I slept on it and next thing I know it’s day 3 of Mediocrity Week!
Signs of Life
My post yesterday showed a woman watching TV in the dark, pretty much unmotivated and inactive in life. She was leading a mediocre life and I illustrated it by showing her being idle while the world passed her by. But the truth is being idle is not necessarily a sign of mediocrity. It’s mostly a sign of nothing. It’s just something we all do. We all have times we are idle, not pursuing some grand goal. We just sit and read a light novel, or watch a funny TV show, or listen to frothy infectious pop music. If you have a drive to achieve something, a drive to be excellent at something, then that idle time is good. It is needed to rejuvenate your ideas, your creativity, your energy.
Signs of Death
But if you are living a mediocre life, a life unmotivated and without a flame of excellence then that same idleness is a killer. It is not rejuvenating you, it is burying you. It is helping you to die while you are still alive. So ask yourself – Are you taking a breather at the end of a long day? Then you are in good company, most of us like to do that. Or are you taking a breather from life? Then you might want to slap yourself awake and see if you might not want to pursue something greater than the killing mediocrity of never ending idleness.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman, who has never used curlers for their intended purpose.
When I mentioned on twitter this morning that I was drawing a woman with curlers in her hair my friend and fellow running coach Theresa thought I might need some inspiration so she sent me a photo of herself in curlers. She says she sometimes will even stop at a convenience store to get something while in her curlers AND has been hit on a number of times. She says it has to do with her confidence, that she is who she is and likes it, curlers or not! I have to agree, that’s what confidence is all about!
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Trivia Question from yesterday answered
Question: A man known to many as ‘The most hated man in America’ was suppose to be on the Titanic but missed the boat. Who was he and why did he miss it?
Answer: Henry Clay Frick. He was the chairman of Andrew Carnegie’s steel company and was the man in charge of the violent response to a worker’s strike in 1892 at the Homestead Steel Plant. As a result of that he became widely hated in the US. He and his wife, Adelaide, were ticketed to be aboard the Titanic but she sprained her ankle in Italy shortly before the voyage and they were not able to make the crossing.
I motivated myself to drawing another Mediocrity napkin!
A Decapitated Life
This is gross, right? Well, so is spending your life sitting on a couch looking at gross images. So is wasting your life consumed with watching not doing. So is criticizing what other people do while you do nothing. So is killing yourself before your life is over.
A Reattached Life
I am currently reading the book ‘Frankenstein’ by Mary Shelley. We all know the story of the Doctor who makes a man out of various body parts and brings the creature to life. Did you know we do the same with ourselves? We just do it at the cellular level. Our body recreates itself constantly, old cells die off and existing cells divide to create new cells. One estimate, just as an example, says that we replace 10% of our fat cells per year and between 1% and .5 % of our cardiomyocyte heart cells per year depending on our age. That isn’t to say every single cell is replaced, that is not true. Many of our brain cells for example are with us since birth and will be with us when we die.
The Changing Life
Having new cells isn’t as nifty as say having a new face attached (which now can be done) but it is a reminder that what our cells can do, our brain and body can do. We ARE able to change our habits. We ARE able to change our attitudes. We ARE able to change our behaviors. We ARE able to lead a life of excellence instead of mediocrity.
The Mediocrity Chair
What does it take? It takes a decision to do it and the courage, when the moment arrives, to take action. But, But, But…..All the excuses, reasons, fears, roadblocks, shortcomings, past failures, past successes, pressure, relationships, disbelief, self-loathing, lack of hope, lack of trust, lack of ability are what courage is created to overcome.
So wind up that spring of courage, breathe deep and get the _______ out of your mediocrity chair and go. Whatever it is you want your life to be, I mean REALLY TRULY DEEPLY want your life to be… GO BE IT. You might fail but you will be farther and better than if you stayed in that chair of mediocrity.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who once had skin grafts done on my arms and back. They took the skin from my butt, which was basically the only place on my body that wasn’t burnt, isn’t that cute?
Did you make fun of some the actresses and their dresses on the red carpet last night? I am not asking if you had an opinion about their dresses, but if you ridiculed, mocked and made fun of them. If you did, let me ask you this; Do you have as good a fashion sense as they do? Do you put yourself together regularly (or even occasionally) with a lot of attention paid to the visual statement you are making? Or are you perhaps the Emperor with No Clothes?
The Playing Field
You might think I am saying we shouldn’t be judging. Nothing could be further from the truth. We judge athletes on the playing field with how they play, that is why they are there and why they get paid well, to perform. There is nothing wrong with judging in that case.
On the red carpet the women (and men to a lesser degree) are on their own unique playing field. It’s proper to judge their performance, which in this case consists of how they have visually and materially present themselves. If you don’t think they did that well, then I don’t see anything wrong with saying so.
Judgment vs Judgment
But is it good for you to mock them? To ridicule them? Perhaps if they came in a paper sack, yes. But otherwise isn’t there a substantial character difference between saying a dress is ill-fitting and the actress made a bad fashion choice vs saying the actress looks like a slut in that dress? One is judging their choices, which you can actually see right in front of you and the other is judging their character, which you cannot see and don’t know. One is a legitimate critique while the other is self-righteous, egotistical puffery.
And The Oscar Goes To…
Who was your best dressed last night? My choice for best dressed last night?
I liked the metallic look so my choice was… a tie between
Stacy Keibler
and
Naomi Watts (who also should have won Best Actress!)
Photos courtesy of Popsugar.com
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has never walked the red carpet. But it’s on my bucket list!
I wanted to thank all my international visitors (from 34 countries) this week. I thought I would highlight my five visitors from The Netherlands today. I usually get some traffic from Holland each week and I thought I would highlight them today.
Amsterdam – Two different visitors, one of whom went to see my Veruschka posting in my ‘Artists I Love‘ Series and the other who went to look at the Creativity series.
Breda – A returning visitor who went to the first ‘Idealism‘ drawing from last week and continued on to investigate 10 more categories.
Hoevelaken – Who found my ‘Artists I Love – Andy Goldsworthy‘ post via a Google search. This post has been my most popular post of the last year, by the way. Goldsworthy is awesome, go check his work out.
Last we saw the ghirl ghosts some of them were trying on hats but a number of them were still back at the farm learning how to milk cows. This is the story of what happened to them.
The Cow Milk Tasting
The remaining seven stayed at the farm. After they were done milking they all went back to the farm house to have a taste test. Two of them, Sassy and Skerri, liked Selma’s milk best because it was sweet and creamy. Three of them, Betsy, Belinda, and Beatrice liked BeeBee’s because it tasted a bit like chocolate (which is not odd since BeeBee had found the daughter’s stash of hidden chocolate candy bars in the barn and eaten them all just the day before). Two of the ghirl ghosts didn’t like the milk at all. Lacey had been lactose intolerant when she was alive and had a body and it still scared her to drink milk even though she no longer had a stomach. Kacey had been kicked in the head by Bee Bee when she floated too close to Bee Bee’s butt and Selma had snorted in a way that made Kacey think she was laughing at her (and she was) . She was not in the mood to drink milk after that.
It didn’t take long for the farmer and daughter to grow tired of the ghirl ghosts, not in small part due to the big mess of spilt milk on the floor since they don’t have stomachs. It didn’t help that Belinda burped really loud, spitting milk out on Skerri and Sassy laughing so hard milk came out her nose. Soon enough they shooed them out the farmhouse door and sent them on their way. The farmer and his daughter went inside, used up all their clean dish towels cleaning up the mess, then went to the workroom to finish building bird houses.
The Chase
As soon as they left the farmhouse they heard barking and realized 5 large dogs were running after them. In the meanwhile 4 other ghirl ghosts came back from the hat shopping trip and were looking for the farm when they saw the commotion. They all panicked and floated really fast up a big hill. They were hoping there would be a cliff on the other side that would stop the dogs but instead they crested the hill and ran right into an electrified fence. All eleven of them hit the fence much full force and were electrocuted.
Death After Death
One of the nice things about being a bodyless ghirl ghost, besides not having to worry about ingrown toenails or periods, is that you don’t have to worry about dying either. Since they had died once before they couldn’t die again. But the bad part is it still hurts like hell. The dogs meanwhile had stopped short, not wanting to get anywhere near the electrified fence. They did bark and howl in such a way that the ghirl ghosts thought they were being laughed at, and they were. After the ghirl ghosts recovered their senses (not that they had much sense to begin with) they all decided they wanted to go to a safer place. They decided unanimously and off they went.
And you dear reader, where do you think they are headed next?
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Drawing and short, short story by Marty Coleman, who has never milked a cow.
It might be folly, but today is day 4 of The Ideal Series!
The Intolerant Idea l
That is not a hyphenation mistake at the end of the quote. You can’t be idealistic without an idea. When a person is so persuaded that his or her idea is worth hurting others, worth cutting them down, or worth castigating them as less than they are, then the idea, no matter how positive it is in the abstract, becomes dangerous and deadly. If you have any doubts think of the history of ideas and ideals.
The Religious Idea l
Although bathed in the teachings of love over the centuries, religions and their ideas of exclusivity have led to wars, persecutions, terrorism, hatred, condemnation, assassinations, and destruction of whole societies and cities, all because the ideas included having no tolerance for those who believe differently.
The Political Idea l
State Communism and State Socialism, supposedly started with the idea of ‘brotherhood of man’ and equality for all, led instead to the oppression, incarceration and murder of close to 100 million people under Stalin and Mao alone.
The Personal Idea l
Who do you dislike and why? Who do you make fun of? Who do you declare unworthy of consideration and respect? Who do you hate? Maybe someone fat? Maybe a cyclops? How about a prostitute? What about a Muslim? Perhaps a bigamist Mormon? What about a slut? Possibly a thief? What about a rich movie star? Maybe an atheist? How about a Democrat? Or a Republican?
The Power Idea l
Now give yourself unlimited power to do anything you want to those people. What would you do? That is how the damage of the religious and the political examples I mentioned above came about. They didn’t start after the person got in power. The hatred was there first, then the power gave them the capability to do the damage.
The Ideal Idea l
Jesus taught that the sin was not in the murder alone, but that it was the hatred that led to the murder that was also a sin. Now, I am not a big believer in ‘sin’ in the classic definition, but it really doesn’t matter what you call it. It starts in your heart. If you don’t practice tolerance and understanding when you are without power, you will never have it when you do.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who believes that in the end, only kindness matters.
Ideally this would be day 3 of The Ideal Series, and thus it is.
The Ideal Meteor
You know what would be ideal? If a really large meteor, the largest in 100 years, screamed through the atmosphere and blew up and we could see it all happen! Yes it would be…from a distance. It would not be ideal if it hit your town, blew out your office glass and cut you up really bad. It all depends on how close you are, doesn’t it.
The Myopic Ideal
If you live in Oklahoma then chances are you might think your ideal world includes no need for gun regulation beyond maybe some safety classes. Perhaps everyone having a gun is your ideal. But would you feel the same way if you lived in that violence ridden inner city? I bet the solution would be harder than just simplistically saying let everyone have a gun and all will be well.
But what if you live in a bad area of Chicago or LA or some other city with a very high rate of gun violence? You are far, far away from rural Oklahoma with it’s uncrowded rural life. Your ideal is different. Perhaps your ideal is no one having guns. But would you feel the same way if you lived in that quiet rural world? I bet the solution would be harder than just simplistically saying take away all the guns and all will be well.
The 20/20 Ideal
What do you do if you want to find solutions and maintain your idealism at the same time? Well, we know you can’t find a solution without understanding the other side, since even if you do pass a law, it will come back to bite you if it doesn’t take into account as many people as possible. So, we have to compromise.
But what about the idealism, isn’t that dead if you have to compromise? No, it is not. Idealism is not about reaching something (see yesterday’s drawing) it’s about being guided by something. Your idealistic guiding principles can include finding solutions that help everyone, not just you and your tribe. But to do that you have to be willing to get inside that other world, if not in person, at least via reading and understanding, with an open heart and a belief in the good faith of the other side.
You know what that would be? It would be ideal.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman, who thinks it would be ideal if some well connected friend of mine contacted a marketing department in a paper company that makes napkins or an art company that makes markers and told them it would be ideal for them to sponsor me.
Do you realize that today is day 2 of The Ideal Series?
The Creative Real
I believe art is at its best when it refines and distills something real. But what is real to an artist? Is it beauty? Form? Color? Humanity? Nature? Or something else entirely?
The Creative Ideal
I believe art is at its best when it refines and distills something ideal. But what is ideal to any artist? Is it beauty? Form? Color? Humanity? Nature? Or something else entirely?
The Ideal Real
I love art because it’s up to me to define both my ideal and my real. They are symbiotic, living with each other as lovers. They love and fight and make up again and again and again.
Who is your ideal and your real? Are they lovers or fighters or both?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who ideally would have a real house at an ideal beach with his real wife.
If you are always looking down the illusion becomes reality, that everyone else is below you. They become inferior and needy. They are a burden to you. They aren’t worthy of respect or true care and attention like you are. They are less than you and you are on top. You are not only at the highest point, you ARE the highest point.
Eyes Up Illusion
If you are always looking up the illusion becomes reality, that everyone else is above you. You become inferior and needy. You are a burden to them. You aren’t worthy of respect and care and attention. You are less than them and you are on the bottom. You are not only at the lowest point, you ARE the lowest point.
Eyes Up and Down Reality
If you are looking up and down there is no illusion, there is only reality; some above, some below, some equal. You are not inferior or superior. You are not a burden nor are they. All are worthy of respect and care and attention, no matter where they are. You are not less and you are not more, you are not on the bottom nor the top. You are simply among friends.
Last we saw the bodyless Ghirl Ghosts they were learning how to milk cows after their food fight in the ski chalet. The milking didn’t go too well since they have no hands. They either had to use their mouths, which they thought was gross, or bump heads with a cow’s teat in between, which was also not very successful because they slipped off the teat and hit each other’s head each time. Even ghosts don’t like getting head butted.
What They Shop For
But what Ghirl Ghosts do like to do is go hat shopping. Since they don’t have bodies it’s really not fun to go clothes shopping. They like to go to clothing stores, but just to watch people change clothes and then pull pranks on them. They especially like stealing men’s underwear and women’s bras in their changing rooms and then laugh as they have to walk out with too much ‘information’ showing and bouncing. But they also get depressed because they can’t try on the clothes.
The Bodyless Body Image issue
Eight of the ghirls ghosts went back to the hotel to take naps. Two of them had head colds as well, which is the only kind of colds bodyless ghosts actually ever get. The other seven decided to check out ‘Not Topless’, the cute little hat boutique in Wolla Tompo, the ski resort where they were staying. Penelope, the leader of the Ghirl Ghosts tried on two hats, one of which was cute and wavy-like, while the other was a boy’s top hat. She liked it but the other girls laughed at her, saying she looked like a boy ghost. She had always hated when people told her that she looked like a boy when she was not a ghost and had a body, mostly because she was thin and didn’t have any hips or boobs to speak of. She used to wear a lot of make up, especially false eyelashes and bright orange lipstick to make sure everyone didn’t think she was a boy. So now, even though she only had a head, it made her feel bad and she started crying.
Sharita told her to get over it, that they all had something that bugged them about themselves. She herself was always told she was a slut, all because she had a lot of curves and walked so the curves kept curving. Now that she didn’t have a body she never got called that but she still felt that the other girl ghosts thought of her that way. Sharita started crying too. Ethel, the one who started the food fight earlier, and still had some applesauce stuck on her forehead, told how when she had a body it didn’t work and she hated it. Sharita asked between sobs what that meant. Ethel said she had been in a unicycle accident and had become paralyzed from the belly button down. She said that she didn’t have any sensation below that and never had sex or an orgasm or anything like that in her whole life. She started to cry.
The Lonely Saleswoman
So now there were 3 bodyless ghirl ghosts crying while trying on hats. The other four started to cry hearing those stories and they all apologized to each other for being insensitive. The saleswoman, who wasn’t a ghost and did have a body and had been on her feet for 12 hours started crying as well. All the ghirl ghosts went over to her and nuzzled her (they can’t hug so they nuzzle), telling her they were sorry and that they would buy the hats and go. The saleswoman said she didn’t want them to go because she had no friends and was very lonely. She wasn’t crying because her feet hurt and that she was tired but that seeing them all have fun and cry together made her feel even more alone. She said she had all sorts of body and head issues and no one to talk to about them.
The Ghirl Ghosts told her to close up the shop and then they went in back and listened to her tell all her stories. They all cried together and had the best time.
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Drawing and short short story by Marty Coleman, who loves hats on women.
Since Pope Ben is going to retire this month I thought I would round up some interesting quotes from Popes recent and past and see how they illuminate things, both intentionally and un.
The Halting Hand
Who’s hand is that keeping them from seeing each other? Does the abused one hide or does the friend ignore? Do they have an almost invisible fence of hurt that keep them from reaching out? I have been accused in the past of probing too deep with people, asking too many personal questions, wondering about thing more intimate than I should wonder about out load. I will take that criticism and live with it because I would rather be accused of asking too many questions than not enough. I would rather be told I am being too pushy than to find out a friend of mine was abused or committed suicide and I hadn’t ask a question I really thought I should ask.
The Papal Irony
This quote is by Pope John Paul II, the Pope before the current and soon to resign Pope Benedict. I think it is a true statement. I think it is also a very ironic one considering the trouble the Catholic Church has had for decades in excusing the most unchristian and immoral behavior one can imagine. I am not suggesting Pope John Paul II knew anything about it but it is now obvious that child molestation and sexual assault has been going on a long, long time within the Catholic Church. It’s also obvious that many Priests and Bishops put their hands up and blinded themselves to the assaults. They cared about the political fallout and the monetary implications if the secrets got out. I am sure they were disturbed at some level about the actual assault as well. But obviously that was down the list in importance, that is why the best solution for them was to send the offender off to another parish or area of service so the blood would be washed from their hands instead of actually turning the criminal offender into the police.
That is ironic.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is not Catholic
Quote by Karol Wojtyla, 1920-2005, Roman Catholic Pope (John Paul II) 1978-2005
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Trivia Question of the Day
What is the sedia stercoraria and what was it used to prove among Popes?
I am going back in time again. This time to Spain of the 18th and 19th Century. Francisco Goya was a master painter and printmaker whose work ranged from sophisticated royal portraits to illicit nudes to disturbing depictions of war and violence.
Francisco Goya – Self Portrait – 1795
Pretty and Sweet
He started out as an apprentice at age 14 and quickly moved up the ranks due to talent. He eventually came to the attention of King Charles III, becoming an artist on the royal payroll. He did pretty and sweet paintings of the Royal family to earn his keep. At least they look that way to us now. But at the time he was known for not sugar coating the looks of his subjects. He would be similar to a portrait photographer now who uses very little Photoshop on his work.
Francisco Goya – Duchess of Alba – Oil on Canvas – 1795
Francisco Goya – The Straw Manikin – oil on canvas -1792
Even while he was painting supposedly idyllic scenes he was also infusing them with sometimes satiric or critical commentary about the state of Spain.
Francisco Goya – King Charles IV of Spain and his Family – oil on canvas – 1800
The Fox in the Hen House
For example in the painting above the whole family is gathered but the Queen is in the center indicating greater power. And behind the King on the right is a painting of Lot and is daughters from the Old Testament, a very obvious allusion to corruption and perversion at the time. How he got away with these slights is a mystery, but he did.
Yea, so?
You might be asking, why do I love this guy anyway? He looks like a pretty average painter of pretty boring Royal portraits, so what’s the big deal?
Here’s the big deal. in 1792 Goya came down with a mysterious malady, still unknown to this day, that caused him to go deaf. It led him to become withdrawn, introspective and much more willing to create images that were filled with his dreams, nightmares, disillusionments, madness and violence. These were directed at humanity, at France, at Spain, and the ceaseless political intrigue and the brutality of war. We would almost certainly not care or no much about his work if he had not turned to these subject matters so decisively. He didn’t give up his work as a painter of society and royalty, but he did work alone and intensely on images that were the complete opposite of his public image.
Los Caprichos
During my Sophomore year at Brandeis University I was able to study the prints of Goya at the Museum of Fine Art in Boston. Two series really stood out to me.
The first was ‘Los Caprichos’. In these images he depicts the folly of society, satirically making fun of both the high and low.
Francisco Goya – Now They Are Sitting Well – etching/aquatint – 1799
Francisco Goya – Blow – etching – 1799
Francisco Goya – Pretty Teacher – etching – 1799
The Disasters of War
The second series that stood out even more was his ‘Disasters of War’. Spain had been invaded in 1808 by Napoleon’s army and conflict ensued for 6 years. In response Goya painted his most famous piece, as well as countless prints for his series.
Francisco Goya – The 3rd of May – oil on canvas – 1808-1814
This painting turned the corner in art from the classic world to the modern. With this image Goya inspired centuries of artists to come to be bold and unsparing in their depictions of the true nature of war.
Francisco Goya – This is Worse – etching – 1815
Francisco Goya – Bazan Grande with Dead – etching – 1814
These were not published until 35 years after his death.
The Black Paintings
Even when the fighting was over the Bourbon dynasty was restored to the throne, setting back many decades of enlightened liberal progress in Spain. Goya was distraught over this. But worse yet was the likely dementia he was starting to experience. His images became dark, disturbing treatments of not just society’s woes but his own internal struggle.
Francisco Goya – The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters – etching/aquatint – 1799
The etching above wasn’t done towards the end of his life, but it illustrates both the mental madness he might have been experiencing and his belief in reason as a bulwark against such monsters, in life and in society.
Francisco Goya – Colossus
Francisco Goya – The Colossus – oil on canvas – 1812
Francisco Goya – Saturn Devouring his Son – 1823
Madness
This image was painted on the walls inside his house, along with many others called ‘The Black Paintings’ from his later years.
I can just imagine the torment he had in his head. But the amazing thing, and the reason he is an artist I love, is he kept creating. He pushed forward and unflinchingly showed his vision of the world, for good and for bad.
The Secret Maja
And now, just so we don’t end on a completely macabre note, here are two very similar images of the same woman. They never were displayed publicly during his life but were displayed in the home of the owner and commissioner of the pieces. There is no consensus on who the woman is but some think she is the Duchess of Alba that is shown at the top of the article.
Francisco Goya – The Clothed Maja – oil on canvas – 1800
Francisco Goya – The Nude Maja – oil on canvas – 1800
It was quite the scandal for him to have painted the nude in the first place, but it was even moreso because there was no pretense of mythology or religion. It was an image of a real woman, not a long gone historical figure. It’s probably the first major European painting to be painted and presented in this way since the Roman era.
The images in this article are all from the fantastic site ‘WikiPainting‘. I highly recommend exploring it.
If you would like to read more about Goya I would recommend starting here at the Metropolitan Museum of Art page about him. Of course you will find the most information about him in Spain, primarily at the Prado Museum where many of his masterpieces are on display.
I have been all three of these kisses to women throughout my life. I liked being the exclamation point the best, and disliked being the question mark the most. Being a comma didn’t matter much, unless I thought I was an exclamation point, then it was a bummer. In general that is when you are hurt, when you think you are one type of punctuation, but the woman decides you are another.
I was a comma in 2002 when a woman I started to date had me in between some other guys she was dating. I could tell she was not going to stop her sentence with me.
I was a question mark many times. The thing about being a question mark is you don’t usually stay that way. The question is answered pretty quickly and you are either going to become an exclamation point, a period or a comma in short order.
And my ego would like to say I have been an exclamation point more than a few times, but I can at least say I have held that punctuation title twice, to the two women I married. Of course I turned into a very long comma to my first wife, but I was exclamation point for a while at least.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has given all 3 types in his life.
Quote by Mistinguett, 1875-1956, French singer and actress.
Take a look and listen to this, her only sound movie, from 1936.
I might be a man but I remember very well my first kiss.
I had gone to my very first dance. I was 12 years old and was going to be entering 7th grade. I went to a thing called ‘Sports Night’ at the Jr. High I was going to attend in Los Angeles. I suppose somebody somewhere was in a gym playing sports, but I was in the room with the band, the girls and the dancing. And then I saw the girl. My first over the top, heart beating fast, crazy puppy love girl. Her name was Lisa Millward and I was smitten the moment I saw her. I don’t remember how we met but I found out she was 1/2 grade ahead of me so she knew the ropes of the dances having gone before. She was my first ‘older woman’ as well as my first love.
We danced the night away and I fell in love with her in the course of those few short hours. It wouldn’t be the last time I fell in love with someone on the dance floor, but it was my first. Far too quickly it was time to go. We both went outside to wait for our parents to come pick us up. We talked for just a bit, then the moment came. She leaned in, I figured out what she was doing so I leaned in and we kissed. It was pretty unexpected on my part so I didn’t have enough time to really get nervous about it. It was just a smidgen longer than a peck but it was on the lips and that made it count. My heart was beating crazy fast, I remember that much.
Here is the kicker. My father and sister had just driven up in the car to pick me up and witnessed the whole thing. Of course, my sister made merciless fun of me, saying I was leaning in at some ridiculously awkward angle and looked completely dorky. I think my dad enjoyed the moment of his son taking that leap.
My Second Kiss
Back in those days you used the phone book to look everyone up. The listings usually just had the mom and dad’s names so I probably called every Millward in the book until I found her. We made arrangements to go bowling with a group of friends. It was a lot of fun but I was distracted the whole time because I wanted to have a real kiss with her, not in public view this time. I kept trying to think about how I could make that happen.
After bowling the two of us took a walk down to this 3 story office building at the end of the strip mall. There was an elevator that was all by itself, outside the building, connected by outdoor walkways to each floor. I decided it would be the perfect place to have a real kiss. We got in the elevator and went up. Then we went down. Then up again. Then down again. The whole time I was a nervous wreck, completely frozen in my inability to make the move. Finally, after probably about 5 trips up and down I did what any crazy in love 12 year old would do, I pulled the stop button on the elevator between floors and kissed her. It was glorious and wonderful and the highlight of my life up until that moment (and for quite a while after that).
The Aftermath
The first part of the summer was the best ever. I went to the beach or went swimming or did something else with her almost every day. We kissed a lot. But alas the fates were cruel. My father took a job 3,000 miles away in New York and before the summer was out we were gone to live in Connecticut. I pined away for her all the rest of the summer and well into the next school year. We sent love letters and I even got a Valentines letter with a big heart on the front that she had drawn with lipstick.
The letters started to dwindle off over the course of the spring, from my side as well as hers, but I still was madly in love with her. We drove across the country to visit California that next summer and I was crazy with anticipation about seeing her again. It didn’t turn out all that great. I found out my friends back in Calif had sent the Valentine’s letter as a joke to me (how I missed that it wasn’t from her I have no idea) and she really just wasn’t all that interested in me anymore. I was hurt but not terribly so. I had already started to realize this wasn’t going to be a lasting thing while back in Connecticut, having found other girls who peaked my interest in kissing.
What that relationship really taught me was how easy it was for me to fall in love with the idea of being in love! I have moderated that some over the years, but I don’t really ever want to leave it completely behind. After all, being in love is a feeling worth being in love with.
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Drawing and revealing biographical sketch by Marty Coleman, who has yet to find Lisa on Facebook.
Quote by Remy de Gourmont, 1858-1915, French Symbolist poet
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Trivia Question of the Day
If you were going to give a ‘nachkussen’, what sort kiss would you be giving?
Today is Day Two of How to Kiss week! You know what you can do if you don’t like it.
Kissing Ass
Way back when, in the last century, I worked at a restaurant called Eulipia in San Jose, California. I worked there for 13 years, most of those years with the same people. We were a very close crew and did some pretty funny things with each other after being together for so long.
One day a waitress/manager, who I had been working with for many years, was standing on a step stool, reaching up to turn on the stereo system for the day. I am not sure why that day I did this but I walked by and without thinking twice hugged her around the legs and kissed her jeans covered butt, which was just perfectly situated at my eye level. She turned around and screamed, ‘MARTY!’ with a bit of astonishment but also with a smile and a laugh. I looked up at her and said, “You always want me to kiss your ass, so now I have!” and walked on. We had a good laugh about it for many years after that.
Most of the time kissing ass is really not nearly that much fun. Do you have a kick ass kiss ass story, good or bad?
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Drawing and revealing biographical sketch by Marty Coleman, who, after all, does have a reputation to uphold.
I am in the minority here, but one of my favorite Super Bowl ads this year was the Go Daddy commercial featuring the supermodel Bar Rafaeli and the actor Jesse Heiman (playing a computer geek) kissing. The ad pretty much has become the most hated ad of this year’s crop but I love it and here is why.
Hidden and Exposed
I love it because it exposes people’s prejudices and they don’t even know it. Here is an easy question to ask yourself if you hated the ad. Would you have hated it if it was the supermodel Bar Rafaeli kissing the model from the Calvin Klein commercial that aired around the same time? Would you have hated it if it were Ms. Rafaeli kissing Ryan Gosling? Or any other very handsome, sexy, and otherwise attractive man? I am going to take a guess that you would not have hated it. If you say you still would have hated it, then I suggest you wouldn’t have hated it nearly as much. If you say you hated it, then do you also hate watching the Bachelor kiss 10 girls per episode with hot, wet kisses?
Taboo
I know there are all sorts of ‘reasons’ people have said it was disgusting. But what I think is the number one reason is that people made an unconscious judgment while watching that ad. The judgment came because the visual image had broken a taboo, a taboo of status, beauty and class.
Without knowing it, you just knew it was wrong. Why? Because hot supermodels are not suppose to like or be attracted to dorky, overweight, nerdy and unattractive geeks, that’s why. They do not belong to the same class. They are breaking as big a taboo as almost any other one. It’s disrupts and upsets how the world is suppose to be. And when that is thrown in your face, the result is anger and disgust.
Truth
But the truth is it’s your problem, not theirs. They are actors in an ad, yes. but I will take a guess that if they had been real lovers you saw on a park bench doing that, you would have had the same reaction. And in the park or watching it on TV, It is not they that need to change, it’s you. You are the one with the unspoken prejudice, not them.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who kissed his first girl when he was 12 at a dance. Man, did I fall hard for her.
Quote by Sylvia Plath, 1932-1963, American poet and writer
Last we left the bodyless girl ghosts they were on their way to go skiing, which they do not do very well because they have no feet. But they had fun anyway, floating down the mountain again and again, pulling pranks on skiers, making them fall, blowing them over and generally confusing them. Two of the girl ghosts ran into trees head on (that’s all they have is heads so of course it was head on) and had to retire to the chalet. Ethel saw two big butted men and decided to cause some mayhem. She bumped one in his big butt which cause him to bump into the other big butted man. They both had cafeteria trays full of goulash that spilled all over the big busted women who were with them. It was funny to watch though they felt sorry for the women because they remembered back to when they had bodies and goulash was sometimes spilled down their blouses. It was not a fun feeling.
The two big butted men were very angry with each other as a result of this goulash mishap. Ethel, the fastest of the bodyless girl ghosts, flew up the mountain to find her friends and tell them to come watch the big fight in the chalet that she had caused. She found eight of them (5 others having gotten lost and consequently were currently floating over a dairy farm watching cows moo about 10 miles away). When they all got back to the chalet Sharita, the clumsy ghost who first hit a tree and stayed behind in the chalet because she had a headache, the only type of ache a bodyless ghost can have by the way, caught them up on what had happened.
The Food Fight
Sharita was just telling them how the one big busted lady had screamed and stripped of her top because the goulash was burning her when they heard a really loud clatter. The all pushed forward to watch as one of the big butted men slammed down his tray and punched the other big butted man in the jaw. They started to fight with a lot of punches thrown with the sound of the crunching of noses and teeth. The girl ghosts, along with all the other people in the chalet, were enjoying the fight when suddenly they saw one of the big busted women throw a whole bowl of goulash at the other big busted woman, who got it straight in the face. She responded by picking up a bowl of fruit loops that a little kid was eating and threw it back. All the fruit loops stuck to the other women’s face and looked very funny.
Pretty soon the girl ghosts were witnessing a full on food fight with flying spaghetti, many pieces of toast, at least 4 plates of chicken strips and french fries and more than a few bowls of cottage cheese, which was really gross to watch hit people.
The Aftermath
After the food fight was over the big busted woman with no shirt on and fruit loops all over her face started crying. The big butted man who was with her told her to shut up and help him to the infirmary since he probably broke his jaw. She slapped him, said ‘Fuck you’ and stormed out of the cafeteria. The girl ghosts thought she had to be the most tragic and ridiculous person they had ever seen, walking away as she was, covered in goulash and fruit loops and clad in only what had been a pretty sexy Victoria Secret bra and bright orange ski pants. Ethel felt a bit bad about starting it all but decided it was worth it because she had never seen so much flying food at one time before.
The girl ghosts all decided they had had enough fun for one day and went off to find their friends. When they found them they were learning how to milk cows from a farmer and his daughter.
The End
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Drawing and short short story by Marty Coleman, who ran into more than a few trees while skiing as a young lad.
In the past few months I have photographed a number of women who have all told me the same thing; they hate their nose because it is too big. This isn’t new, I have been hearing it from women (never men) most of my art and photography career, which goes back over 35 years. In not one of those situations did I look at their nose and think that. Instead I thought their nose was just right for their face in balance, shape and size. In other words, I loved their nose and thought it added to, not detracted from, their beauty.
The French Knows Noses
If there is any place on earth that has refined taste, it’s France. This quote is a French proverb. It’s from the country of high sophistication and beautiful art, architecture, women, men, fashion, food and more. If France can make a national statement about the beauty of the nose, then who are we to disagree, right?
That’s it. That is all I wanted to say. All you women out there who think your nose is too big, I think your nose is beautiful.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who knows.
Quote is a French Proverb
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If you ever do get put down for your nose, memorize this monologue from Roxanne.
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Trivia question of the day
What animal has the most olfactory (smell) receptors?
