by Marty Coleman | Jun 1, 2018 | Baba Ram Dass, Quiet & Silence, Rumi |
Unplug
I wake up every day around 5am and start my morning ritual. The very first thing I do is unplug our cats’ automatic watering bowl (it is a little waterfall gizmo that allows them to drink running water). Why do I unplug it? Because it’s got an electrical buzzing sound to it. It’s annoyingly loud in the morning when there are no other sounds in the house. Later in the day, especially if music or TV is on, I barely hear it. But in the morning? It’s like a roaring freight train sometimes.
Tinnitus
One thing I can’t turn off every morning is my Tinnitus. I have had ringing in my ears since 2000. It came on when I was repeatedly in a very loud contemporary worship service at Asbury Methodist Church here in Tulsa. I told the worship leader and music leader the volume was too loud numerous times and that it was going to hurt someone’s hearing eventually, but they ignored me. It did turn out to affect someone’s hearing, mine. What do I hate the most about it? I hate it when I am in an otherwise completely silent and peaceful environment. It’s like that cat watering gizmo annoyingly getting in the way of the silence.
Self-Noise
But this quote is more than just about physical silence. It’s also about mind silence or self-noise. For example, I am sure you know the old problem of thinking of a response while someone is speaking to you instead of just listening to them. What is that but self-noise in your head getting in the way of hearing what the other person is actually saying. Your self-noise is loud, wanting to get validation or respect or power from the person you are talking to or from those listening in. It’s your ego in the way and what is your ego but self-noise?
Care Enough to Not Care
So, how do you combat this? It’s to not care. What do I mean? I mean you give up caring about your status or your reputation or your ego or your defense. You let that self-noise fade away and just listen to what is around you. It might be a child or parent, it might be a co-worker. Get rid of your own automatic response (self-noise) and you might be able to hear not just what they are saying but who they are deep inside. And then you have solid information received clearly that you can respond to.
Quote attributed to both Rumi and Ram Dass.
Drawing and commentary © 2018 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | May 31, 2018 | I Draw in Church, Marty Coleman |
“I’d rather be respected than loved.” – Eli Broad
This is my drawing of our preacher this past Sunday. Her name is Paula. She spoke on marriage from a woman’s perspective. Her husband, named Deron, also spoke about marriage, but from a man’s perspective. There was a bit of stereotyping, which she told us would be coming. It is true that stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason (sometimes) and in this case there is enough truth that I understood why she used them. She basically said that while most women want love, most men want respect. I can see that in my life. But it’s important to note that women, while wanting love, do also want respect.
The battle for equality on behalf of women for the last 150 years in this country is proof of that. The fact that it was a risky move to even have a female preacher up at the altar is also proof of that. They have had to fight for that equality even though their behavior and actions have proven they are worthy of it many times over. From talking to my wife, daughters and others, it’s a very frustrating position to be in, whether in career, education, home or social life. Women want their intellect respected, as well as their decision-making, emotions, insights, capabilities in the workplace and their creativity. And they want their bodies respected at all times.
Many men already get plenty of respect from society, but not all. Often times a man will suffer disrespect until they reach a boiling point, then explode in anger and resentment at not getting it. If they were able to ask for it, and explain how the lack of it truly hurts them, then perhaps they would get it before their blow up. But that would demand a vulnerability that most men aren’t comfortable with. To ask for something like that, or to explain their hurt, could open them up to ridicule or even put them in a dangerous position with other males. The male preacher brought up a good point however, and that is they have to deserve it. Asking for respect when their actions aren’t respectable or respectful is going to fall on deaf ears.
So, it seems to me there is a bit of a lopsided element to respect. Women often do more than enough to deserve respect and don’t get it. Men often do very little to deserve respect but get it anyway. Men often times will demand the respect and might get it out of intimidation or fear. Women will often not demand respect out of the same reasons.
How do we balance out this inequality? That is where the love comes in. Yes, it’s great to be respected, but at the root of respect is love. My wife and my song is ‘What a Wonderful World’. One of my favorite lines is this: “I see friends shaking hands, saying ‘how do you do’, they’re really saying ‘I love you’. And what is shaking hands but a show of respect, right? Well if the line is true (and I think it is) what lies behind that respect is love. Love is what allows the empathy needed to see the frustration on the part of women when they are not respected. Love is what allows the sensitivity needed to see the hurt behind the disrespect men sometimes get. Without love in your heart, respect is just an academic exercise you can dismiss at will. With love, it’s the mechanism by which you can love the whole world.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | May 17, 2018 | Digital Work |
This is a continuation of my digital drawings, the first batch of which I published earlier this year. I have gotten into the habit of drawing for 10-20 minutes after I get in bed each night and these drawing are the result. I use an iPad mini and the Sketchbook Pro app by Autodesk. I usually use my finger to draw or a digital pen. These are all about the artistic challenge of getting the most sophisticated emotion out of the least sophisticate technique. After I am done I usually post the image to my instagram, Facebook and Twitter accounts. If you want to connect with me at any of those social media platforms just search for ‘The Napkin Dad’ and you will find me.
click on any image to see a slide show of them all.
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by Marty Coleman | May 14, 2018 | Series |
Hello Everyone,
Have you missed me? Probably not considering my blog doesn’t reach that many people. But if you did, fret no longer, I am back. Are you wondering, ‘uh, I didn’t know you were gone.’? Then, don’t worry, I wasn’t gone long enough to worry you. But if you were wondering where I went, here’s the answer (actually, this is the answer even if you didn’t wonder.)
Shorter Version – I messed up my security settings, my hosting, my databases and other stuff and basically locked myself out of napkindad.
Longer Version – Two things happened, One, I let my SSL certificate lapse. I got an email for a company telling me it was about to expire but I thought it was a company trying to get me to switch by telling me that when it was still far off. But I was wrong, it actually was the company I was using. Duh. Once it expired I was toast, no longer able to access my administration area to do any updates. Because I didn’t renew in time I had to have my host renew for me and install the new certificate. The problem was he was not able to do it. I don’t want to go into too much detail out of respect for him but he’s been having physical, mental and financial issues and they came to a head this spring. Bottom line he was not able to work on getting my site back up and running in a timely manner.
Because of that and because of my lack of confidence that issues wouldn’t occur in the future that would cause more problems I decided to change hosts. The problem with that of course is I need the help of my prior host to help me do the transfer. This took a while. Eventually he got back on the job and helped me from his end. That meant he was giving me the backup files for my sites (this one and martycoleman.com). But the bulk of the work had to be done with the new host, Bluehost.
That took a number of days. Why? Because I am an idiot who misread a file and told the support staff to put it in the wrong place, which messed most everything else up. In addition I got all pissy with the tech support guy I was chatting with because of course it was completely his fault…until it wasn’t. We finally got that issue resolved and came upon another issue, this one having to do with the database. This took another day or two to resolve. Then another issue popped up with a plugin that was so good at security that it continued to lock me out even after all the other issues had been resolved.
While You Were Gone
So that is why napkindad.com has been dormant for almost a month. But that doesn’t mean I have been dormant. During the last few months one of my daughters got engaged, I visited another daughter and my grandson and I ran two marathons in two different states. I came within 3 minutes of qualifying for the Boston Marathon so another race is in my near future (probably September) to see if I can’t cut my time down and qualify. I will post something about that in the next week.
Anniversary
And guess what? 2018 is both the 10 year anniversary of the Napkindad website and the 20 year anniversary of when I first started drawing the napkins for my daughters. I will be doing some fun things to celebrate both of these anniversaries over the next year so stay tuned!
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 18, 2018 | Illustrated Short Stories, Sketchbook History Tour |
The Woman Who Thought in Circles
She went around and around about wearing circles. She didn’t want to be too matchy matchy. Then again she did because her mom liked her more when she was. But she liked her mom less when her mom liked her more which was very confusing to her and made her head hurt.
She went back and forth about wearing the jacket. She liked the color and the buttons were all nice circles and she liked nice circles. Then again she worried about there being too many circles because her boyfriend didn’t like a lot of circles. She didn’t like when he didn’t like what she liked and that made her head hurt.
She went in and out of her closet deciding on whether to wear pants or a skirt. She liked wearing pants but her Grandmother thought it was unseemly. She always wanted to please her Grandmother because her Grandmother gave her money when she pleased her and didn’t give her money when she didn’t. She didn’t like doing what pleased her Grandmother just for money but she needed the money very badly and that made her head hurt.
She went up and down emotionally about what blouse to wear. She had a blue one that was pretty and she had a green one that was strong and she had a red one that was sexy. She liked looking sexy but didn’t like people thinking she was trying to look sexy. She didn’t like looking strong because then people thought she was trying to look strong. She liked looking pretty but didn’t like people thinking she was trying to look pretty. Thinking about what other people thought about her made her head hurt.
She decided on wearing the jacket but couldn’t decide on any of the other items so she just sat there in her jacket thinking around and around and back and forth and in and out and up and down about everything, especially the circles. She eventually got up and took a pill for her hurting head.
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 6, 2018 | Digital Work |
Simple Drawings / Complex Emotions
I like to draw on my ipad, especially at night when I am sitting in bed before falling asleep. Most of the time I use my finger but I also use a digital pen on occasion. I use an app called ‘Sketchbook’ from Autodesk.
The goal in all these drawings was to do the most with the least. My focus was to do simple visual drawings that had complex emotional messages.
Here are some of my creations, some with commentary.
The Barbed Wire Boy – 2018
The International Woman Enjoying Not Smiling – 2018
I drew this on the International Women’s Day. I’ve spent over 40 years photographing women and I have combated the idea that they have to be smiling or somehow they are unhappy. I love having them NOT smiling actually because then I am more likely to get a genuine emotional look from them.
Add to that the refrain women so often hear from men telling them they should smile more. That is simply a way for a man to say his comfort is more important than him understanding who that woman really is.
He Was Very Upset She Was Smarter – 2018
She Scribbled Herself Across the Land Scape – 2018
She Felt More Fraught Than Hot – 2018
This drawing’s title is reflective of something I have seen over the years. In all my work over the decades drawing and photographing women I have learned that their outward appearance, how they appear to others, often has very little to do with how they feel about themselves. It isn’t always this way but it isn’t uncommon to find the typical ‘beauty’, admired by all, is filled with doubts and hatred for their looks while the one that passes under the radar and is not seen at all much less as a ‘beauty’ sees herself with confidence and strength. I liked using the rhyming play of ‘fraught vs hot’ to express that idea.
The guy Who Was Always Shocked – 2018
She Never Knew What Hit Her – 2018
Originally the face extended all the way down to where the chest is now. But as I continued I had trouble making the features do what I wanted and decided to shorten the face and add a body.
She Branded Herself The Smiling Liar – 2018
‘
She Realized Too Late She Wasn’t Ready To Split – 2018
He Felt So Stoopid – 2018
She Wondered What People Thought Of Her – 2018
Much of the look of these drawing are a result of experimentation with various pen settings in the app. In this case I brought all the features of this one pen style to their max settings and started drawing. This was the result.
The Man With The Th ick Brows and Neck – 2018
I don’t know in advance who or what I am going to draw when I do this digital portraits. In this drawing I started with the thick brows and was actually envisioning a woman but as it went further the blockiness of the shapes led me to make her into a him.
The Winging Woman Worried – 2018
Sometimes I just have a fleeting glimpse of a person and later use that glimpse as an inspiration. It isn’t a portrait of anyone in particular but it was inspired by a woman at an airport on my recent trip to California
She Realized She Made A Mistake – 2018
Let me know what you think of these!
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 3, 2018 | Marathon Training |
Family and friends after the race!
The Best of Intentions
Last January 2nd I wrote my second Spring Marathon update post. It covered weeks 2-4. My goal was to do an update every 2-3 weeks after that. This is my next update, 12+ weeks later. What happened? Let’s see. Cold happened. A lot. Not a cold, but just COLD. Running happened. Again, a lot. Coaching happened even more. What didn’t happen was writing about it. This is mostly due to training just not being all that exciting, interesting or sexy. It really is just a lot of running. I had done regular updates in the fall, during my training for the Marine Corps Marathon, but that was my first training season after my Achilles surgery and it really was a new thing for me. This time around it was a lot of the same.
The other reason is I forgot. I don’t mean I forgot to write, I mean I forgot about the runs and the training that I would be writing about. After the first really cold run I was going to write about it but didn’t. After the 5th or 6th cold run they all seemed to blend together and I couldn’t remember the specifics more than that they were cold. Then one was in the rain, then another and another and they blended together as well. The other thing was I was following the same training regimen I had told you all about in the fall so I felt like much of it would be a repeat. That lead me to giving up on regular updates and deciding I would just do a recap at the end of the season. And voila, here we are.
Otis with his own Medal!
Goals
My goals for this Marathon were as follows:
- Break my 4:14:47 PR from the Marine Corp Marathon (9:36 pace)
- Break 4:05 – 9:20 pace
- Break 4:00 – 9:09 pace
- Be consistent in pace from beginning to end – meaning no mile would be more than 30 seconds different than any other mile.
- Fuel and hydrate properly and consistently until the very end.
- Recover properly and slowly after the race, avoid cramping.
Here is what I achieved, with explanations:
- Yes
- Yes – my finish time was 4:03:41 with a pace of 9:06. But wait, wouldn’t my pace be closer to the 9:20 I mentioned above? See #4 below.
- No (and yes). The race was actually mismeasured long by at least .4 miles. My final distance was actually 26.77 (which is why the 9:06 pace), much farther than 26.2. There would be some extra in my Garmin watch measurement due to not running the exact angles, but not by over 1/2 a mile. I checked out the course map versus my tracking map and there was one point where they had us run 6 extra blocks that weren’t part of the measured course. My actual 26.2 time according to my Garmin was 3:58:37. So, even though it’s not an official time it at least tells me I can do a sub-4 marathon.
- Yes and No – My fastest mile was 8:49 but my slowest was 10:10 when I had to pull off to the side (at mile 25.5 no less!) with a hamstring cramp and work it out for 30 seconds. Without that mile my slowest would have been 9:12. Overall, I did a pretty consistent job with my pacing.
- Yes – I took a gel every 5-6 miles, including at mile 25 and took water and/or Gatorade at every water stop. I also took electrolyte tablets twice and advil at about mile 17.
- Yes – As opposed to what happened at my last marathon (laid down and cramped up really badly) this time I kept walking and standing until my legs were no longer in danger of cramping. By the time I got in the car about 30 minutes later I was fine.
View of San Francisco as the sun rose
Lessons Learned
I always learn something valuable every season and this one was no exception.
- The Will Must Be Stronger Than The Skill – There were plenty of runners younger, stronger and faster than me at the Oakland Marathon. And obviously those things matter to some degree. I didn’t win the race, nor did I win my age group (I came in 3rd in that category). But what I did do was beat a very aggressive time goal I set for myself (4:05), one I was not at all sure I could make. To achieve this would mean I would have to run at least 22 seconds per mile faster than I did my last marathon in October, only 5 months before. I was able to do it because I had a plan that I worked on day in, day out and I had a goal that I didn’t let go of during the course of the season. I trained until I thought my skill was there, but it was my desire to meet my goal that drove me to live out that plan. The will drove me to have the skill.
- LESSON: The will to do your best is the key to doing your best.
- Luck Matters – I have run many, many races over the past 10 years and there have been very few where everything out of my control lined up so I could be at my absolute best. Wind, heat, cold, humidity, course, injury, – you name it and one of those things will likely rear it’s ugly head. That’s why we run races again and again, because they are never the same and there is always a challenge. This past Sunday every single thing that could line up to be perfect, did. My will and skill were strong, but so was the temperature, the wind, the course. I was lucky those things were in my favor.
- LESSON: Control what you can control and don’t worry about the rest.
- Estimate Long – I had a plan to make sure every mile I ran was under a certain time (9:09). If I did that I knew I would break 4 hours. But that is if I went exactly 26.2 miles. The truth is almost everyone runs farther than what the race distance is because we don’t run the shortest possible route. We take turns wide, we don’t go in a straight line, or maybe the cones are placed in the wrong place making the route farther. Whatever the reason if you run 6.2 miles or 26.2 miles, chances are your Garmin will say you ran more. My Garmin said I ran 26.77. That is over 1/2 mile longer than the race distance. It turns out this wasn’t just due to me running corners wide, but a 6 block long mistake the race organizers made in setting the route on the morning of the race. What that meant was even though my watch told me I had run 26.2 miles in 3:58, my actual time at the finish was 4:03 because of the extra distance. But my pace was 9:06, 3 seconds below my goal of 9:09.
- LESSON: Put a little cushion in your time and distance estimate when you are deciding your goal.
- Support is Awesome – As you may now, I am on a mission to do a marathon in every city I have a sister or a daughter (a total of 6). It’s a heck of a lot more doable than the 50 states challenge or the 7 continents challenge. The main reason is as an excuse to go visit family, but the more selfish reason is to have support even if I do a race in a distant city. At the Oakland Marathon I not only had my daughter Chelsea, but my grandson Otis cheering me on. In addition Chelsea’s boyfriend Josiah was running the 1/2 marathon and his parents were there cheering us both on as well. There is no such thing as an easy marathon, but a hard race can be made much more enjoyable by having your loved ones there supporting you.
- LESSON: Invite your family and friends to come support and celebrate your accomplishment.
- No Detail is Unimportant – My daughter Chelsea’s boyfriend, Josiah, was going to run the half marathon while I ran the marathon. We got to the start in plenty of time for the 7am gun and off we went. Since the half and full course split before mile 2 we didn’t bother to stay together at the start. When I crossed the finish line 4+ hours later Josiah was there with everyone else celebrating my finish. But he didn’t have his medal on. I asked why and found out he had been disqualified. Why? Because he didn’t actually run in the half, he ran in the full. The half didn’t start until 9:30, 2 and 1/2 hours after the full marathon started! I didn’t bother to check since I had never heard of a half and full not starting at the same time. He didn’t bother to check because it was his first half and he was just assuming I knew what was up. He ended up running the marathon route for 15 miles when he finally decided he had turn back to the finish line. When he crossed (not yet knowing the half hadn’t even started yet) he was disqualified because he hadn’t run the half route at all. He also crossed the marathon finish line first, messing up the official timing for the real winner (it was corrected, no worries).
- LESSON: Check Your Start Time!
Left, published map; middle, actual distance traveled; right, difference in distance
New Goals
And now to set some new goals for the rest of 2018.
- 2 goal races – Chicago in October and New York in November. I would like to do both but will wait and see if that’s feasible.
- Time goals –
- Under 4:05 will qualify me for Boston, 2020
- Under 4:00 hours
- Close 3:50 – which would qualify me for Boston 2019.
- Use the foam rollers more diligently.
- Be consistent and aggressive in my stretching and weight routines.
- Lose 15 pounds.
- Institute a more thorough warm up and cool down routine.
I will keep you informed!
Oakland Marathon Medal, 2018
So, there you have it. I felt great through the entire race and was very happy with how quickly I recovered. Let me know if you have any questions or comments, would love to hear from you!
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 14, 2018 | I Draw in Church, Sketchbook History Tour |
The Singer of PI
She sang in the choir, always trying to understand the meaning of the songs. She felt they were a mystery far beyond her capacity to understand. But she also knew that, just like in her yoga class where if she kept doing that one pose she would master it, she would eventually get closer and closer to understanding the more she sang. And that turned out to be true. She never did completely understand, but over time she became better at hearing, interpreting, and understanding. She became a leader in the choir, helping the less experienced members learn these same mysteries. As a result she became beloved by all.
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 8, 2018 | Trump |
This is true, though it can be women who indulge in it as well, it’s not just men.
Here’s the thing to always ask yourself about conspiracy theories: First, how many people would realistically have to be involved to pull it off? Second, how many different organization’s people would have to be in on it and how far up the chain in that organization would the conspiracy realistically have to go? Third, what is the likelihood that so many people will all perform their job perfectly AND keep quiet about it afterwards? That is why conspiracy theories are almost never true.
In the meanwhile, we have the Orange Man believing way too much of what the Fox says and then acting on it. That is not a good thing in my opinion.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
“Conspiracy Theories: A game invented for the amusement of unoccupied men of privilege.” – Addison
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 5, 2018 | Adventures of Young Medusa |
Medusa Thwarts a Killer –
Medusa was sitting in her car during a break at high school when she heard gunshots. She ran into the school and saw the gunman. He was turned away from her and shooting people in the hallway. Because he wasn’t looking at her she had to actually attack him instead of just looking at him. Her secret weapon, which many people do not know about, is that her hair, which is made of snakes, is both venomous and constricting. She was able to wrap her hair around him before he know what happened and bite him. She then took his gun and bent it so it could no longer shoot. When he finally turned around and saw her he did what all people do who incur the wrath of Medusa, he turned to stone.
She was safe and all those who were shot survived. Another thing many people do not know about Medusa is that when she turns someone to stone it isn’t forever. It only lasts as long as she is angry. The gunman, who got his gun from his garage where his dad kept it in a box, was later convicted of attempted murder and spent 25 years in prison. He died choking on a tater tot.
Medusa was given the Key to the City and The Medal of Gratitude by the Mayor in honor of her heroism.
The End
Drawing and short story © 2018 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 20, 2018 | Illustrated Short Stories |
The Short Order Cook
He stood exceedingly still. Not for a moment or a minute, but for many minutes at a time. This happened at least 3 times while I was eating at the counter. He looked in the fridge at one point. He waved goodbye to a customer, not saying anything. He checked under the grill for something when the counter waitress asked if they needed to reorder something. Otherwise he was still.
I had stopped in on a whim. It’s a very small hamburger joint, really just a counter and a cooking area with windows all around. I had passed it many times over 24 years of living in Tulsa, but had never gone in. Now I was out enjoying my birthday. I had already stopped by a coffee house to draw and a museum to wander and now it was lunch time. I passed the place and decided today would be a perfect day to finally stop in. I did a u-turn and made my way in to a seat at the counter.
There was another cook behind the counter and he was the one who made my lunch. I ordered a patty melt (my favorite type of burger) and fries, with a Dr. Pepper. It was not a diet day for me, obviously. The waitress didn’t really need to do much since the cook could hear me say my order and had it going before the waitress had it fully written down. She went around the corner into the back of the place and I didn’t see her until the minute my food was put on the plate, at which point she magically appeared to pick it up and walk it the 5 feet from the grill to my spot. She then turned around and in no more than 3 steps poured me my drink and gave it to me. She was all about the efficiency of movement.
While I was eating I drew this cook. He didn’t notice me drawing since he was staring out the window in what seemed like a daze. I imagined him seeing a fully made hamburger floating away out the window in front of him. I imagined him wishing he could follow. In the meanwhile, the meal was perfect. The patty melt was greasy, the fries were crisp and the drink was obnoxiously sweet.
As I left I said goodbye to the waitress and waved to the two cooks. I headed out the door and as I did I heard the waitress say, “You gonna move outa my way Bobby?” and the cook who stood exceedingly still said, “I really should.”
The End
Drawing and story © 2018 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 31, 2018 | Sketchbook History Tour |
I drew a group of knitters at ‘Shades of Brown’ coffee shop here in Tulsa last week. They call themselves the ‘Knit Wits’. I spent a good hour plus drawing then showed it to them. They seemed to enjoy it, which is always a nice end to a drawing session.
This is the final result, colored and shaded. Print and original available for purchase.
Here it is after the coloring but before the shading. Print available for purchase.
After I scanned it I decided to just play with a color design overlay, just to see what I could come up with. This is the result. Print available for purchase.
And here is the original drawing straight from the sketchbook. Print available for purchase.
I was going to write a story to go along with the drawing but I think the drawing tells a story all by itself.
Drawing © 2018 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 24, 2018 | Illustrated Short Stories, Sketchbook History Tour |
The Woman with Only Two Thoughts – An Illustrated Short Story
The Large and The Small
The woman wasn’t able to think anything but these two thoughts. Everything was either too large or too small. Things were never just right. Well, that isn’t exactly true. Sometimes the large thing was just right, even though it was large. And sometimes the small thing was just right, even though it was small. But most of the time the thing that was small should have been larger and the thing that was large should have been smaller.
The Things
This was true of real things, like cheese or mufflers, but it was also true of unreal things, like Jesus or monsters. She thought cheese was usually too large for her mouth and that mufflers were too small for her cars. She thought Jesus was too large for her morals and that monsters were too small to kill her enemies. She thought her books were too large or too small. The non-fiction ones always seemed too large. When she was 3/4 of the way through she almost always wanted them to be over. And she thought fiction ones were too small. Most of the time, when she finished a novel she didn’t want it to end.
The Body
She felt this way about her body. Her apartment was too small, for example, and the reason for that was that she was too large. She wasn’t large sideways, just up and down. That meant she hit her head on the door jams a lot. It meant her shower was too small. The water never hit her head unless she bent over. She hated that. She thought her breasts were too large but she didn’t want to get them reduced because she was afraid they might be then be too small. She thought her eyes were too small, but only because she had so many friends who had their eyes enlarged that hers looked small in comparison. Her neck was too small, unless you measured it, then it was too large. Her knees were definitely too large and her fingernails were definitely too small. The worst part was that her bladder was too small and her heart was too large.
The Social
Her social life had the same problem. Her circle of friends was too large but her number of close friends was too small. As a matter of fact she really didn’t have any close friends so she wasn’t really sure she could even call it too small. Is zero of something too small? The amount of people she was in charge of at work was too large. The amount of people she could complain to about how large this group of people was was too small. Then there were all the people she had to commute with on the train. That number was too large and that meant the number of seats on the train was too small. As a matter of fact, not only were there not enough seats the individual seats were too small. She hated seats that were too small.
The Emotional
Now that she thought about it, her emotional life was that way too. Emotions, hers or others, were always too large or too small. That is why her boyfriends usually left her they said. They would hit her and she would get angry. They would say, “You are making this issue too large and it’s just not.” Or sometimes it would be the opposite. She would feel nothing and say nothing, trying not to upset them and they would get mad and hit her, saying, “You think you can just hide away and be small in the corner but you can’t. I know you are plotting something and I won’t let you get away with it.”
The Just Right
Because of this, life was too large a struggle and she sometimes thought of killing herself. But she knew she never would because her courage was too small to do something that would hurt her or those she loved. And that thought always brought her back to what I mentioned at the start, that sometimes things weren’t too large or too small, but were just right. In spite of all her issues she always knew that the love her family had for her was that. It wasn’t too large so that it suffocated her and it wasn’t too small so she felt alone and abandoned. It was just right. The very large (but not too large) love her family had for her was the one thing that made all the other things small. And that was just right.
Oh, her shoe collection was just right too.
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 12, 2018 | Bert Hellinger, Creativity - 2009-2013 |
Seeing What Others Don’t
Because I am known to be an artist people aren’t surprised when I see things like patterns, details, connections, concepts, etc. that they don’t. They just chalk it up to ‘that’s because he is an artist.’ But I think people get it backwards. Seeing all those things is what made me an artist, not the other way around.
Not Saying No
Why did I and other artists see those things when others didn’t? Because we didn’t say ‘no’. We don’t dismiss an idea because it is not approved. We don’t dismiss a vision because it doesn’t make sense. We don’t dismiss a connection between things because the connection has never been made before. In other words we don’t follow rules.
Rule Followers, Rule Breakers
Wait, I take that back. We don’t follow some rules but we do follow others. That is why some artists are radicals and shock everyone (they follow very few rules) and other artists are the darlings of the rule followers (because they only break very insignificant rules, if any).
How Radical Are You?
in the context of the quote and illustration above you might say the skeptic is the radical, right? She broke the rules of her religion, no longer believing what her religion says she must believe. But if that skeptic merely exchanges one set of rules, the religious ones, for the skeptics’ set of rules, how much has really changed? How much has she really seen in a new or fresh way? It might appear she has at first since obviously there is a breaking away from a set of rules, but then she becomes as doctrinaire as she ever was as a religious follower and nothing really has changed.
Truly Free
The truly free person is the one who holds their ideas and rules lightly. It’s not that they never hold on to them but they aren’t bound to them to such an extent that they don’t see beyond them. They are willing to consider new and strange ideas, issues, images without judgment beforehand. They are willing to see connections that aren’t immediately apparent.
Drawing and commentary © 2018 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
“Skepticism is like faith: both are substitutes for seeing.” – Bert Hellinger, 1925 – not dead yet, German Psychotherapist
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 10, 2018 | Adventures of Young Medusa |
Medusa Walks the Runway –
Medusa decided she wanted to be a model. She went to Stone Mountain Modeling School and got a job as a runway model. She walked for the famous House of Gorgon but wore an outfit no one really liked. They sat stone-faced as she walked by and, Medusa being Medusa, you know what happened next.
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 4, 2018 | Trump |
Words Matter
When I was in my divorce years (the 2 years leading up to it) I remember how tentative my wife was in what she would say. She would say something like ‘Just because I am thinking about it, doesn’t mean I am going to act on it’. Then a few weeks or months later that thing she was just casually considering became real. Then it happened again and then again. Pretty soon I realized something. Some things are too radical for one to consider until they get used to the idea.
Little by Little
‘I will never get divorced’ becomes the mantra because getting a divorce is just too radical. Then after a series of mental and verbal negotiations with oneself it becomes “Divorce is ok if…”. Then more negotiations and “Divorce is what needs to happen.” It takes time but eventually people get there. But not at first. They talk themselves into it. I am not saying it’s wrong to talk yourself into it, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. But it is how the process works because words and thoughts matter.
The Danger
That is the dangerous power of continually thinking negatively in one direction. You become what you think and say. If you fight back blindly against any slight without thinking about if there is validity or something to learn from that slight, then eventually you do it automatically with minimal choice in the matter. Like a dog trained to fight, that becomes your natural and unthinking reaction.
It’s sometimes called being stupid.
Drawing and commentary © 2018 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 3, 2018 | Marathon Training |
Before I forget
The day before December’s Dallas Half Marathon that I ran with my daughter we went to the runner’s expo. There we were lucky enough to meet Shalane Flanagan, the recent winner of the 2017 New York Marathon. What a thrill it was to meet her! Turns out her husband has just started a job with Fleet Feet in Portland, Oregon so we had something to talk about. She is definitely a big running hero of mine. The woman next to her, my wife Linda, is an even bigger hero to me for always supporting my running activities!
Shalane Flanagan, 2017 NYC Marathon winner
Food Fight
Man, time flies when you have guests for the holidays! Now I remember why I don’t like early spring marathons. Not only are you training in the cold and dark but you are balancing it with a ton of holiday activities. The result for me hasn’t been too bad on the running front. I pretty much kept on schedule with maybe 2 skipped runs over 3 weeks. The weekly mileage isn’t high, but it really doesn’t need to be quite yet.
However, on food front? That exploded. Family dinners after lunches after breakfasts after dinners of high calories, high carbs, high sugar. Could I have avoided it all? Sure, but I didn’t. I wanted the ham and turkey and mashed potatoes and cookies and salty snacks and pies and… you get the idea. So, basically from Thanksgiving to New years I gained 5+ lbs. But, I had already gained about 5 from my eating a lot during my fall marathon training so now I am about 7-8lbs over my maximum best running weight and I can feel the difference.
In cliché fashion I waited until New Years Day arrived and then I avoided the potatoes and dessert and bread and Fritos and chips and salsa and stuck to meat and veggies AND I went for a run in very cold temps.
Cruella de Winter
It is cruel to call this a spring training session. Week 2 the temperatures weren’t too bad, but the week before Christmas and the week after were REALLY cold. How cold? I’ve worn three layers on top with a wool base layer, two on the bottom, two pairs of gloves (one set heated), wool socks, ski cap and buff for the last 4 runs, that’s how cold. My cut off for comfort is right around 32º. Below that and it becomes a challenge. It doesn’t mean I don’t do it, I still do. I just have a harder time running is all. Add in the Oklahoma wind and drop the temps to 15º and it can be pretty brutal. This is especially true if you have to run alone, as I did several times recently. ‘Misery loves company’ is absolutely true when it comes to running. If I have to run when it’s 5º wind chill, I want my friends suffering alongside me!
Coming Up
My longest run so far this season has been 14 miles, which isn’t a stretch considering most weekends since October I have been doing mileage close to that. But in two weeks I will move up to 16 and i will start to hit the meat of the training. I am looking forward to it.
My goal marathon is the Oakland Marathon in California. It has a wicked elevation profile to it (13 miles up, 13 miles down basically) so I am going to be doing a lot of hill workouts this season to help prepare me. I also looked up the average temperature on March 25th over the years and the average low is 49º and the average high 64º. If it’s around those temps I should be fine, even though I would love the start temp to be closer to 40º. The Marine Corps Marathon I did in October had a starting temp of close to 60º and ending temp at about 75º and it really only affected me the last 2 miles. My long-term goal is to get my marathon time to 4:05 or below. That means I need to average 9:20 per mile, which so far I have been able to do. Whether I can do that in Oakland, we shall see.
My Xmas present from my daughter Chelsea in Oakland
That’s it for now. If you would like to read more from marathon training series, click in the ‘series’ drop down menu above on the right and find ‘Marathon Training’.
See you running,
Marty
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 20, 2017 | Christmas |
Alone in the Lonely
She sat alone at the coffee shop drawing with no one around her in the lonely (no, there is not supposed to be a word after ‘lonely’, I like it just like that) on December 24th at the levitating table. She drank an iced pine needle latte because her friend Justin (who is not really her friend and is not really named Justin but is obsessed with Justin Bieber so likes to be called Justin even though she is a girl) said she would like it and she ordered a Christmas Mustard & Peas Pie because her friend Beau (who really is named Beau but isn’t a boy but a girl whose mother is French and that is why) said she would like it. She didn’t like either one, had thrown up in the bathroom at the coffee shop as a result while an adolescent girl with pimples stared at her and decided she would not listen to them ever again. She also was beginning to get shingles and it hurt all over and she wasn’t suppose to be out because she might infect someone but she didn’t care. All she really cared about was if she could infect her pet ferret. She looked it up on the Google and it had nothing to say about it which proved to her how useless the Google was. Plus it was hard to eat anything with her bad tooth.
The Worst Story
She decided to write a Christmas story and made up a story about a Christmas Tree. It’s name was Chris and it was a talking Christmas Tree. He got famous when he made a video of himself talking early one morning before his owners were up. He posted it on YouTube and it got 25,000,000 views by the end of the day and became the most watched online video ever by the end of the week. Chris the Christmas Tree was flush with fame and money as a result but it couldn’t save him. Before the month was finished he was old, dry and brittle. He lost his ornaments, his tinsel and his gifts under the tree. His owners, not knowing how rich and famous he was online threw him to the curb where he was picked up and brought to the landfill. They found out about the million dollars in profit Chris had on YouTube, that they could have collected because Chris was a minor and the money would have gone to them, after it was too late and the profits had been distributed to a ‘Save the Christmas Trees’ charity. They sued YouTube and the Google and lost everything. In addition they were named the ‘Dumbest People of the Year’ in People magazine. They ended up addicted to Evergreen Car Fresheners, living in a trailer park and hating Christmas after that.
Worst Christmas Story Ever
Then she decided that was the Worst Christmas Story Ever, crumpled up the paper and wrote her shopping list instead, which included canned Spotted Dick, because it would be funny to put in the stocking of her mean uncle who groped her every holiday.
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 17, 2017 | Samuel Johnson, Success - 2017 |
The Key
Ask any performer what is the key to her or his success and I bet a majority will say, ‘perseverance’. They just stuck with it audition after audition until they reached the success they wanted.
Now, replace the word ‘performer’ in the sentence about with almost any other profession or activity. Then replace ‘audition’ in the second sentence with whatever that new profession or activity needs to do repeatedly to be successful.
- Lawyer – litigation
- Artist – drawing
- Runner – race
- Accountant – tax return
- Pitcher – pitch
- Baker – cake
- Yogi – pose
You get the idea. What endeavor is it possible to succeed in without repeated effort in the same direction? None.
Perfection
Now, take one of the professions above (or add your own if it’s not listed) and ask yourself what is the likelihood that each and every audition, litigation, drawing, race, tax return, pitch, cake, or pose will have been done perfectly every time on that road to success? None.
What does that mean? It means that perseverance is not just about continuing to do something. It’s continuing to do something you are failing at. That you are no good at. That others do better than you. That people criticize you for. That you have no guarantee you will succeed at.
What does it take to have that sort of perseverance? Belief that it is what you are supposed to be doing, in spite of what it looks like at any one moment.
A Little Help From Your Friends
Last fall I had a runner in one of my running groups who was training for her first marathon. She had some seriously hard training runs that wiped her out and made her decide she just didn’t have it in her to do a full marathon. She told the group via Facebook that she was bummed and was going to switch to half marathon training. The response was an outpouring of ‘oh, have I been in your shoes before!’ comments. There was comment after comment talking about how she was bound to have crappy, hard times during a long season and that they knew she would be able to turn it around with a little tweak to her training, a little change in her mindset, a little prop up from her friends.
And she listened to us and stuck with the program. And 6 weeks later she ran her marathon and felt great about it. What was that? That was the way most people are able to persevere, with a little help from their friends.
Reach Out
So, if you are doubting yourself and your path but you really know you are supposed to be on it, then don’t be alone. Reach out and get that encouragement, that advice, that shoulder to cry on. Get whatever you need to keep going. Help is out there and it wants to help you.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
Quote by Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784, English writer
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 15, 2017 | Series, Spring Training 2017 |
SPRING, Really?
Wait a second, it’s not spring! Nope, it’s not. But, if you are running a spring marathon your training season starts in the dead of winter. And I am training for an early spring marathon in March which means I am starting in December! The marathon I am in training for is the Oakland Marathon in Oakland, California in March 25th.
Goals
I have two long-term goals in running. One is to run a marathon in every city I have a sister or a daughter. I have already run in Tulsa, Dallas and Virginia/D.C. I still have to do the San Francisco Bay Area (Oakland), San Diego and New York. I am tentatively planning to run San Diego in June and NYC in November. However, I need to get admitted into NYC Marathon as it is very popular and they only allow so many. They choose via a lottery. I won’t know about that until February.
Boston
The other goal is to qualify for the Boston Marathon. The Boston Marathon is the oldest marathon in existence and it is also the most exclusive. They don’t have a lottery. What they have is a set of qualifying times. If you can run that time, you are allowed to apply for a spot in the marathon. Here’s the thing, you have to be REALLY fast to get in. However, the times are more lenient the older you get. For example, if you are 35-year-old male, you need to run a 3:10 marathon. If you are a woman in that age group, you need to run a 3:40. I would have to shave off over an hour to make that time. That isn’t going to happen.
But I am not 35. I am 62. But even the 60-64 year old qualifying time of 3:50 is not a time I am likely to match. HOWEVER, the 65-70 qualifying time of 4:10 is. My last marathon I did in 4:14 so I think it is realistic that if I work hard I can shave off 5-10 minutes and qualify at age 65. Here is the cool part. I don’t have to be 65 when I qualify. I only need to be 65 when I run the Boston Marathon. In April 2020 when they run the marathon I will be 65. However, their window for qualifying is from September 2018 to September 2019. That is only 9 months away from now.
The best early opportunity to do that is the Chicago Marathon on Oct. 7th. That is a lottery like NY and I just found out I got in! It’s known as a flat and fast course and is popular as a BQ opportunity.
Leading Up
So, just to catch you up, I had Achilles Tendon surgery about 13 months ago. I had some nasty bone spurs removed and the Dr. had to detach my left tendon, cut the back edge of the Calcaneus heel bone off with the spurs, then reattach the tendon. The Achilles is the biggest and tightest tendon in the body and recovering from the surgery is slow. There was no guarantee I would be able to run again much less run fast.
But luckily I already was in shape and already had lost 25 lbs that I needed to lose (I went on to lose another 8 after the surgery). And because I already was fit I was able to get back into shape relatively quickly. Within a year I had run a marathon and had cut 22 minutes off my PR. That is what gave me hope I could actually qualify for Boston.
This Past Week
So, in addition to that Marathon I also ran a 5k, 10k, 15k and 2 Half marathons this year. The last race was the Dallas Half Marathon just last Sunday with my daughter Caitlin and her BF Sam. I didn’t pull back from my running schedule as a coach like you are supposed to do when tapering for a big race because it wasn’t designated as a goal race for me, just a fun race with family. I ran my usual 4 nights, Mon-Thurs, including a track workout and an intense hill workout.
Coming Up
This coming week includes the start of Fleet Feet’s Pathways program, of which I am program coordinator and head coach. That will add a new wrinkle to the training schedule but I will figure it out.
My total mileage for week #1 was 31.6. I hope to have most of my training weeks be in the upper 30s to mid-40s. My longest mileage week last season was 48.5. I would like to hit 50 once this season.
That’s it until next week!
See you running,
Marty
PS. If you would like to read my fall marathon training journey simply go click on the ‘series’ drop down menu and go to ‘marathon training’.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 7, 2017 | 'In The Gallery', Illustrated Short Stories, Sketchbook History Tour |
Chapter One
He lagged behind his wife because he was reading the catalog raisonne of the artist. He was trying to figure out how much time it took for her to paint the painting of the crying violinist. He didn’t notice what time it was but his wife did because she was hungry and wanted to go to lunch. She also didn’t like the exhibition and didn’t want to spend any more time there. He liked the painting because of the mystery as to why the artist had titled it ‘Metronome’ when there was no metronome in the painting.
The End
Drawing and story © Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
The original image and/or a print are available for purchase.
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 30, 2017 | Illustrated Short Stories, Sketchbook History Tour |
Chapter One
The woman saw herself as flawed, always. She didn’t like how selfish she was, how greedy. She didn’t like her judgmental attitude towards so many people and things. She felt she wasn’t a very good wife or mother. She knew she was not as helpful as she could be to her co-workers and she was too snippy with her bosses. She didn’t make enough money but she spent too much and didn’t give enough away she thought. She didn’t call her sisters enough, or her mom and dad. She didn’t like her looks. Her face was too thin, her breasts too small and her butt too big is how she saw it. She thought her skin was too pale and her hair too straggly. The only thing she liked about her self was her tattoo. She died in a car wreck at age 30.
Chapter Two
After she died her community commissioned a famous sculptor to create monument to her because she was the best, most loving person anyone in the community had every come across. The sculpture said love all over it because that is what she was all about.
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 24, 2017 | Adventures of Young Medusa |
Medusa Getting Attacked By Bats –
Medusa was finally so depressed about her life situation and how she kept turning people stone without meaning to that she went to live in a cave. But then bats attacked her. She turned the bats to stone but didn’t realize that stone bats still can fly and attack. Now what should she do?
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 10, 2017 | Illustrated Short Stories, Sketchbook History Tour |
How She Turned Into Herself
She turned toward the radio tower, listening. She turned into someone else when she did. For a while she was happy being this new person. Then, when she didn’t recognize herself any longer she realized she wasn’t happy after all. She continued to turn but as she did she changed back to being who she was. But not really.
She turned into someone else many more times after that. As she did so she realized that that first time her unhappiness was really just fear. Later she wasn’t afraid of turning and it even became a goal of hers. She became courageous and strong and happy with her self. Not the self set in stone, but the self that was like a flowing river. The same but different at each turn.
She died when she was 92 years old. She had herself turned into compost and buried with the seed of a tree. The tree grew up and turned beautiful colors all throughout the year, never looking the same but always being the same.
The End
Drawing and Short Story © 2017 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 7, 2017 | Illustrated Short Stories, Sketchbook History Tour, Travel |
“The woman moving forward while the baggy pants guy waits for his boarding pass while I sit on the floor waiting for the flight to California and wait for Linda and Caitlin to return from getting food during fall break in Tulsa in October of 2004.”
An illustrated short story from my 2004 sketchbook that I came back to this year to color. I did a lot of drawing while I traveled in 2003-2004 and I often would write a description of what was happening in the drawing right on the drawing. I hadn’t drawn anything in the windows originally. the gangway and airplane were added as I colored it in 2017.
Drawing and story © Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
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