The good new is, if you want an easy path for a walk, you can find one. If you want an easy path to lunch or dinner you can find one. But it is not likely, nor desirable, to find and walk an easy path in life.
I had a friend once who was 45 years old when the first bad thing ever happened to her. She found out her husband was a crack addict and she had to start divorce proceedings for the health and safety of her family.
I remember how shocked she was that it had happened. She really had no idea that most people are extremely lucky if they get to age 45 without a big negative in their life. The easy path she had been on really hadn’t prepared her well for this event in life. But this event did cause the upheaval that made her get a job, one that has been a life changer for her. It also led to a new marriage, one that opened up her life to amazing new possibilities.
None of this means I think she should have had a harder life. On the contrary, I am happy she had a wonderful, positive life with no negatives for as long as she did. It is simply the exception that proves the rule in my mind. That rule is that eventually the path you struggle on will be the one that leads you the farthest.
One of the most important things we can do for our kids is to expose them to the larger world. Whether that is as simple as going to a museum, watching a show on TV about an unfamiliar topic or as complex as a vacation abroad, letting your children see a world beyond their own daily life is essential to helping them make sense of their place in the world.
The goal isn’t to have them be disappointed with their daily life and the ‘lesser’ things that inhabit it. The goal is to understand how those lesser things connect to the larger world. Maybe they will understand how the TV show they watch actually has it’s roots in Shakespeare. Maybe they will realize the graphic design and photography they love in the windows at the mall had it’s roots in the museums of Europe or the pyramids in Mexico’s Yucatan, who knows.
The point is that no one’s world, no one’s things are truly ‘lesser’ if they know how to connect them to the large forces of culture, art, science and history.
“Man must be disappointed with the lesser things in life before he can comprehend the full value of the greater.” – Edward Bulwer-Lytton, 1803-1873, English author. He wrote the famous line ‘It was a dark and stormy night’. San Jose State University (one of my Alma Maters) has an annual writing contest to find the worst original opening sentence for a novel. The contest is named after Bulwer-Lytton.
I know life can be hard. Very hard. I know because I have had very hard things happen in my life. But in the end, it isn’t life’s fault. It’s yours. Learn to play life correctly, no matter how hard, you will get harmony. Ignore the learning and just slam your existence onto the keyboard again and again and you will have discord.
It seems harsh to say, especially if you are going through a hard time right now. I have a friend whose dearest aunt just died and the family is arguing over the stupidest stuff, possessions not worth a dime, who deserves what, religious claptrap about her aunt, etc. They are pounding against the keys, creating a cacophony or ill will and discord.
But she is playing her life’s keys admirably amidst it all. She is remaining harmonious, which is helping her while she tries to explain the loss to her two young children, who were very close to the aunt.
“One plays piano, gets discord. Another plays, gets harmony. The piano is not at fault. The same is true of life.” – adapted by me from an anonymous quote
As some of you know, I have been training for my first marathon over the winter and spring. I ran the marathon yesterday, and finished strong, running the whole way. I was the hardest thing I have ever voluntarily done in my life.
Many of my friends have said, ‘Oh, I could never do that’. And they are right. They can’t. I couldn’t do it either. But that was me of 2 years ago that couldn’t do it, when I hadn’t run at all. It was me of 18 month ago when I had only run a 5k and a 10k. it was me a year ago before I had run a 1/4 marathon or a 1/2.
When did I know I could do it? When I realize my goals had repeatedly been transformed into accomplishments by training. I had discipline and trained. That is all it was. I had a group, that helped A LOT! We supported each other immeasurably. But in the end, support or no, it was doing the miles in training. It was getting up each and every Saturday, in bitter cold, bitter wind, bitter rain and running. It was running alone on the days I couldn’t make it to the group. All that was discipline. I stuck with it. That is all it was.
So, if you are saying that about a marathon, a job, a skill, a school semester, a relationship, a goal of any kind, then you are right. You can’t do it. BUT if you train, if you discipline yourself and do the time, the work, the exercises, etc. then you CAN. That is how your goals become accomplishments.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.” – Jim Rohn, 1930-2009, American author and motivational speaker
Sometimes I don’t draw anyone in particular in my drawings done in church. I might notice something; a sleeve length, hair style, eyebrows, etc. of someone sitting close by or saw walk in. I will keep that in my mind when I start to draw and incorporate it as a starting point.
The rest of the drawing might follow the sermon line, maybe it won’t. By the way, if you are wondering if I remember the sermon or not due to my drawing instead of just sitting there, I can tell you I do remember it quite well. This one for example, was obviously about a door in the sky and on the ground with a turtle and box pointing at them. See, I remembered!
P.S. When you get this Sunday morning I will be in the middle of running my first marathon! It is the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. Wish me luck!
Simple enough. Whether you are famous or not, if you have someone who like you chances are you have someone else who doesn’t like you, based strictly on the fact that the other person does.
Of course, famous people have it to a much larger degree. Maybe you have the fame that leads to people ‘unfriending’ you on Facebook. Maybe you have the fame of people not going to your concerts anymore because too many people like you. It’s not cool anymore. They knew you before you were ‘popular’.
Maybe you are Lady Gaga and people just completely hate you no matter what, they don’t have a clue what you do, what you sing. They only know that an annoying amount of people pay attention to you and if they do as well then they are just part of a crowd.
In the end, the person with confidence and belief in oneself, whether a high schooler suddenly faced with some serious hate going on or a world famous celebrity, will be the ones who can withstand the popularity AND the hate.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.” – Yogi Berra, 1925-2015, American athlete. By the way, if you think he is ‘popular’ because of his funny phrases, you should also know that Yogi was the catcher for the New York Yankees Baseball Team from 1946-1963. He was on 10 winning world series teams (a record), was MVP 3 times, an all-star 15 times!
My god this quote is such a revelation to me. It really does explain, in one short sentence, so much about the women I have known and loved over the decades. Nothing stays remote, by itself. Ideas, places, things, events, all connect back or forward into a person or people. Maybe not a real person, maybe just an ideal or an anti-ideal, but a person nonetheless.
I know, not ALL women are like that. I know that just the same as I know all men aren’t one way. But it does seem to be a dominant way of looking at the world for women. What do you think, is it accurate from your experience?
I believe in freedom of speech. But it is best if one learns freedom of thought and practice it BEFORE indulging in all that much speech. This is especially true in relationships, but it’s also true in politics, media, education and religion as well.
But what is freedom of thought? License to think whatever? Well, yes it is that. But it is more about being free to think through something clearly. To be free from a warped heritage for example, or an angry, habitual response mechanism, or a obsession with being witty, funny and attention getting instead of thoughtful and helpful.
It’s not just what you are free to do, it is also what you are free from.
“People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.” – Soren Kierkegaard, 1813-1855, Danish philosopher
In honor of Earth Day I just want to say that Earth is my favorite planet of all time! By the way, did you know that if the earth were just one foot farther from the sun….I would be wearing a sweater right now!
I want to turn around. I don’t know if this is the right direction. I might get lost. I don’t think I am ready. I am afraid. I can’t do it alone. I miss my old life. I need better shoes. What if I meet someone who knows me? What if I look like a fool? How can I be sure? Why should I bother? What if nothing comes of it? What if I fail?
What is your excuse at the second step?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily “The second step in the right direction is the most difficult.” – Theo Mestrum, 1956-not dead yet, Dutch guy
Nobody likes to admit they lie. They don’t want to admit it to themselves much less to others. Nobody likes to admit it because they are thinking about big lies, or even white lies. But I am more interested in unconscious and subconscious lying. Lying done without really even thinking about it.
For example. You might say ‘I hate turning 40.’ or ‘ugh, it’s raining today’ to a friend. But are you just automatically saying what is expected at that moment? Are you really bummed that it is raining or you are 40 or are you parroting what you think is expected? Are those lies?
I would say they are. You aren’t paying attention to what YOU really believe, but instead are just saying some automatic response that is, when you get right down to it, a lie.
How do we get pleasure from those lies? What do they feed in us?
“Lies are essential to humanity. They are perhaps as important as the pursuit of pleasure and moreover are dictated by that pursuit.” – Marcel Proust, 1871-1922, French essayist and novelist
Have you ever told a story about something big that has happened to you and a person listening will shyly say something like that happened to them too, but on a much smaller scale? They speak with the feeling their event wasn’t really worthy compared to yours. It was inconsequential, unimportant. It might have been an accident, or a home improvement project, or meeting a minor celebrity versus meeting a major one.
When that happens to me I always try to listen and reassure the person that what they went through, their ‘event’, was important, even if it was small in the grand scheme of things. Because after all, what event isn’t small in the grand scheme of things, no matter how large you think it is?
This is especially true when talking to teenagers and young people. Their events might not be as dramatic and big as yours, but they are that big to them! Treat their events as important and big, don’t denigrate them just because they aren’t on the scale you have experienced.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“Every man’s affairs, however little, are important to himself.” – Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784, English author
On Sundays I am posting drawings I do in church. This one was done in March, 2006.
The beautifully coiffed mother sitting very still while her down syndrome child fidgeted and touched everything around him including his father but he never touched her once and she has a tired, strong face that speaks to her pain and vanity and dreams deferred and love she goes to church to find and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and…
A vintage napkin from 2000. Drawn for my daughters and put in their lunches for school.
No, I don’t remember why I drew a toilet saying this quote. I do believe the quote is true so I don’t think I was trying to say it was a waste product. Maybe I thinking that even people we don’t have high regard for can say things of value. Or maybe I was thinking teenagers like toilet humor so I would use that image to say something profound? heck it was almost 10 years ago, as if I can remember now!
Drawing and what passed for a commentary today by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“Pain makes people think. Thought makes people wise. Wisdom makes life endurable.” – John Patrick
Three out of my four daughters were in either Cheer or Pom squads as they were growing up. Some did it for many years, some just for one. I spent a lot of time watching cheerleaders.
Have you ever noticed how uniforms attempt to do what the name suggests? They are used to create uniformity. Uniformity is good to create the visual impact of a team working together. Identity and purpose is based on the team.
But uniforms did the opposite for me. They focused my attention on what made each individual cheerleader just that, individual. The uniform created a standard base by which I could see how they were all different, all beautiful.
And what made them beautiful? It wasn’t how they were similar, it was how they were different from each other. If there is one thing of utmost importance for a parent, especially a father, to instill in his daughters, it is that he sees them as beautiful in their uniqueness, in how they stand apart and are themselves, not how they look like everyone else.
That doesn’t mean you denigrate their desire to fit in. We all want to fit in, and that is ok. But as they work to fit in they will always find that they don’t completely. When they experience that, it’s a parent’s job to build the value of their uniqueness, the beauty in it.
If a woman isn’t proud of her unique beauty, she will only be proud of how she appears to be like someone else. That doesn’t lead to true self-confidence, just the temporary illusion of it.
“There is no excellent beauty that hat not some strangemess in the proportion.” – Francis Bacon, 1561-1626, Englishman, 1st and Only Viscount of St. Alban
How do you know you are going the wrong way? It isn’t just by looking at the path itself. You are on that path because part of you, maybe a large part, maybe a small part, thinks it’s the right path. It’s green, easy to walk on, not too hard. You can be fooled if you only look at the path. Look not at the path itself, but at two things, inside you and your surroundings.
Your Surroundings:
When my daughters were young they played a game I also played as a child. It was called ‘hot lava’. They would put stuff down on the floor; pillows, paper, blankets, stuffed animals. Then they would have to go all around the house with never touching the floor. The floor was hot lava and they would die if they fell in!
Look around you as you? Is your path surrounded by barrenness? Friends, family, work, fun all are far away? Are the surroundings dangerous? If you go off the path just a bit, will you encounter prickers and hot lava and burning coals? You are on the wrong path.
Inside you:
As you walk your path, are you peaceful? I don’t mean every second of every day, obviously life has heartache, stress and pain even when we are on the right path. I mean overall, in general, are you at peace with your path? Are you able to walk it and be nourished? Are you able to help others whose paths cross yours? Are you able to understand and grow on your path? Do you feel it has a destination that is worth the effort it takes to stay on the path? If the answers are no, you are on the wrong path.
If you realize you are on the wrong path, there is only one thing to do: Step off it. You may have to hack through an unexpected jungle to find your right path, but it will be worth it. You can’t go in a new direction if you don’t take that step.
Check it out! My local newspaper, The Glenpool Post, just published an multimedia show about The Napkin Dad, including the photo animation of me drawing a recent napkin.
Jaclyn Cosgrove did an incredible job with it all. What do you think?
At the end of the show you can share it by copying the code as a link or as an embedded video. I would love it if you sent it on to others. You can also share the article and show via all the usual social networks by clicking the share button at the top of the The Glenpool Post website link if you prefer to read the story that goes along with it.
People often cannot allow themselves to think certain things. It might be an idea, ‘God exists’, or maybe ‘God does not exist’. It might be about a relationship, ‘I am going to leave him’. It might be about your career, ‘I am going to change careers and move to another town’. It might be about fitness, ‘I am going to run a marathon’.
Those things are all too big, too far advanced for you to wrap your head around. You can’t think them, you won’t think them. And if you do, you quickly follow it with, ‘no, that’s insane’ or something equally dismissive. But the idea remains, tucked in the back of a drawer in your mind.
Eventually one or more of those ideas might actually sound not so insane. You might think them achievable and bring them back out into the sunlight of contemplation. What matured, you or the idea? The idea never changed. The idea that I could run a marathon is the same idea now, less than 2 weeks away from me actually running my first, as it was a year ago when it was in my ‘insane idea’ drawer!
What insane idea do you have that you need to take another look at?
I started out doing these drawings for my teenage daughters many years ago. Because of that I have a number of teenagers who follow the blog. Some even have their own blogs. It’s great to see their perceptions as they grow.
Today I read a post where the young person had come to a realization that she needed to bring positive people into her life, people who look at the world and see the good. She isn’t unaware of the hardships, the disappointments and the pain of life. But she sees no value in surrounding herself with people who ONLY see that. Who have created a world for themselves where that is all they pay attention to. Their attitude has created their negative world.
She is leaving that behind and finding people who are inclined towards the good in life. I am proud of her for coming to that understanding. It will likely be something she will have to remind herself of again and again through life. But how cool is it to see someone understand that early on.
Sunday church drawing. I have been drawing in church most of my adult life (that’s a long time). I thought I might share some on Sundays for a while. This is one from 2006.
Here is the text in case it’s not legible on your monitor.
“The upper class woman with the bra strap showing and a tag as well listening to the simple sermon by the Methodist who looks like that character actor who later did infomercials whose voice is coming to her as a flying turtle translating it into what she wants to hear so she can live the life she wants as do we all.”
Drawing and single run-on sentence by Marty Coleman, 6/25/2006
A vintage napkin from 2002, put in my daughters’ lunches.
This quote is often used by politicians and radio/ TV talk show hosts to explain why they don’t like arguing. This is usually said right before they start to argue.
Drawing and two sentences passing for a commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily.
“I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” – George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playright
When my wife and I were dating we went to Pacifica, California for a day trip while we were on vacation. She had lived there for a while before we met and she wanted to see it again and show me the place. We went to the beach, which had a cliff off to the side. I wanted to climb up it but she was hesitant. She wasn’t very much into that sort of thing at the time. She decided she would do it and off we went. We made it up and down no problem, viewed the Pacific ocean and just drank in the beauty of it all.
I didn’t think much about it after that. But later, when it was mentioned to our daughter, my wife was very excited about having climbed the cliff. To her, the idea of being able to climb it was a BIG doubt. And being able to do it was, in turn, a BIG awakening. It stayed with her specifically because the doubt was so great beforehand. She now does all sorts of physical things she had no notion she could do before.
Have you ever heard an athlete or person involved in some endeavor tell of that one particular event that caused them to realize they could do it? They made a big play, or they made a big deal in business? That future confidence was a result of that awakening from doubt.
What is your big doubt? What big awakening can you envision if you overcame it?
My wife and I had my unwife and my daughter over for dinner last night. We talked a lot about our various family members, some doing well, some doing not so well. Some battling cancer, some exploding with opportunities of a brand new life ahead. Some in hard jobs, some dealing with very difficult situations. We talked about someone dear to all of us, and the sadness we feel with how that life has gone, it fills us with sorrow at times. Sharing that amongst ourselves diminished the sorrow a bit, knowing others are feeling what you are feeling.
We remembered back, talking about when we were young. Remembering a mother who is no longer with us, a home we used to live in, a funny story of growing up. I told of getting an email recently from a friend of one of my daughters. The friend wrote of her remembrances of our household, it’s fun and light. She is grown now and just wanted to share her gratefulness and joy when she thought back on it. That joy was doubled and tripled and quadrupled because of her willingness to share it.
You want joy and sorrow in their proper place in your life? Share them both.
Think of every accomplishment you have ever had in your life. I am talking to you, the teenager who is 15, the mother or father of said teenager, age 40 something, or the grand and great grandparents of all the aforementioned humans, age 60-100 something. What do all your accomplishments have in common? I am going to hazard a guess that each and every one was preceded by learning something. Learning, then practicing your learning in real life. That is how you can be confident in facing the storms that will come your way.
What are you facing right now, today? Is it out of this category? It is not. All of life is either learning something or practicing what you have learned. It doesn’t matter if it is your 1st love, 5th divorce, 10th job, 50th anniversary, 100th birthday or final illness. There is something to learn and something to practice. If not for yourself, then for those you love.
Drawing and commentary @ Marty Coleman
Quote by Louisa May Alcott, 1832-1888, American novelist. Interesting to note that she was tutored early in her life by Henry David Thoreau and had writing lessons from Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathaniel Hawthorne and Margaret Fuller. She published her first book of stories at age 17.
A vintage napkin from 2001. You know, I have been drawing napkins for over 12 years now! Had a few years break in there there but I started in 1998.
This is hard to accept, isn’t it. I am not sure I do accept it. Or maybe I accept it in most OTHER people, but not me. I mean, come on. My conscience is tied to what others might think of me?
An easy test might be, what would you do if those people weren’t around to judge you (or at least you are anticipating that they are judging you). I am not talking about bad things, I am talking about judgements within civil society. For example, if you are around vegetarians all the time, you might feel your conscience telling you not to eat meat at a restaurant you all go to together, that it is bad to do so. But what if you are on vacation and they aren’t with you? Would your conscience be telling you the exact same thing or would it tell you something slightly (or not so slightly) different?
That’s really the question, isn’t it. It’s knowing oneself, what is conscience, what is getting along, what is an absolute boundary, no matter what. It’s something to think about.
