by Marty Coleman | Jun 18, 2010 | Father's Day, William Shakespeare |
This is easy enough, yet so difficult for some fathers (and mothers) to put into practice. The purpose of a parent is, besides feeding and keeping your child safe, is to find out who your child is and help guide that unique individual towards a successful and fulfilling life. It is not about molding them into who you are.
That means:
You are that child’s defender to the teacher who says they should be more this or that. Not making excuses for your child if they have done wrong, but making sure your child is accepted as themselves, not forced to be something they are not.
You are the explainer and reassurer to the child about their individuality and unique character not being bad or odd or unworthy.
You are the example to the child about enjoying and embracing your own individuality and personality.
You are the example of allowing and embracing others, including your own brothers and sisters, who are different than you are. Living out the truth that they are not a threat to your identity just because they are different.
You are the comforter when your child feels something someone else, including you, may not feel in the same circumstances. You allow the feeling, not disparaging or dismissing it. You don’t have to think, as an adult, that is is a valid feeling for you to have. You just have to acknowledge and understand it is a legitimate feeling for your child to have at that moment.
Be those things and your children will be secure in knowing they are truly known.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.” – William Shakespeare, 1564-1616. English playwright
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 17, 2010 | Anonymous |
It’s the second day in a row that I found a fantastic quote online as I did my morning reading. I wrote it down so I wouldn’t lose it. Then of course I lost track of who posted it! Dang! If you did, tell me, ok?
I love this quote. It helps clarify both things by having comparative definitions. Innovation is usually attached to business oriented creative work. A management team is innovative. Or a chef/owner of a restaurant is innovative. It’s recognized by action.
But what about in your own individual life. Are you innovative? Are you open to new ways of doing simple every day things? Do you practice being open minded or are you closed to new methods? I am not proposing that all you do needs to be changed. The way I walk through my grocery store has already been created by me being innovative long ago. I don’t think I need to innovate in my trail through the store every time I go. Many things are fine just the way they are.
But what about the areas you aren’t all that sure are going well? What about your social or relationship life? Same old rut? Time to innovate. What about your attitude towards life in general and those around you in particular? Unhappy about the baggage you carry in that regard? Time to innovate.
Innovate means to do something new. To build in a new way, to function and respond in a new way. When the moment comes to do that, remember you are capable of acting and responding different. You are not trapped. When the moment comes, the small little moment to be kind, to forgive, to have a different attitude, remember you, and only you decide. There is nothing outside your own brain and body that is forcing you to behave or respond as you once did. Whatever action you take, it’s yours and as such you can choose, as hard as it might be, to choose differently.
Innovate the hell out of your life.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Creativity is thinking new things. Innovation is doing new things.” – Anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 16, 2010 | John Wooden |
I often don’t have a particular quote or theme in mind for my napkin when I wake up in the morning. I might read some blogs, tweets, news reports, FB updates, newspaper articles, hear something on the radio or watch a particular TV segment before I actually sit down to draw.
This morning I was reading one of my favorite blogs, The Hollywood Housewife. Our said housewife is a new mother, the wife of a successful director/producer she calls ‘The Gorilla’, a recent survivor of moving to a new home and a really cool woman. I found her blog because she is originally from Oklahoma and one of my Okie connections had her blog in their list.
She is about to turn 31 (happy birthday!) and she was ruminating on her busy life. Her simian husband, the Gorilla (I suspect he has substantially more brain power than one of the giant apes) gave her the above quote from John Wooden, the incredible basketball coach of the UCLA Bruins. As soon as I read it I knew I wanted to use it. That is the great thing about using quotes all the time. You really can’t be accused of stealing or plagiarizing since that is what quotes are supposed to have done to them! I like that.
So, for HH and all my other over the top successful friends who are a whirlwind of activity but want to build a bit more achievement into your life, I have this to say. You will never get rid of activity that seems a bit useless and mindless. You will always have activity that takes up time but doesn’t seem to return much. Life is filled with it and it won’t ever go away.
Sound depressing? No, it isn’t. Here’s why. Because now you know what has to change. It isn’t the activity. It’s you. But if I am the activity you say, if that is what I am doing, then aren’t they the same? Yes, they are! That is the point. The activity doesn’t exist without you. So, you either have to change an attitude towards the activity or you have to find something in it that you didn’t know was possible.
Here is one little secret I sometime use to help turn activity into achievement. Love. What I mean is this: Go to Best Buy in a rush before a workout you are suppose to get to. Wait for the tech guy to reformat something. Notice the clerk with the giant pumpkin tattooed on her arm. Go to her and love her. Tell her how interesting the pumpkin is. Ask her if it’s there because she loves halloween. Ask her if she kept room for Christmas tattoos elsewhere. Make her smile. Thank her for making your day. Go to your workout. Activity and achievement. You loved someone. You let them know they were of interest and value. What greater achievement is there?
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| Brittany, The Girl with the Pumpkin Tattoo |
That is my favorite way to turn my activity into achievement.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Never mistake activity for achievement.” – John Wooden, 1910-2010, Basketball and life coach extraordinaire
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 15, 2010 | Jules Renard |
I hadn’t thought of it like that before but I like this definition. If I am tired then it isn’t laziness! woo hoo!
Seriously though, being tired has room for WIDE interpretation so don’t go taking advantage of that. Keep working until you are legitimately tired, take a break and get back to it. The break might be 15 minutes, maybe 15 days. But whatever length it is, get back to it.
All this however is dependent on you wanting to accomplish something, feeling fulfilled and satisfied in the doing. If you don’t care about that, then don’t worry. Just quit whenever you want and don’t hassle with getting back to it. But don’t be surprised if you end up being seen as not much help to anyone.
Also, don’t be surprised if at the end of your life you feel like you wasted it.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.” – Jules Renard, 1864-1910, French writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 14, 2010 | Anatole France, Travel |
Summer is wandering time and I have been surrounded by stories of it this week. I am getting antsy for a road trip of some type!
- My traveling daughter, who has traipsed across the west for the last 4 months, came back in town this week and told of some of her adventures off the beaten path.
- A good blogging buddy of mine is on her bazillionth trip to Pakistan and is great at posting photos and telling of the feel of the place.
- A running buddy just returned from an anniversary trip to Paris and posted photos.
- Another daughter went off to the beach in California.
- Another running buddy went off to Canada with his wife (and happened upon an annual nude bike ride! That cracked them up, big time)
We are not sure what our summer adventure will be yet, but I will let you know!
What adventures are you hoping to experience?
Drawing and wanderlust © Marty Coleman
“Wandering re-establishes the original harmony which once existed between man and the universe.” – Anatole France, 1844-1924, French writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 12, 2010 | Art, Pablo Picasso |
Vintage napkin from 2002. Drawn for my daughters and put in their lunches before they went off to school.
By flying. By flying above the creative stop signs. By fighting with all your might anyone who says to you as you grow ‘but what will they think?’ By wearing a top hat if you want, or a gypsy scarf around your head with big red earrings. By buying that interesting spice you found in that obscure little store, and actually using it in something you cook. By not being afraid to ask that interesting person if you can take their photo. By buying REAL art for your home, not crap from a hobby store that just fills space.
By fighting for your love of art and not letting anyone rip it away from you, for any reason.
Drawing and passion © Marty Coleman
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once you grow up.” – Pablo Picasso, 1881-1973, Spanish artist. Did you know his full name was Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Crispiniano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz Picasso?
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 11, 2010 | Brooke Astor |
It’s pretty clear, we all have power. And we all have the sovereign right to use it as we wish.
Some will use it to manipulate and coerce. They might rationalize that into something akin to ‘help’ for others, but it is not.
Some will use it to destroy. They might rationalize that into something akin to ‘ridding the world of bad things’, but it is not.
Some will use it to dominate. They might rationalize that into something akin to ‘I only control things for good’ but it is not.
No matter how much power you have, the most fulfilling and ethically sustainable use of it is still the same. Do good for others. If that is your definition you will always be powerful.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Power is the ability to do good things for others.” – Brooke Astor, 1902-2007, American philanthropist. Astor lived to the age of 105, She was married 3 times, her last being to Vincent Astor, the son of the doomed Titanic passenger, John Jacob Astor IV. Her life’s motto was “Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.”
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 10, 2010 | Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach, Stupidity - 2001-2011 |
So, for all my intelligent female friends, relatives and readers, please do your best to avoid those stupid men, ok?
And to all the stupid men. I really, really loathe you and wish you would just grow up or ship off to a dumb men island where you can’t hurt anyone.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“An intelligent woman has millions of born enemies…all the stupid men.” – Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach, 1830-1916, Austrian author
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 9, 2010 | Anonymous, Self |
This is why self-pity has a timer on it. You are allowed just so much time for it, then the alarm goes off and you need to move on.
One thing I was only so-so successful at as a parent of daughters was teaching them certain things they would need to know as they became adults. Things I probably would have been more forceful in making sure a son knew. Things like changing tires, doing home improvement projects, working with power or manual tools. I tried, and I am sure they learned something, but I didn’t do it as much as I think I should have. Maybe they think I did ok in that department, but I know I could have done more.
Not knowing how to do something can lead to a feeling of incompetence and helplessness and not just about the immediate problem. It can infect much more of one’s life. When you don’t know even how to start solving a problem it is easy to devolve into giving up. Giving up is usually infected with paralysis, self-pity and unfairness.
- Why is this happening to me?
- So and so has more money
- So and so doesn’t have to deal with my issues
- I am disabled
- Nobody is nice to me
- I have no friends
- I don’t get treated fairly
- My work is harder than my friend’s work.
- I don’t get to have fun the way I want
- Woe is me
I say WOA to that, even IF it’s all true. It might give you ammunition in your hate for the unfairness of life, but that is all it will give you. Your satisfaction will be in your complaints. Will that really be satisfying? Won’t it be more satisfying to take action and climb the mountain? It might be squishing that spider, or fixing a leaky faucet, or moving on from a really destructive and crappy relationship. But as long as you are wallowing in self-pity, those accomplishments are not nearly as likely to happen.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“Self-pity makes even the simplest problem almost impossible to solve.” – found via @dtcav on twitter
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by Marty Coleman | Jun 8, 2010 | Horace |
So, you should avoid the mountaintop obviously. Or maybe not. The real mountaintop in a thunderstorm, good idea to avoid. However, the metaphorical mountaintop of life … there you want to be when the lightning strikes. Creative, intellectual, social and entrepreneurial bolts of lightning find you when you have hiked out from your cave, when you are taking risks, climbing, searching, looking, exploring. That sort of lightning doesn’t come easily into a closed home, heart and mind.
If you are afraid of life, of pain, of hurt, of effort, of pushing, of conflict, of friction, then you will avoid all that. And as a result you will also avoid the brilliance of lightning in your life.
Get out of the shell that is your refuge, go get struck by lightning. If nothing else you will have fun in the rain.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“It is the mountaintop that the lightning strikes.” – Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), 65BCE – 7BCE, Roman poet
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