by Marty Coleman | Sep 19, 2013 | Jerry Falwell, The Prostitute - 2013 |
I am married to the idea that it’s day #3 of ‘The Prostitute’ series
The Dichotomy
Knowing who said this quote is essential to understanding it. It was spoken by Jerry Falwell, the Fundamentalist preacher. I think he probably meant it jokingly, as a way of simply saying men should only have sex with their wives. But it brings up so many dichotomies of American culture in its Freudian underpinnings and it is so funny in imagining the scenarios that it’s just impossible to pass up as an literary object of contemplation.
The Good Husband and the Bad Wife
Men, it seems pretty simple – don’t have sex with a sex worker unless she also happens to be your wife. In that case, it’s a good thing. Of course, the fact that she is identified as a sex worker means she not only has sex outside of her marriage but she gets paid for it. Basically the man is moral since he is only having sex with his wife, but the wife is immoral as are all the other men who she is having sex with since they obviously aren’t married to her.
The Good Wife and The Bad Husband
A question – What if the wife is the primary bread winner due to the high income she gets from her sex work? Isn’t the husband just as morally guilty as the wife since he is condoning the prostitution because he knows they need her income?
How would you (or could you) deal with your wife (or husband) being a sex worker?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Jerry Falwell, Religion Worker, 1933 -2007
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Trivia answer of the day
If this list is the answer, what is the question?
1. Janet Gaynor 1928 – Street Angel
2. Helen Hayes 1931 – The Sin of Madelon Claudet
3. Donna Reed 1953 – From Here to Eternity
4. Jo Van Fleet 1955 – East of Eden
5. Susan Hayward 1958 – I Want to Live!
6. Shirley Jones 1960 – Elmer Gantry
7. Elizabeth Taylor 1960 – Butterfield 8
8. Jane Fonda 1971 – Klute
9. Mira Sorvino 1995 – Mighty Aphrodite
10. Kim Basinger 1997 – L.A. Confidential
11. Charlize Theron 2003 – Monster
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 17, 2013 | Brendan Behan, The Prostitute - 2013 |
I calculate that it’s day #2 of ‘The Prostitute’ series.
The Cost of Free
How much have your relationships cost you? We could go into the monetary side of things and calculate how much it all costs that way. Maybe a billion dollars? It seems that way at times, I am sure. But the far greater cost is the emotional cost. If you are a woman, right about now you should be asking, What? Men have emotions? Why didn’t they show them to me?”
The Ignorant Pirate
Yes, indeed men do have emotions. But it’s a lot like a treasure buried on the desert island with a shipwrecked pirate sitting on the beach. He doesn’t even know he has a treasure below him until some big storm roars in and washes away the beach, leaving the chest full of gold pieces exposed. Only then does the pirate realize it’s even there and start to figure out what to do with it. So it is with men and their emotions. Once they do realize they are there, they have to figure out which emotion is which (not nearly as easy as you might think), they aren’t sure how to give them out, who to give them too, and what sort of condition they should have for the giving, if any conditions at all.
The Cost of Complication
All this is very confusing and conflicting and draining for many men. It demands communication and thinking about feelings and what to do about them. It’s complicated, it’s painful, it’s messy. And usually the man has to be pretty competent at it before he sees much intimacy in a relationship. Men who aren’t very good at it, who struggle with it, don’t like the bargain because it doesn’t seem fair or make sense to them. They don’t get it and because they don’t get it it seems like it is costing him a lot. And that explanation doesn’t even touch on the matter of him trying to understand the woman’s emotions, which is even harder than understanding his own at times.
The Cost of Simplicity
So, what does the prostitute bring? She brings simplicity. She won’t ask for emotions he doesn’t have or know how to express or doesn’t want to listen to, and all he has to do is pay her money. In return she will satisfy at least part of his need. It might not be his long term need that is being fulfilled, but he might not really even know he HAS a long term need. What she does is fill a short term need. It’s uncomplicated. He does this simple thing, she in return does this other simple thing. Done.
Peter Pan, or The Cost of Growing Up
So, what’s wrong with this idea? It sounds like I am excusing men going to prostitutes. But I am not excusing it, I am explaining it (at least in part). The truth is, what I think is really at the heart of it all is men not facing growing up. It costs a lot to be mature and responsible and delve into emotions and feelings and hurts and hearts. Men going to prostitutes are wanting the escape to Never Never Land. They want the fun and joy and simplicity of their youth, only in the sexual arena of adult play instead of in the arena of child’s play.
Original Book Cover – 1915
The Benefits of Growing Up
Take a look at my napkin drawing. The right side, the side of the heart, is complicated. It’s got wind and clouds and sun and volcanos and textures and deep colors. The left side is simple, cartoonish. Men, do you really want to live in that simplistic world? Isn’t the world of depth actually more compelling, more invigorating, more arousing? Isn’t it actually where your senses and mind will most be stimulated, most challenged? Isn’t it where you will be most challenged as a true adult? Isn’t it where you will most likely be fulfilled? After all, it’s hard to be fulfilled living in a cartoon.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Brendan Behan, 1923 – 1964, Irish poet
Brendan Behan
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Prostitution Fact of the Day:
There is no evidence that Mary Magdalen of the New Testament was a prostitute. The unidentified woman who washes Jesus feet is not stated to be Mary anywhere in the Gospels. Evidence strongly points to her having been a leader of the disciples both before and after Jesus life. It was not until much later, when the Patriarchy of the Church established its male dominance as preeminent that Mary started being branded as a harlot.
Hugues Merle – Mary Magdalene in the Cave (1868)
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 16, 2013 | The Prostitute - 2013 |
Here’s a topic I haven’t investigated before. This week I am exploring the idea of prostitution.
Poverty vs Sin
This quote makes sense to me. I can imagine it isn’t easy to decide to become a prostitute. Perhaps some might like it, but I doubt very many. I think the majority are likely to do it because, in their mind, it’s the only real option to avoiding poverty. Of course, with some it might be poverty brought on by drugs or other destructive ways to lose money, but I bet for some it’s just really the only viable option in their minds. I am not saying it is the only viable option, but that it seems that way to them.
I also don’t necessarily think the woman has to think of what she does as ‘sin’. She might think it’s perfectly fine to be in that profession, doesn’t feel morally guilty or wrong. But no matter what she thinks of the profession she is very unlikely to advertise that it is what she does or used to do.
The Retiree
You know what I wonder about? Where do retired prostitutes retire to? What job/career/life do they have afterwards? The first thing that comes to mind is the street walker and how she will likely get a low paying job in the service industry, maybe will go on welfare, maybe will marry an abusive husband, have kids, be addicted to drugs. All of those ideas are cliches. I actually have no idea what a street walker does after she no longer walks the street, do you? After all, do you think she puts it on her resume? Does she openly leave a trail back to that part of her life for others to find? I doubt it. So, how would we know? We wouldn’t.
What about a call girl? Someone higher in the strata of selling her body for money. Maybe she is a college girl earning money for school and after she is done with school she will get a job in her major, forget her life as a call girl and go on to be a middle class woman in America. No one would imagine that is her past based on who she is now, after all how would they know? She won’t be putting it on her resume either. so we don’t really know, right?
Condemnation
Why wouldn’t she tell the world what she used to do? Well, that’s obvious. The reaction would be swiftly condemning from almost all directions. Even if she did get a sympathetic and understanding ear from someone, that same someone is not likely to want to be close friends, associating him or herself with the retiree for all to see. The condemnation and negative consequences would be too severe if it came out. The threat of wider exposure of her ‘sin’ could also lead to possible blackmail, not a fun threat to have hanging over one’s head. The exposure of her former career could lead to men wanting to take advantage of her as a sexual object. It’s pretty clear to see she has a vested interest in keeping it secret.
Acceptance
But if we aren’t to judge but to love, then that includes people who have had professions we don’t like, approve of or understand, right? I doubt I will find out from a friend (or stranger) because of this post that they had been a prostitute in the past. But if I did find out, I would hope I would treat her exactly the same as I had before; with love, kindness, interest and concern about who she was, who she is, who she wants to be and how I can help her.
How would you react?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Sydney Biddle Barrows, 1952 – not dead yet, former escort service owner, currently marketing consultant.
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 13, 2013 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman, Travel Napkins |
‘At First’ – A Short, Short Story
Was she the one being counseled or was she the counselor? I couldn’t tell at first.
Were the children hers, or the other woman’s, or maybe they belonged to the man, or all three. I couldn’t tell at first.
At first I thought she would sit still long enough for me to draw her.
At first she didn’t notice me.
Marty Coleman – 9/13/13
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 12, 2013 | Chaz Bono, Mr. Xperience Says - 2013 |
Don’t blame me, Mr. Xperience says today is #5.
Who Are You?
It’s good to have a strong identity, isn’t it. If you don’t, it’s easy to be swayed and pushed and bullied into being someone else, someone the other person wants or needs you to be. That someone else could be a bad person, i.e. “He just fell in with the wrong crowd, that’s why he stole all that stuff.”
Being Secure
It could be you are being pushed by someone who isn’t very secure. To increase that security they want others to be like them, and that makes sense because they become more secure when they see others imitating them. That is how some parents are. But the best parents are secure. They are wanting their kid to be a unique being, not a mini-mom or mini-dad. They don’t need that reinforcement of their identity to compensate for their lack of confidence. They are happy to see their son or daughter find their own way in life, career, relationships.
Celebrating the Unique
They have ideas of what might work for their kid, and they put that forth. But they don’t reject or condemn the child when they become someone different than they are. They celebrate their kid’s uniqueness. That is how they make sure they have happy and secure kids.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Chaz Bono, 1969 – not dead yet, American writer and musician
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