In the past few months I have photographed a number of women who have all told me the same thing; they hate their nose because it is too big. This isn’t new, I have been hearing it from women (never men) most of my art and photography career, which goes back over 35 years. In not one of those situations did I look at their nose and think that. Instead I thought their nose was just right for their face in balance, shape and size. In other words, I loved their nose and thought it added to, not detracted from, their beauty.
The French Knows Noses
If there is any place on earth that has refined taste, it’s France. This quote is a French proverb. It’s from the country of high sophistication and beautiful art, architecture, women, men, fashion, food and more. If France can make a national statement about the beauty of the nose, then who are we to disagree, right?
That’s it. That is all I wanted to say. All you women out there who think your nose is too big, I think your nose is beautiful.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who knows.
Quote is a French Proverb
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If you ever do get put down for your nose, memorize this monologue from Roxanne.
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Trivia question of the day
What animal has the most olfactory (smell) receptors?
It’s so easy to fall into a pattern of non-communication when you are with the same person for a long time. At first it might even seem wonderful, you can be in the same room and not feel the need to constantly talk to each other. But over time, if certain frictions have occurred and not been talked through successfully, the silence isn’t just quiet time, It’s resentment time disguised as quiet. Multiply that over years and you can’t talk about anything. Not only are you far apart in emotions but that lack of communication also leads to being far apart in interests, needs, hopes, fears, creativity, desire, and more.
Electric Fence vs Boiling Frogs
The silence becomes like an unseen electrified fence between the two of you. Touch it and you are shocked. Someone or something does have to break through that force field and be willing to accept the pain that comes with touching it. If not, you might feel safe for quite a long time, much like a frog that is dropped in warm water and feels fine until it finally realizes the water is too hot. By then it is too late. While you are in that water that is increasing in heat you might feel profound unhappiness, sadness and loss. But you might also think it will cool down on it’s own if you just wait it out. And you might be right. But you are more likely to be wrong. Either way you will probably go through greater pain than than if you had decided to break through the electric fence.
And who knows, maybe that fence isn’t as fatal to touch as you might think. It might actually be the very thing you need to save your relationship. Either way you will at least know and be able to move forward, right? Or is it just too dangerous to try? Are you in the slowly boiling pot? What keeps you in it?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has been through it.
Do you think in ‘Girl’? Or maybe you think in ‘Guy’? Perhaps it’s even ‘Girly Girl’ or ‘Guys’ Guy’ that is your language of choice? Well, this napkin is promoting the idea that to be truly great you must combine those two into one. Now, I am not just talking about the generic type of great as in ‘He does great work with wounded vets’ or ‘She is a great violinist’. I am also talking about the type of great that can also mean successful, as in ‘They have a great marriage’ or ‘They make a great song writing team’.
Second Language
When we talk about that type of great we mean that they understand each other and work well together. And that is possible because no matter if ‘Girl’ or ‘Guy’ is their first language, they make an effort to learn the other language as well. They study it, they practice it, they seek to understand the subtle meanings within it. They don’t resent it and make fun of it and complain to their friends about how stupid people are who speak that other language. They realize they love and respect that other person and believe learning their language is worth it. They also know that learning their own language isn’t all that easy either and they give the non-native speaker a break when they get something wrong or don’t understand.
Fluency
What about you? Are you actively trying to understand and care for those who don’t speak your language? Are you helping them to learn it or are you just complaining when they aren’t fluent? And on the other side, are you sincerely trying to learn that other language with which you are unfamiliar? If you do, then you are you will reach your goal.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who speaks 2 languages.
I watched a TV segment about Edward Albee recently. He is the Pulitzer Prize winning playright whose most famous work is ‘Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf’. The interviewer was asking him if he considered that the subject matter would be offensive to some. His response was, yes he knew it might be but that the play was telling him what needed to be in it, not people who may or may not be offended by it.
Art Creating Itself
That is how it is with me as well. My imagination starts somewhere and then once I put pen to paper the images tells me where to go and what to do. It tells me what it wants to be. The more I listen to that the better the work. The more I listen to a possible future offended person the more I will create something self-censored, something that looks like someone else’s work, not my own.
That is why I often draw nudes. The content and message in the depiction of a nude says something I want to say. Clothing the person would take that element of the idea away and if I bow to that pressure I am diminishing my power as an artist to create something expressive and valuable. If someone is offended or interprets the work in ways I don’t anticipate that is ok, I even like hearing about that and learning from it. But I can’t try to extrapolate what that might be in advance just to save someone somewhere a possible hard thought or offensive reaction.
You Creating Yourself
So it is with creating your whole self as well as a work of art. Chisel and hammer out who you want to be, not who you would be if you offended no one. Because if you turn yourself into who someone else wants you to be, you become hard to know, admire and love. The world ends up seeing a watered down you, diluted with someone else’s ideas of who you should be instead of the full flavored you. And you’ll end up offending someone anyway.
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Drawing and Commentary by Marty Coleman, who is who he is.
I think I have mentioned before that my father, Skeets Coleman, was somewhat famous. He was a test pilot back in the 50s who flew the first vertical takeoff and landing airplane. As a matter of fact, he was the only one to have flown it. He gained fame from those years of dangerous work, with commercials, interviews, fame and recognition within the aviation community. It led him to great jobs, wonderful opportunities to make money, support his family and promote aviation in the best way he knew how. I still get calls and emails from people wanting his autograph, photo or to conduct an interview with him. At age 94 he doesn’t have the mental acuity to do that but he still remembers his glory days, better than most other things in life actually.
What the Pearl Didn’t Do
So, you could say he was one of the lucky ones who brought the pearl back up. Only it was only one pearl. Yes, he was able to parlay that pearl into other things, and that is good. But that pearl didn’t make him something he was not. The pearl didn’t cause him to not drink so much. The pearl didn’t cause him rid himself of his temper. The pearl didn’t make him more moral or ethical or loving or kind. What the pearl did was make him and his endeavors more recognizable to more people. That was the pearl he picked up. And it was a good pearl.
Many Pearls
But we can’t depend on one pearl to satisfy us, just as ultimately it didn’t satisfy my father. He had to dive down again and find other pearls, not associated fame. He had to find the pearl of wisdom, the pearl of patience, the pearl of satisfaction, the pearl of brokenness. It was when he found those pearls that he became the better man. It was collecting those other pearls that allowed him to grow and learn and become worthy of that first pearl of fame.
What pearls are you diving for?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who loves his father.
