by Marty Coleman | Jun 17, 2016 | George Bernard Shaw, Love and Hate - 2016 |
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Infinite Versions
I came up with the idea of the drawing at the top first. But then I thought more about it and realized that it needed a second illustration so I drew the two men on a separate napkin. Then I thought of another version and drew it. Then I thought of another one, and another one. Then I realized there are infinite versions of the coward hating someone who intimidates them. In America alone you can see a hatred of Muslims (or more accurately, pretty much everyone from the Middle East, Muslim or not), LGBTs, women, African-Americans, gun owners, gun regulators, Democrats, Republicans, Chinese, Mexicans (or anyone speaking Spanish), Jews. rich people, poor people, celebrities, disabled, Atheists, Christians, Goths, Pageant Queens, fat people, thin people and more. The list is indeed infinite.
The Box marked X
The simple truth is, the coward can’t handle figuring out a way to live with one or more of these groups. They don’t want to struggle with the difficult emotional and psychological work of opening their mind to try to understand these other people. That takes courage. It’s much easier to simply categorize whatever group is intimidating you into being unworthy of your attention and contemplation. Just put them in the box marked X and hate the box. It’s so much easier.
The Danger
It’s also so much more dangerous. Of course the obvious danger is what happened in Orlando and South Carolina and on back at different locations for decades now, and that is violence that kills and maims. It is what we most want to avoid. But there is another danger, not as immediately disastrous, but perhaps equally terrible in the long view, and that is a life wasted by hate. Many hateful people aren’t going to go out in a blaze of shame by killing themselves and others. But they are going to live a life of hate and end up on their deathbed having only that hate to show. What a tragedy that is.
Admit It
So, what do you do about it if this is you or someone you love? It’s to admit your intimidation. Admit your fear. Start with what is at the root of it all. That requires courage. But the benefit of summoning that courage instead of hiding in the cave of cowardice is that you get to be in the light. You get to escape the hate and move towards love. And once you escape it in one area of your life, it gets to be infectious. Loving becomes easier, it becomes something you want, something you look forward to, something you can give away with pride. And, it’s something that then starts to transform others around you.
That is worth any level of harsh self-evaluation.
Drawings and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish Playwright
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 14, 2016 | Love and Hate - 2016, Marty Coleman |
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What Won’t Change
I believe that if nothing happened in Congress to legislate responsible gun regulations after Sandy Hook, nothing will happen now , after Orlando. I think that is terribly sad but I do think it is true.
What Can Change
But, I do believe there is something we can do every day. And it can actually have a profound effect, and that is to examine what builds hate up so much that a person believes they are justified in committing mass slaughter (or individual killing). What is it that brings them to that point? and most importantly, who and what can help them never get to that point?
Brain Illness vs ‘Normal’
Obviously someone who is mentally ill (more accurately, has a brain disease) is one sort of case who takes a lot of effort, in informal and formal environments, to get help and resolution. But what about the many who would not be classified as mentally ill if they had a formal evaluation? What about those who are law-abiding citizens, who can by guns legally, who also happen to be very angry or depressed, or jealous, or anxious, or bitter or any number of feelings and emotions that are taking them to a very dark place? What can we do about and for those people?
Helping
How do we help them lay down the burden of anger and hate? First and foremost it always starts with our own behavior. We have to be the example of someone who has already done that and continually does it. Then we have to be willing to see others clearly, to not make excuses when someone is angry, to not enable them to continue, but to stop and confront them in love and compassion, not in judgment, letting the person know you are on their side and in their corner wanting the very best for them. If we don’t feel safe confronting them, then we need to find friends, family or professionals that might help. But in many cases it’s really simply about asking them about their feelings and talking it through with them, giving them hope they can get beyond the hate they have. It’s not a simple process, but it can be done.
Guns Again
One of the arguments I hate the most from gun advocates is the, ‘Hey, if they don’t have guns, they will use knives’ argument. I think it is absurd and wrong. BUT, it does point the way to something that is true, and that is hate exists before violence, just as Jesus taught. Murder starts in the heart as hate. Even if we did have effective gun control (which we should) we would still have hate. What we do with that, how we transform it into love, is the essential work that will never go away, no matter how many or how few guns we have.
Drawing, commentary and quotes © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 10, 2016 | Mae West, Women vs Men - 2013 |
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Signals
When I was in college I had a female friend who I was hoping might want a romantic relationship with me. I pursued, she gave a few positive signals, then some negative ones, then some neutral ones, then some hesitations, then some positive, then some none, then some no, then some yes, then some…I was gone by then.
It was just too much. I didn’t know where I stood. I didn’t know if she was or was not interested. I didn’t know anything solid. And I couldn’t keep going knowing nothing so I lost interest and eventually went on my way somewhere else with someone else.
Game Playing
It seemed to me that it was a game she enjoyed playing. She liked being pursued, that was the adrenaline rush. Having an actual relationship? Not so much. Of course this can happen with men as well as women, so it’s not only a one way street. Men can get their adrenaline rush from their pursuing game but not the relationship game.
Have you experienced this? What do you think it is it all about?
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Mae West, 1893 – 1980, American Entertainer
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 8, 2016 | Mae West |
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The Good Shock
You know what good shock is? Good shock is when you are forced to face something you think is scary or wrong, something you feel is going to hurt you or destroy society, but actually isn’t. Examples of that could be, as seen in the drawing, breastfeeding in public or transgender rights. Other examples from the past might include having to sit next to a black person at a lunch counter or on a bus. Maybe having a woman as the Pastor of your church. Maybe moving next door to a married gay couple. Maybe It would be having an African-American as your President. Or maybe a woman as your President. Maybe a lot of things.
The Bad Shock
You know what bad shock is? Bad shock is when you witness something cruel, mean, hurtful, hateful, discriminatory, bigoted, racist, sexist, violent, disrespectful. That is bad shock. And you know what makes it worse? When you don’t say anything or, even worse, support it.
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman
Quote by Mae West, 1893 – 1980, American entertainer
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 4, 2016 | Muhammed Ali |
When I was 10 years old my family went to Chicago for a big family reunion. We were staying at what I thought was a pretty spiffy place called ’50th on the Lake’. Something happened at that reunion that has stayed with me my entire life. It became deeply rooted in my memory.
Today that memory and all the moments since came rushing back. My sister, Nancy, remembers it slightly different than I do but here is the story as I remember it.
Nancy and I came down the elevator into the lobby. As we exited we saw a black man sitting by himself on a couch. We both knew exactly who he was because my father was a big boxing fan at the time. I don’t think people now can understand how big boxing was back then. I really was one of the biggest of sports, along with Baseball and Football.
We both became very excited and very scared because, after all, this man beat people up for a living. But we knew what we had to do. We went to the desk and got hotel postcards and a pen and went up to him. In my memory I went first and asked, “Mr. Clay, may I have your autograph?” He said yes, and signed my postcard. My sister, standing right next to me, did the same thing. But this time he stopped and said, “Yes, but only if you call me Muhammad Ali.” Which she did when she thanked him. He wasn’t mean, he was kind and soft spoken when he said it. He was generous and easy going with us and it left a deep impression on me.
Of course, just as any of us do when we have a personal moment with a star, he was forever and always the one I rooted for. I was devastated when, 2 years later, he was stripped of his Championship after being convicted of refusing the draft. I was upset because I didn’t have him to root for anymore. Nobody else in boxing came close to being of interest to me (or to millions of others). But then, as I grew up and became aware of the larger issues in the world I realized I still could root for him. I could root for him to win his legal battle, because I believed he was in the right, and maybe then he would be able to box again.
And that is what happened. He came back from a 3 year layoff to fight again. Not many people gave him much of a chance since a slew of very hard hitting boxers had come up in his absence. Frazier, Norton and a particular big, hard hitting man named George Foreman.
It took him 4 long years of boxing to gain a fight with Foreman for the Championship. The fight took place in Kinshasa, Zaire and was promoted as ‘The Rumble in the Jungle’. While it happened in Africa I was sitting in a college pub at Brandeis University listening on the pub radio to the round recaps after each round was over. Nobody else was paying attention, but I was. I believed he would find a way to win. The press didn’t think that would happen, but millions of people around the globe believed it. They were rooting for this man to defy the odds. After all it had been 7 long years since he had been World Champion. But we believed.
And, in the most amazing upset since he won the title in the first place 10 years earlier, he won. He boxed a brilliant match, luring Foreman into boxing all the energy out of himself by using the now famous ‘Rope a Dope’ strategy. He knocked him out in the 8th round. I pretty much made a fool of myself in that pub with my excitement at his victory. People didn’t realize what it meant to me, but it meant a lot.
He ended up keeping the title for 5 years until losing and regaining it again in 1978. He was the only person to win the championship 3 times up to that point.
But why, besides me having met him, does he means so much to me? It’s because he believed in himself. A scrawny kid from Louisville always knew he was the greatest, and he wasn’t afraid to say it because he always knew he could back it up, and he did. He inspired me, not in athletics obviously, but in life. That if you believe and you act to make it happen, you can make it happen.
But it was more than that. It was also because he wasn’t afraid to grow as a man, a thinker, a human. He kept moving forward in pursuing ideas and ended up where each of us really want to end up, and that is believing love is the most important thing in the world. You can’t do much better than that.
It’s because of those lessons as well as his boxing career that he was the greatest to me.
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