by Marty Coleman | Feb 25, 2014 | Barbara Kingsolver, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
We wave goodbye to the Mothers series with drawing #4.
This is true of fathers too, by the way.
The Gift
When I left home in 1973 for college, I really left. I went to college in Ohio, then Massachusetts, then moved to Hollywood, then to more college in Southern California, then to Michigan and back to California, this time Northern. I felt confident and able to make my way in the world and that is what I did. My parents raised me so I would be able to do that. I am very grateful for that gift.
The Forgetting
But with that confidence also came a forgetfulness. I forgot how much I had, at one point, needed them, especially my mother. I wish now I had repaid that attention with attention back to her in her later years. While I visited with some regularity, it really wasn’t as much as it should have been. My mother taught me well how to cope, and how not to cope, with life. I learned invaluable lessons from her, even when she was not aware of her teaching me. I did let her know some of that, and thank her for it, as best I was even aware of it at the time. But she died when she was young, only 62, and I was deep in the middle of raising young kids at the time, not really all the way to the place where I understood the lessons so I wasn’t able to thank her as I would want to now.
The Much Sweet and The little Bitter
Now my daughters are all grown. And all of them are strong and independent and able to make their way in the world. They make their missteps just as I did, but for the most part they are more than capable of correcting the misstep and moving on. They like hearing from me and they probably call me more than I call them. But they don’t need me the way they once did. A little bittersweet but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The joy of seeing someone who once knew nothing of how to cope with the world navigate through it with class and intelligence is a heart-filling thing for a parent. I think it is probably easier for me, maybe as a man, maybe just as me, I am not sure, than it is for their mothers. But even though it might be harder, I know it makes them so very proud to see their daughters strong and capable, able to move forward on their own, just as it does me as well.
What is your story of letting go of your mother or your child? Was it easy, hard? How did you do it?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Barbara Kingsolver, 1955 – not dead yet, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 21, 2014 | Marty Coleman, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
What a perfect day to present Mothers #3!
Perfection in Parenting
After Mothers #1 was published earlier this week a comment was posted by Julie from APlaceforThoughts.com. Julie was worried about failing at her work as a mother, comparing herself to her father who had to raise her on his own and had done a great job in her estimation. In the course of that conversation I came up with the above quote to try to assure her that it wasn’t about perfection in parenting, it was about love in parenting.
The thing is, kids are looking for love, not perfection. If you are supporting them and encouraging them and guiding them, they don’t really care if you are good at math, or able to run a marathon or make a million dollars a year. And if you do do all those things but don’t show them love, they don’t really care much about those accomplishments either.
Love Over Limitations
We all have our limitations in physical capabilities, emotional strength and intellectual prowess. One mother is missing an arm and a leg. Another never graduated from high school. A third is fragile emotionally. But none of that matters if they make the decision to deliver love to their children as best they are able. That is what the child will remember. That is what the child will pass on to their children.
Don’t expect to deliver perfection in your parenting. Expect to deliver love.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 20, 2014 | Travel Napkins |
Once again this week I needed to take a car in for servicing. This time it was my car. And again I spent the time waiting at Starbucks. This time I drew 3 drawings, one on a napkin, one in my small sketchbook, and one in a larger sketchbook I was given as part of the launch program. I also drew a number of work sketches for a new character I am working on for Napkin Dad Publishing .
I usually use a Sharpie Ultra Fine Point black pen for my napkin drawings. If I am actually traveling away from Tulsa I will have a selection of my colored markers with me as well but in town I just bring the black pen and wait until I am home to do any coloring.
This is Elaine. I drew her as she worked, then showed her the drawing. She seemed pleased. She took a picture and posted it on FB and very soon thereafter a mutual friend commented on the drawing saying it looked like a ‘Marty Coleman’ drawing. I thought that was cool.
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After that I moved to my sketchbook and drew two people in conversation. I use a different pen for my sketchbook. Recently I have been using a Signo UniBall for these types of drawings.
I would have shown her the drawing but they were deep in conversation, perhaps even an interview. I didn’t want to interrupt. They then left quickly and there was no time to show them.
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This final drawing I did in a large sketchbook. I had been drawing some studies for a character I am looking to develop for Napkin Dad Publishing, sort of a lead icon type character. I had done about 5 of those and was starting to repeat myself so I turned the page and started drawing these two people in conversation.
I didn’t show them the drawing because neither image really flatters them much and it gets pretty sensitive when I draw an inaccurate drawing of someone. I know it doesn’t look like them (nose too big, teeth to severe) but no matter what an artist says to a subject, they will take away that they really do look like that. So, sometimes it’s best to just not show it and move on.
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I then turned to working on my SXSW presentation coming up in 2 weeks (March 7th) in Austin. I have it on my cell phone so I am able to work on it to some degree. It’s great for making sure the timing, images and transitions are all working (they weren’t). It’s also great to see how it will appear on mobile devices.
Then the car place called and it was time to go. All in all a productive & creative morning.
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 19, 2014 | Jane Sellman, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
Yesterday we wondered why, if evolution were true, mothers don’t have more hands.
Well, today I solved that problem.
SAHM, WAHM, WAW and WAHWEE
The Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) supposedly that means they don’t ‘work ‘at home, they just ‘stay’ at home. Those that ‘work’ at home, they are WAHMs. The Work at Home Mom combines some sort of job, all the way from part-time self-employed to full time corporate employment, with the bulk of the domestic activities. And then there are the WAWs (I just made this up). The Work at Work mothers go someplace to work and then come home. And then there are the WAHWEEs (I made this up too). Those are the ‘Work at Home & Work & Everywhere Else’ moms.
Most of the women I know, including my wife, sisters, oldest daughter and many friends, are WAHWEEs. In other words, all mothers are working mothers. They do it all and they are awesome.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Jane Sellman, American author and college professor
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 18, 2014 | Milton Berle, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
The start of a new series on Motherhood.
Hard Moms
I always feel very sad when I hear from someone who had a mother that did not care for them as they deserved. I am not talking about moms that are a bit too controlling or a bit too demanding. I am talking about moms who abandon and abuse. It’s just really, really sad when I hear those memories come out.
Luckily it does seem they are in the minority. Most of those I know are very grateful for their mothers and what they did for them, even when there are shortcomings in them that cause hardship for us. I had that with my mother. She was an alcoholic and wasted many good years in a fog of liquor. But she became and stayed sober for 15 years before her death and that made a huge difference in the redemption our family had together. There is nothing quite as sweet as a family rebuilt and restored.
Emotional Hands
We read the quote above and look at the illustration and it seems to be about physical limitations. But what about all the emotional and psychological hands a mother needs? How many of those hands does one have available? It becomes a lot more complicated when we realize it’s not just about if they can do all the activities they need to do, but about all the emotional personas they have to deal with and be. It isn’t easy being a mom.
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Drawing and commentary © 2014 by Marty Coleman
Quote by Milton Berle, 1908-2002, American comedian
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