said, “Oh My God, I want to ask you so many questions! Would you mind?” Art responded, “No, I would love to answer your questions.” Galindra and Art walked around the gallery talking about the paintings for the next 2 hours until Galindra said she had to go get something to eat because she was starting to feel faint. Art asked if she would like to go to lunch with him and she said yes.
Chapter Seven
Galindra and Art became very good friends. Art eventually got up enough nerve to ask her if she would model for him. He ended up doing a series of 12 paintings of her in all sorts of situations, from nude to being dressed up like an astronaut. He mounted an exhibition of the paintings and the show became his most popular ever. The paintings were featured in Art News and Art Forum magazines. The CBS TV show, Sunday Morning did a long segment on the two of them with their favorite interviewer, Mo Roca, doing the interview.
Epilogue
Galindra and Art got married 2 years later. They had seven children, all of whom had big heads and long arms. They eventually had 27 grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren . They had an apartment in Manhattan, a summer house on Cape Cod and winter home in the Swiss alps. Galindra lived to be 88 years old and Art lived to be 92.
The man who stood Galindra up at the gallery was hit by a truck the next day and died.
