I have gotten into the habit of having rice cakes for first breakfast. I toast 2 of them, then put on a bit of jelly and peanut or almond butter. They are crunchier when you toast them but you have to watch out, some of them have a glaze on them that will start to smoke in the toaster oven. I then take them into my office and eat them while I start my day. Speaking of office, we recently had a slew of visitors to our humble abode for Thanksgiving weekend. My office was used as a bedroom so I thought I would try out moving my napkin drawing studio into the dining room so I could draw early in the morning while our guests were still asleep. It worked out pretty well so I think I might keep it like that for a while.
Exercises #3 and #4 – Abdominal Crunches and Oblique Crunches
Exercise #4 – Oblique Crunches
In the sequence, #4 actually comes twice, once on the left side once on the right, so I do one side first, then do #3, then do the other side of #4.
In the original photo I saw on how to do oblique crunches the guy was laying on the large flat side of his glute, a 1/4 of the way towards being on his back, and raising his torso up to get the crunch as in version #1. The legs stayed on the ground. But when I started doing them I laid directly on my side and found my legs came off the ground as did my torso. I like the #2 version better because it seemed to work the lower oblique region as much as the high region. But I notice that #1 tends to work the lower side back more than #2 so I do both on and off.
One of the coolest things about doing these is where the lower arm (on the floor) ends up going. It is folded in front of you with your hand actually on your obliques. What that means is you can feel the muscles working, contracting and releasing, as you do the exercise. Over the months I have started to feel all the definition throughout the oblique and ab areas. It’s very cool.
Exercise #3 – Abdominal Crunches
These are pretty straightforward. They are the beginning of a sit up, but you don’t go above about 25 – 30 degrees from the floor, then you go back down. That is enough to get the abs working. The drawing is a bit off actually because you really shouldn’t be bending your head forward at the angle I have it. Keep it as straight as you can.
Do 10 to start and repeat each time you come around to it in your circuit.
Finish up by doing the oblique crunches on the other side and you are done.
To Repeat or Not Repeat
As usual, you can do these two ways, one is a set amount done in a circuit with the other exercise. Most of the time a circuit of 3-4 is good. Or you can do each exercise to the fail point, with no repeats. It’s sort of like the two different versions of Solitaire you can play, once around drawing every card and you are done, win or not, or every 3 cards until you can’t do anything more or you win.
Either way, you’ll get a good work out.
Benefits
Obviously your abdominal muscle and the oblique abdominals are the main beneficiary. Did you know that the ab muscles are actually just one big sheet muscle? The ‘six packs’ aren’t different muscles, they are parts of same muscle that just happen to build up. Each of us has a different landscape when it comes to our one big ab muscles. The oblique are separate however.
By the way the pink bumps on her tummy are not her intestines popping out don’t worry, they are her six pack of abs (of which you can only see 3)
Speaking of…If you are hoping to have that six-pack by just doing exercises, it’s not going to happen. Well, it can happen, but it will be under a layer of fat and you won’t be able to see it. To see your abs you really will have to change eating habits so you not only lose fat but build your muscle as well.
That’s It
And that’s it. These 4 exercises should take you about 10-15 minutes, max. That’s about the length of time a pot of coffee takes to brew. It’s not sophisticated or complicated or hard to figure out. It’s easy and it’s doable today, right now. Start somewhere, and repeat. That’s the key. You can do it.
When I first started doing this morning routine it was just stretching and warming up for the day. I still stretch and warm up before I do the exercises because I am an old and creaky guy. You should limber up too, even if you aren’t old and creaky. The run groups I coach always start with an active warm up time to get the blood flowing, the heart beat up just a bit and the joints and muscles lubricated and ready to work. It’s alway a time to just be quiet and meditate for a few moments before you start exercising.
Exercise #2 – Push Ups
Version #1
This is the version you need to do. Even if you can do only one pushup this way, you need to do it this way. It’s where you want to get to so why not work at it from the very beginning. If you can’t do 5 pushups this way, do at least one, then do the other 4 in the version #2 method. A full push up goes all the way until your nose touches the ground.
Version #2
Forget the sexist crap about this being the version for women. It isn’t. It’s the version for those who aren’t yet strong enough to do version #1. That’s it. It has nothing to do with whether you have a penis or vagina. Nothing. Here is the truth, male or female – if you can’t do one pushup in the version #1 method, then start with version #2. If you can do 5 of version #2 then next time you do the exercise start with #1 and try to do one of that. Keep trying #1 each and every time you do pushups. Do not settle for version #2, it’s only for those who can’t do #1 and everyone can do #1 if they work at it.
To Repeat or Not Repeat
Once again you can do these as part of a circuit of exercises that you repeat 3 or more times, or you can do them once to the fail point. Both have their benefits and you should try both types of regimens during the week.
Benefits
Obviously the arms and chest are the prime beneficiary of pushups. In the arms it’s the entire shoulder and the triceps (back of the arms) that get the bulk of the workout. The pectorals of the chest are being built as well.
Remember, to lose weight you have to burn calories. To burn calories you have to have metabolically active tissue, and that’s muscle, not fat. If you build muscle you get a better metabolism and that means better calorie burning.
When To Start
Duh, now. Don’t wait until you have the right workout clothes or the right mat or the right headband. Do it first, then get all those things as you have time.
I typically get up around 5:30am and have about an hour to myself before Linda calls me in to cuddle before she gets out of bed. My usual routine was to let the dogs out, make coffee and go into my office/studio immediately. In April I decided to add some early morning stretching and calisthenics into that routine. Instead of going directly into my studio while the coffee brewed I went into the living room and stretched. I am not a limber guy by any means and stretching is something I really need to do for my running. While I was doing the stretching I started to add some light calisthenics. I timed the exercises to about the same time it took the coffee to brew. Over the course of the months I have worked out a very brief workout routine that is easy to do with no need for equipment or extra space. If you have a space on the floor as big as your body, you have room.
Exercise #1 – Glute Kickbacks
Version #1
Version #1 starts with your leg bent with the knee on the ground. You kick the leg back to be slightly above horizontal and return it. You aren’t kicking hard, just putting it out there until it’s straight. And yes, I know the drawing makes it look like the person is farting. She might be, farting is allowed!
Version #2
In version #2 you put your leg straight out back and have your big toe touching the ground. You then lift your leg up past horizontal and return it to the ground (or close, you don’t need to touch the ground and break your toe!) I usually do this version, I just like it better. And yes, the drawing sort of looks like she is peeing. That is not allowed, it will ruin the carpet.
To Repeat or Not Repeat
You can do the reps two ways. One way is to pick a number, 10 to start is good, and do them, one leg at a time (as opposed to alternating legs like you are riding a bike). You will do those, go on to the next exercises and then return to these after you have done the circuit. When I do it this way I do the circuit 3 times.
The other way is non-repeating. This way is one time only. You don’t pick a number, you just do it until you can’t do them. You do it to ‘fail’. I do this way when I have less time to do the entire workout. You aren’t going to come back to these at the end of your circuit of exercises. You will be done after one circuit.
Benefits
The benefits of this exercise are in your glutes (that’s your butt just in case you weren’t sure) and your hamstrings (the muscles on the back of your thighs).
When to Start
DO NOT wait until January 1st. That is an arbitrary date, it means nothing. If you start this (or any) exercise regimen now, and start in on making some simple diet changes, you can lose 5 lbs by the start of 2014. Why wait? I will talk more about all of this as this series continues. In the meanwhile, today is the day.
If you have questions or suggestions, feel free to add them in the comments, I would love to hear them.
I think it’s a perfectly wonderful week to talk about Thanksgiving
The Mouseketeer
Annette Funicello was a founding member of Disney’s Mouseketeers. She then went on to star in Beach Blanket movies with Frankie Avalon and record chart topping records. She had it all; looks, fame, money and adulation of fans around the world. She also had MS, which caused her to retire well before she would have otherwise. When she made it public she was inundated with messages of sadness and sorrow for her plight. In response she said this,
“Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.”
Annette Funicello – Mouseketeer & star of Beach Blanket Bingo
The X Factor
One of the past contestants on ‘The X Factor’, Rion Paige, was born with wrists and arms that are bent at wrong angles and can’t move as you would expect. She is up in front of millions and millions of people singing, showing the world all her ‘imperfections’. She is the one on the competition who is the biggest smiler, the sweetest laugher, the most thankful in her responses to the judges. Her body may not be ‘perfect’, but her attitude is. I have no doubt she has this quote on her refrigerator.
Rion Paige
Perfect vs Wonderful
I know for me, when I like look for the perfect in myself, others and the world around me, I see imperfection. But when I look at the wonderful in myself, others and the world around me, I see perfection everywhere.
The Vintage Napkin
I have used this quote before, WAY back in 2002 when I was drawing the napkins for my daughters and putting in their school lunches.
It’s reasonable to assume today is day #3 of the Napkin’s ‘All is Vanity’ series.
Quicksand of Living
Here’s the thing about vanity; It’s distracted living. It’s can be while driving, or working, or talking, or texting, or studying, or dating, or exercising or having sex or….the list goes on. Vanity means you are consumed with self and how you are seen by others. This is usually accompanied by disregard for reason and logic. You do things that are dangerous, things that are counterproductive, things that are restrictive. You aren’t able to see and take part in the life you might want to take part in because your vanity won’t let you.
Quicksand of Activity
You won’t go swimming in a pool because your makeup might get messed up. You won’t stop putting on your makeup as you drive because you might be seen without it, and that just won’t do. You won’t go hiking because you might get sweaty or, sin of all sins, smelly. You won’t put on a coat when it’s freezing out because it might cover up your cute outfit.
Quicksand of Love
And in the end your consuming preoccupation with self will keep you from caring about others. You won’t be able to give love and even if you are given love, you very likely won’t be able to see it clearly over the full-length mirror you are staring into.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by George Sand (aka Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin) 1804-1876, French novelist and memoirist
I am not deficient when I say today is ‘All is Vanity’ day #2
Pet Peeve
I think I have mentioned before that I have a pet peeve, a big one. I really do not like when people brag about their shortcomings. I especially don’t like it when I do it. When I found this quote and it added a new layer to my understanding why this happens.
Bad at Math
Let me give you an example. I did not excel at math in school. I didn’t flunk it, but I didn’t excel at it either. So, if a conversation comes up about math, and I am asked directly if I am any good at it, it’s a simple declarative statement to say, “No, not very.” If I am feeling hopeful and positive I might say, “No, not very…YET.” meaning I might become better at it in the future. That is how I like to think about things I am not very good at at the present moment.
Bad at Math Vanity
But what if instead, when I was asked, or even if I was not asked and I was just a general part of the conversation, I said, “I am REALLY BAD AT MATH! I can’t balance my checkbook, I can’t pay bills very well, I HATE math! I don’t understand my IRA or my 401k and I am terrible at keeping a budget!”
If I said that, would I be stating a simple declarative statement? No, I would be saying to the world, ‘I am proud to be bad at math. I think it makes me pretty cool. It shows me to be a hip artist, or maybe a cool musician. It puts me in the ‘above all that mundane crap’ world of bean counters and bureaucrats and pencil pushers.
Wrong Vanity
And I would be wrong. It doesn’t do that. It just shows me to be vain about a deficiency. I am seeing a shiny gold tooth in the mirror worth bragging about when actually I just have an ugly black tooth that really isn’t worthy of attention. It’s nothing to be proud of, nothing to brag about and certainly nothing to be vain about. What it really is, is something to be better at if you can, just like any other optional deficiency in your life.
Right Vanity
You suck at your marriage? Don’t boast of it, become less sucky at it. You don’t know how to write? Don’t brag about, learn how to write. You are a lazy bum? don’t be vain about it, get the hell off the couch and start contributing somewhere. Turn that deficiency into an available gift. Then if you want to be vain about it, go ahead.
Have you ever been vain about a deficiency? Let’s hear your insight about it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne, from his book – The House of the Seven Gables
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“It is very queer, but no less true, that people are quite as vain, or more so, of their deficiencies than of their available gifts”
I hope I don’t sound vain, but this is going to be the best series on Vanity I have ever done! Here’s day #1.
Plastic Stupidity
No, I am not against plastic surgery. I know many people who have had very successful changes made to their bodies and faces this way. They are very happy with the changes and I am happy for them. I think they look great and that it was more than likely a great choice.
What I am against is someone being coerced or bullied or otherwise manipulated into getting plastic surgery so someone ELSE can feel good about themselves, make more money, have more status, get more pleasure, etc. That is stupidity talking.
What might that manipulative stupidity look like?
Maybe it takes the form of money making, like the strip club owner who might ‘persuade’ a dancer to get a boob job she really doesn’t want and can’t afford so the club owner will make more money.
Maybe it’s a husband who bullies his wife into an eye lift so she will look more ‘western’ and he in turn feels more successful having a more ‘western’ looking wife.
Maybe it’s a mother who pushes her daughter to have a nose job so she is more likely to get a husband which the mother wants so she can have grandkids.
Maybe it’s a girlfriend who convinces her boyfriend he can have the chest he’s supposedly always wanted by getting pec implants so she can feel superior to her tribe of girls by virtue of having the BF with the hottest bod.
Plastic Vanity
But a person talking stupid or coercive or bullying doesn’t turn a bad idea into reality, vanity does that. Why does that happen? Somehow their vanity has convinced themselves that;
“if I get my ________ done, then…
…I will be more _________.”
…It will make me _____________.”
…My spouse will then ______________.”
…I will make more ________________.”
…I will feel _____________.”
How would you fill in the blanks for someone acting out of plastic vanity?
Positive Blank
Sounds negative, right? But here’s the rub. Can’t someone fill in those same blanks so they are positives? I mean, men and women have plastic surgery every day and they fill in those blanks with positive words all the time. What words would be positive? Any? Many?
Linda and I went down to Texas this weekend to visit Caitlin and go to the Baylor/Texas Tech game. We stayed at a Courtyard by Marriott and, as usual, I got up early and went downstairs to have breakfast and do some drawing and reading.
I was the only one in the restaurant at first and the woman who helped me was standing alone at the counter after I got my food. She was working on a clipboard, then was at the cash register. I caught her standing still, contemplating some numbers, and took advantage to get a quick sketch of her. She was wearing a Dez Bryant Dallas Cowboys shirt on as the hotel was doing a fall football theme.
One of the other restaurant workers happened to see me doing the drawing and told the woman, Karen, about it. She thought it was pretty cool and graciously allowed me to take her photo with the unfinished drawing. We had a good discussion about eyebrows.
When she looked at him she wasn’t sure if he was drowning or just goofing around. She decided he was drowning and went into the deep end and saved him. He revived and kissed her on the lips he was so happy. He looked at her lips afterward and asked if she was cold.
Chapter Two
She went down to the bar later that night and the man she saved was there with his wife. The wife didn’t have a bra on. He introduced her as the hero who saved his life. The wife didn’t smile, just shook her hand and said thanks. He asked for her address so he could send her a thank you card and a token of his appreciation. The wife glared at him.
Chapter Three
She watched them from the bar for quite a while. They both got drunk. She didn’t. She had a snack and went back to her room to watch TV.
Lately everyone on Facebook is making a list of ‘things you didn’t know about me’. Someone posts a list and if you ‘like’ the list the list maker messages you and gives you a number. You have to then post that number of things people don’t know about you. This is a take off on that idea. My number is random.
1. You already know I am an artist and have 2 degrees in art.
You don’t know that I had to leave or was kicked out of 2 undergraduate colleges and one graduate college on my way to getting those degrees. One of those events was completely my fault.
2. You already know I was burned on 70% of my body in a boat explosion at age 18.
You don’t know that the resulting legal issues didn’t get resolved for 9 years. I got enough money to pay for most of Grad school.
3. You already know my dad, Skeets Coleman, was a famous aviator.
You don’t know that he paid for me to learn to fly starting at age 13 and I got my pilot’s license right after my 17th birthday. Even though I don’t fly now I always imagine I could land any plane in an emergency.
4. You already know that my Grandfather was a sunday painter and woodworker and taught me all sorts of things about drawing and woodworking when I was very young.
You don’t know that he was President of Encyclopædia Britannica for many years.
5. You already know that I am exhibiting artist.
You don’t know that my first exhibition was of nude figure drawings in the Darien High School library in 1973. I was 18 and a senior. No, I am not joking. It was a different time then.
6. You already know I taught drawing part-time at the college level.
You don’t know that I tried for 8 years to land a full-time teaching job and wasn’t able to. I finally retrained myself on computers, switched career directions and landed a job in Tulsa.
7. You already know I am a running coach.
You don’t know that I didn’t start running seriously until I was 53. I will log just under 1,000 miles this year and will run my 3rd marathon next month. It’s never too late.
8. You already know I love Oreos.
You don’t know that I haven’t eaten one in all of 2013 (so far).
Here is a fashion statement for you: Today is day #5 of my ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’ series!
Getting To Know You – Camping
I had a girlfriend back in the early 2000’s. We got a long really well until we went camping together. She thought I was weird and picky on the trip. I thought she was weird and loosey goosey on the trip. That trip pretty much sealed our fate as being incompatible in the long run. We broke up shortly thereafter.
Getting To Know You – Cooking
I had a ‘not quite a girlfriend’ girlfriend, also in the early 2000’s. We were pretty focused on each other and it looked like we were about to become GF/BF. That is until we cooked a dinner together with me in the lead. She thought I was too intense in the kitchen. I reminded her of some relative, I think an uncle. She hated him for deep emotional reasons that somehow were triggered by how I was while cooking. We had a good dinner and a fun evening, or so I thought. But the next day she pretty much said we couldn’t go forward because of how much she disliked being reminded of this guy.
Getting to Know You – Shopping
When I was in my early 20s, single and living in San Francisco I had just started to date a woman. It was pretty much still at the friendship stage but it was leading to GF/BF status. That is until we went shopping. She had to go to a very fancy soiree for her Tennis Club, at which she was an up and coming star. We traipsed over to Union Square and headed directly to the top floor of Neiman Marcus. She knew pretty much what she wanted and focused on blue blouses to go with a skirt she already had. She found a blouse that went for $500.00. This was in 1978. That was a LOT of money for a blouse in 1978. She was 20 years old. She bought it and out we went. I expressed surprise that she would spend that much money on a blouse for one event. She waved it off and said, “Oh, I won’t keep it. I will wear it tomorrow night and bring it back. If I mess it up my mother will be mad but she will pay for it.”
I learned a lot about her during that short shopping trip. I didn’t pursue the relationship after that.
Lesson Learned
Now do I think you really can tell everything you need to know by going shopping with a woman? No, of course not. Women aren’t just their shopping habits any more than men are just their ‘tool bench in the garage’ habits. But I am saying you can learn a lot by shopping with someone, male or female. Doing something active is how you find out about people. That includes even those you have been married to for years and years.
I’d bet money today is day #4 of our ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’ series!
Sex and the City
This is a famous quote from the TV series ‘Sex and the City’, spoken by Carrie, the Fashionista narrator of the show. I think we all understand what she was saying – her clothes are a visual manifestation of her money. I get it and I think it’s a funny quote.
Money as Clothes, Clothes as Money
But when I imagined a closet where the clothes were replaced by actual money I saw a problem as well. What would happen if her closet (or yours) was suddenly transformed and all that hung up were the various denominational bills. Several 100 dollar bills hung on the hanger instead of the Alexander McQueen dress. A pile of 5-6 50s lay on the floor instead of a pair of Prada boots. A raft of 20s hung instead of the Hermes scarf. Those bills would be pretty useless to you in your closet.
Then again, clothes are pretty useless to you in your wallet or purse. You can’t spend skinny jeans on groceries, a cable knit cardigan on medicine or a pair of kick ass stilettos on rent.
The Aunt
I had an aunt who was obsessed with shopping. She had maybe 30 Coach bags, most of which were still unused. She had hundreds of blouses, skirts, dresses, pants that were in multiple colors…and never worn. She had trinkets and baubles and decorations up the wazoo, most of which were never seen. They had his and her Hummers.
In the meanwhile her family was in debt. The family business was having a hard time. Mortgage was overdue. Foreclosure was coming. Then she got sick and died.
We were worried about her widowed husband’s ability to recover and sustain his life. It looks for sure like he would have walk away from the house, losing it all. But, that’s not what happened. He was able to get back to work. He was able to pay down his debt and keep the house. Why? Because no one was spending anymore.
It’s great to have nice clothes. I love looking at great clothes and admire women or men who pay attention to that, I think it adds confidence to one’s life when you care about how you dress. But money is not really what’s in your closet, it’s the memory of money that’s there. If you need your money, save it in a bank, because it will never turn into money in your closet.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote from ‘Sex and the City’ script, spoken by Carrie
There is more than an itsy bitsy, teeny weenie chance it’s shopping day #3!
A Good Idea
I actually think a Garage Calendar might be a pretty good item to have at the counter at Victoria Secret, don’t you? A great impulse purchase to bring home to hubby.
But Seriously
But seriously, why is this statement true? Why are there no garage calendars in bikini/lingerie stores? What do you think?
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Drawing and commentary (what there is of it) by Marty Coleman
As many of you know, I have a part-time job as a running coach. I am in charge of a intermediate program at Fleet Feet in Tulsa training runners for the 10k & 15k distances. I have about 14 coaches under me that run with the 8 different pace groups 3 times a week. Many of these coaches are also in training themselves, usually for the 1/2 marathon and full marathon distances.
A Doctor’s Visit
Earlier this season one of my coaches, Angelika (pronounced with a hard G, like ‘guide’), broke a bone in her foot. Her husband had to be out of town on business so I recently accompanied her to the Doctor’s office for a procedure to help get rid of the scar tissue on the bone and hopefully facilitate it healing.
The procedure is called extracorporeal shock wave therapy. Same type of thing used for breaking up kidney stones. It sends very powerful waves into the location with the intent of breaking up the scar tissue that is at the broken ends of the bone, keeping it from reattaching and healing.
The marks on her right leg are due to her having to have it in a boot all day. She had just come from her job as a nurse, where she has to be on her feet sometimes for 12 hours at a time.
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The Numbing
The procedure is very painful so for it to take place she had to have her foot at the spot of the break numbed. One of the reasons Angelika was so nervous about the procedure was she knew it takes a LOT for her to be numbed. She’s had horror stories from her youth about going to the dentist and them not being able to numb her enough to do the work necessary. She made sure to tell the Dr. and his assistant of this. They gave her extra and waited longer for it to take effect, just to make sure. She was still worried it wouldn’t be enough.
The x marks were put on by the doctor to let him know where he needed to numb the foot. I felt bad for the turtle since it looked like it had been shot in the head. At this point we are waiting for the Lidocaine to take effect.
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The Hammer and Chisel
This is how it looked as the procedure happened. The black round thing up against her foot is filled with water. The shockwave is pulsated through it directly to her foot. The machine makes a very loud hammering sound, so loud we were required to wear ear plugs. The goal was to have 2800 pulses hit the foot, which should take about 30 minutes.
The procedure took a while so I spent a bit of time drawing her in my sketchbook as she lay on the table.
It turned out Angelika was right. The Lidocaine dosage was not enough. She was in increasing pain as the pulses went on. She said it felt as if someone was taking a chisel to her bone. The procedure was stopped and a second dosage was given. It helped a little bit but in the end she just had to bear the pain and get through it. She is a very tough woman.
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The Hope
But, after a tear or two, she made it through. She definitely wants people to know that if they want to avoid this sort of travail, listen to your body and stop running (or whatever it is you are doing) when your body says it’s hurting! Get it checked out and find out what is going on before doing further damage.
She (and her running friends) are very hopeful this procedure will be worth the pain and her bone will heal up in the next month or so. We are looking forward to her running with us again.
I love/hate that today is #2 of my ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’ series.
Ok, fine. This is not just about women.
Losing It
I recently lost about 25 lbs. As a result some of my clothes don’t fit. Most of my pants I have noticed it all along, except my jeans and some of heavier material, which I do not usually wear during the summer. I started wearing them this fall and in some of them I look like a baggy bag man. I also didn’t wear many long sleeves shirts over the summer and early fall. But now I have had a number of times I tried on my long sleeve shirts only to find they are similar in look to Seinfeld’s Puffy Pirate Shirt. Not the look I am going for. Combine one of those shirts with one of my baggy pants and I am baggy bag man extraordinaire.
Buttoning It
I did find a great shirt in the back of my closet this past weekend, perfect to wear out to a gallery opening and dinner with Linda. I put it on remembering it used to be too tight. I knew it would fit perfectly now and it did. Only one problem. There is a button missing right at the belly button. I remember losing it but didn’t really care because the shirt didn’t fit and I knew I would probably never wear it again. Oops.
Ironing It
So I finally found a shirt that wasn’t a puffy pirate shirt and went searching for a pair of pants. I found what seemed like the only pants I had that fit that weren’t thin summer pants, too dressy or jeans. Hadn’t worn them in a while but maybe I hadn’t worn them in so long they were from when I was thinner, way back when. Or maybe they came from that consignment shopping trip I did in the spring, I had no idea. I tried them on and I wasn’t immediately baggy bag man.
However, they were ridiculously wrinkled and had dust on the fold over the hanger and that meant I had to iron them and use one of those sticky roller things on them. But Linda was taking a nap and I didn’t want to wake her. You know what an ironing board sounds like when you pop it open? They are never silent, they are always squeeky and squeely. I tried, but it made the noise it was destined to make from the beginning of time, and woke Linda up. I think she thought it was a dog making a weird sound, not me. So I let her believe it. I ironed my pants and I looked slightly non-baggy bag man for the day.
I need to go shopping.
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Drawing and story by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mignon McLaughlin, 1913-1983, American Journalist and Author
Shop around if you want, but here’s where you will find Day #1 of ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’!
True or False?
Actually, I would say from the level of divorce in recent decades that sex (or at least relationships the sex is part of) is becoming more like shopping. You can return the product, but that doesn’t mean you are going to find anything particularly better.
What do you think, is shopping better than sex?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Adrienne Gusoff, born in the 20th century – not dead yet
Sunrise, just like any town, has a population of secrets. Some are trivial, blown out of proportion in a person’s mind. Some are serious and could have dire consequences if they got out in the open. Her’s was in the latter category. The secret was from many years ago, in another city in another state under another name. It was a safe bet the secret would never be known unless it came from her and, over 20 years time, she hadn’t ever come across a scenario compelling her to tell it. As a result, it had faded from her memory. When general stories about that sort of secret had come to the fore, maybe via a news report or a movie dealing with the topic, she didn’t dwell on it long. She had learned how to turn off the thoughts that went in that direction. It was something from long ago and that was all.
Chapter One
It was a Monday in October when she moved in next door. I met her when I came out to get the mail. She had just opened up her small rental moving truck and was starting to unload. My cat, Coffee, was rubbing up against the ramp that went from the truck to the garage and Mary was bending over, petting her. I walked over and introduced Coffee and myself. She responded in kind, saying her name was Mary. I had never seen a truck so tightly and perfectly packed in my entire life.
I joked, “Wow, that is amazingly full, it looks like you vacuum packed your stuff.”
She laughed and said, “No one has ever accused me of not knowing how to pack it up!”
Her eyes crinkled up as she smiled. Her light brown hair was down, about shoulder length, with a sweep towards the inside of her jaw. She had a light set of bangs. I noticed a little bump in her nose and strong eyebrows. She had on a gold and green sweatshirt and a pair of dark blue shorts, with tights underneath. Worn-in running shoes were on her feet. I wasn’t sure of her age but thought about 40 wouldn’t be too far off.
I had just finished my writing for the day and was taking a break until my next task. She didn’t seem to have anyone else around so I asked her if she needed any help. She looked at me and laughed, saying, “This? This is nothing. I have it, thanks.” I got the distinct impression she was the independent sort.
I said goodbye, picked up Coffee and said, ‘Let’s go Coffee, I don’t want you getting in her way.”
She said, ‘Thanks, she wouldn’t but I am already wanting to steal her from you so you better take her.”
I told her she could come knock on my door if she ended up needing help moving something. I went back in to pay bills, send invoices and do the drudge work of having my own business. I am not good at that side of things but I have trained myself to suffer through it so I don’t completely crash and burn as a freelancer. Coffee sat purring on my lap the whole time. After about an hour I heard a knock on the door. Mary was there, glistening a bit from the lifting but still smiling. She had lost the sweatshirt, and was now sporting a light blue short sleeve running shirt. Her hair was now back in a loose ponytail.
She said, “Actually there are a few things I can’t carry by myself, would you be willing to help me?”
I smiled and said, “Ah, turns out to be a little more than nothing, eh?”
She turned back towards her house quickly and said simply, “Yep.” The back of her shirt had a drawing of a woman running and said, ‘Does my ass look fast in these shorts?’ I didn’t say a word but I decided it did.
I followed her to the truck to find only 2 pieces of furniture left. One was an old beat up dresser, the other a small but ornate table. I took the near end of the dresser and walked backwards with it as she told me which direction to turn throughout the house. We made our way to the master bedroom where we put it on the short wall next to the door. The drawers were already piled nearby. I noticed a piece of something glittery laying on top in one of the drawers. She quickly turned out the light and led the way out.
The last piece was the ornate table. It was covered, top to bottom, including the legs, with intricately inlayed pieces of mother of pearl and different colored woods. I hadn’t seen anything like it before. As we carried it I asked her where it came from.
She said, ‘I don’t really know. My father found it in an empty house he was looking at for possible purchase many years ago. It was the only piece in the house and the realtor said the owners hated it and wanted to sell it. My father bought it right then for $500.00. He said it might be Moroccan, or maybe Syrian, but we don’t really know.”
As we set it down in the living room she pointed and said, “It came with these two chairs as well.”
Two equally detailed chairs were sitting off to the side. I definitely was wanting to ask more questions about them but she was already walking back out towards the garage where we came in. We got outside and she firmly pulled the back of the empty truck closed and pushed the ramp back in under the body.
She looked right at me, her smile with the crinkly eyes apparent again, put out her hand to shake mine and said, “Thank you very much. I really appreciate it. I have to run, got to return the truck by noon or I have to pay for another day. Thanks again.” She jumped in the cab and pulled out of the driveway aggressively.
I waved and said “Your welcome.”
Coffee was rubbing up against the corner of her house.
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This is the second in a series about a fictional town in Oklahoma named Sunrise.
You can read the first short story,Sunday in Sunrise, here. It was written in 2011.
Satine, the mermaid who liked her blue eyeshadow and mascara, didn’t know why they were chasing her, why they were so angry. She swam as fast as she could to get away, all the time trying to remember if she had done or said something to upset them. After a long time swimming she finally remembered what it was. She had eaten their mother for lunch.
She swam until she reached a rock near the shore. She climbed up on it and waited until they got tired and hungry and went away. Then she swam off to find her sisters and tell them about being chased.
I hope you are aware that today is day #4 of Dating 101
Who are you attracted to?
I think we all will admit there is a certain type of look that we are attracted to. I have explained it from the point of view of an artist this way; Sometimes you see someone and you can evaluate perfectly why you think they look beautiful. The hair, skin, smile, eyes, shape, etc. can all be evaluated and as a result you might say “I think that person is attractive.” There are a lot of people like that for me. And I like it that way. I love finding beauty in most everyone.
But there is another level of attraction that precedes evaluation. It is the visceral, immediate response to a beauty that hits you without any thought or evaluation. It isn’t a matter of choosing, it just is. I like that as well.
How Much Are You Aware Of?
But with that visceral response that comes before thinking, we can get ourselves in trouble. It may not just be ‘I like blonde men’ or ‘I like short girls’, which is fine and doesn’t need to be evaluated really. But it might be ‘I am attracted to bad boys or bad girls who treat me like crap.’ Then what? When our immediate attractions lead us to trouble again and again, we need to become aware of it. Maybe not the first time, but after that, not paying attention to why you are attracted to someone who is going to hurt you, is compounding danger for yourself.
Then What?
So, if you do know your attractions are dangerous, what can you do? I believe maybe you can change your attraction. But you can’t do it directly. You can’t say, ‘I will now like men or women who are this or that way’. But maybe you can do it indirectly. If you work on seeing why you like who you like, perhaps that gives you enough insight into some of the underlying reasons. Then, little by little set free from those unconscious responses, with practice and awareness maybe you can start to see other qualities that become more attractive.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is adapted from one by David DeAngelo (I added the last line)
I got it together in time to post #3 of Dating 101
Silly Love Songs
I remember reading a Paul McCartney interview after his first wife, Linda, died. He told that through 20+ years of marriage they had only spent something like 4 days apart from each other. That’s saying something considering he was a traveling rock star. Yes, she was in Wings, but she also was a mother of young children, and an author in her own right with her own business identity. Their marriage has always been held up as a paragon of romance and love, in large part because of stories like that and Sir Paul’s inclination to write silly love songs to her. And I think that’s great.
Familiarity and Absence
But for most relationships, married or not, constant togetherness isn’t always ideal. It does a mind and body good to be independent for stretches of time. Too long obviously and the relationship can fall apart, but not enough time away from each other can be just as detrimental. The two famous cliche quotes, “Familiarity breeds contempt” and ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder” are cliches because they are repeated again and again. And they are repeated again and again because people discover them to be true again and again.
Fear of Aloneness
I often see updates on Facebook or elsewhere from a woman (in most cases) who states something akin to, “Wow, boyfriend is on a fishing trip. I don’t know what to do with myself.” When I read these things I sometimes worry about what will happen if her boyfriend and she break up? Will she know herself well enough to know what she wants to do with her time?
Courage to Keep You You
In my mind the way to avoid that issue is to never let go of what interests you and what you like to do. Always take the time to follow those interests. For example, when I go on a trip, I like, if possible, to spend an extra day dedicated to going to museums. Could I come home a day earlier to be with my wife? Yes, I could. And I miss her so it would be nice to be home. But it’s also nice to explore what I like. And it makes me a more interesting person for her to be married to. And it backs up the reality that I am an individual and will be the best individual I can be if I have a strong identity on my own. It strengthens my marriage, my relationship with my daughters and my friends, as well as my work as a blogger, artist and coach.
So, my advice? Don’t meld into cosmic oneness with your boyfriend and lose your identity. Instead lean into your boyfriend, and let him lean into you, interdependent, interesting and individual.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Victoria Billings, 1945 – not dead yet, American Journalist
It’s nobody’s fault that today is day #2 of Dating 101
Body and Soul
What type of woman does Playboy say they present? A good woman with a great body, right? What type of Prince does Disney say they present? A good man with a great body, right? Not that different after all. In both cases the person is refined to a high degree. Warts are removed, whether in character or body. Behavior is fun, but not too fun. They have personality, but not too much personality. They are unique, but not not too unique. They are serious, but not too serious. They have morals but not so strict as to be unrelatable. They are portrayed as loving their object of affection in just the way that object wants to be loved.
In other words, they endeavor to present an ideal person who is also the boy or girl next door.
Reality
Now, what is reality like? Our spouses, or potential spouses, may or may not have great bodies. They may be too serious or too much of a character. They stand out too much, or perhaps they blend in too much. We who are married pretty much know this truth. But those of you who are dating? What if you actually confuse fiction and reality? What if you think women really should glow in that ‘natural light’ with breasts perky and desire strong while meeting all your domestic needs? What if you think that men really should provide forever, save you from all danger, never be mean or stray or not attend to your every need, all the while being a stud. What then?
Picky and Settling
Then you are picky and anything short of that unrealistic ideal is settling. It’s a fun fantasy but life is isn’t going to wait around for a fantasy. It’s going to pass you by while many good men and women pass them by as well.
Playboy and Disney both provide fantasy stories. They should be kept in that genre. Reality is much more interesting, fun and challenging than fantasy anyway.
Doing the marriage series last week made me contemplate what leads to marriage, which is dating, of course. So this week I am presenting a most helpful and informative teaching series on dating. Chime in with your hints and tips.
The Head in Charge
Women, I am about to tell you something you probably already know. Men have have a big head and a little head. Sometimes big head lets little head do what passes for the thinking between the two. Little head can easily rationalize acting really stupid, manipulative, selfish and immature. If big head isn’t maintaining some control over little head then both heads can get in trouble as a result. They can also hurt relationships, friendships, families, children, communities and themselves. Little head doesn’t think about those consequences.
Women, How To Tell
Women, you know, or should know, that men have these two heads. You should look for signs that tell which head is doing the thinking when on a date. If you feel you are being manipulated in conversation and being pushed into doing something they don’t want to do, in spite of you letting it be known they don’t want to do it, you can rest assured it’s Little Head doing the thinking. Big head has checked out and is just along for the ride. Women, being able to spot this phenomenon is a helpful quality to have. It can save you a lot of grief. It doesn’t mean the guy is bad, it just means you might want to wait until his big head is back in charge before you get too involved.
Men, You Should Know
Ah Men, you thought I was going to leave it there and say that it’s all due to you having these two heads, didn’t you? No, it isn’t. Men, you should know that women also have two heads. If you don’t then you haven’t been paying attention. Their little head can take control over their big head as well. Yes, you men seem to let little head take over with more frequency, it’s true. But women aren’t one headed robots. They can cede control to little head on a date and wreak some havoc in the wrong situation too. It’s not a one way street.
Master of My Domain
I am hopeful the dear reader does not think I am against little heads. I think they are wonderful and have an important role to play. Some of my best friends, of both genders, have them. But just as a captain leads the ship on the voyage, big head needs to be master of the dating domain, not little head.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous
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The worlds biggest head reportedly belonged to the wrestler, Andre the Giant.
I judge today to be a good day to finish up our Marriage series!
Trust Judgment
Do you trust a person’s opinion of their spouse? Most likely they know the person the best, right? As a result, wouldn’t they have the most accurate judgment? It seems logical except it comes up against another idea, as told in a quote we all have heard, ‘Familiarity breeds contempt.’ The problem isn’t that we know our spouse so well. It’s that we know our spouse TOO well. So well that our opinion is skewed. It might be skewed toward contempt and denigration like I show in my drawing or toward adulation and adoration.
Judgment for What?
As I was drawing this I came up with a quote, ‘If there is no reason behind your judgment, then don’t judge.’ I was thinking about how a spouse’s judgment has a different reason and purpose than most others. She might be judging based on his emotional attentiveness, finding him lacking or fantastic. But your judgment might need to be made based on his technical skills at work. He might judge his wife based on her organizational skills around the house but you might need to judge her on her social ability at the volunteer organization you both help out at.
What is the reason for your judgment? Very likely it’s different than the spouse’s reasons. Either way, to latch on to someone else’s judgment of someone is a dangerous thing, spouse or not. Making your own judgment, based on your criteria and reasoning, is essential to being an adult in the world.
See the entire series all at one time by clicking this magic word:Marriage
