by Marty Coleman | Aug 17, 2015 | Communications - 2015, Peter Drucker |
Bachelor in Paradise
We were watching an episode of the TV show ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ last week (don’t judge). A girl was smitten with a guy. She was convinced it was a match made in heaven based on their date together. At the same time some of the other contestants on the show were starting to think maybe he didn’t have those same feelings. How? A little bit by what he said, which was mostly talking about another girl who wasn’t even on the show yet, but mostly by his body language, his non-verbal communication, toward the girl he had the date with.
Instincts
The day after the date, he avoided her like the plague. When two of the guys went to her and said they had doubts about his intentions she confronted him about it. He said that he was interested but had kept his distance so as to not smother her. He then confronted to two guys, accusing them of throwing him under the bus and that he felt betrayed. It caused both the men to apologize to him and her. One even broke down, so mortified that he had accused him of that when he really shouldn’t have.
Truth and Trust
The kicker? We the audience have been watching him being interviewed apart from everyone else. And his intent? He couldn’t care less about that girl, he just needed to get a rose this week so the woman he hoped would be at ‘paradise’ would show up next week. He’s been a snake, a liar, a schemer and a con man. A week later the girl he wanted to date showed up. it turns out they had been in contact before the show and knew each other would be there. All he had to do was stay long enough for her to arrive and he did it by playing the unsuspecting woman.
What the guys and girls thought was true, turned out to be true. They picked up on his insincerity but they didn’t trust their instinct. They didn’t believe they could trust what was obvious, albeit unsaid.
How good are you at hearing what isn’t said?
Drawing and commentary @ 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Peter Drucker, 1909-2005, American Management Consultant
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 12, 2015 | Communications - 2015, Ralph Waldo Emerson |
SXSW
If you feel I give good things to you via The Napkin, would you do me the favor of commenting on and voting for my workshop proposal for SXSW 2016? http://panelpicker.sxsw.com/vote/55965 You do have to register into the SXSW site but that is so they won’t be overwhelmed by spammers. It is not an obligation to do, attend or buy anything. Thank you very much, Marty
Communications
My increasing use of Periscope has made me think a lot about communication lately so I am starting a new series on it this week.
Who We Are
Have you ever listened to someone who is so grating, so annoying that you just can’t stand to listen to them? It really doesn’t matter what they say, you pay no attention because all you can think of is wanting them to shut up. You can’t hear what they are saying.
Or perhaps you are up late at night watching a televangelist or a informercial and you hate it but still watch it. It’s like watching a car wreck. You want to turn away because it’s ugly and gruesome but you want to watch to see how bad it may get. But while doing that you aren’t actually listening to the message or the product qualities, you are only watching for the perverse entertainment value. You can’t hear what they are saying.
Preconceived Notions
Sometimes the person hasn’t said a word yet and you already have decided not to listen to him or her. It could be because you are prejudice against them due to their race or gender. Maybe it’s because they are in a certain political party or on a certain TV or Radio station. But whatever the case you aren’t open to hearing what they have to say.
Open Mind
I’ve listened to enough Fox News to know they are not my cup of tea. When I heard they were going to put on the first Republican debate of the 2016 election cycle I did not have high expectations. When it became obvious Donald Trump was going to be front and center in that debate I didn’t have high expectations either. But what I did have was an open mind. I was willing to watch the debate and hear all of them, in spite of some reservations about both the news channel and the candidates.
I would still not consider myself a fan of Fox News. But I am a fan of how the three people did their jobs as journalists asking questions. I thought they were tough and to the point. They exceeded my expectations, especially Megyn Kelly.
I was not a fan of Donald Trump before the debate and I am still not a fan. He lived up to my preexisting opinion of him, which is; take away the money and fame and you are looking at an insensitive, simplistic, bullying brute. Put him in overalls and give him a wad of tobacco instead of being in a bespoke suit and tie and he would be considered the worst cartoon stereotype of a backward, uneducated and mean-spirited hick you could find.
In both cases though I was open to having my opinion changed. I was not so set against something or someone that I was unwilling to consider what it is they actually said. I heard what they said and I made my judgment.
Their Fault, My Fault
I do my best to hear what a person has to say but I am not always able to do that. Sometimes there is just too much of ‘who they are’ in the way. But my effort, in spite of not always succeeding, is to take that out of the equation as best I can.
Of course, I want people to hear me clearly as well. I hate the idea that someone will not hear me because I have a bad reputation or because they have some negative memory of me. That is my fault and I have to live with it. If that is something I can control going forward then I want to control it.
But if someone can’t hear me because I am a man, or an older man, or white, or middle class, or American, or not their version of Christian or something else that has to do with their prejudice more than who I am, then I have to let that go. I can be sensitive to not live up to certain stereotypes of course, but I am going to have the best outcome by being the best me I can be, not by fighting every possible prejudice there might be against me.
Your thoughts?
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 11, 2015 | Series |
Hello Napkin Kin!
I am once again proposing a workshop for SXSW 2016. I was accepted and presented in 2014 and would like to do it again in 2016.
If you have been reading my blog lately you know I have been doing a lot of Periscoping (live video broadcasting with chat interaction). I am proposing the idea below and it’s been put up for the SXSW community to review, comment and vote on. I would deeply appreciate it if you would take the time to go over to their site to comment and vote. Comments, particularly ones focused on how you have been helped creatively by me (whether in Periscopes or not), would be especially helpful.
You can click here: http://panelpicker.sxsw.com/vote/55965 or on the screenshot below.
I feel I give a lot of value in art, writing, ideas and inspiration via The Napkin. I hope you feel the same and that if you do you will take a moment to help me out.
Thank you for your continued attention and appreciation of this site and my work!
Marty
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 9, 2015 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman |
Prologue
Oriole had her first one person show at the Gallery Heron.
Chapter One
Oriole got the skirt she wore to the opening at ‘Upscale Retail’ a consignment shop in the fancy part of town. Her sister, Wren, said the skirt looked great on her and that she had the perfect blouse to go along with it. They went over to their mother’s house and found the blouse in spare bedroom closet. Oriole wasn’t at all sure the two went together but her mother, Robin, said that contrasting patterns was the new thing and it looked great. Their little sister, Myna, thought it looked stupid but she thought everything looked stupid so they paid no attention to her.
Chapter Two
Oriole had her friend, Ibis, do her hair and make up. She had been a hair stylist and cosmotologist before she had triplets. She told Oriole that the striped hair was the newest thing and that a dark circle of rouge on the apple of her cheek was also a new trend (she called it rouge instead of blush, trying to be old fashioned).
Chapter Three
Oriole was at the gallery an hour early. She wanted to make sure the paintings were hung correctly and that the food was laid out just right. She found that the piece called ‘Balls’ was hung next to the piece called ‘Hose’ and it shouldn’t have been. She didn’t like the sexual innuendo of the two of them side by side because neither painting was really about sex at all.
Chapter Four
She went to find the gallery owner, Miss Heron, and complained to her. But Miss Heron said it was too late to change the location of either painting. She reassured Oriole that no one would notice that they were next to each other and to just not worry about. Oriole was nervous but agreed to let them stay where they were.
Chapter Five
The opening was a big success. Many people came to it and 4 paintings sold. There were many compliments on the food. Three people said they liked her skirt. Nobody mentioned the two paintings next to each other, though Oriole did see two girls laughing while looking at them. Her family came, including her Aunt LittleHawk, who had gone on a spiritual retreat in Navajo territory and changed her name from Fiona Finch.
Chapter Six
Two days later Oriole was awakened by a call from Ms. Heron, the gallery owner. She told her to get the newspaper and look at the front page of the ‘Art Scene’ section. She said there was a big photo of her welcoming the guests at the opening and a rave review alongside it. Oriole didn’t get the newspaper so she had to get dressed and go downstairs to the corner store to buy a few copies.
The review praised her use of paint, her witty ability to have content and humor together, and the subtle but insistent message of sexual power among women. She particularly liked the two paintings, ‘Balls’ and ‘Hose’ being next to each other. The reviewer, Henrietta Hornbill, said it was the most auspicious inaugural one person show in the city since Nick Sparrow had shown his sculptures of handcuffs made out of different colors of Jello.
Chapter Seven
Oriole was very confused. How could any one get a sexual control message out of her paintings? She had never thought about that at any time in the creation of the paintings. She called her oldest and dearest friend, Dovey, (who lived in Cardinal City, California and couldn’t make it to the opening) and asked her if she thought there was a sexual message in the paintings. Dovey said, “Duh, I’ve always known that. I am not surprised it was what the reviewer saw.”
Chapter Eight
Later that day she got a call from Onea Owl of NPR asking if she would be available for an interview, maybe at the gallery, about her work. They wanted to do a story in the next week about sexuality and wanted her included as an artist leading the way in feminist interpretation of sexual issues. She said yes, mostly because she hoped to meet that lady with the hard name to pronounce who was always on in the mornings.
Chapter Nine
Three days after that she got an email from someone supposedly from Vogue magazine. She thought it was a joke but she recognized the name of Winny Warbler at the bottom of the email as someone who had been a judge on that reality TV show about fashion. Ms. Warbler wanted to do a photo shoot with her as part of an editorial piece on stylish female artists in the city. She was hoping to get Jinny Crow and Penelope Plover as well.
Oriole called her and asked why she wanted her in the editorial shoot. Winny explained that while the striped hair, clashing patterns and bright circularly rouged cheeks had all been trending separately, Oriole had been the first one to have put them all together so successfully. Oriole was even more confused but decided she was going to go with the flow.
Chapter Ten
Oriole became a wildly successful artist in the city, then nationally, then internationally. She was the biggest hit at Art Basel in Miami the next year. She was chosen for the Venice Biennale and the Whitney biennial the year after that. She was the first artist on the cover of Vogue, first on the cover of Time since Picasso and first on the cover of Art Forum since ‘the artist formerly known as art’.
Chapter Eleven
Oriole flew high with her fame for 45 years. She became incredibly wealthy with homes in New York and St. Tropez. She had her retrospective in 4 museums simultaneously. MOMA showed her paintings, LACMA showed her sculptures and Tate Modern showed her prints and drawings. Her erotic art was at the museum in St. Tropez.
Epilogue
The most amazing thing about her career though was her departure from it. After the retrospectives closed she sent a press release out saying that she was going to retire from painting and focus on bird watching. She sold her homes, donated her remaining paintings to various museums around the world and disappeared from the art world. She moved to Saskatchewan, Canada and watched migratory birds the rest of her life, which lasted another 20 years. She died in her sleep in her small cabin in the north woods. Though it was never thought that she ended her own life, she was 95 after all, there was a note on her desk that made some people think she had known the end was near.
It said, “I saw all the important people in my life fly by today. I can die happy now.”
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 7, 2015 | Self-HELP!! - 2015, St. Francis |
That’s Impossible
Do you want to know what is impossible? A relatively obscure Austrian bodybuilder who can barely speak English becoming one of the biggest international movie stars ever and THEN becoming Governor of the most populous state in the USA. That is impossible.
Here’s another one: A divorced B-list actor, on his way out in popularity, becoming the President of the United States. That is impossible.
One more: A clinically depressed unwed mother on welfare becoming the biggest selling author of the last 20 years with a net worth of over 1 billion dollars. That is impossible.
Necessary
Each one of these examples followed the process in the napkin. First, they did what was necessary. They did the hard work to reach their first goal. That first goal is not where they ended up. It was the necessary first step. If you aren’t willing to do the dishwashing in a restaurant, chances are you aren’t going to become an owner of a restaurant.
Possible
Each of the people above had a vision of what was possible. One knew he could become a world famous bodybuilder, the best that has ever been, before or after. One had the foresight and courage to change direction mid-life from acting to politics and public service. The third believed in all her heart that if she could get this book finished and into the right hands it would be a success. Their necessary hard work gave them glimpses into what was possible and they took advantage of those opportunities.
Impossible
Once the possible is taken advantage of with the foundation of necessary hard work, then those things that were WAY out of reach, that were impossible, all of a sudden became no longer impossible, just unlikely. Then more possibles came to pass and then the unlikely became a possible. Then, the impossible became real.
Arnold, Ronald and J.K.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was just another bodybuilding meathead. Ronald Reagan was just another washed up actor. J.K. Rowling was just another wannabe writer. But that’s what others thought of them. It wasn’t what they thought of themselves. They saw themselves, AND applied themselves, as if they were much greater and much better than how others saw them.
They Knew
- They knew they couldn’t let others opinions decide their fate.
- They knew hard, focused work was the key.
- They knew they had to take advantage of the possible for it to become real.
- They knew their vision had to expand and adapt as the future played itself out.
- They knew not to be afraid of failure OR success.
Do you want to achieve the impossible? That’s how to do it.
Here are some rags to riches stories that illustrate this process again and again.
Rags to Riches – Business Insider
Drawing and commentary © 2015 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Saint Francis of Assisi
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