You are finally finished with your 5 day dosage of ‘Take Your Medicine!’ week.
Trauma
Last summer we watched ‘New York Med’. It followed doctors, nurses, & patients at 3-4 hospitals as they go through various aspects of their lives and medical procedures. I remember one of the Drs. saying that the number one indicator for a successful recovery was the love and support the patient had from family and friends. With no support there was a lower chance of the patient having the physical and mental courage, determination and attitude needed to recover well. People can do it, but support made it much easier.
Drama
Years and years ago a friend of mine had her husband in the hospital for an extended stay. She would visit once or twice a day, but not stay long at all. When I asked why not she said she couldn’t do anything for him so why stay. I asked if just being there helped him? She said she was there twice a day many days and that was enough. I remember having the feeling he was going to have a long recovery.
Karma
However, most of our friends and family aren’t in the hospital, right? But many of them still are hurting or afraid or doubting about something in life. Maybe it’s a break up, a big life transition or something unexpected and frightening happening. Why should our response be any different? It shouldn’t.
We should give physical and verbal support. We should pat them on the back, hug them and kiss them. We should whisper, say and yell if I have to, that we believe in them and that they can make it through whatever the hard thing is they are in the middle of.
And most of all we should do what we can to help them make it happen. but it all starts with just being there.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman, who was the beneficiary of great support in the hospital and is still grateful 40 years later.
I have often times in my life had a twitch or some other ailment that just won’t go away. I then, finally, go to the Dr. to see if it’s eyelid cancer or just a twitch. So, the medicine man (or woman) looks me in the eye and says, ‘It’s just a twitch.’ There isn’t anything for them to do about it so they just send me on my way. They did nothing to help stop the twitching at all and yet, the twitching is gone by the time I get to the car. What’s that all about?
Maybe it was the doctor mollifying me, or entertaining me with an intellectual explanation, or distracting me like a person getting scared when they have the hiccups. Whatever the reason, their technique often works. No medicine, but a healing technique nonetheless, right?
Has this happened to you? You know, where you go from Dr. to Dr. and nothing helps, then it just ups and heals itself out of the blue? It’s such a mystery when that happens, isn’t it. But I have to admit I like it!
Question: Where did the saying, ‘Fit as a Fiddle’come from?
Answer: It first appeared in 1616 in ‘Englishmen for My Money’ by William Haughton, “This is excellent, i’faith; as fit as a fiddle” Fit meant appropriate, as in fitting or proper, as a fiddle fits perfectly with a fiddler’s pose. It did not originally refer to one’s fitness, that came much later.
It’s about time day #3 of Medicine Week showed up!
Redeeming Reasons
Why do we want to be healthy and live a long life? It seems pretty obvious, right? I mean, who doesn’t want both those things. But have you ever really stopped to ask yourself what you are doing with the health and years you have? Are you redeeming them for something or are they both just for their own sake?
Layers of Reasons
I understand health for it’s own sake. After all, being healthy feels better than not. Being fit feels better than not. We don’t really have to defend our desire to be healthy beyond that, do we. It’s its own reason. But is it the only reason? Is it the ultimate reason?
I remember when I got divorced and started going to the gym to get back in shape. I looked around and wondered, what are all these people going to be doing with all this fitness they have? Then of course I had to turn the question back to myself. What was I going to do with it all? Obviously I was getting in shape to be more attractive to the opposite sex, since I planned on dating.
My Ultimate Reason
But besides getting a mate, I thought farther down the line, what other reasons were there? I wanted to be in shape for that mate into the future, for my kids into the future so I could travel to visit and support them, so I could teach people, so I could help others, so I could be of service to whomever would need something from me, so I could enjoy life and sha
So ultimately, for me, it then and now comes down to one essential thing. I want to be in good health so I can love the best I can. That is the whole of it. That’s why I want to live a long life as well.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is fit as a fiddle. But how fit is a fiddle anyway?
There is no cure for it being day #2 of ‘Take Your Medicine!’ week.
Can vs Can’t
People spend a lot of money, time, effort, emotion, worry on trying to change things that can’t be changed. But it is also true that many people settle for things always staying the same when they could change if they just put out the effort. I have seen it in a friend who stayed in an abusive relationship saying ‘There is nothing I can do about it.’ What she really said was ‘I am afraid to make the move (take the pill in medical terms) that will be the cure.’
Can vs Shouldn’t
But there are also situations where people want a cure for something that isn’t really a problem. If the treatment is no big deal, teeth whitening for teeth that are already pretty white, for example, then no harm, no foul. But what about a treatment that could be dangerous, to ‘cure’ something that is more based in a self-misperception or a greedy sales pitch, than it is in reality?
I have seen it in a friend who had a face lift while still very young with no visually significant signs of aging. But they were convinced that because they didn’t look like they did at 25 they need to get the procedure done. I thought the natural aging process should be ‘endured’ in that case, because the ‘cure’ didn’t seem to really be a cure and the ‘disease’ didn’t seem to really be a disease. The dangers however seemed just as significant as if the disease was life-threatening.
Can vs Won’t
And then there are those who could be cured if they actually would go to the doctor. Many people die every year because they refuse to go to a doctor. When they finally get sick and do go, it’s found they have a stage 4 colon cancer that could have been treated if found in time. Instead they die.
I had a physical 7 years ago and kept putting off getting another one because I felt healthy. My wife Linda’s mother died of colon cancer and Linda went to get a colonoscopy shortly thereafter. I didn’t. Finally, this past year I did get a full physical. And luckily no cancer, no heart problems, no signs of anything negative as of now. But why did I wait 7 years? I don’t know, but it was stupid.
Can vs Never Will
And we are left with those for who there truly is no cure. I am not saying there might not be a cure, but it is not likely to happen in their lifetime and they will go to meet their maker with the issue they have. It will never be taken away from them.
We watched the Bachelor TV show this past season and one of the most compelling stories for me was of one of the contestants, Sarah Herron. She was born with only half of her left arm. She will never grow an arm.
Sarah Herron from The Bachelor – 2013
More than Endure
A future Sarah, in 10 or 100 years, might be able to, but this Sarah will live all, or at least most, of her life just as she is, with half an arm. She tried a prothesis for a while as a child but didn’t like it and instead just got adept at using her half arm to do what most people do with a full one. It was obvious from watching her that she is willing and able to do most anything, even compete in a Roller Derby match.
This is true of many others who are not going to be cured of whatever it is that has befallen them. Some do endure, but many do much more than just endure. They prosper in the face of pretty daunting barriers. They have more than a small mark to complain about, they have big issues that will never go away and yet they overcome, they endure and the prosper. If they can, then you can, whatever your issue.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is never going to be without burn scars on much of his body, and is not just fine with it, but happy to have them.
Quote by Robert Burton, 1577-1640, British scholar, author of ‘The Anatomy of Melencholy’, which might explain why he would write the quote.
A kid won’t usually say being sick sucks. they more often will say it’s no fun. Why is it no fun? Because they are used to having fun and aren’t now. They have something to compare it to. What about us adults? If you don’t have fun in your life, then being sick isn’t that different than not being sick.
Copping an Attitude
Obviously, it’s not easy to have fun when you are sick or taking serious medicine. Even the most fun people can get way down due to an illness. But they don’t stay down for long. Even in the hospital they will find a way to have fun, maybe by being sassy with the nurses or cracking some jokes with their grandkids. But at the root they do so by realizing the fun is in the attitude, even in the midst of the sickness. And guess what? It’s pretty well proven that that attitude in turn actually helps the person get healthier. But if you can’t have fun when you are healthy, you certainly won’t be able to when you are sick.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman
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Answer to yesterday’s photo question:
Yesterday I posted about speaking at Social Media Tulsa and included 2 photos, one a camera phone pic, the other a DSLR photo and asked which one was which. Here are the two photos and the answer.
The top photograph was taken with my iPhone, the bottom with my Panasonic G1 camera. I did the same minimal manipulation on both. The iPhone image I converted to sepia and slightly adjusted the brightness and contrast using the Photoshop Express App in the phone. It took about 2 minutes to take, process and post. The G1 image I did the exact same thing, but did it on my Mac Pro desktop after downloading from my camera.
In addition to my Napkin Dad persona I am also the owner of MAKE Studio, photography with an emphasis on personal portraits. In that capacity I spoke last week at the Social Media Tulsa conference on ‘The Compelling Image in the Age of Social Media’.
Frontispiece of Presentation
One of the points I made is having ‘just’ a cell phone does NOT mean you can’t take a good head shot. I took these photos of Jami Henson, who attended my session at the conference, right outside the main ballroom. It took a total of about 10 minutes to get 20-30 shots using the two cameras.
Now you might be able to discern the difference between the two images at the large size, but the truth is most social media uses, especially head shots are going to be much smaller. They are used as icons, profile pics and in other reduced size situations.
My point is not whether the DSLR photo is better, of course it is. But it is so much better in social media digital circumstances that you shouldn’t get the best out of what you have available? Can you put up something other than a grainy, ugly, badly lit photo of yourself at a party? Yes, you can. And you can do it with a cell phone if you need to.
If you are interested in experiencing the entire hands-on presentation/workshop for your company or group, please feel free to contact me.
Update 3/25/13:
So, ready to find out the answer? The top photograph was taken with my iPhone, the bottom with my Panasonic G1 camera. I did the same minimal manipulation on both. The iPhone image I converted to sepia and slightly adjusted the brightness and contrast using the Photoshop Express App in the phone. It took about 2 minutes to take, process and post. The G1 image I did the exact same thing, but did it on my Mac Pro desktop after downloading from my camera.
One of the hardest things to learn as an adult is that you cannot escape your problems without going through your problems. And the reason for that is because, while you might be able to escape a relationship, a location, or even a life style, you can’t escape yourself.
You might say, but I am not the problem, my spouse is the problem. If that is the case, then ask yourself how did you get into, and stay in, that relationship? Because of you is the answer. Thus, you have something that needs to be dealt with. Maybe you aren’t the abusive one, or the angry one, but you are the one that got into the relationship with the abusive and angry one.
The Map and the X
How do you get out of yourself? Well, how do you get to a place you have never gone before? You get a map. You put a big old X on the map and you figure out how to get there. But you need to mark that X first. Where do you want to be? Who do you want to be? What do you want to look like, feel like, talk like, think like, love like? Those are all destinations and you it is possible to find a map and mark and X for each one of them.
The map might be disguised as a religion, a meditation, a group, a friend, a book, a TV show, a piece of art. But there is a map for you. Discovering the map and the X is actually the easy part. It’s deciding to go on the journey that is hard.
Unpacking to Leave
What do you do when you get ready to go somewhere? You pack. But in this sort of journey you might have to do the opposite. You might have to shed the baggage and start off by stripping down, admitting where you are, who you are and THEN gather up a few things and move forward.
But in the end you have to be willing to say goodbye to not just your boyfriend or job or couch, you have to say goodbye to yourself. That is where most people get stopped. In spite of their desire to change, they are afraid of losing that familiar ‘me’. If you can give up that ‘me’ with the confidence the new ‘me’ will be so much better, you can do it. But that new me has to first be on the map you are using.
Where is your X?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who loves to make an X.
Here is the video from ‘The List’ TV show that aired recently. Thanks again to Shack Shackleford and Erin Christy of ‘The List’ for coming all the way out to my studio to tape the interview!
It highlights my involvement with Social Media Tulsa Conference this week. If you haven’t made plans to go, you should!
I compel you to look at Photography part 2. You can hear more about it at the Social Media Tulsa Conference where I will be speaking and leading a hands-on session on creating Compelling Images for Social Media.
Screw The Fashion Police
You are in the crowd at the edge of the red carpet at the Oscars and a famous star with a snake tattoo, a bizarre dress that is sure to put her on the worst dress list and some god-awful makeup walks by as the crowd around you whispers terrible things about her. But you? All you see are earrings that rock your world. Everyone else hates them but you love them. You take a quick pic of all of her because that is what you are supposed to do, but then you focus in and take a photo of what you really love, her earrings.
That individual photo might seem to be about a Star’s earrings but do that again and again and again, wherever you go, and people will realize it’s also about you. They will see who you are. You will have your own identity, your own point of view, your own visualization of who you are and what you love in the world. And everyone else will know who you are as well.
And there you have the secret of how to find a compelling image, by having the courage to follow what compels you. It’s as simple as that.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who design her tattoo for her.
Quote also by Marty Coleman, who designed her earrings too. However, she is to blame for the makeup, which I tried to talk her out of.
I am speaking this week at the Social Media Tulsa Conference. A link to the conference website is below and you are invited to attend. My topic is ‘The Compelling Image in the Age of Social Media’. This week I am drawing some images that will introduce various areas I want to cover.
What Compels You?
This one applies whether you are posting your photo to social media sites or not. It’s about focusing less on documenting the dry look of what happens and focusing more on capturing the compelling feeling of what happens.
Look for the Feeling
This can happen in one of 2 ways. You can choose to focus on something that, in it’s very look, visualizes a feeling. The drawing above is an example of that. The bloody foot and sock after an ultra marathon tell more about the feeling of the event than does a simple photo of the participant raising a medal with a smiling face. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with photographing that smiling face, but if you REALLY want to express the feeling, you might consider looking at what conveys that feeling. Is it the sweat on the brow, the person pouring water over their head, maybe the bloody sock? Investigate how the feeling is visualized in the moment and capture it.
Create the Feeling
The other way it can happen is by the technique you use to take the photograph. I once took a series of photos at one of my daughters’ birthday party. We had a pinata set up and I took a number of photos of the kids at the party swinging at it. In most of the photos my flash worked as you would expect, it froze the action. But in a few I purposely set the exposure of the camera much longer, so the flash went off but there was a trail of action that was in the photo as well. Those were the images that gave the feeling of the girls having fun, swinging at a pinata. The feeling was in the action, not just in the frozen moment. Learn what techniques you have available to you to help get across the feeling.
Social Media Tulsa Conference
The conference is Thurs/Fri, March 21st & 22nd at the Mayo Hotel in beautiful downtown Tulsa. You can still register to attend, here is the link to the Social Media Tulsa website with the agenda, schedule, speakers, etc.
My presentation is Thursday, 3/21 at 3:30 in the Penthouse of the Mayo Hotel. It is going to be a combination of speaking and hands on workshop. If weather permits we will be going out onto the roof of the Mayo to take photos so bring your camera phone if not a bigger camera!
Just between you and me, this post is about privacy.
Naked Long Ago
I once got in a bit of trouble for showing a naked picture of myself to someone. We had a conversation about my burn scars and how I had had them so long I didn’t really remember what I looked like without them. Later I came across a long ago photo, taken in high school, of me about to go skinny dipping by jumping off a boat into the water. It was the last photo I remember that showed my body with no scars. Since I was facing away from the camera and my wiener wasn’t showing I thought it would be no big deal to show it to this person. I was wrong. And that was just a single printed image, not a digital image that is traveling around the world at a million miles a second.
Naked Now
Imagine being Prince Harry at a party in Vegas? That was a bit more exposure than he wanted, that’s for sure. Even his sister-in-law, the Duchess of Cambridge, sunbathing miles out in the middle of nowhere, got photographed with her boobies exposed. Luckily for both of them the public had their fun and then left it alone. Seeing Harry’s fella and Kates bosom is trivial and inconsequential.
But think about the rape case in Ohio that just was at trial this past week. If it weren’t for social media in images and words, the rape would likely never have been found out and the victim would not have had justice done. Two young men were found guilty in large part due to twitter, youtube and other social media engagements that allowed a trail of evidence and memory to be fitted together. Social media helped find the truth.
The Middle of Nowhere is Everywhere
Social media imagery is everywhere. If you do something bad, especially in a group, there is a very good chance it will be exposed beyond the borders of the party or event and you will be found out, and that is good. But if you do something good and innocent, like skinny dipping, there is also a chance of being exposed well beyond the borders of the swimming hole and that might be bad.
Morals of the story? 1. Be careful with your image, naked or otherwise. 2. Use the images you have to make things better when you can.
Last we saw the Bodyless Ghirl Ghosts they were avoiding watching the Saleslady and the Bartender do things with body parts they know longer had. This is what happened the next day.
The next day the bodyless ghirl ghosts decided to get clean. Since they don’t have clothes they only have to clean themselves and their hair. Their preferred way to do this is to bob in a bubble bath as it fills, before the person who is filling it comes back to take his or her own bath. They try to get out of the tub and be gone before that happens but occasionally they forget and are still in among the bubbles when the person gets in. Some of the ghirl ghosts actually like that, and they float around the person’s body, rubbing up against parts, being naughty. Greta, the sexy Ghirl Ghost likes it best and the other ghirl ghosts often have to come back to get her. Especially if its a man in the tub. She likes making his body parts change shape and him having no idea why. She also likes to do that on busses at the most inconvenient time, right before the man is about to stand up to get off. She’s naughty, like I said.
They do this by going into strangers’ houses or apartments. But this day the hotel they were staying at had a busted water heater and so there was no hot water anywhere in the whole hotel. They decided to go to the laundromat they saw down the street and see if they could get in one of the washers. They had seen the washers with the big front windows with a lot of soapy bubbles and thought that would work just fine.
They noticed a father with his young daughter about to put their clothes in one of the big tumbling machines. The door was open so while the father separated the clothes and the daughter checked all the pockets for change and gum, they floated in. They hid in the back of the washer until the door closed. Then they started talking, wondering if they would get as clean as in a bathtub. The father put the quarters in the machine and started it up.
The ghirl ghosts were excited, they had never washed themselves in a washing machine before. They were looking forward to all the nice hot soapy water sloshing all around. But that was not what they got. What they got was cold water. Very cold water. The father was about to set it to hot when the daughter reminded him that the load was all delicates and had to be washed on cold. The ghirl ghosts were not happy. They also had not really looked close at what a front loading washing machine does. They thought they would be jiggled back and forth a little bit. But instead they were tumbled. A lot. They got very very dizzy and cold and were not having fun.
Sharita looked out the window of the washing machine and saw the daughter pointing into the window and looking at her father. Sharita could barely hear her above the bubbly din of the machine. She thought she heard her say, “Look Daddy, there are a whole bunch of ghosts in the machine!”
The father peered in and said, “That’s funny I can’t see them. What do they look like?”
The daughter said, “You can’t see them? They are right there!” By this time all the ghirl ghosts were looking out the window staring at her.
They all started to yell and scream that they were cold and dizzy and wanted the machine to stop. The daughter looked at the dad and said, “Daddy, I can here them, they are cold and dizzy and want us to stop the machine so they can get out!”
The father responded, “Well, I guess we better do that then.” and stopped the machine, opened the door and said, “Ok, ghosts come on out, you are free!”
The ghosts all said “THANK YOU!” very load and flew out of the machine. The daughter told her father, “Did you hear that? They said thank you!”
The father said, “Well, I am sure they are thankful, I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a cold washing machine, would you?”
“NO!” said the daughter as they started the machine back up.
The 13 Bodyless Ghirl Ghosts immediately flew out into the street and back to their hotel, which by that time had fixed the hot water heater. They went from bathroom to bathroom taking warm bubble baths the rest of the day. Greta especially had a very fun time!
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Drawing and story by Marty Coleman, who once had a birthday present hidden in a washing machine when he was nine. It was a sleeping bag.
I want your opinion on this. What do you think of these two elements, a woman sometimes not wanting to admit her age and a man often not acting his? Is it as gender based as the quote states? Are you the opposite, a woman who doesn’t act her age or a man who lies about his? How did that come about? Think about it, read my take on it, and let me know what your take on it is, ok?
My Age Confession
I find myself sometimes not wanting to admit my age, which is 58 as of 2013. Then other times I take great pride in it. Sometimes it’s due to the audience. If I am talking to the runners I coach I readily admit my age because I want them to see that age is not an excuse to not be fit. But if I am talking to professionals in my arena of business I sometimes think twice because I worry that they might see me as too old to participate in a discussion about parenting for example, or a panel about social media, since, given my age, I might be out of the loop on those things.
But the truth is I have set it up so I couldn’t hide my age if I wanted. My birthday is out in the world, when the moment arrives for me to divulge my age I do so with minimal hesitation, even if I do have a bit of worry. It takes one more thing out of my ‘worry equations’ early on and I can get on with the business at hand. What happens happens.
The First Lie
I wrote that confession above so you would know I am not thinking it is only women who don’t like to admit their age at times. But it is true that overall I find women are much more likely to hesitate about saying their age. Why is that and does it really matter? I think it matters a bit. I would like to think I have an honest enough relationship with whatever woman I am talking to that if the matter of her, or my, age comes up we would just say it and move on. But, while I would prefer to know the truth, it isn’t, in most cases, a crucial element in the relationship.
The Second Lie
But what about men? A woman might say she is 45 and actually be 50. But a man who IS 45 but acts 20 is inflicting a far more grievous offense on whoever he is relating to. Why is that? Because he looks 45 and can pretend to be emotionally or developmentally 45, but in truth he is acting. His true age, his true development, was stunted at age 20 and over time he is going to act 20 quite often.
Buyer Beware
What does that mean? It means ‘buyer beware’. This sounds terrible crude and cruel to put the onus on the woman to find out a man’s true emotional and developmental age, but it is the truth. A woman has to be in a relationship long enough and with a clear enough mind to be able to discern who is this guy, really? Not what does he look like, or what job he holds, but what age does he act? If a woman wants a baby who she needs to clean up after, who is constantly making a mess of his own life and the lives of those he should be watching over, then she should choose one of those developmentally stunted men. But how many women REALLY want that man? Not many.
The Triple Play Trap
So why do so many women end up with those men? I think it’s because they are either thinking all men are like that, they think it’s part of the devil’s bargain they have to make to be ‘taken care of’ or they think the man will change once they are married. None of those reasons are very good ones if you ask me.
The Questions Revisited
Once again, here are my questions to you: What do you think of these two elements, a woman sometimes not wanting to admit her age and a man often not acting his? Is it as gender based as the quote states? Are you the opposite, a woman who doesn’t act her age or a man who lies about his? How did that come about?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who once lied about his height by one inch and got busted on a first date.
Don’t act like you didn’t know day #4 of Happy Born Day week wasn’t upon you!
Born
We are born and our parents instinctively know we are like them in many ways, even as a crinkly naked newborn. But we don’t know that. We spend our youth discovering we are individuals. We grow into young adults striving to create our own identity. We spend our 20s promising ourselves we will not be like our parents in many ways.
Born Again
Then we turn 30, or maybe it’s some other age, but there is that moment when you realize you are your parents. Slightly modified, slightly mutated, slightly taller, slightly smarter, slightly healthier. But even with all those slightlies you realize you so essentially consist of who they are that to try to deny it is futile.
Born Again Again
And then something more dramatic happens. You realize once again that you aren’t your parents. You have them in you, but you aren’t them. You can decide to not drink so much. You can decide to be a better parent, or make more money, or be out in nature more. You can decide to be like them or not, depending on if you like who they are or not. You are not gripped by the genome as tight as you might think. You can retain, discard, expand, modify. It’s within your control. Keep the best, get rid of the rest.
Born
And all the while you are going through that process, your kids are repeating it in front of your eyes. Life happens that way.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is the son of Skeets and Lee Coleman.
Quote by Blair Sabol, a very interesting character – Read up on her.
Blair Sabol by Wayne Thiebaud – Oil on canvas – 1965
Any way you slice it, today is day #2 of Happy Born Day week!
Vicious vs Kind
We in the western developed world are not usually reminded so viciously of death as they are where disease and war ravage nations with impunity.
We are lucky in that birthdays are the kindest way of setting in front of us our own march to mortality, that we will die.
Depression vs Cake
Sound depressing? Yes and no. Yes, we will die and that thought can be a bummer. But then again no, because it also tells us that while we are alive we should eat the dang cake already! The cake may be a real cake, but it can also be a metaphorical cake.
Eat from life, take a hold of what you want, or stretch out your hand and reach for it until you can take hold. It won’t always be there, YOU won’t always be there. Don’t wait.
Quote by Jo Brand, 1957 – not dead yet, English comedian
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Physiology question from yesterday answered
Question: How many years does it take for your body to create an entirely new skeleton?
Answer: It takes 7 years for a whole new set of cells to replace the prior set of cells that make up your skeleton.
Geography question from yesterday answered
Question: What country has the longest living humans, on average (life expectancy)?
Answer: the Principality of Monaco in Europe. The average age people live to is 89 years. The second highest average is found in the island nation of Macau, where the average is 84 years.
Have you ever met someone you felt was never young? They are the ones who have always been old looking, acting, thinking and/or doing? I have. Most people who seem to be old before their time were probably young once. They probably played in the mud, built forts out of cushions and tried to get around the entire house without touching the floor because it was lava.
These Kids Today
But you would never know it from looking at or hearing them speak now. What do they look like now? They look like someone so contained, so prim and proper, that you can’t imagine them without a business suit on, or without a scowl on their face. They are concerned with everything being seen as perfect; nothing garish or loud or too funny or possibly controversial. They won’t like anything that culturally came after they were about 15 years old. They won’t approve of the youth today, even if they are among the youth of today. They will put great emphasis on doing the right thing, and the right thing will always be something that rocks no boats and ruffles no feathers. Nothing should stand out and if it does they will make sure the world knows it is not approved of.
It’s not the gradual aging that brings wisdom, love and an ironic smile about how life is. It’s the premature aging that comes from judgment, fear and moral self-righteousness. It’s ugly and depressing to see. It’s bad enough to be around a person like that, it must be torture to actually be someone like that.
Remembering Forward
Do you want to avoid that? Then remember back and remember forward. Remember back to your youth. The world did not collapse when you acted like a 10 year old. Why? because you WERE a 10 year old and that was ok. Many of the things a 10 year old did had nothing to do with right and wrong, it had to do with joy. Joy in discovery, make believe, humor, laughter and silliness. And then remember forward to right before your death and let’s pretend that moment is right now. What will you regret? Laughing and playing and being silly with your friends? I doubt it. I bet you will regret NOT doing those things when you had the chance.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who acts younger than he is and is proud of it.
Quote by Satchel Paige, who pitched in Major League Baseball until he was in his 60s (or so they say, he never really did know his exact birthday).
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Physiology Question of the Day
How many years does it take for your body to create an entirely new skeleton?
Geography Question of the Day
What country has the longest living humans on average?
I have a reporter coming over tomorrow so I have been cleaning up my office and studio. I realize I have never shown the Napkin Kin what my work space looks like so here you go. This is my office, where I do most of my work.
When you walk in my office, this is what you would see first.
Office with Cat
The painting over the futon is an acrylic painting, a self portrait from the 90’s called ‘Man of Color with Black and White Vibrations’. It’s an old foosball game table I appropriated for the painting. The drawing in back to the left is from the 80s and was done in Prismacolor colored pencils. The table and lamp are both 1950s era furniture I inherited from my parents. The futon was my ex-wife’s and the cat is Mayru, found by my daughter Chelsea way back in about 2002 or so.
Office Space
Turn around once you are in the office and this is what you would see, my desk and work area. I actually do my drawing in my office, not in my studio. My studio is for larger projects in drawing, photography and photo-collage while my office is perfectly arranged to allow for the drawing, scanning, researching, writing, social media and publishing that I do each day.
My dad’s roll top desk
I have had my dad’s roll top desk for many years. It’s one heavy mother to move but luckily it comes apart. Obviously I can’t close the top with the monitors on the desk but that is ok, I never did even when they weren’t there. To the right of the desk you can see a small dresser. It was my grandfather’s. If you look right above the keyboard you can see a gray pad. That is my Wacom tablet. I have had one for about 20 years now and can’t possibly imagine doing any of my computer work without one. Note that the monitors are up on volumes of the Encyclaepia Brittanica, 1985 edition I believe. My desktop computer is a Mac Pro, about 5 years old now. It’s my 3rd Mac. The first 2 each lasted 7 years before I retired them. I have had one problem in that entire time and it was resolved immediately. The scanner I use for the napkins is off to the right. On the left (where the napkin is) is where I do my drawing.
Drawing Area
Here is what my drawing area looks like after I am done. By the end of a drawing the pull out is covered with between 15-30 markers of various sorts. Today I used 3 different makes of markers, plus two different black ultra fine sharpies, a newer one for the actual drawing then an older one that is has less ink in it for the dots and thinner lines for the wings of the butterfly, the knuckles of the hand and the freckles on the face.
The test napkin with random marks on it was new at the start of the drawing this morning. By the end of the week it will be filled to the gills with marks and I will start to turn it into a new ‘Bodyless ghirl ghosts’ drawing, finding faces and a background then writing a short story that goes with it.
My quote and reference books
Behind my monitors are my quote books. I use them most every day. I do also find a lot of quotes online and have a number of favorite quote sites, but I like the books best. The first one on the left is from the 1930s and is one of my favorites. I find a lot of quotes that can’t be found anywhere else in that one. If you ever find an old quote book, get it for me, ok? The photo is of my 3 bio daughters, Connie, Chelsea and Rebekah. The card next to the pic is from the ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. It is always a good reminder (not read often enough) of how to stay on task and moving towards my goals.
Here are my markers. I first started drawing the napkins for my daughters with simple thin black markers. When I started adding color I just bought consumer grade markers, Sargent Art and PaperMate Flair, that you can see at the top on the right. Eventually I moved on to the Bic markers on the right. I used them exclusively for a while, slowly adding in the colored Sharpies you can see on the left with the gray barrels and the colored tops. Over the last 2 years I have increasingly turned to Prismacolors (in black, on the left) and Copic Sketch markers (the white ones immediately above the Prismacolors). I line the drawings with the ultra thin black Sharpies. I sometimes use SRX Metallic ColorSharp markers for shiny images.
My napkins are typical store-bought lunch napkins. I have been using the ones from Target the past few packages, they have a certain stiff or starched type of feel that I like, absorbent but not as absorbent as others. I store them in plastic bins, by year. In the pic you can see the bottom bin is filled with files but the one above that is years 1998-2004 (the years the girls were in school and I was drawing the napkins for them). Above that is 2008-2009, then the top 4 bins are years 2010-2013. As you can see I have thousands of napkin drawings by now. And yes, they are for sale!
Small Bookcase
Here is one of the bookcases in my office. You can get a feel for what I like to read (mostly non-fiction) by reading the titles. Most but not all the books I have read. The bookcase was originally made for ‘The Great Books’ that are now owned by Chelsea. I sanded, restained and varnished the bookcase many years ago.
The Big Bookcase
This is my big bookcase. I have had it for 30+ years. It’s filled mostly with art books. There is also a smattering of reference & history books as well as stray non-fiction books that didn’t make it into the other bookcase. The prints on the wall are Matisse cutouts that I got in France at the Matisse Museum in Nice. The little ‘Bless this Mess’ rock on the left was my mothers, always above the sink at home. The newspaper is a mounted version of the Tulsa World Living Section article about my Velveteen Women exhibition at Living Arts of Tulsa in January of 2012.
And there you have it, a little look into my space! Any questions?
Last we saw the Bodyless Ghirl Ghosts they were either getting electrocuted by a fence or trying on hats. This is what happened to the hat tryer oners.
The Irish Pub
While 7 of the Ghirl Ghosts stayed behind at the dairy, trying to milk cows then getting electrocuted, the other 7 had gone hat shopping back in town. They had all ended up crying about the hats and and the saleswoman being lonely. They invited the saleswoman out for a drink and they all went to the local Irish pub where they found two from the other group floating around.
The pub was Irish because it was owned by a Irishman who had come to visit his sister in America 10 years ago but couldn’t get on his flight home because his name was on the terrorist watch list. His name was Laddie O’Sama. He tried to tell the airport people he wasn’t THAT O’Sama but they didn’t believe him because he had a beard and talked with a funny accent. He stayed with his sister and eventually gave up trying to go home. He got a job being Irish in a Irish pub that had no Irishman in it and eventually inherited the pub from the Bulgarian lady who owned it and thought of him as a son. Except she always want to have sex with him. Which he did only once.
Kissing Crazy
The ghirl ghosts and the hat sales lady went to the pub and had many drinks. Even though they have no bodies, bodyless ghirl ghosts can get drunk because the alcohol circles around in their brain before it spills on the floor. The sales lady got drunk and kissed Greta, the sexy ghirl ghost. Greta was drunk and kissed her back and all the other ghirl ghosts gasped because they hadn’t realized they could kiss people who weren’t dead and had bodies. They thought they could only kiss each other, which they did once in a while when they were bored.
Once they saw that they could kiss anyone they went kissing crazy. Penelope, the Ghirl Ghost leader, kissed 4 men sitting at a table watching bowling on TV. They all said her lips were like marshmallows, which was not surprising since ghirl ghosts are like marshmallows everywhere, not just their lips. All the other ghirl ghosts watched her kissing to see how to do it with real people then Sharita kissed the bartender, Ethel kissed the dishwasher and Betty kissed 3 girls who all had on red lipstick, which got all over her lips and cheeks.
What They Saw in the Alley
Pretty soon they were all kissed out and ready to go back to the hotel. They looked around and didn’t see the saleslady, who they wanted to say goodbye to. They also didn’t see the bartender anywhere. They wanted to leave out the back door, but they needed someone to open it for them since they don’t have hands. They got the dishwasher to do it and they each gave him a bit fat marshmallow kiss as they went out the door. He had never been kissed in his whole life so he was very happy as he scrubbed pots the rest of the night.
The back door led to a back alley. As they came out the little alcove into the alley they were stopped in their tracks. Well, they don’t really make tracks since they have no feet, but they were stopped anyway. Before them they saw the the saleslady and the bartender kissing! Not only that but they were doing things besides kissing with parts that the bodyless ghirl ghosts didn’t have. The ghirl ghosts stared for a long time saying nothing because ghirl ghosts like to watch, which is understandable considering they can’t do much besides watching and floating around.
Temptation
Penelope whispered, “That’s enough watching, let’s leave them alone.” Sharita said, “Can’t we wait to see if she…” “NO”, said Penelope, “That will just make it harder to go to sleep.” Then all the ghirl ghosts floated silently passed the two lovers and went back to the hotel where they watched an Infomercial about acne medicine before floating off to slumber land.
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To read more of their adventures go to the ‘Bodyless Ghosts’ series in the drop down menu in the sidebar.
Drawing and story by Marty Coleman, who has never tried to kiss a marshmallow.
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Literary Question from two days ago answered
Question: “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen” is the first line of what novel?
Answer: ‘1984’ by George Orwell, published in 1949.
It’s a compliment just to be nominated for Best Napkin Drawing of Day #4 of Compliment Week!
Compliments – The Love Hate Tango
I started this series because I had a conversation with a friend in which she said she didn’t know how to take compliments very well. She thought she was alone in that regard and I assured her that is not true, that a LOT if not most people, especially women, are not at all comfortable or believing of compliments given to them.
While I started to look for quotes and ideas relating to compliments I did indeed come across many who were also not comfortable with praise and compliments. But I also came across many who love compliments, live for them, get sustenance from them and continually hope for them. Mark Twain was one and this quote is an example. It seems egotistical but I think he meant it tongue in cheek, a self-deprecating comment about his own ego.
The Compliment Pool
But there is another way to take this quote. Perhaps it can be interpreted not as wanting more ego stroking, but wanting more specificity. The woman in my drawing is saying ‘nice font’ while reading a profound book. She is staying shallow and superfluous. noticing just the surface, when there is a whole world of depth she has completely ignored.
The Deep End
What about you? When you give a compliment, do you really say what you truly admire, or do you say something generic and forgettable? If you want your compliments to have more power the focus in on more than ‘You are handsome’ or ‘nice work’. Dig down a bit and see if you can’t be more specific. Why is he handsome? How about ‘You have a great jaw line.’ Why was her work nice? Can you say ‘You did a fantastic job negotiating with that client.’ instead?
I can imagine Mark Twain meaning it that way. Perhaps he wanted a compliment that dug down a bit deeper, that reflected a deeper understanding on the part of the person giving the compliment.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mark Twain, whom I compliment on his vast array of quotes about compliments.
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Compliment of the Week
Judge Nicki Minaj’s compliment to American Idol contestant Tenna Torres (wearing the outfit below) – “I like your hair, I like your boobs, too.”
I know I am making you happy when I compliment your arrival at day #3 of Compliments Week!
The Visual Compliment
Imagine a compliment being something you could visually see, that as it came out of your mouth it became something real, floating over to the person it was directed at. What would your compliments turn into? Would it be a bright, garish sticker slapped on a woman’s breasts saying ‘NICE RACK’ or a man’s posterior saying, ‘NICE ASS? Would it be a generic puff of cotton that whispered, ‘I guess you look nice’ as it blew away and was forgotten? Maybe it would be a swirl of glitter that said, ‘oh shiny!’ as it landed on a diamond ring.
The Happiness Blanket
But maybe your compliment can come out as a happiness blanket. It would cover the whole person, no matter what specific compliment you are giving. And guess what? If you deliberately endeavor in advance to make your compliment, whatever it is, a warm blanket of love, given freely and with joy, then you will be happy. If you are happy in giving a compliment there is a much greater chance the recipient will also feel some level of happiness.
Give that compliment today.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who always compliments freckles, which are a like a blanket of happiness in and of themselves.
I am flattered you have shown up for day #2 of Compliments week!
Flattery Wolf
Flattery is fine. You just have to know what it is. It is a social nicety. It is grease that smooths the rough edges of social interactions. It is attached to an agenda. An agenda isn’t necessarily bad or evil or dangerous. But it can be. You have to be aware. Maybe it’s a benign agenda, the man just likes you. The man just wants a little attention and so he is just giving some attention. Maybe it’s cancerous and the man becomes a wolf and wants to get in your pants or in your wallet or in your life for some nefarious reason. You have to have a discernment about people, and men in particular. It should be up to the man to be good, not bad. He is responsible for that. But if he is not, if he is a wolf, and some men are, then you must be responsible for your side of it, the discernment, wisdom and knowledge to tell the difference between a wolf and a dog.
Complimentary Dog
Compliments are fine. But how do you know they are real, true, legitimate compliments and not underhanded flattery with an attached agenda to it? You know by what happens after the compliment. Does the man remain attentive to you in more ways than just complimenting you? Does he back up his supposed admiration for you by acting like someone who admires and respects you? Is he sensitive to what you want to talk about and do or is he pushy and insistent, always directing you back to what his agenda is? It isn’t that the man doesn’t have desires and hopes and even lusts. But he understands their place, that they are behind and less important than finding out and trying to meet your needs. A Complimentary Dog does that, a Flattery Wolf does not.
The Fight
So, who am I to make the case about Flattery Wolf vs Complimentary Dog? I can make the case because I have been both. And I bet if you ask most men they would say they have been both too. It is a fight between the two in many men. Which one wins? The one that gets fed wins. Do you, as the object of attention, reward the dog or the wolf? Do you enable the bad behavior or the good behavior?
I know it is rife with issues to call men dogs or wolves, obviously the analogy only goes so far. It does break down eventually. But it also has many useful elements to it in trying to understand how men think. And the better you understand how men think and act perhaps the better you will be in understanding how to deal with their flatteries and compliments.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who would be a dalmatian if he were a dog.
Quote by George Chapman, 1559-1634, English dramatist
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Historical Question from Yesterday Answered
Question: Oscar Wilde was put on trial, convicted and sent to prison for what crime?
Answer: Wilde was prosecuted for ‘Gross Indecency’. This was a charge leveled against suspected homosexuals who were not caught doing the expressly forbidden deed of anal intercourse, or buggery as it was known then (and which had a possible sentence of death), but were caught being too flagrant about their life in the otherwise underground web of homosexual society. Wilde spent 2 years in prison doing hard labor. When he came out he moved to France, never to return to England. He died destitute.
It’s not complicated – today is day #1 of Compliments Week at the NDD.
Complimenting Cleavage – An Embarrassing Story
This past weekend I went to an art gallery opening. My wife Linda was out of town so I was solo. The gallery was filled with well dressed, glamourous people. I saw a friend and we were talking about my napkins, which she said she loved getting every day. She is well known and so she was constantly seeing and greeting new people as they came by. I waited patiently for a respite to continue the conversation when I noticed a woman next to me also waiting to speak to this woman. She had on a very intricate lace top with little colored things woven in. Under it was a plain black camisole. She also had on an elegant necklace that went to mid-chest. Her hair framed the necklace and the lace top very nicely.
I noticed all this in a split second, turned to her and said, with a hand gesture, “I love your top!” Just as I said it realized, along with all those other things I just mentioned, that she had a very pronounced cleavage. Large breasts, low top. My choice of words suddenly didn’t seem the best. She looked at me like I had just said the most awkward thing I could have possibly said, and I had. I did my best to recover, doing another circle of my hand and saying, “It all works great; the lace, necklace, hair, very nice”. I then introduced myself, and we both turned our attention back to our mutual friend. I saw her on and off the rest of the night at that opening and a number of other ones on the same street. I had the distinct impression she was hopeful I would not come up and talk to her again.
The Complimenter
I am a complimenter. It can be interpreted as a come on, an insincere flattery, an over the top rambling, or any number of other things. But I don’t care because I know this truth; If I don’t say it, pretty soon I won’t think it. And if I don’t think it, I won’t notice it and if I don’t notice it the world will be incredibly dull, boring, grey, relentlessly serious, depressing, futile and ugly for me. I don’t want that and so I notice what I love in the world. I think about what I love in the world and I say what I love in the world. Sometimes it backfires and I am embarrassed but I would rather suffer that then live in a world where I can’t speak of the beauty I see.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who does indeed love beautiful eyebrows.
Quote by Oscar Wilde, who loved beauty
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Historical question of the day
Oscar Wilde was put on trial, convicted and sent to prison for what crime?
Steady now, it’s finally day FOUR of Mediocrity Week!
The Invitation
Note the quote says it’s an invitation. That means you do not have to accept it. Having a regular paycheck at a steady job has within it the temptation to become mediocre. It does not mean it is a requirement. It is something to watch out for though because mediocrity in the work world is like a long term habit that leads to a disease that you don’t know you are acquiring until it is too late.
My Wife’s Resistance
My wife, Linda, is a business woman. She has worked in the same industry with the same company (bought and sold many times over) for over 20 years. She has had every opportunity to become settled and mediocre in her job but she hasn’t. She has always been committed to doing her job really well. There have been years and years of her building up effective business structures and procedures only to see them be dismantled by those who came after her. On a regular basis she is asked to go back in years later and clean up the detritus of failures and rebuild what she built before. And she does it. She has done this with the higher ups almost never realizing the incredible ability she has to do those things again and again. And the reason she can do them? Because she is dedicated to be not just competent but excellent at her job, whatever it is.
Tombstone
So, I have seen it done. The key is the desire to be excellent has to be internal. It cannot be decided by if you are high on your job at any one moment or not. It can’t be decided by the recognition, the salary, the perks. It has to be driven from your character. YOU have to want to be excellent apart from anyone or anything else. Just YOU.
If you are wondering if you want to be excellent, imagine having a tombstone that says, “Here Lies a Mediocre Human”.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is married to an excellent woman.
Quote is Anonymous
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Mediocrity Week has so far had visits from 36 countries including:
Latvia
Zimbabwe
Uganda
Suriname
Algeria
Malaysia
I am not sure why I think it’s cool that the NDD is so international in its reach but I do.
