by Marty Coleman | Jun 25, 2013 | Caitlin Reynolds, Women Judging Women - 2013 |
Women being judged happens in so many ways. What do you think of this story?
OOOOOOOOOklahoma where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plains…
My wife and I were walking with our adult daughter in a very stiff Oklahoma wind yesterday morning. We were in the city and the canyons of tall buildings were creating the funnel effect, making the wind whip even stronger than the 25 mph it was probably going. She was in a nice conservative dress that laid a few inches above the knee, her hair was long and loose because she had just had it cut and colored and had to let it be down for the day so it wouldn’t kink. As we leaned into the wind she tried to hold on to her hair, her dress, and her purse. She was barely holding her dress down, her hair was blowing everywhere and her purse wasn’t far from take off. She was holding everything as tight as she could because this had happened in this exact same spot about a year earlier as well. In that case the wind had grabbed her dress right as she got out of the car. Luckily Linda and I were right behind her so the resulting ballooning was obscured to anyone who might have been looking. She also had told us that she had the same thing happen at an outdoor wedding just a week before.
It Sucks Being a Woman Sometimes!
As we continued walking and she continued to fight the wind she gave a loud huff and in a moment of frustration simply said, “It sucks being a woman sometimes!” She was referring to the present circumstances of course, but I also got the feeling she was expanding that statement out to other areas of being female as well.
Does it?
What about you? Do you have areas of suckiness as a woman? Have you been able to modify your life so that suckiness is reduced or has disappeared? Or maybe you don’t think it sucks?
Tell the Napkin Kin community about your experiences and opinions.
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Drawing and story by Marty Coleman, Inspired by Caitlin Reynolds
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 24, 2013 | Products |
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If people ask me what I do and I am being cheeky (and want to make them say ‘WTF’ to themselves) I simply tell them I draw on napkins. If they get to know me they will find out I also write, photograph, consult, travel, speak, and coach. But they may not know I also am the Energizer Bunny using Energizer headlights,
Doing things like this:
This is the scene of me fixing the washing machine for the second time in 2 months. It was not fun. That motor there? It weighs 250 lbs. Really. I dropped it on my finger at one point. That hurt. I had to balance that motor, the flashlight and and a screwdriver at the same time. And I had to figure out how to clip it on while doing that.
I also do things like this:
This is me fixing the garbage disposal for the 6th or 10th time. I forget which. Luckily it’s not a terribly hard fix, just a hex wrench in the middle, a little stiff tug and it’s done. But that isn’t as easy to do as one might think in the dark. Enter in the Energizer headlight. I love my bright headlights. I have used specialty ones for running but I didn’t have a general one for use around the house. After doing the washing machine without a headlight I went to Wal-Mart and got one right away just in case I had to take it all apart a third time! Luckily I had it for under the sink.
And for this:
This is me behind my desktop computer switching out some USB cables. I have 987 cables back there (at least) and it is not easy to follow them. But it would be impossible without a good headlight. It’s makes life easier, no doubt. I bet George Washington would like Energizer headlights. They had a 3 LED beam headlights and a 6 LED beam headlights. I chose the 3 LED because I thought the 6 version would blind my wife if I looked her way while trying to light my way.
And seeing as it’s Oklahoma, you know where we need one of these, right?
In here:
This is our storm shelter we had installed last year. We supplied it with storm survival stuff this spring, including work flashlight, lamps and night headlight, all from Energizer.
We are prepared in that storm shelter with TV, radio, electricity (if it doesn’t go out) food, water, a fan and more. We even have a dog food and a bowl for dog water just in case we have to live in there for a while. Lights though lead the way in important stuff to have to light my way!
And of course, since I am a runner, I knew no matter what else I was going to use the night headlight for, I was going to use it for some late night or early morning running.
Like this:
Nothing worse than running in a neighborhood with potholes in the street in the dark. Bright Headlights make a huge difference. Energizer has a huge array of headlights so I can use the sports version for running, with it’s red tail light on the back. Very cool.
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I also posted an entire Google + story about this as well with even more photos.
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Photos and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 21, 2013 | Antonio Banderas, Women Judging Women - 2013 |
When do Expectations Arrive?
When and how do we decide what we expect of ourselves? Our fitness, our looks, our money, our kindness, our giving, our status; you name it and we have expectations about it. But many of these expectations aren’t even verbalized or consciously defined. We often see expectations in hindsight better than in foresight.
I remember when I got divorced in 2000. It wasn’t until then that a great unspoken expectation for my life was shattered. I had never verbalized it or even consciously visualized it. But when it no longer had a chance of happening in the future, then I could see it clear as day. It was an image of me sitting on the porch of the family cabin, my ex-wife’s family cabin, on our 50th wedding anniversary with grandchildren playing all around me. It was sort of like I had put it on my to-do list after it was no longer possible to achieve. That was a point of frustration for me until I remarried and created new visions for my future.
Less Control
I have a good friend whose expectations of relationships and marriage have not gone according to expectations. She has said to herself in hindsight, “I expected to be married by about age 25.” but she wasn’t. On and off it’s been a focus of frustration for her.
What can she do? She can modify or get rid of the expectations. To be flexible and adaptable enough to deal with what really IS instead of what she would like the IS to be, is her best path to peace if you ask me. It’s not that there is nothing that can be done, but doing everything in her power is still not going to be enough to guarantee the outcome she wants. And that is what she has done and why she is a successful and happy woman. She isn’t without frustrations but she knows how to move past them and find the beauty and value in new visions of life.
More Control
I wanted to lose weight for quite a while. My running had got me in pretty good shape, but my nutrition and food intake was not good and as a result I weighed north of 200. I wanted to lose the weight but wanting to didn’t help me lose it.
What can I do? I can act on the expectation. I have some major control available to me. Not complete control mind you, but a fair amount. When I actually focused on my expectations, I started focusing on was acceptable for me to eat. I stuck with it and I lost weight. 24 pounds and counting after 5 months. I took action to reach my expectations.
What are you doing to reach, modify or get rid of your expectations?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Antonia Banderas, 1960 – not dead yet, Spanish Actor
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 20, 2013 | Helen Rowland, Women Judging Women - 2013 |
This quote is problematic. I don’t think it’s true and I do think it’s true. Read my friend’s story below then let us know what you think.
I Am Good
I have a friend who has worked REALLY hard to get in shape over the years. She has lost a fair amount of weight, is running and doing cross training and is eating better than she used to. Her body reflects that. She has every reason to be proud of her efforts and her results, and she is. She not only is fit herself but she works hard to encourage others to be fit and healthy as well. I would say she is a good person.
I Am Bad
Recently she told myself and another friend that she had gone to a public pool. She said it was the best she had felt in many, many years. She said it was an incredible feeling. Then she said this:
“I am a terrible person”
Needless to say we were a bit confused. “What do you mean, you are a terrible person?” we asked.
She said, “I am a terrible person because I kept looking at all the other women at the pool and was so happy I looked better than they did. I judged them.” She judged their lack of taste and self-awareness in their choice of bathing suit. She judged their shape. She judged their lack of fitness. All the while she was gaining more and more pride in herself. Her bathing suit was a great choice because it showed off her body so well. Her fitness level was obvious. Her tan and hair were awesome. In other words, she was better than they were. And she felt that judgment made her a terrible person.
We bantered back and forth about about this, part of me trying to make her feel better about herself, persuading her that she wasn’t a terrible person. And she isn’t.
What Sort of Judgment?
But her day at the pool illustrates something we all can do so easily, and that is to render terrible judgments. She was immediately aware of herself doing this, even while at the pool and explained why this is so. She said it’s a terrible judgment because it is both ignorant and driven by ego insecurity.
First, she said it is ignorant; she does NOT know these other women. She doesn’t know if the women with the too revealing bikini that is also too tight is broke and is wearing the only hand me down bathing suit she has had in the past five years. She doesn’t know if the woman who is too skinny perhaps has a glandular or hormonal problem. She doesn’t know if the woman with the fake breasts had breast cancer or had been teased all her life for being a double A cup.
Second, she said it is driven by ego insecurity. She felt good about her body one minute and then started speaking in her head something along the lines of, ‘What if that woman over there thinks I am too thin?’ ‘What if that other woman thinks I am slutty for having on this small of a bikini?’ To defend against that imagined judgment she preemptively judges them. ” Who are they to judge me?” or “I have better abs than she does”, or “Look at what a terrible example she is to her child being overweight like that” and other self-righteous internal mind retorts.
Re-imagining
What she said she realized during the time at the pool and after, as she looked inward and didn’t like her judging others, was that she can just enjoy her own positive judgment of herself and her efforts while saying no to cutting down others. SHE likes her body. SHE feels good about how her bathing suit looks on her. SHE is proud of the work she as done. That is a done deal, no need to judge others to get there for herself.
She can also imagine the lives of these other women in new ways. She can have creative empathy with them. She might not ever get to know them, but that doesn’t matter. If she can imagine they are lazy, then she can also imagine they are hard working. If she can imagine they are slutty, then she can also imagine they are recovering. If she can imagine they are trying too hard, then she can imagine they are doing their best.
Your Thoughts?
What I loved about the story she told was her openness about her day and the self-awareness about her thought process. She was doing the hard mental and emotional work of transforming her thoughts and her heart in equal measure to her hard work of transforming her body.
And that makes her a very good person in my book. Thanks A for letting me tell your story.
What are your thoughts about the quote and the story? Have you had personal experiences with this? Can you relate? Chime in in the comments!
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Helen Rowland, 1875-1950, American Humorist and Journalist
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Did you read my recent Travel series? I went to St. John in the Virgin Islands, had some amazing adventures, and drew and photographed most everything. Check it out. An Island Cottage Adventure.
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 19, 2013 | Travel, Virgin Islands |
Disclosure: I exchanged photographic work for a 5-day stay at the Island Cottage mentioned in the following blog posts. Blog entries or any other social media amplification were not included in the exchange. I was and am free to say and show anything I want about the trip. All opinions are my own.
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Sunrise and Showers
We leave St. John today, headed back to St. Thomas overnight, then we catch our plane home. Before we did I was able to get a final early morning time of watching the sun rise, then drawing and reading.
Final Sunrise at the Island Cottage
I then did one last round of photos. The only place I hadn’t really hit was one of the nicest. Where is that? The outdoor shower of course!
It is right outside the bathroom, surrounded by a high wooden fence and palm trees. It catches the warm breeze and you can hear the chimes from right outside the shower area. One evening I even took a shower in the middle of a brief rain shower. That was a fun feeling.
I assumed Linda wouldn’t be hot on the idea of my photographing her in the shower so I didn’t even ask. I would have posed of course but then we would have all that jealousy from husbands and BFs and who needs that, right?
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A Final View
We took off for Cruz Bay on the western side of the island where we would catch the ferry to St. Thomas. We stopped at an overlook to get one last look at our new found vacation paradise.
St. John Island USVI, East End and Coral Bay
Coral Bay
We also found … who woulda thunk it … some shopping as well!
Linda in Paradise
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Cruz Bay
We dropped off our rental Jeep, stored our bags at the rental office and took off for a few hours of shopping and eating in Cruz Bay. And just like that we were back in tourist land. It’s not that we weren’t tourists in Coral Bay, but we felt maybe a bit more like travelers, meeting other travelers and locals as we went.
Tourists Trying On
Mongoose Junction is a cascade of shops and restaurants where went for lunch, getting under cover just as a pretty strong rainstorm blew through.
Mongoose Junction
At the restaurant where we ate there was an incredible wood spiral staircase one had to take to get to the bathrooms. It was worth the price of lunch just to climb it.
From the top of the stairs you can see we were smart to pick a table with a cover since right after this shot there was a downpour.
While it rained and we waited for the food I drew the scene. The woman in blue was the only woman we saw the entire trip who was obviously not wearing a bra. We think she had new ‘girls’ and was showing them off.
We did a little shopping and I did my best, which was not very good, to behave myself.
All this getting back to tourist reality led to a existential dilemma for me, illustrated by the following photo. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Hen and Chicks
The answer, obviously, is ‘to protect her chicks’. Tourist or not, that is what so much of life is all about, isn’t it.
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Ferry Paparazzi
On the ferry I played Paparazzi, using my telephoto lens to spy on some sunbathers on a high pool patio. I figure if they end up being famous I can make some money from the pic, if not, I have a pic of a cool house.
Is that Brad and Angelina?
The woman in front of me on the ferry looked out over the bay the entire time. She had a wistful look, as if she was filled with regret or longing. She probably wasn’t but her looks put me in that frame of mind and I tried to capture it in the photo.
The Wistful Traveler
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St. Thomas Redux
We spent our last morning in St. Thomas and then caught an afternoon flight out to Atlanta then home.
We had met Linda and Michael at the beginning of the week at our hotel on St. Thomas. He was the bartender, she was his girlfriend visiting him at the Patio bar. We hung around one evening talking for a long time. He had the Red Sox/Yankees game on and being from Boston was pretty much a Sox fanatic. I am as well so we enjoyed each other’s company.
I particularly impressed him when I answered his trivia question, ‘Where did Muhammed Ali win the heavyweight boxing world championship for the first time?’ Do you know the answer?
Linda and Michael at The Inn at Blackbeard’s Castle
Linda meanwhile was from Minnesota and was a massage therapist. She gave discounts to patrons of Blackbeard’s Castle so on the return trip I had a last minute indulgence and had Linda give me a massage. She is a great massage therapist, with super strong hands and arms, and a helpful knowledge of running/sports muscle issues. In other words she worked my legs a lot!
Linda and the Perfect Massage Spot
We still had time to kill so we wandered down to the bay and over to the high end shops that surround the cruise ship port. Saw more interesting things along the way, including a massive building we figured had to be built specifically to withstand hurricanes of old,
and a beautiful sculpture of 3 women, perhaps from the slave revolt of the 1700s.
No ships were docked so it was eerily quiet. It meant we got good service in the stores and the restaurant where we had lunch. And there we found someone unique, someone we had not found yet among all the people we had talked to for any length of time in over a week in the Virgin Islands.
Mary, The Native Virgin Islander
Taxi drivers from Grenada and Trinidad. Bartenders from Pennsylvania. Retirees from Long Island. Everyone we met, every single person who told us their story, was from somewhere else. Until the very last person. Our waitress, Mary, was having a slow day and we struck up a conversation. We were pretty much assuming she was going to be from Ohio, or maybe California. But no, she was born and raised on St. Thomas. So where her parents AND her grandparents. She was as native as it gets. And did she think it was paradise? No, it was just home. She was hoping to go on vacation anywhere non-tropical. Canada would be good, maybe Maine!
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The Sleeper and the Screamer
We finally made our way to the airport and got on board our flight home. Linda wanted us both to have free seats next to us so she arranged it so we were on the same aisle but opposite sides, both at the windows. Well it turned out the plane filled up and we both had people next to us. The woman next to me, Karen, was going home after spending her vacation with 11 family members. She was one of 8 sisters (and one brother) most of whom were on the plane nearby. We chatted a bit then she nodded off to sleep. I took advantage of her stillness to draw her on the little napkin that came wrapped in plastic with a fork and knife.
After I drew her I watched the inflight movie. At some point I coughed, and as I did, Mary bolted awake and SCREAMED really loud! She freaked out everyone within about 10 rows, including Linda who looked over wondering, WTF? I had no idea what the heck happened. She immediately woke up, realized what she had done and turned bright pink, laughing and covering her face in embarrassment. Her sisters and nieces had caught up to who had screamed by that point and were pretty much laughing hysterically at her. All I could do was look around and then at Linda and say, ‘All I did was cough, really!’
As payment for freaking me out and making it look like I goosed her in her sleep or something I made her pose long enough that I could take a quick pic and use it to draw her screaming.
We had to run to catch our connecting flight in Atlanta and finally arrived home around midnight. The End.
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Part 1 – St. Thomas
Part 2 – The Island Cottage
Part 3 – Exploring Coral Bay
Part 4 – Clean Beaches and Dirty Pictures
Part 5 – Hiking Above, Snorkeling Below
Part 6 – Kayaks and Mermaids
Part 7 – The End – the Native and the Screamer
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Post Script
It truly was a great and fun adventure and I highly recommend a Virgin Island vacation and in particular a stay at the Island Cottage. It will be an adventure for you too! Contact Cindy and Harry via the VRBO Island Cottage website to find out more.
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© 2013 Marty Coleman | MAKE Studio | Napkin Dad Publishing – All rights reserved.
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