I never got to see the Beatles in concert (my sister saw them twice) but I did see Wings at the Fabulous Forum in LA in 1976 and that was a great concert. But it was oh so long ago. I was looking forward to seeing him again after all these years.
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I got my first taste of how big a deal this was going to be in Tulsa when I took a long run around downtown last weekend and saw this street sign near the BOK Center where the concert was going to take place.
The concert actually started with a scrolling montage of photos and video from McCartney’s life. It made me want to watch this movie, one of my all time favorites, again.
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Once the concert commenced, Sir Paul did not disappoint. He and his band of 5 guys were incredible for over 2 1/2 hours.
Highlights included a solo Paul with a Ukelele singing ‘Something’ by George Harrison, after telling a funny story of how George and he played it on dueling ukeleles once. He then transitioned half way through the song to the full throated version of it with the band. It really was quite moving.
Courtesy of my friend, Julie Chin
I also really loved ‘Live and Let Die’, ‘Band on the Run’, ‘Paperback Writer’ and ‘And I love Her’. There was only one song through the entire night (and 55 years of recordings) where I didn’t know the lyrics. I had heard the song before, from a later album, but that was it. The pyrotechnics during ‘Live and Let Die’ were pretty spectacular.
photo courtesy of my friend, Julie Chin
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His odes to his wives, ‘My Valentine’ for his current wife, Nancy and ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’ for his late wife, Linda, were very touching and beautiful. I loved ‘Lady Madonna’ with the huge graphics of strong and successful women throughout the song, with scenes of Olympic runners hitting the finish line as the line ‘see how she runs’ was sung.
My own Lovely Linda and myself waiting for Sir Paul to arrive.
We had an amazing time surrounded by a huge diversity of people. Everyone sang along to almost every song but I beat Linda in the ‘know every song’ category for sure. It was great to meet a very cool couple sitting next to us before the show, hopefully we will meet up with them again. It was funny watching the long haired blonde (Cousin It) and her very tall, very gaunt BF (Lurch) in front of us think every song should be heard standing up,
and a bit sad watching the boy dragged along by his parents play a video game through the entire concert, non-stop.
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Most unexpected song: Helter Skelter. Very intense visuals and about as hard of a head banging heavy metal song that the Beatles ever did. And the band did it with some serious intensity. Sometimes you forget, due to Paul’s ballads and sweet love songs, what a hard core rocker he was and is. Linda didn’t like Helter Skelter, she had read the book about the Manson murders, and can’t hear it without thinking about that, but I thought it was a pretty amazing heavy metal song. The Beatles recorded a 17 minute version of the song that never got released while recording the White Album. Read more about here.
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He led up to one song by saying it had not been performed in public in many decades but he brought it out for this tour. It was pretty clear that there was a reason it isn’t brought out often, it was the weakest song of the night in my opinion – Lovely Rita (Meter Maid).
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Favorite song of the night? Hard to beat the second to last song in the encore, ‘Saw Her Standing There’ which he sang in honor of a girl named Charlotte in the audience who had a big sign saying she was turning 17…’she was just 17, you know what I mean’…
And the finale, not expected but great, was ‘Golden Slumber’. An amazing composition that had quiet moments, outrageous rock, searing solos on all instruments and a ear splitting finale. My favorite line? “… and in the end, the love you take … is equal to the love … you make.”
And in the end….we walked out under beautiful humid skies and saw this.
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We loved it and highly recommend going to see Sir Paul if you get the chance. It’s worth the money.
My napkin of yesterday, where I illustrated and talked about my having not had a drink in 20 years and the resulting secrets, led to, ironically enough, people telling me their secrets. I am always honored when friends (or strangers) tell me stories of their lives that they are not accustom to telling. I like knowing they trusted me, and honestly, it’s energizing to hear secret stories, don’t you think?
Push/Pull
The funny thing about secrets is that oft times you are torn about them. You want to keep it secret, you are DESPERATE to keep it secret because, well, what would people think if they knew. At the same time you yearn to let the secret out. You would feel so liberated if you could just let it be known that you love to dance naked in the backyard when no one is around. And then, after the liberated freeing feeling, you would revert and be mortified that you let it out. It’s how we are with our secrets, isn’t it.
The Consistent Continuum
Perhaps the best we can do is do our best to have the public us and the private us be the same. I don’t mean the same level of exposure, it’s fine to have private elements to your life, whether it’s backyard naked dancing or something else. But I mean who you present yourself to be, at whatever level, should be on an honest and consistent continuum of self. For example, if you are an anti-gay crusader who spends time in men’s bathrooms soliciting gay sex, you are not on an honest and consistent continuum of self.
In other words, are you being an actor playing a part, or are you, most of the time, being a real person being you?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Nishan Panwar
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Here is a picture of one of the people who confided in me yesterday. This is posted here with their approval.
No one wants to know what you are doing until you are doing something you don’t want anyone to know about
Twenty years ago today (5/29/93) I had my last drink of alcohol. I stopped but much damage had been done. As a matter of fact, my divorce 7 years after I quit can, in no small part, be attributed to my excesses while I was drinking. I had gotten the monkey off my back, but the circus he was part of did not depart. It lingered and reared it’s ugly head years later. This was not simply due to my past sins being exposed (which they were). It was also due to my having gotten used to living with a monkey on my back. Having gotten used to hiding that monkey, and the circus he was part of, from others. Even after the monkey was off my back, I still acted as if I had something to hide. I still liked getting away with things. That really was the flaw that led to my divorce if you ask me.
The Secret Circus
It took me many years to unravel that that was what was happening. It’s not something that is permanently unraveled because new situations and events arise that can bring the circus back out at any time. But they are minimal now because I see the tangles starting to wrap around earlier and take steps to avoid them. But most of all I expose them to myself and to my wife. The progress in confronting, and then avoiding, these tangles is one of the main reasons that my second marriage is becoming better instead of foundering. My wife and I both trust that we can point to a tangle and say ‘I am dealing with this, will you help me?’ and we will be helped.
Circuses and the monkeys that inhabit them have far less power when they are exposed.
Are you thinking what i’m thinking? It’s Body Image #4!
Hair Brained and Empty Headed
I love a great hairdo. I love fun colors, bold shapes, great style. I think it’s awesome. But it’s not enough. To carry awesome style at it’s best you have to have the same investment in what’s under the hair as the hair itself. For a body image (which does include your head, by the way) to be solidly positive it has to be accompanied by a solid mind image as well.
Investing in your head
You invest $100 to have a great hairdo, but will you pay $100 to make your brain better? You would hire a physical trainer for your body if you could. But would you ask a trainer to help train your mind to think kinder, more loving, positive thoughts? You know your body (and hair) won’t be it’s best without you investing in it. The same is true of your mind. If you want to be a person with a great body image, you will need to have think highly of your mind as well. That takes work.
Can You Direct Me To The Mind Gym?
Never mind, I know where it is. It’s in my bookshelf in in my office and the book by my bed. It’s in my church. It’s in the Community College in town. It’s in good TV. And above all it’s in interesting conversations, curiosity driven adventures, and an open minded fearless attitude towards new ideas, people and places. That is what keeps my mind growing.
And that in turn, when combined with my paying attention to the body I have, leads me to feel good about all of me, my mind AND my body.
What do you do to keep body AND mind feeling good?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Garrison Keillor, 1942 – not dead yet, American Humorist and Writer, creator of ‘A Prairie Home Companion’ radio show.
I am making a splash today with #3 in my Body Image series.
Body Goals
Because I coach intermediate runners I have occasion to work with people who do not occupy what they envision to be their optimal bodies quite yet. There are various body goals they may have. They may want to get thinner, have more muscle tone, be more flexible, or have better heart health, to name just a few. Since they have already made the choice to join a running program I take that to also mean they have made a decision to do something deliberate to achieve their goals. I encourage them, do my part in training them, explain as best I can what I think will help them achieve these goals. I truly want them to be who they want to be and I love helping them get there.
Joy Goals
But there is something else I work on with them. And that is joy and happiness. I believe achieving goals can increase one’s happiness. But I also believe you don’t arrive at a body goal (or any other type of goal) and suddenly find happiness waiting there for you. As odd as it sounds, one needs to train for happiness, just like for an awesome body.
Cannonball Fun
For example, the joy in doing a cannonball in a pool is primarily in the fun of doing it. If you are big and round, it is still fun. If you are skinny and boney, it’s still fun. If you are 60 years old it’s fun, if you are 20 years old it’s fun. Now, it is true you might enjoy the walk to the diving board more if you are happy about your body shape. It is true you might be less self-conscious about something if you have the body you want. But if you want to experience fun you shouldn’t wait until you are ‘perfect’ to experience it. Suffer that bit of self-consciousness if you must because the act of doing that fun thing will show you, again and again, that your self-consciousness can be overcome, it can be put in it’s place.
Training Joy
But if you wait for that ‘perfection’ then while you are practicing and training your body to be it’s best you are continuing to train your mind to think it’s not. You are continuing to tell yourself that joy and fun and happiness is dependent on you being the right weight, or the right tan color, or the right bra size and that is not true. You actually may intellectually know it is not true, just as you know intellectually you will be in better shape if you run or work out. But that knowledge will remain academic and intellectual, unproven and unpracticed, unless you practice the happiness action the same way you practice the physical action.
In other words, train your joy and happiness as well as your body, then both will be in great shape!
How do you train your happiness and joy?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Rosalind Russell, 1907-1976, American actress. Her autobiography is titled, ‘Life is a Banquet’.
I went out to breakfast with the denizens of Social Media Tulsa this morning. We got together to show signs of support for the tornado relief efforts, literally, by making signs of support. The signs (or napkins as it were) directed people to where they could text their donations. This effort is in addition to making our own donations of course.
In addition the Restaurant, Dilly Deli in downtown Tulsa, gave 100% of their proceeds from their breakfast hours (7-11am) to the relief effort.
sign of support
I chose the Oklahoma Regional Food Bank because it was local.
Here are some of the other signs of support and the people who made them.
Social Media Tulsa member Erica Jordan came out with her entire family.
Erica’s daughter Kymberlee asks that you text the word ‘storm’ to 80888 to give $10.00 to The Salvation Army
Her little brother Josiah is asking you to do the same.
Michelle Sotkin and her 11 year old gymnast daughter, Alexi, have a personal connection to gymnasts down in the hardest hit area of Oklahoma. They are asking for support for their friends who lost everything.
Social Media Tulsa member Danica Jones is asking you to do the same to the OK Regional Food Bank.
And last but not least our esteemed leader, Cheryl Lawson and the #1 cowboy in the group, John Taylor (who knows a good hat when he sees one) asks you to do the same for the food bank.
There are many other ways to contribute of course, but if you have your phone handy why not do it this way.
I started a Body Image series a few months ago but only did one drawing for some reason. Easily distracted is my excuse. I am starting it up again today.
My Body Image
When I was young I had no fat on me. I didn’t work at it or think about it. Then I turned 30 and I saw my tummy popping up above the line between my hip bones when I laid down. Then I found my chest had a little layer of fat. Then I got some love handles. Then my abs disappeared.
Now I am working my way back towards that body I remember. Of course it’s 25+ years later so my goal is not to look or be exactly like that. But I have an updated vision of what I would like to look like. I can look in the mirror have a memory reference point of sorts. I know what I used to look like and I believe I can be close to that again. Who knows, maybe even better.
My Motives
I have many motives; some noble, some vain. I am doing it so the runners I coach will look at me and see a person who coaches by life example. I am doing it so I will look fit at my high school reunion this summer. So I will look fit when I am on stage giving speeches or being interviewed on TV. It helps my business to look fit. I am doing it to be an example to those I love; my wife, my daughters, my friends. I want them to have a real life example, someone who said they were going to do it and they did it. I want them to say, as one of my runners said yesterday, ‘I think to myself, if he can do it, I can do it.’ I want it so I am more productive and creative for the longest possible lifetime.
But those motives and reasons are all secondary. The #1 reason I am losing weight and getting more fit is because I want to look how I want to look. I am not under pressure from my wife or daughters or friends or career or doctor or anyone else. I just want it for myself. I want to look a certain way, a way I think looks good and is healthy. I am choosing to be deliberate about becoming that.
Beholding You
My question to you is, do you have YOUR vision (not someone else’s) for what you want your body to look like? If not, why not? Your mind didn’t get educated without you working at your education, did it? Your heart and morals didn’t develop without you practicing being a moral and compassionate person, right?
Your body is just as essential as those areas. Your body will be become it’s best when you are deliberate about helping it. It won’t do it on it’s own.
So, if the body you behold in the mirror is the body that meets your vision of beauty and health, then maintain it and cherish it. But if you look in the mirror and feel, not because of family or social cultural pressures but because of YOU feel it, that it’s not the body you want, then take action to help it become what you want it to be.
You can do it.
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has lost 22 lbs and has 8 more to go.
Living in Oklahoma we have been prepared over the weekend for a tornado and the tornado aftermath. We have a storm shelter with all the essentials inside it. We have the TV on most of the time during these sorts of weather outbreaks, watching and listening for important news. While yesterday the major storms had lost their tornadic activity by the time they reached the Tulsa area, we were still on the path and were thinking the devastation we were seeing in Moore was something that could realistically happen to us as well. It wasn’t until the storms were within about 30 miles that it became likely they were not going to be damaging. Even then we knew enough to not let our guard down and we didn’t until the threat had completely passed around midnight.
As the sun set last night I went out back, took this sunset picture and uploaded it to Facebook to show my friends around the world that we were safe.
Oklahoma Sunset After the Moore Tornado
Glass Half Full
A running buddy of mine, Jack Nation, commented on the pic saying, ‘A new day brings hope for the future….because I’m a half full kinda guy, I choose to look at this as a sunrise.’
I had been searching for just the right words for my napkin drawing this morning and my response became my napkin the moment I said it, ‘A Sunset in One Place is always Sunrise Somewhere Else.’ It reflects what I know to be true, even as I know it is a terrible sunset for many.
Have you ever experienced a sunset becoming a sunrise in your life?
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has survived a large earthquake.
When I travel I draw and photograph a number of things that don’t make it into a travel blog post. In most cases it’s not that the drawing or photo is bad, but it just didn’t fit in with the flow of the story I was telling. Then again, sometimes the drawing or photo just sucks.
Here are some images that didn’t make it into my prior posts from my recent weekend foray to Arkansas where I attended to Social Fabric Conference. I posted 3 days worth of images while I was there but these took a little while longer to get together.
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Annette McCormick
Lunch Break
I wandered into the Collective Bias Salon during a break and caught a few people taking their break as well. Annette, whom I had met the day before, said something about how I should draw people right then so I took her up on it and drew her eating a sandwich. I know it’s not proper etiquette to photograph someone eating but does the same rule apply to drawing? I choose to believe that rule does not exist.
There is a photo of her in my SoFabCon- Day 1 post, but I took another one on that same bus that I think is pretty cool as well.
Annette in Profile
Later I saw this photo in the SoFab blog of me showing something to Annette during the conference. You can follow her on twitter.
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Danielle Smith
Danielle’s Boots
When it’s May in Arkansas you would think sandals and open-toed shoes would be the uniform for women. But when it’s 35 degrees and it’s Danielle, it’s going to be boots. She likes her boots and this snake skin pair were pretty darn cool.
Danielle is sort of like a movie star in the blogging world. So, here I am getting my picture taken with a movie star. She also happens to be one of the most amazingly positive, genuinely friendly and loving people you could ever hope to meet.
Danielle and Elizabeth
Here is she mugging for the camera with Elizabeth Mascali, one of her panelist cohorts. Dawn Sandomeno, Elizabeth’s biz partner is taking the pic.
I met Lana on the first day of the conference. She is originally from Oklahoma and now lives in Arkansas. She interviewed me for her blog the day after the conference. We met at a new museum called 21c. I drew her on a black napkin, something I had never done before.
I thought I would see how a set of metallic markers I had at home would work on it.
Here is the result. Very much like a woodcut relief print I think.
We walked around the museum and I got this shot of her about to sneeze. I think it’s pretty cool.
You can see the other napkin drawing and photo I took of her in the SoFabCon – Day 3/4 blog entry.
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Natalie Aydelott
Like I mentioned in the day 1 blog, I met Natalie on Thursday night at the opening cocktail party. I also met a cool guy named Taylor Sigler. He was also helpful throughout the weekend.
Taylor Sigler and Natalie Aydelott
I ran into her Friday, working away on her phone, making things happen at the conference.
Natalie Working
Then on Saturday night at the big 80s bowling party (bus ride excitement below),
I saw Natalie again, ready to strike!
Natalie Bowling
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Random
I drew, but did not meet, these two women at the cocktail party.
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By the way, I am now an official part of Social Fabric, the blogger/Social Media community element of Collective Bias. We are currently looking for Millennial Bloggers (ages 18-24) so if you are one or know of one who is, let me know and I will get them connected.
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Drawings and photos by Marty Coleman, who didn’t bowl but wished he had.
The new blogging community I am part of, Social Fabric, has put out it’s first online magazine, Live SoFab.
Check it out. I did, but not because it had the words ‘summer nudes’ and ‘monokini’ on the cover. Really.
By the way, if any of you are a millennial bloggers (in other words ages 18-25) Social Fabric would like to talk to you about joining their community of bloggers. Let me know and I will get you in contact with them, ok?
If you can believe your eyes and ears, it’s day #5 of ‘Women vs Men’ week!
‘Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears’
What think you of this idea? Is it true for you or those you know? Tell your Napkin Kin how so.
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Drawing and questions by Marty Coleman, who is hard of hearing and good of seeing.
Quote by Woodrow Wyatt, 1918-1997, British Politician
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As long as I am on a musical kick, here is a song from ‘My Fair Lady’ that exemplifies the frustration between the sexes, at least from a misogynist male perspective. ‘Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?’ This one should get some of my red blooded female Napkin Kin going!
I hope you didn’t forget…today is day #4 of ‘Women vs Men’ week!
Learning While Falling Apart
If you have followed me a while you know I was married the first time for 20 years. The marriage started breaking down around year 18 but ironically that was also when we started REALLY talking to each other about the marriage, who we were, what we wanted, how we felt. It really was a life altering period for me that I now deeply appreciate. Among things that I learned or I improved were my ability (and willingness) to listen and communicate, feel empathy, think ahead about consequences, and not assume the surface is the reality. I am grateful for those lessons, as is my new wife, Linda (though she knows I still have a long way to go).
Remember I Forget
But there is another thing those years taught me first hand. Kathy and I were in the middle of a long discussion about our marriage when she said ‘But you once said…’ and she then proceeded to say what it was I supposedly said. I didn’t remember saying it. I asked her when I said it. She said, ‘about 1991’. She was telling me this in about 1999, 8 years later. My response? ‘uh…1991? really?’ She not only remembered that I had said whatever it was I said, but she remembered the year. Now if this was an isolated incident I would chalk it up and forget about it. But Kathy did it other times as well when we were going over things from our past (including once remembering something I said from the year 1983!). My wife now, Linda, has also brought up something I said years ago with frightening attention to detail.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to get out of saying what I said. I wish I could remember things as well as Kathy or Linda. But I can’t, at least not yet. From my experience not many men can. I am sure some women can’t either, but I think overall they can remember a hell of a lot better than men do.
Remembering Concrete
But there is a problem with remembering so well and that is that one can easily get stuck with that one memory in your head, playing over and over, and it can blind you to subsequent events, words, deeds, that modify or change that thing that is in your head. So, while forgetting important things we say or do is not always a good thing, it can also allow new, more relevant and true things to come in, things that are who we are now, not who we used to be.
What think you about this?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who does remember saying ‘I love you’ a lot to both my wives, no matter how far back it was.
Quote is anonymous
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Here is a great duet from the musical ‘Gigi’ that brings this point out perfectly. My father used to sing the trademark line, ‘ah yes, I remember it well.’ when he would forget something from the past. I do the same thing now. Not many get it when I do that, but I don’t care. It makes me smile.
Speaking of remembering AND forgetting…While I was writing this I was browsing YouTube and came across something I remember very distinctly. My college roommates and I were LA Dodger fans watching the 1977 World Series when this happened. Funny though, in my memory she was wearing short shorts. Ah yes, I remember it well.
It’s ‘Battle of the Sexes’ Week! Chime in, answering the questions below. What are your ideas? Your Napkin Kin want to know!
In my life experience, there seems to be some truth to this. What do you think, is this true? True for others, true for you? Now or in the past? Discuss.
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Drawing and questions by Marty Coleman, who, long, long ago, once looked in a mirror and saw myself as a Native American on a horse in the Southwest. It is safe to say I was in an altered state.
Quote by Elissa Melamed, Author of ‘Mirror, Mirror – The Terror of Not Being Young’
What? I am against reading? Yep, I am. Not all reading mind you. but over indulged in, mindless reading. Reading gets an exalted place in our western world, at least among the intelligentsia and wannabees (that’s me). The idea is if you read you are intelligent, wise, learning, growing and open minded. It means you are self-aware and a good person. But that is not true.
Television as a Positive
It isn’t any more true than watching TV means your a vacuous idiot who is satisfied with shallow crap. I watch more hours of TV than hours of reading. So, am I just being defensive? No, I am being realistic. People watch substantial TV and they watch idiot TV. People read substantial books and they read idiot books. What I am against is the persistent illusion that reading in and of itself makes someone admirable. It doesn’t.
What vs That
If you learn, grow, share and become enlightened while reading then it’s good. And they same is true about watching TV. If you get entertained in either medium, that is good too. But not if that is all you are doing. Escaping to the boob tube and never critically evaluating what it is you are watching isn’t good. And it isn’t good with reading either. What you read and how you think about it make you admirable, not just that you read.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is reading Frankenstein and having a hard time getting through it.
Quote by Albert Einstein
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Morning ‘not a haiku’ poem #4
Stretching in morning dark, Edge of light past trees, Dogs wiggling, I am on the floor with them.
A big effort of every company is to get into the consumers’ mind an idea of their brand. If they show off their facilities, it is usually so that the facility helps to crystalize their brand identity with the consumer. A happy dairy farmer and her family for example, in front of a verdant pasture. Perhaps it’s a gleaming new factory in Wisconsin, putting out reams of clean and effective paper products.
But companies don’t just show off any old factory just to show it. Most companies know there are things the consumer isn’t interested in seeing, and sometimes, even if they are interested, the company doesn’t think it is in their best interest to show it. I understand that.
But sometimes it’s important for us to see what a company isn’t all that hot on showing us.
No to Guilt
First up, I feel sad, but I don’t feel guilty about what happened in Bangladesh, and either should you. I am NOT saying we should not be aware of what we buy, how it is manufactured, distributed, and sold. I think we should. But that is not the same as taking personal blame for a tragedy around the globe that was due to illegal construction, terrible government oversight and fatal management business practices.
There are many who would like you and me to feel guilty. The reason they want us to feel guilty is that they think that is how change will happen, i.e., guilt people into feeling bad and a change of behavior will follow. Does that work long term with anyone? It works with 6 year olds in church, but not with 26 year olds. It works with a naive and insecure newlywed, but not with that same man or woman 15 years later. I don’t think it works, and even if it did, it’s dishonest in it’s method and manipulative in it’s intent. I don’t like it.
Yes to Awareness
But there is something that does work. It’s called education. Instead of ranting and railing against American capitalism and consumerism and trying to lay all the blame for all the world’s ills on those backs, why not do your best, without condemnation and guilt for the consumer, to explain what is happening through the supply chain. Just let us see it. Let us learn about it. With minimal manipulation, help us see the connection between the PR branding the company shows us and the rest of the company, good and bad. Let the evidence be the guide to making better consumer choices, not guilt.
Explain the good and bad of globalization. Explain how it does bring jobs to places that don’t have them but it also brings greed and corruption and short cuts in the name of profit. Explain that low prices aren’t bad but it’s also good to have an ethical and moral platform below which we do not believe anyone should fall whether it be a garment worker in Bangladesh, an innocent bystander washing clothes in a polluted river downstream from a factory, an hourly wage earner in the US. or the fate of the CEO. They all deserve a standard of treatment that we should aspire to.
If we don’t have direct control over it, what can we do to help move those that do have the control towards that better ethical and moral stance?
What are your solutions?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is very sad so many died.
Quote adapted from a quote by Walter Landor, 1913-1995, German born, American designer and brand developer, Owner of Landor Associates.
It was a bit serendipitous to start a series on branding and then have the current Abercrombie and Fitch debacle land in my lap for Brand Day #2.
Here is a take on it from the A & F CEO’s point of view, a former A & F employee point of view, and finally an A & F customer point of view. Chime in and tell me what you think.
When I ask him how important sex and sexual attraction are in what he calls the “emotional experience” he creates for his customers, he says, “It’s almost everything. That’s why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that.”
Now let’s hear how that plays out in reality from a former 5 year A & F employee, N, who doesn’t want to be public since she still knows people who work at A & F. I talked to her this morning about what it was like to work there as a manager.
First, here is a part that is probably pretty common in retail and I don’t really have too much of a problem with it.
Our employees were only supposed to work 1-2 shifts per week (5-10 hours). They had to purchase a specific outfit before they were allowed to be on the schedule. A few times a year the company releases a ‘key look’ we all have to wear. It might be 2-3 outfits we could choose from, but once the key look changed, everyone has to buy it (at half off) and wear only that to work. The ‘look policy’ is incredibly strict as well. We weren’t allowed to wear makeup, no nail polish, no crazy hair color or cut, and you had to look completely natural. Everyone had to be ‘styled’ perfectly as well, so the tuck of the shirt is done in a particular way, the roll of your jean cuff, how many buttons on your shirt are buttoned/unbuttoned.
If a brand wants a certain look, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, right? It certainly is a common phenomenon in retail. I wouldn’t want to work there, but that doesn’t mean other wouldn’t.
But she goes on to describe more problematic issues with the branding.
I (sadly) managed an A & F stores for 5 years right after I graduated college. One of the main reasons you experienced poor customer service is because the pressure on the manager to staff the store with good looking ‘models’ (that is what the sales associate position is called) is completely overwhelming. That is what my job performance was based on. It did not matter if my store was beating sales goals every single day, I had the best customer experience, and the store was folded down to perfection, if a higher up walked in and I had one ‘ugly’ kid on my sales floor, there was gonna be hell to pay. At least one day a week we were required to go to college campuses and other places where we could ‘recruit’ good looking kids to come work in our stores.
It was incredibly frustrating. There are not many good looking, ‘popular’, and aspirational teenagers who want to work 5 hours a week for minimum wage. The kind of employees I had to search for are the kind of kids who don’t need a job. The managers are held to unrealistic expectations when it comes to hiring. We had weekly manager meetings to sit down and talk about where to go out in the city and find good looking workers. If I went one week and did not find a ‘recruit’ I was in trouble.
That barely scratches the surface of what goes on in those stores. We also had to send pictures of our new hires to higher ups to ensure they were up to standard. If we found out someone from corporate office was coming to visit the store I would have to scrap the schedule for that day and call in all of my best looking kids to have them work instead of whoever else was originally scheduled. Miserable work experience.
The kids that work there are in two groups. either models or your stockroom employees. The models are the ones you see on the sales floor folding, helping customers, running the cash register. Turnover for the employees is incredibly high and managers are so busy with everything going on those associates rarely get much of training, which I think contributes to poor customer experience. Instead of chatting, texting, doing whatever those employees should be helping customers and folding. I always felt bad for the kids I hired for the stockroom. They knew what was up and why they were back there.
Now, let’s here how that branding effort translates into an actual customer experience. Kelly M was in the same conversation I had this morning, only she was talking as a customer.
On rare occasions I’d stop in to A & F, just to look around and to have a sense of what I was already judging, and each time I determined that the styling of their clothing remained unchanged for 15 years. During the 2000s and the height of a conservative and sexist/hostile time, I was taken aback by some of their t-shirts, such as a men’s tee that read, “you look like I need another drink” and something like “you were hotter freshman year” and women’s tees that generally presented a message of being slutty, drunk or both.
One particular time I had gone in with a friend to look around for giggles. I found something somewhat intriguing to try on, but alas, there was nobody around to assist me. I spotted a guy toward the front of the store looking like he had nothing going on in his head. I had to walk up to him and tap him on the shoulder. Admittedly, I proceeded to objectify him, “uhh, hey sweet cheeks I need to try this on.” Ditzy and unapologetic, he was like “ohh okay!” as he let me into a fitting room. He kinda lingered a little bit, as though he was waiting for me to invite him in with me to make out with him. weirrrddd.
And then? Then my friend and I were completely ignored for the remainder of our time there. Nobody had acknowledged us upon our entrance, and it was the same for our exit. I think WE were the ones saying, ‘Have a good night!’ Needless to say, I’ve had no desire to visit Abercrombie ever again. Our chemistries just don’t match up.
So, what does it all mean? It means that whether they knew it or not, they had communicated their true corporate self and it was a corporate self that was and currently is shooting itself in the foot by being short sighted and letting ego take precedence over smart business practices.
Perhaps you have heard it said about individuals, ‘Outer beauty without inner beauty is no beauty at all’. The same is true of A & F and any other company.
Who you are, and what a company is, can not be hidden for long. It cannot NOT be communicated, one way or another.
As you know, I have been off at a conference this past week. It was SoFabCon, a bloggers conference focusing on the relationship between brands, bloggers and consumers. It got me thinking about the concept of brands and I thought I would explore the idea in my drawings this week.
Loyalty is Magic
What makes you loyal to a brand? It’s a good question to contemplate because that loyalty is magic. It means you have voluntarily committed yourself to a company or product. You have committed to giving them your money again and again and again in exchange for something you highly value.
The Valuable Why
So the next question is, What made you value that product? This is also a good question because in the answer you will find out about yourself. Perhaps you value that product because it works really well, like an certain cleanser or car? Is the value of how the product is in how it makes you feel, like a spa or a restaurant? Or maybe the value in how it makes you appear to others, like a certain pair of shoes or a house in a certain neighborhood? Those are just 3 ways of valuation, I am sure there are many others so let me know how and why value something. By the way, do not infer any judgment on my part about those 3 various ways of valuation. They are all legitimate at times, and they are all illegitimate at other times.
Examples
The quote above succinctly explains why some brands are so far above other brands, and stay that way for generations. Here are 3 examples:
Bell Telephone– Can you think of anything more impossible than the idea that you can talk to someone with your real voice over a wire to someone hundreds and hundreds of miles away? It was impossible, unfathomable and absurd to contemplate for the average American. Then it became possible in 1876 and people rewarded the creator of that magic with their brand loyalty for many decades.
Ford Motor Company– They made owning an automobile, something that was impossible for the average American, possible. The creation of the Model T in 1908 allowed generations of families to do the impossible, simple as that.
Apple Computer– Here is an impossible idea; Let’s take the essence of a giant, room sized computer that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, and reduce it so it’s small enough that a person can have one in their home AND they can afford it. On top of that, let’s make it really cool and easy to operate. This idea was rejected by much smarter people than Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak because it was impossible.
And now, 35 years later, that company has the most loyal consumers of any brand on the face of the earth. Why? Because they gave us something impossible, and have continued to do so ever since. FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not being paid or compensated by Apple, but I have been one of those consumers, now on my 3rd Apple computer (each of the first 2 having lasted 7 years with no problems and the current one having lasted 5 years with only one, quickly resolved issue). In addition our family has had 3 other Apple computers, 4 iPhones, an iPad and numerous ipods over the years.
Brand Magic
What brands have given you magic and why? What have they done for you that was so impossible that you have rewarded them with your loyalty?
_________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is loyal to Oreos.
On the third day of SoFabCon my true love gave to me….
A pep talk.
I was feeling that occasional feeling we all get when we go to a conference. You feel connected and known, then you feel anonymous and invisible. You feel everyone wants to sit with you, then you feel people wouldn’t want to sit with you if it was the last seat in the breakout session. Of course, neither is true, but the emotional range is there nonetheless.
The pep talk from Linda back home worked and I started by becoming Iron Man.
Iron Man Irons
The first thing we did was ‘Awkward Stretching’. I am not sure if that is something they just made up, or a post-planking trend around the globe, but creaky old me likes and needs any kind of stretching so I was happy to do it.
Awkward Stretching
The first session was a panel that included the 5 women pictured below as well as the imposing presence of the shadow. The shadow is actually Jasmine, who was the conference head honcho. She made it all work behind the scenes, as this photo shows. You will see more of her at the end.
Melissa Garcia, Dawn Sandomeno, Danielle Smith, Elizabeth Mascali & Andrea Deckard
After lunch I saw a gathering at one table. Dan Morris, who had led a very helpful session on SEO (Search Engine Optimization) the day before, was holding court, doing a hands on demo of various software that he uses to make sure his words, ads, and placements are set up as best they can be. He has a very dry sense of humor combined with a sharp wit and immense expertise. I hate him.
King Morris Holds Court
Ok, I don’t really hate him. But I should because if it weren’t for him I would be showing you a napkin drawing I did of the women in the panel I mentioned above. Instead I will show you this photo of a dumpster.
The Perils of Drawing on Napkins
Why am I looking at a dumpster you ask? Because that is where the drawing is. I was so enamored of Dan’s impromptu little how-to session that I put the drawn napkin down on an adjacent table and forgot about it. I remembered it about 10 minutes after I left the ballroom but when I came back it was gone. I asked a waiter if he had seen it and he said yes, they all had, and had thrown it away. Oops. I asked if he could lead me back to the trash can just in case. He brought me through the bowels of the catering facility, all the way to the loading dock, where I was shown the napkin’s likely final resting place. He also brought out a rolling trashcan and said it might be in it and I was free to dig through it, he would even get me gloves. I looked at the pile of food and waste and wet and thought it highly unlikely a napkin would survive. I let it die a noble death and did my best to get on with life.
Marla and Me (isn’t that a book title?)
When I was speaking at Blog World in LA back in 2011 I made plans to connect with this woman, Marla Schulman. We were going to meet up at the back of this huge auditorium but we never did find each other. Fast forward 2 years and while checking my twitter feed I see that Cheryl Lawson from back in Tulsa is tweeting, wondering why Marla and I are both at the conference and she is not. I then realize I need to finally meet Marla! She had a great session on how to be a video rock star (which I need if I am going to take over the world) that I sat in on. Afterwards I introduced myself and we took a photo to send back to Cheryl to make her even more jealous. I think it worked. I am also posting it because I look really skinny in the photo (comparatively), having lost 22 lbs since January.
Jasmine Banks, the Roller Derby Queen
I am a speaker. I know what it takes to prepare a good speech, especially when it is combined with a visual presentation. It takes a LOT of prep. Actually, not knowing much about the conference I had emailed Ted Rubin a few months earlier asking if they were accepting proposals for presentations. He said the slate was already set so I let it go. I did however make sure I had a number of my presentations on my iPad, just in case I found once I got there that a speaker had to cancel. Always be prepared, right? So, when I heard in the morning that the final Keynote speaker wasn’t going to be able to attend due to travel problems my mind started racing. Maybe I could do it, who knows!
Jasmine said something about her doing part of the session but just in case I found Jasmine right after and said, ‘If you need a speaker I can…’ and before I finished the sentences she said, ‘Thanks, but we have it on lockdown!’. I let it go as quickly as I had held onto it and waited like the rest of the attendees to see what was going to happen.
What happened was an AMAZING final keynote by Jasmine Banks. It had purpose, energy, logic, emotion, power, humor and a kick-ass visual presentation as well. I would imagine the presentation would have easily taken weeks to prepare, but I got the feeling she had gotten it together in 24-48 hours. She exposed her soul and her life, telling a compelling story and weaving lessons for all within it. It was an impressive accomplishment in every way.
Crazy Sock Contest
Melissa Garcia, Michelle Marine and Nicole Brady, the 80s Go Kart Gang
We ended the conference with a 80s Bowling Party that included a crazy sock contest and go karts. The woman in the Mets Jersey kicked everyone’s butt. She has a Porche or a Viper or some such speed demon car in real life, and it showed.
Michelle Marine and me
At every conference, if I am lucky, I find a pal. Someone who I look for to sit next to, to hang out with and compare notes. At this conference it was Michelle Marine. She was kind enough to make room for me in one of the early sessions, moving her stuff off of one of the few remaining chairs so I could sit close enough to not have to use binoculars. She has a cool blog about homesteading in Iowa, raising her family and doing everything as naturally as possible. It was great to know that there are all types in the world of brand/blog relationships, that no one type of shopper, consumer, brand influencer and blogger was expected. Authentic real voices of all stripes are what’s needed and that is what is what was pursued and investigated at this conference. I left impressed.
And a napkin, finally.
Lana Flowers at 21c
The next morning I had a breakfast of champions then headed off for an interview with Lana Flowers at the very cool and modern 21c hotel and museum in Bentonville. She is a news writer living and working and Arkansas who used to live in Tulsa. She enjoyed seeing my napkin drawings and wanted to know the story behind them. We took some time to check out the amazing art as well.
In the 21c Art Museum
Finally I headed home, across Arkansas into Oklahoma. Beautiful puffy clouds and dappled sunlight kept me awake. Loud music and open windows helped.
Homeward Bound
I also spent many hours on Sunday at the Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art in Bentonville. I will post about that visit separately from my SoFabCon adventure.
Ted Rubin is one of the reasons I came to the conference. I heard him speak when I was speaking at BlogWorld in 2012 and his ideas have kept me thinking ever since. The photos and napkin illustrates why.
He had the entire audience go out into the hall and have a skipping parade.
One of his most important concepts for online work is focusing on ‘return on relationships’ instead of ‘return on investment’.
One of his insights is to not discriminate against followers, whether they are just lurking or in a profession that isn’t immediately obvious as a good fit or connection.
I met Natalie Aydelott the first night. She was the one who explained what Collective Bias is all about. She has been a warm and helpful guide the entire weekend.
The conference is not just your mommy’s mommy bloggers – Dueling Mohawks!
I have no idea what this is about but it was too bizarre not to share.
The company putting on the conference is four years old so there was a birthday party last night. Dawn Sandomeno of www.partybluprints.com saw my drawings at the party and wanted me to draw her. She was worried about a profile pose but liked it at the end.
Finally, I went back to my hotel room. On the way I happened upon therapy session among the conference chairs. They were being taught how to be more comfortable. I appreciated hearing that and look forward to sitting on of them tomorrow.
The elegant woman, Liz, as she really is, with just drawn napkin. I drew her earrings red because I forgot what color they were but I knew blue would make them disappear into the water behind her.
Liz at the Opening Cocktail Party
Lucky Monica, checked me in to the conference and got my very first new Biz card. Who would think the first person I meet is from Tulsa.
I sat next to Aannette on the shuttle to the opening night reception. She just moved from NYC to Bentonville, AR. Can you say culture shock?!
The reception took place at the Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art. This is just the cafeteria!
Something was happening above, what I don’t know.
After 12 hours of surviving on nuts, raisins, and hors d’oeuvres I indulged in a late night burger and fries. My first since 2012 (really). While sitting in the hotel lounge with some new found friends.
Here we are fluttering into day #3 of Public Relations week.
Media Whore
I get a lot of publicity. I am in the newspaper and on TV much more often than makes sense. Even when I am not trying to get publicity I tend to get it. People are always saying to me, ‘Marty, don’t forget us little people when you become famous!’ They usually say this when I get interviewed on TV about something. My response has recently been, ‘haha…I have been ‘almost famous’ for decades now, don’t expect me to get really famous any time soon.’
Bad Caterpillar
Why is that? Well, the truth is I am better at being a butterfly than I am at being a caterpillar. It’s not that I don’t work. I work really hard at my various jobs as artist, photographer, designer, speaker and running coach. I work equally hard at my principles of love, encouragement, forgiveness, critical thinking, and intellectual integrity. But there is more to working than just working hard. It’s about working smart and focused, with repetition and habit. It’s about timing the work with the public relations, meaning integrating the two with diligence, consistency and follow-through.
That is where I am not all that good. I am still working on it.
Two in One
So remember, this is not about being angry at some dandy that gets publicity due to good public relations while you toil away in obscurity. Why? Because you and the dandy are one. You are the caterpillar AND the butterfly of your own destiny. Maybe you are the opposite of me, maybe you are a really good caterpillar but shy away from the bright lights that the butterfly lives in. If you believe in something, if you believe what you offer is good and valuable for the world, then it’s time to start your work on that area you aren’t very good at. It’s time to put on the sunglasses and get out in the butterfly sunshine or perhaps it’s time to take off the shades, draw the curtains and work in the caterpillar shadows. Whichever it is, it’s time to do it.
I smell day #2 of “Public Relations’ week here at The Napkin!
PR Karma
Public relations is beholden to Karma it seems. It’s not that every person gets found out, but if you are in the public eye long enough, who you really are will find its way out of the shadows. That can be a good thing, as yesterday’s commentary illustrated, but it can be a bad thing too. What makes it good or bad? Whether the person exposed is a skunk or not.
Parts Exposed
Think of examples just in the past few years; a Congressman exposed (in more way than one), a Sorority President revealed, an actor self-destructing. All had their lives destroyed by the publicity they served up themselves.
The Two Ifs
Are they ruined for life? Maybe, it’s not certain. What will make the difference in their futures? The answer is in two ifs. First, if they can transform from Skunk to something better. Second, if people believe they have transformed and will invest in them once again. If those two ifs are fulfilled they can overcome.
Focus
If you are in the same boat, as I have been more than a few times in my life, focus on #1, the self-transformation, and don’t worry about convincing others. Just work on yourself, create the new you you want to be (yes, it can be done) and then, and only then, go out and say, ‘Here I am, give me another chance.’
________________
Drawing and Commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States, 1809-1865
