Some people are designated heroes just as one of a group of friends is deemed the designated driver at a party. The designated hero is labeled such and is expected to fulfill that role. It might be an Astronaut, the soldier, a politician, the athlete, a family member. It might be the survivor. Whoever he or she is, they are looked up to. The media tells stories about them. Books are written about them. Their deeds are exalted. They become icons and are enshrined. We all know about them.
Not Designated
But for every designated hero that is looked up to, there is somebody else looking at those looking at the person looking at the hero. The teacher who is pointing to the famous artist is himself being pointed at by her student. The beginning pilot who is pointing to the astronaut is herself being pointed at by a person with a model airplane in his hands. The young woman off in the wilds of Canada who is pointing at the world renowned inspirational speaker is herself being pointed at by the many who listen to her modest broadcasts. The small business owner pointing to the CEO of the major corporation is himself being pointed at by his inspired daughter.
You
Now, it could be that someone who is actually a world renowned hero is reading this. But the overwhelming probability is that you are not world renowned. You probably don’t see yourself as a hero. But you probably are. If you are a parent, you probably are. If you are a business owner, you probably are. If you are pursuing an athletic achievement at any level, you probably are. If you are a policeman, fireman, soldier, you definitely are.
The Point
So, what’s the point? It’s not to give you permission to brag about something. It’s to give you permission to know that you are seen. You see heroes and look up to them, and that is good. And you are seen as well and it’s important to keep that in mind as you reach for your own goals in life.
Periscope
Here is the periscope video of me creating the drawing while viewers try to guess the quote. You can find me on Periscope as @thenapkindad.
As many of you know, I work at Fleet Feet in Tulsa, Oklahoma as a running coach. I have led the 10k & 15k training program called Pathways for 5 years now. This past week Deena Kastor, the Olympic Bronze Medalist in the 2004 Athens Olympics came to visit.
Deena’s Napkin
On Friday night we had a small get together of coaches and staff to meet her in an intimate setting at our downtown workout facility, 52 Fitness. We hung out with Deena listening to her tell stories ranging from her adventures at the highest level of sport to her love of her dog, a giant Mastiff, that runs with her (for short distances of course).
At one point she was going to excuse herself to go get something to eat but I offered to get it for her (Yes, I am a brown noser, so sue me). I brought back 2 napkins and left them on the table along side her chips and dip. A few minutes later someone asked her to autograph a cartoon a fellow runner had drawn with her in it and it reminded me…duh, I should do that too! I grabbed one of the napkins and one of the markers she was using to sign her name and did a quick drawing of her. She then graciously signed the napkin for me.
Deena’s Quote
I told her that usually in my napkin drawings I have a quote but in this case I would probably just have some runners behind her. Later in the evening she addressed the entire group. She told the story of how she has a big chalkboard in her home, one of the first things her friends and family see when they come in the door. She loves quotes and often has one on the board for inspiration. The one currently on her board she said was, “If the voices in your head say you can’t paint, then by all means paint, and those voices will be silent.” The quote is by Vincent Van Gogh. I wrote it down immediately knowing I had the quote I would use.
I talked a bit later to some other runners about the quote and we agreed that one can replace ‘paint’ with almost any other word in that quote and it would still make sense and still resonate with people. So I simply changed ‘paint’ to ‘run’ and knew what I would do.
The next morning she was at our South Tulsa store to run with one of the 1/2 marathon pace groups. She hung around after and signed autographs on a pretty cool small poster of her.
I was able to snag a pic with her.
The Olympics
I knew she had won the Bronze medal at the 2004 Olympics. However, I did not know the story of how she did it until I watched this video. Take a look and be impressed by not just her guts and hard work, but the intelligent race strategy that she used to make it happen. Oh, and did I mention it was 100º at the start of the race? ONE HUNDRED DEGREES.
What was her strategy? Something I preach to my runners, discipline. She was as far back as 18th, running a conservative race, biding her time, waiting until she thought she could move up in pace without breaking down at the end. Slowly but surely she picked off one runner after another over the course of the last third of the race. Watch the video to see what she had to do to pass the 3rd place person and win the bronze medal.
In addition to the amazing Olympic finish she just recently smashed the women’s world record for a US Master (over 40) at the 2015 Chicago Marathon.
Act On It
So, if you think you can’t do something, do what the quote suggests. It doesn’t matter if it’s running, painting, spelunking or something else. Take action, start your move towards your goal and that voice saying you can’t will be silent.
It didn’t start with Disney of course, but Disney certainly popularized it for those of raised in the 20th and beginning of the 21st century. The idea that in a story about good vs evil you must visualize the good as having traditional beauty and the evil as having traditional ugliness. And it’s easy to understand the desire to have it that way. It makes understanding good and evil simple since all you have to do is search for outer beauty and you find the good and same for the opposite.
Shrek
And then came Fiona. Fiona and Shrek turned the beauty equals goodness idea on it’s head. One message that it sent, a message you hear often is, that true beauty isn’t on the outside, it’s on the inside. But there was a more important message that it sent. And that is that beauty is not universal. Shrek didn’t find the ‘human’ Fiona all that pretty.
But when the curse was broken and she turned back into what she had been, a female ogre, Shrek suddenly saw beauty. His kind of beauty. She she saw it in him as well. Both lessons are important to learn.
Inner Beauty
Yes, the cliche is true. Inner beauty matters. And yes, who you are on the inside is what decides your goodness, not your outer beauty.
Outer Beauty
HOWEVER, we do have an outer. Outer, in spite of what so many would like to believe, not only exists, but matters when discussing beauty. Our eyes are not dismissible any more than our other senses. Nobody says what we smell doesn’t matter and nobody says what we hear doesn’t matter. Those things do matter. And what we see matters as well. Having a personal sense of what you find beautiful is not a bad thing, whether looking at a sunset or a hunky fireman.
What is also true though is it is not ALL that matters. If you think and behave as if it does you will very likely end up shallow, egotistical and hurt.
The Inner and Outer Blend
You know how celebrity couples now have one name? Branjolie, Bennifer, Kimye. What would the world for Inner AND outer beauty couple be? Ounter? Inter? Ounner? Who knows. But there should be a word for it because it is what most of us want in our lives. We want to look good and we want to be good, right? We want our outer to be the outer visual expression of our inner. We know not everyone is going to find us attractive, but we would like someone to find us attractive. We know not everyone is going to believe we are good. But we want those who know us to believe we are.
How to?
So, how do we make that happen? It’s no different than anything else we hope to achieve. We practice. The bottom line is you will not become good without practicing being good and you will not have outer beauty without practicing having outer beauty.
If that means time in the gym to make your body what you want it to be, then that’s what you have to do. If it means time spent serving others, caring for those in need, giving your time and attention to others, then that’s what you have to do. And they aren’t exclusive. You can and should be your best inner self while at the gym and you can and should be your best outer self while serving others.
Matters Most
But which one matters most? The inner does. That is the one that transcends the outer. It is where kindness, forgiveness, patience, gentleness, sympathy, empathy, and love reside. Because it is true: Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful.
I started this drawing with the idea that the grey woman would represent the person who did not know herself and this didn’t see herself as beautiful. But as soon as I started to draw the colorful woman I realized the mistake. BOTH women can know themselves and BOTH women can see their own beauty.
Bad Beauty, Bad.
I had a discussion last week with a photographer friend who posted a photo of herself relaxing in a hot tub after a very hard, emotional couple of days. It represented for her feeling relief and joy at making it through a bad time. She took it down because she was self-conscious, then she put it up again because she didn’t want to give in to her fear of what others would think. I told her I was happy she put it back up because it said she was confident and strong in her beauty and happiness. She asked, “But isn’t that wrong? I would never think I am better than anyone.”
It seemed to me she was equating her believing she was beautiful (looking good, in other words) with vanity, ego and superiority over others. My thought was that while being vain and egotistical about it is wrong, knowing you are beautiful does not necessarily mean you are vain or egotistical.
Good Beauty, Good
It isn’t you comparing yourself, it’s you enjoying who you are. It’s about joy and fun, not about judgment and comparing. It’s about allowing that you have a right to express all of you, that includes your beauty, sensuality, femininity, as well as your moods, mind, love, feelings, ideas, etc.
I don’t think recognizing and enjoying one’s own beauty is bad. What do you think?
A few weeks ago I got in a bit of a kerfuffle with some people on Facebook about a recent public event. I thought it was magnified beyond what it should have been, they disagreed. It made me start thinking about when it’s good, appropriate and helpful to magnify something and when it can be counterproductive.
I think we live in a world where being offended by something as our first public reaction is the norm. We don’t like what someone says or does and so we react strongly in public to it. We let everyone know we are offended. There are times when that is important. The offense is real, it is harmful and it is dangerous to you or the world around you.
But there are other times when it can be a very slight offense, one of opinion or outlook or action, that is taken out of context, out of it’s place and blown up into a big offense. Of course we all have different decision making methods by which we make that choice, but in my mind the rise of social media has blown up the offended first reaction into an crowd sourcing protest intent on inflicting pain, suffering or a moral lesson to someone. Maybe that feels good but, in my mind, it isn’t always the best tack to take. Is the goal to feel good or is the goal to get something good to happen? If it’s to feel good, then shaming someone is like fast food. It feeds you short-term but is it really building your body in any healthy way? If it’s to get something good to happen, shaming someone is very unlikely to be the best way to do that. Maybe talking to them, asking them more questions, getting to the heart of why they said what they said is the best way. Or at least the first step to take.
Maybe there won’t be a resolution you are happy with. You can always take the next step of going public at that point. But maybe you will have a resolution. Maybe the person who offended you will have a new understanding of what they did and how it affected you. Maybe they will be sorry and apologize. Maybe they will work to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
