Tonight I am being interviewed for a spot in the Tulsa Community College Launch program. It’s a 16 week entrepreneurial boot camp of sorts. With the help of over 32 community mentors and once a week hands on sessions the participants are led through the steps in making a sustainable small business.
Everything
I have produced The Napkin Dad Daily for several years now, and started calling my company ‘Napkin Dad Publishing’ in 2013. I have a catalog of thousands of napkins on hundreds of topics. The blog is seen around the world, by hundreds, sometimes thousands, every day. How many see it via links and forwards, I don’t know, but it seems substantial. That number increases dramatically with my presence on a wide array of social media sites, including Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, Flickr, Instagram, Tumblr, LinkedIn, About.me, Meetup, Skype, and more. I have merchandise on Zazzle.com that sells with some regularity. I do sponsored blog posts on a variety of topics, from travel to fashion. I do speaking engagements about a variety of topics that sometimes pay, sometimes don’t. I get better than average publicity about my napkins in the local media. I sell the actual napkins once in a while. I even had a 2 page spread about me in a coffee table book about napkins, in Norway. I have a lot going for me it seems, and I am grateful and glad about all of it.
Everything But
What I haven’t done with all that YET is take the next step to it being a sustainable, money-making business. But I intend to and this is a possible step in that direction, if I get accepted. Wish me luck. If I do get in I will document the journey here, sharing what I am going through, learning, etc. Either way, you will start to see some some changes here at The Napkin Dad Daily. The content might change a bit, but not too much. It might be formatted and presented in a better, easier to navigate and read style. But the site itself, how it is designed and the technology behind it, that I think will change to a greater degree. The merchandise will change dramatically, that I know for sure. I am excited about that!
Rockets Away!
I look forward to the process of building a business and I look forward to the help you, the Napkin Kin, will hopefully give me. Thanks for your support so far, and here’s to the future!
I judge today to be a great day for you to enjoy Happy Living #6!
The Ballerina in Your Living Room
Back in the 1990’s I taught Art Appreciation at a Community College in California. I once took my students on a field trip to San Francisco to do some gallery hopping. While in one gallery I noticed a student contemplating a certain Abstract Expressionist painting. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, “I wouldn’t put it in my house.” That statement got me thinking so I gathered up the class and asked how many others had thought that same thing. More than half raised their hands. I then said, “Well guess what? It is unlikely that that painting, or any of the other paintings here, will ever BE in your house. They all have price tags of $100,000.00 to $500,000.00.”
I continued, “Would you go to a Ballet and say, ‘Well, I wouldn’t have that Ballerina in my living room.’? Of course not. You KNOW she is not going to be in your living room. You don’t need to judge her as if she is. Actually, you don’t need to judge her at all. And you don’t need to judge the art in this room. You might enjoy the work more if you judge it less. Now let’s evaluate these paintings again, without the idea of possession and judgment in the way of our enjoyment”. We then walked around talking about the work without judging it good or bad or worthy of being over our couch. We were all much happier without the judgment.
Obsessed with Judging
I believe America is obsessed with judging and I think it’s debilitating to creativity, compassion and happiness. I don’t mean there is not a time to judge. I like talent shows and I don’t mind the judging that has to go on there. We also need to judge behaviors to keep ourselves safe. The law is all about judging, and I am a fan of the law in general. But think about how almost every aspect of American (and probably many other countries’ social life) is filled with non-stop judging.
The Non-Judgmental Tattoo
Let’s take one example, tattoos. I happen to like tattoos, yet I have none of my own. Neither does my wife. I am pretty sure none of my 4 daughters do either, but if they do, they aren’t apparent. But I like tattoos nonetheless. Why? Because they are interesting. And they aren’t mine. They are simply something I witness go by. Part of what I call the passing parade. I can witness, admire, observe, evaluate, investigate, explore, question, wonder, imagine, and otherwise enjoy a tattoo that passes in front of me. But I will unlikely do any of those things if I judge it first. Judging cuts off those things, cuts off happiness. Judgment says good or bad and done. Case is closed.
But why does the case have to be closed? What is so important that I have to render a judgment of a woman’s snake tattoo as she walks by. Why can’t I just enjoy it, experience it? What will happen if I just look at it, explore it, contemplate it’s color, texture, shape, and meaning. Why not ask her about her tattoo? Why not just let it pass without judging it? We will be happier, I know that much.
What other examples can you think of where we tend to judge quickly when there isn’t any real need to judge at all?
Don’t Judge
Here are some tattoos I have found and photographed over the years. It always makes me happy when I find one. See if you can simply explore them without judgment.
It’s not that easy, is it? But it is worth it to escape the debilitating, uncreative, unhappy prison of judgment.
Have you ever noticed that those who believe in God tend to believe in a God much like themselves? Those who are judgmental, tend to believe in a God that is about judgment. Those who are meek tend to discover that God is meek as well. Those who are powerful, their god is also powerful. Those who are artists tend to believe in a creative God. Of course we mix and match attributes, I might be creative and judgmental, another might be meek and creative, and the God we discover is a mashup of attributes.
God is the Missing Us
And then again, some believe God is what they are not. A friend of mine from years ago felt unworthy of love and acceptance. Her God was forgiving, loving, and accepting. Another friend was severely disorganized in life. His God was all about order amidst the chaos. Their God was what they were not but what they needed.
What if God Was One of Us?
In the end, I believe this is what we will find. And that is good with me.
Joan Osborne – One of Us – 1995
_______________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous. The quote was mentioned in a 1721 letter by French diplomat Charles de Montesquieu as a saying he had recently heard that he greatly admired.
It was most likely an adaption of a 1674 observation by Dutch philosopher Benedict Spinoza, “If a triangle could speak, it would say that God is eminently triangular, while a circle would say that the divine nature is eminently circular.”
The idea didn’t start there though. The 6th century B.C. Greek Philosopher Xenophanes said this, “If oxen and horses had hands, and were able to draw with their hands and do the same things as men, horses would draw the shapes of gods to look like horses and oxen would draw them to look like oxen.”
He had a dream that we would someday allow everyone to have their own dream. Silly or profound, understood or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is being free to dream it.
The Dream of a Different Martin
A dream of a brightly colored self and a matching kite smiling in the wind, yes.
A dream of floating above a canyon, far above the dangerous water, yes.
A dream of radio and rock and roll, yes.
A dream of green across the sky, yes.
A dream of a serenading snake, yes.
A dream of a cat as important as the sun, yes.
A dream of a sailboat waiting for you to make it move, yes.
I’ve been out of touch the past week due to a family emergency in California. I took photos, mostly family oriented pics, but only was able to find time to do one drawing while I was there and that was in the airline terminal as I was leaving. I drew it on a Starbucks napkin.
Mrs. Bowen
She sat across from me in the waiting area. We were both almost 2 hours early. We had seen each other in the check in line and said hello again as I sat down. She was headed back to Salt Lake City after visiting her husband who was in the Bay Area on work. She was an oil painter and showed me her paintings on her iPhone. I showed her my sketchbook and photos/drawings in my iPhone as well. I asked if I could draw her and she was kind enough to allow it. She had expressive eyes and lines.
I finished the line drawing portion and as I was starting to use my colored markers a large contingent of Mormon missionaries going home to Utah after 2 years of mission work sat down near us. She went over to talk to some of them. I showed the drawing to her when she got back, took her picture with it and she took pictures as well and we all got on the plane.
Mrs. Bowen
_______________________
Small Hands
I ended up sitting next to one of the missionaries. He had the smallest hands of any adult man I have ever met. We talked Jesus and religion. It was interesting. He gave me a Book of Mormon. I didn’t draw him but I wanted to, just didn’t find the right opportunity.
Art lived in a museum. Many people touched her. Even the guards would touch her when no one was looking. She liked being touched. A few people thought she was stupid or that she was ugly. Some thought she was old looking. Some thought her lips were too big while others thought they were too small. Some felt sorry for her, others ignored her. Some wanted to know what she was made of. A few wondered how she got there. But most thought she was very beautiful and almost everyone took a photo of her.
Chapter Two
One lady used to come and stare at her every Friday afternoon. Sometimes the lady would cry. Art didn’t understand that but she liked the lady a lot. The lady looked like her, which Art thought was odd. Her hair was longer, and had some gray in it, and she had more wrinkles than Art did, but she had the same pinkish skin color and the same red lips, blue eyes and strong eyebrows. Art thought she was very beautiful.
Chapter Three
At one point the lady disappeared for many weeks. Art wondered where she had gone, wishing she had legs so she could go find her. Finally, one day the lady came back, this time in a wheel chair. She had a scarf around her head and her skin had changed color. She cried a lot that day. Art didn’t know what it was all about but she was very sad as well. She didn’t see her again after that.
Chapter Four
About a year after the lady’s last visit a new person started to come to see her regularly. This was a young girl, probably no more than 15 years old. Art didn’t know who she was but she also looked a lot like Art, and she liked that. The girl started coming by on Saturday mornings with a bright pink sketchbook. She would sit cross-legged on the floor in front of Art and draw her again and again. When she first started coming to visit she cried just like the lady did. But after a while she no longer cried. She would smile a lot though. Her drawings got better and better. Sometimes Art thought the drawings looked like her and other times she thought they looked more like the lady who used to visit. The young girl did this for many years.
Time passed and Art continued to enjoy the company of many people. She liked where she was and never complained but her young friend had stopped visiting many years before and sometimes she missed her. She often wondered what happened to the lady and the young girl.
Chapter Five
One day, many years later, workers in the museum came into the room where Art lived and took down all the paintings in the room. It was very lonely for a few days but then they started bringing in new paintings. All the paintings were wrapped so she didn’t know anything about them but she was hopeful they would be as friendly as the old paintings had been. Finally a few days later the workers took off the wrappings. Art couldn’t believe her eyes. All the paintings were of her.
Chapter 6
That very same night a lot of people came into the museum and walked around looking at all the new paintings. They also looked at Art a lot. They talked about how much the paintings looked like Art. They talked about how beautiful and meaningful Art was. Art was happy for all the attention.
It was very loud with everyone talking at the same time until all of a sudden a beautiful woman walked in the room. Everyone stopped talking and looked her way. The woman smiled a big smile and waved at everyone. She stopped right in front of Art and stared at her. Art stared back. It was the young girl in front of her, all grown up. But it also seemed to be the lady who used to come visit. They had the same blue eyes, red lips, pinkish skin and strong brows. The beautiful woman leaned forward and kissed Art on the cheek. She held the kiss for a moment, leaned close to Art’s ear and whispered, “Thank you Art, you saved my life. I love you”. Then the beautiful woman straightened up, turned around to face the crowd and said, “Thank you for coming to see my Art. I hope you love it as much as I do.”
It was a good decision to publish a drawing about poor decisions.
Teenagers are Dumb, Adults are Dumber
As most of the US knows and feels, it’s been brutal cold all over the eastern 2/3rds of the country. We are lucky here in Oklahoma, the cold is not nearly as bad as north and east of us. Still, it’s cold enough (12 degrees this AM) that parents are fighting with their teenage kids about how to dress to go outdoors.
I went to Wal-Mart yesterday. In cold weather it’s fun to make a game of finding the most inappropriately dressed person. Yesterday, when it was all of 14 degrees with a strong wind that person was a teenage girl walking out of the store in a simple long sleeve t-shirt and shorts. Her shoes were Tom’s type slip-on canvas shoes. No socks. She was the winner UNTIL a second later I spotted her father walking behind her. He was in a t-shirt and shorts. It wasn’t hard to figure out where she got her common sense and attitude of preparedness. Did they make it home ok? Probably so. His poor decision for himself and his daughter (yes, he was responsible for how she dressed) probably did not end poorly. But would they have made it home ok if they had gotten into a wreck on the icy streets, going off into a culvert and disappearing from the road? Maybe not. In which case, that poor decision could have ended badly.
Another Sort of Poor Decision
Being underdressed in the cold is dumb, but there are much worse decisions people make. Decisions with HUGE life altering consequences. But even those don’t have to end poorly. For example, you have unprotected sex with someone and get pregnant, or get them pregnant. That was a poor decision. But that poor decision doesn’t mean the child’s life is doomed. That life (and your life) can be a great one. Your relationship with the father or mother can be good, even if you don’t stay together. You can arrange your lifestyle so the child is raised safe and happy. You can build a life for your family that is positive and good. It might take more work than it would have otherwise, but it can be done.
The Kid at the Bus Stop
If I see someone at the top of a cliff, about to go over, I am going to yell and scream and do whatever I can to stop them. But if they have already fallen off the cliff and are at the bottom, I am not going to yell and scream. I am not going to tell them they shouldn’t have been so close to the edge. I am going to help them up, tend to their wounds and help them recover. Then, and only then, we might have a discussion on how to avoid that cliff in the future.
If you have made poor decisions, resolve to not have them end poorly. If you are a witness to poor decisions others make, do what you can to help them have the end be rich, not poor.
_____________________
Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by my cool Son-in-Law and father of my granddaughter, Patrick Evans
Have you ever had every expectation of what your life is going to be destroyed? I have, twice. It was my injury and burns from a boat explosion the first time and my divorce the second time. In the scheme of things they weren’t nearly as brutal as truly terrible events; a tsunami, a terrorist attack, genocide, maiming, killing, destruction of your physical world. Those are cataclysms that it’s hard to recover from.
I remember being in the hospital in September of 1973 and having someone say something about January, 74 coming up. I remember how impossible it was for me to imagine January. It wasn’t just far away in terms of time, it was psychologically far away. I didn’t believe it would ever come because every day was the same painful day, again and again. The pain was never going to leave and if the pain didn’t leave then time really wasn’t moving forward at all. January was just another word, like bandage or blood, it wasn’t a moment in the future.
In it’s own way, less physically painful than the burns, but emotionally much more devastating, my divorce destroyed a lot of what I was expecting from the future. I hadn’t verbally formulated much of what I expected to happen in the future while I was still married; my ideas were assumptions about how it would go. But once the divorce was in the works those ideas were obliterated. I wouldn’t have a 50 wedding anniversary for example. That was tough to take. I couldn’t allow myself to imagine a new relationship with a new family structure.
Falling Into Place
What happens next? Well, if you are the one whose life has been blown up, then what you can do is have an open and brave heart. That is not an easy thing to do, but it can be done. Not all at once, but over time, you can take a brave step into the future and see where it leads.
My experience of the explosion, recovery and my still existing scars ended up being one of the single most important events of my life, changing me into an artist, friend, husband and father I never would have been otherwise. Everything fell into place in large part because of that event.
My divorce, while unfortunate, led to me dating Linda, marrying her and inheriting a fourth daughter, Caitlin. Both have been blessings beyond what I could have imagined. Everything fell into place in large part because of that divorce.
Time
Of course, you can’t necessarily explain that this obliteration of life is actually an essential part of future happiness to someone who’s just gone through such a trauma; they really don’t want to hear it since it sounds like just so much patronizing crap. And it probably is patronizing crap at the time. But it’s also true. The future can be better than what you allow yourself to imagine.
Who’s at Church on the Last Day of the Year Today – A Poem
She was alone, But she smiled at a friend. Her makeup was dark, But her smile was light.
He had a ponytail, But he took it out. He raised his hands And said things out loud.
She had on a long skirt that swayed And raised her hands as well. But they were facing her, And then she put glasses on.
He wore red pants, He didn’t sing all the songs And he kept his scarf on and He gave no money.
Marty Coleman, 12/29/13 – 1/3/14
I was going to show her the drawing as I left the balcony at church but she saw some friends and I didn’t want to interrupt. I saw her on the way out of the church a while later and showed it to her then. She seemed happy about it, though one can never be completely sure of those things.
Here is your opportunity to see another in my Happy Living Guide, but don’t feel obligated.
Holiday Obligations
Because the holidays are just over, it’s a perfect time to talk about obligations vs opportunities. We do much in November and December out of obligation. And for some, obligation is a word empty of any happiness. We have to clean house, put up decorations, take down decorations, clean house again. We have to plan trips, plan time off from work, plan our return. We have to worry about weather, food, clothing. We have to think about presents for everyone, or no one. And then there is family, family we may not want to visit. But we are obligated so we do it.
Moments of Happy
Remember, I am not talking about ‘a happy life’. I am talking about ‘living happy’. There is a difference. Living happy means you have happy moments. That allows you to live in reality and reality includes moments that aren’t happy. But you can find happy moments in any life. Find enough of them and at the end you will likely be able to say ‘I lived a happy life’. But that will be after the fact. While you live your life you have to find happy moments within it.
Holiday Opportunities
In my experience you find happy moments within obligations when you are able to see past your expectations. When you allow the unexpected to come in. You do that by putting judgment on the shelf and forgetting it until later, and finding something to love in the moment. For example, you go to visit your sister’s family. You know she is going to be judgmental and controlling and nosey about your life. That’s a drag. But her daughters or sons on the other hand, they can be an opportunity for you, finding out about who they are now, not lumping them in with your judgment of your sister. Find that happy moment with them. You may not have a fantastic time at your sister’s house, but you can find happy moments there and you can focus on those when you tell the story of your visit to others. You don’t have to tell the story of your judgmental sister. You can tell the story of your amazing nieces and nephews instead.
And then maybe your next visit you will look like this as you arrive.
It isn’t just over the holidays or with family this idea is important. It’s in your health and fitness, in your job, in your home design, your clothing, your hobbies, everything.
I created these at the end of 2012 and am presenting them again at the beginning of 2014 because they are recurring, never ending resolutions that we can all bet better at but can never fully achieve. Click in the image to go to the original posting with commentary.
She sat in the front row of the balcony with wild burgundy hair and blue eyeshadow, which matched the color of her pants. Many people down below looked up at her. She was in a salmon orange hoodie and had her cell phone in her lap. She was texting. She was proud of her nail polish, which was hot pink and very shiny. It clashed with her hoodie.
The choir sang while she looked at a video of a woman working out. She was jealous of the woman and wanted to have her body. Her father looked over and didn’t say anything. She resented her father for bringing her to stupid church. She never looked up during the sermon until the pastor said the word ‘sex’.
I use lunges as part of my running group’s active warm up before every run. It’s a great way to get your large leg and butt muscles warmed up and ready to go. These are so easy to do wherever you are, in work clothes, pajamas, or naked, and it takes no time at all to get a good bun and thigh burn in, there no excuse to not do them a few times a day.
When I am doing these in my morning workout I do them standing in place, not walking forward. I go forward and back in the same movement, for about 20-40 reps. Then I switch legs and do the other one forward and back as well.
Lunges help build your glutes (your butt) as well as your major thigh muscles, front and back.
Guidelines:
Keep your back straight and your head level.
Push your butt forward a bit when you go forward.
Don’t let your front knee go past your toes.
Use dumbbells if you have them. Hold them down by your side. Don’t use heavy ones at first.
Balance aptitude as one of it’s primary goals. Focus on that at first over heavy dumbbell weights.
Take an educated guess as to what day it is? It’s Happy Living Day #4!
On Topic Education
I can explain things pretty well. Much of the time this ability is due to my education. I am relatively educated about art for example and I can explain certain things about it. Most of us can do that in some area. My father could talk forever on all facets of aviation. My sister can talk about genealogy in detail. My wife on the business of electrical and gas utilities, my oldest daughter on neuroscience, my youngest on fashion design.
Off Topic Education
But what about areas that have no connection to anything in your life, what is the value of being educated in those areas? In 2005 Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech at Stanford University. He said something very important about how education really happens.
“Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Replacing ‘Explain’
So, the idea stated by Mr. Jobs above is that ALL of your education matters. It doesn’t matter just for your job, it matters for your happy living. Yes, the more you educate yourself the more you can explain things, explain connections, explain ideas, to others. But it is more than that. Here is what I mean. In the quote above, replace ‘explain’ with ‘understand’. Now replace it with ‘please’. Now replace it with ‘forgive’.
A lifestyle of self-education is a major key to growth, to understanding, to wisdom about yourself. And those things can lead to some level of living happy.
Replacing ‘Yourself’
Now go even one step further. Replace ‘yourself’ with ‘others’ – explain others, understand others, please others, forgive others. Commit to self-education throughout your life and it leads not just deeper into yourself, but past yourself to others. And then you will really be living happy.
Hey you, smile! It’s day 3 of the Happy Living Guide!
A Short Short Story
She was raised swimming and it made her smile when she was able to afford a pool when she grew up. She loved cats and it made her smile when her cat would come and play with her. It made her smile to drink her favorite coffee when she sat out in the late morning. She was happy living. The End
Holiday Time
The Holiday season is a great time to do create a world that makes you smile. My friend Danielle, the force behind Extraordinarymommy.com, posted this photo the other day. The caption that went with it read, “I have moved my office into the family room… I want to embrace every minute of this view…”
Danielle Smith’s Family Room at Christmas Time
Why was that? Because the view made her smile. Obviously she and her family live a comfortable and well-off life. But that is not the key to the happiness this room gives her. The key is the love that went into it, not the money.
Humble is no Excuse
Very early on in my first marriage, we lived in a 90 year old rental house in downtown San Jose, California. Most of our furniture was old, hand me down furniture. But we still were able to make the space warm, welcoming and pleasing. We had a really old trunk I bought for $3.00 at a garage sale in San Francisco as our coffee table. It had brass hardware on it. I took the hardware off and polished it to a high sheen. It made a big difference in the look of the trunk. It made me happy to put my feet up on it.
We weren’t able to do everything we wanted to the house or have all the furniture we wanted, but what we had we made as beautiful as we could.
Suburbs Are No Excuse
Years later, after we moved to Oklahoma and could afford a nice, big house, my first wife and I divorced. I retained ownership of the house and our daughter’s lived with me during the school year, since their mother had moved out of the school district. During the summer they lived mostly at her house. I took advantage of having them gone most of the summer to paint the inside of the house. I painted it red, gold, and cream. Sound crazy? I loved it. It made me happy.
Our home 1994-2006, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
I added black spots to my white picket fence so it matched my dalmatian, Oreo. That made me smile and it made the neighborhood kids smile.
Oreo and the Barking Fence
I remodeled my kitchen, taking out a dropped ceiling. After I was almost done I still had some holes in the ceiling where electrical and other things had come through. I decided that instead of fixing the holes in the traditional way I would cover them by hot gluing the ceramics my daughters had created in elementary school onto the ceiling. My kitchen ceiling became a permanent art gallery. That made me smile and it made my daughters smile. No, none fell down.
My Daughters’ Ceramic Gallery
Crazy Artist Type
I know what you are thinking, ‘Marty, that’s fine for you, you are the crazy artist type and can get away with that stuff. But not me.’ You would be surprised what you can do if you decide it’s is worth doing. The idea, no matter what level of creativity you have, is to create a physical world that makes you smile. Do it a bit at a time, as you can afford it and as circumstances allow, and it will add to your happy living. Don’t settle for a world that doesn’t make you smile.
What have you designed or experienced that makes you smile?
Once again the key to happy living comes from speaking AND doing. It’s great to say you love something, but it’s in the doing that you understand what that really means.
Courage, Creative and Practical
There are at least two elements to this. The first is illustrated in the drawing, finding a creative outlet you love. The second is the day to day life you lead and the practical choices it entails.
Creativity
I’ve mentioned this before but it’s such a fundamental lesson it bears repeating; if you are going to be a consistent creative force in the world you have to love what you do and let the world know it. It might seem obvious but the roadblocks can be high. To give just one example, the woman in the drawing might have a spouse, family, employer or church who does not approve of her doing nude sculpture. But if the nude is what she loves, if it’s what she is creatively moved by, then she has to find a way to make it happen. She has to find the courage to stand up and say, this is what I love to do. She has to do this knowing she will face the anger, misunderstanding or rejection. That is the definition of courage. She does it because creating her art as she pleases makes her happy and that is worth it.
Practical
There are other examples that reside in our daily life. They involve individuality, style and interests. For example, the woman who likes blue eyeshadow but knows people laugh at it and thinks it’s tacky. The man who likes to bird watch even though all his buddies like to hunt and think he is a wuss. The couple who like to take separate vacations even though their families think it means they don’t really love each other. The female bodybuilder with 10 cats whose landlord makes fun of her.
What they all have in common is their pursuit of what makes them happy and their willingness to face disapproval because of it. What are some other examples?
Developing
I first wrote the guide above to say ‘Have the courage…’ but I changed it to ‘Develop the courage…’ because I realized as I wrote it that courage is a muscle. It’s no different than a physical muscle. It needs to be developed through practice and training. One needs to learn what it entails and how to implement it. How to withstand an onslaught. How to respond to an attack. How to make peace with disapproval. It isn’t easy. I like to think I’ve been a courageous artist for 40 years and it still is hard for me to face the disapproval of my wife or family or the art world or society. Trust me, I know. I live in Oklahoma, the land of judgment. I don’t have all the answers but I know one aspect that helps, and that’s to have a sense of humor about it.
Reward
In my years of going through it I discovered something. The happier and more confident I am about my choice and direction, from the beginning, the more those around me bow to it. I don’t mean bow in any sort of grandiose way, I mean that those who see a confident person stepping forward in a creative vision usually respond with respect after a while. Yes, they may push back at first, but if you are consistent and resolute, they see you are not going to be stopped and they let you go. That is where consistent application of your creative vision gains a reward for you. You become known as that person. Your identity is secure and others respect and admire that.
Be courageous, confident and consistent in the choices that make you happy and others will see it and respect it over time.
What examples do you have of courage and creativity?
My daughter, Caitlin, was driving from Dallas to Tulsa, coming home for Thanksgiving, a few weeks back. There was a car accident immediately behind her and she stopped to help. She steeled herself to perhaps see something pretty traumatic but luckily the guy wasn’t really badly hurt. She went to her car, got paper towels and other stuff and helped him with his injuries. She didn’t think of her actions as being about love I don’t think. But they were. She could have driven on. She could have just watched from a distance. But she didn’t. She chose to get involved and help him.
Acting
When I first came up with this I had it as ‘Think in terms of love’. But I quickly remembered another important lesson, ‘It’s easier to act your way into another way of feeling than it is to feel your way into another way of acting.’ and realized that many times the action of love has to come before the feeling (or thinking) of love. The action actually leads one closer to the feeling, they compound each other.
Thinking
Even though acting is key, acting without thinking can lead to many missed opportunities. The reason is this; just as a frame around a painting changes the painting itself, how you frame what you experience changes the experience. For example, when you see an activity, let’s say a business trip, as an obligation or duty then there is a certain dread attached to it. But if you think of it as an opportunity to show love, then there is much more excitement and enthusiasm for it.
Love to Whom?
But a business trip? How can I show love on a business trip? It’s actually a great opportunity to evaluate and frame what it is you do, seeing if what you do can be categorized as love, or, if not, can adjust your attitude or actions to be more loving? Think of all the people you meet on a business trip? Flight attendants, fellow flyers, cab drivers, hotel staff, business colleagues, restaurant workers. What better group of people to help you see if how you act (and think) is in terms of love?
Happy Living
The end result of acting and thinking in terms of love is that you feel happy. Happy with yourself, yes. But just as likely you will feel happy about the circumstances you are in as well.
And since it’s impossible to live a happy life all at once, the best we can do is to have happy moments within a life. Have enough of those and at the end you will discover you’ve lived a happy life. And it all starts with love.
I drank a whole pot of coffee drawing #5 in the exercise series.
Knowing vs Doing
Another simple exercise that we all know is Jumping Jacks. But knowing it and doing it are two different things. Knowing anything is of little value if you don’t put it into practice.
Jump Start
Practicing jumping jacks is a great way to get joints loose, blood flowing and heart rate up just a bit. Sort of cardio jump start. Make sure you keep your arms fully extended and bring them all the way to the top. Stretch those arms up. Doing jumping jacks half-hearted is not worth doing so do them right or skip it. Unlike the exercises I have shown so far, women probably want to have at least a sports bra on for this one. Some men might as well.
Stretch Start
Number 2 is illustrating something that really helps me, Mr. Unlimber. It’s not Jumping Jacks, it’s Laying Down Jacks. Spread your legs as far as they will go (maybe use some barrier, like a table leg, to keep your legs open, that is what I have to do) while you also spread your arms out and up at about a 45 degree angle. Make sure the backs of your hands are touching the ground and your arms are as flat as they can be. It may not seem like much to do, but hold it for 30-60 seconds and you will really start to feel the stretch in your pectorals and your inner groin muscles.
This is a great stretch to help runners keep from getting to tight and wound up in those areas. We often think about our legs getting tight in a run but long distance runners have a lot of problems with shoulders, chests, and arms starting to hurt and cramp as well. It’s important to keep the upper torso limber as well as the leg muscles.
She hadn’t showered that morning even though she knew she should have. She had been out late and done something she wasn’t proud of.
Chapter Two
She got to church late and sat next to a woman wearing a lot of perfume. She could see the woman’s face reflecting all the bright lights on the stage. It looked like she had a lot of makeup on, bad acne scars and a top plunged down much farther than appropriate.
Chapter Three
Everyone stood up to greet one another. She turned to the lady shook her hand. It was warm and soft and made her feel wonderful. In the light she saw that she really was quite beautiful, her makeup wasn’t as heavy as she thought and she had pulled up her blouse so it didn’t show as much as it had before. The woman complimented her on her teal sweater and said she always was attracted to that color.
Chapter Five
After the service the woman asked if she knew of a lunch place nearby. She told her they had a cafe at the church and led her there through the crowd. The lady asked her if she would like to join her and she said yes.
I am down in Texas to run my first marathon in 3 years. This is what it looks like throughout Dallas today. More coming tomorrow and temps are staying below freezing until after the marathon is suppose to be over on Sunday.
It looks like they will cancel but as of now (Friday afternoon) they have not.
I also came down to help my daughter move to a new apartment, which we did 2 days early to avoid the weather.
So, for now we are watching the news and waiting for an announcement from the Dallas Marathon organizers.
