by Marty Coleman | Oct 10, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012, Walt Whitman |
I judge it to be day 3 of ‘Judge Knot’ week!
Will You Die?
In spite of the cliche ‘curiosity killed the cat’ what being curious does is teach you that you will not die (because you are not as stupid as a cat I hope). You will not die from appreciating the woman with the striped toenails at the public pool. You will not die from appreciating your co-worker with a lot of tattoos. You will not die if you eat at an exotic food at a restaurant representing a country you are unfamiliar with. You will not die if you have a date with someone of a different race than you.
Untying the Judge Knot
Do you want to untie your Judge Knot? Be curious. Curiosity doesn’t mean you don’t judge. It means you reserve judgment until you have knowledge. It means you don’t judge based on prejudice and bigotry. It means you hold your judgments and opinions lightly, being willing to change them when good evidence and strong ideas lead you to change them. I am a big judger. I judge and I believe in judging. I just don’t believe in doing it before my curiosity has had a chance to work. After I have found out about something I feel fine making a judgment. I then hold the judgment lightly and reserve the right to change my mind, which I often do.
That is how humans progress after all, right?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Walt Whitman
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Curiosity of the Day
Walt Whitman first published his famous collection of poems ‘Leaves of Grass’ in 1855. He continued to produce new editions with new material for 36 years, until his self-titled ‘Deathbed Edition’ in 1891. He died in 1892.
Walt Whitman by Thomas Eakins
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 9, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012 |
Me See vs You See
How do you see yourself? I photograph a lot of people and I always assume that how I see them will not be how they see themselves. I will more than likely think they are prettier, thinner, healthier, more colorful, more stylish, more confident looking than they think they are. Now, part of this is the obvious result of them knowing themselves better than I know them. They see the scars, they see the lack of muscle tone, they see the sags or pasty coloring that I don’t see. But even if I do see those things I am still not understanding their place the way the owner of those things understands them. That is to be expected.
You See vs You Judge
The more important question is, how do you see yourself? Is your awareness of some element of your face or body overwhelmed with negative judgment or is it just an acknowledgement? For example, let’s say you (talking to a woman here), notice that your skin is a bit pale lately as summer ends and fall begins. You put on a bit more blush and a brighter shade of lipstick to compensate for the paleness and you are good to go. If you had to go out without the blush and lipstick you would be ok, but you have the time to add it so you do. You feel good and unself-conscious.
Compare that to you not just seeing yourself as a bit pale but as judging yourself as ugly and unacceptable for being pale. You are judging yourself but part of that judgment is projecting a world full of judges you must face when you go out. You worry that others will be seeing not just you being a bit pale, but as being ugly or old looking or lazy for not tanning or using makeup better. You feel lousy and self-conscious.
Who is Paying Attention?
The important thing to remember in all this is that the entirety of almost all judgment that is going on is going on inside your own head. While there might be someone out there who is going to judge you, it’s not likely. The truth is, if someone does see you when you are pale and feeling vulnerable, it is likely they are going to either not notice or if they do, it will be a brief awareness and then a forgetting of it. They likely will not be judging you.
The question then becomes, why do you think they are judging you? Well, most of the time people think others think like them. So perhaps the place to start is in evaluating if you are, not only your own harsh judge, but a harsh judge of others as well. I know some people who would never be judgmental of others, but continue to think they are being judged much harsher than they are. Then again I do know some people who are always thinking others are judging them because they spend much of their time judging others rather mercilessly.
Untying the Judge Knot
Which one are you? If you are the judge, then that is where to start. Be conscious of it and make a decision to stop the judgment when you see yourself doing it. Avoid TV shows and other people who push judgment as a form of entertainment and social bonding. It isn’t. If you aren’t a judge but constantly feel judged then evaluate whether it really is an accurate evaluation of how others are responding to you. Do you have any evidence they are judging you? What is that evidence? Chances are you will find that evidence is in your head, not something actually coming from them. Keep evaluating and look for real evidence of that judgment. Not just some look that can be interpreted a million different ways, but actual proof they are judging you. I bet you find very little.
The best, most realistic way to untie the Judge Knot is to practice judging not. If you do, then judgment, either from yourself or others, real or imagined, will diminish.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Nancy Lopez, American Golfer
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 8, 2012 | The Judge Knot - 2012 |
The Judgment Stop Sign
I spoke at a 4H conference this past week and even though my talk wasn’t specifically about judgment I found myself returning to it again and again during the talk and in conversations afterwards. I was speaking on things that stop you from becoming who you want to be, and judgment is one of the big ones.
Why does judgment stop us? Because it stops consideration. Judgment is a decision about something. Of course, we need judgment to make wise decisions, to make moral or ethical decisions. But many of our judgments in life have nothing to do with those things. They don’t protect us from danger or destruction, they blind us to possibilities and joy.
The Judgment Response
Judgment is in our thoughts first of course, before it becomes words. What do we get out of judgment thinking? We get security for one. We know what is right and what is wrong and that is the essence of security. We get superiority and superiority gives a feeling of security as well. I am better than the person I am judging; I look better, speak better, sound better, care more and others see me as better. What else do we get out of judging?
Then we go from thinking to speaking judgment. What do we get out of judgment speaking? We get is validation. We get supporters, troops and weaponry. We get the ability to kill. This sounds great if you are in a war. But are you in a war? Do you want your life to be about fighting and judging? Can you pay attention to the beauty and wonder of the world and the people in it if you are always busy either attacking in judgment or preparing for judgment battle?
The Not Knot
Moving towards, and becoming practiced at, judging not can indeed be a knot that is not easy to untie. What steps can we take to untie the knot?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Ira Gassen
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 5, 2012 | Travel |
I am in Arkansas, speaking at the Southern Region 4H Volunteer Forum. Here are some of the drawings I have done and people I have met so far.
Her friend said Ruby was sexy and fun so I should draw her, so I did.
Someone told me this was her favorite quote and I decided its one of my new favorites as well.
Boy, where to start with this retro poster I happen to see in a display this morning! What do you think it is saying?
She is also a web designer so as we talked about the confusions of WordPress after my presentation I asked her to let me draw her.
The good folks at Oklahoma 4H set up a fun space for people to come by and draw their own napkins. I sat at the table and did a meet and greet this morning. This is where the drawings you see were done.
This was the sunset that met me this morning.
Karla, the woman who hired me for this gig, had a meltdown over a technical issue last night. Kevin, her co-worker, saved her butt. In return he wanted her to kiss his toes. This drawing I did for her is as much as he got in that category!
Ruby’s friend wanted her drawing done as well!
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by Marty Coleman | Oct 3, 2012 | Marty Coleman |
The 4H Idea
I am going to be giving the Keynote address at the Southern Region 4H Volunteer Forum in Little Rock, Arkansas tomorrow. I wanted to have a napkin specifically for 4H but was having a hard time visualizing it. Luckily, as I was writing the commentary for a napkin I was drawing earlier this week I came up with this quote. It started me thinking about what I know of the 4H Organization and how it all seems to be about helping young people become who they want to become.
It’s a tricky thing, this becoming. We are constantly becoming something new in mind and in body, even us old people. But it is especially true of young people. They are going through a tsunami of becoming as they grow. Our job as parents, as volunteers, as teachers, as mentors, is to figure out the best ways to help these young people navigate through this tsunami of change.
I love the simplicity of the 4H idea: Becoming takes place in four arenas of life; Head, Hand, Heart and Health. That is what it’s all about.
The Balancing Act
It acknowledges that our thinking, working, caring, and fitness all need to develop in balance with one another. It’s not enough just to be a model of bodybuilder perfection or look great in a bikini if you aren’t able to think critically about the world. It’s not enough to be a theoretical genius in neuroscience if you fail to love your neighbor. It’s not enough to be always working, earning all the money in the world, if you ignore your health.
Leading the Way
They all work must in concert with one another if we want to be the person we really want to be. And as any kid will tell you, they are watching our example much more than our words. So if we want our youth to be balanced, guess what? We have to lead the way.
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Drawing, commentary and quote by Marty Coleman
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