by Marty Coleman | Mar 15, 2010 | Laurel Cutler |
It’s getting close to spring, or fall for my southern hemisphere friends. Hello Australia, southern Africa and South America!
Weather predictors might say they have data on the future, economists might say it as well. Many believe they can use models to predict. And that is what they are doing, predicting. They do not know for certain. The same is true with your own life, your own heart, your own adventure.
The worst thing one can do is condemn their future because of their past. To avoid that trap remember to put a ‘yet’ on the end of any declarative statement that has ‘never’ in it.
I have never climbed a mountain…yet. I have never had a successful relationship….yet.
I haven’t ever felt beautiful….yet. I haven’t ever gone to Europe…yet. I have never run a marathon…yet.
Add the ‘yet’ to your statements and see how it opens up your future instead of closing it off.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“There is no data on the future.” – Laurel Cutler, American business woman. I couldn’t find out much about her except that she is in PR. If you find out more about her, let me know. And let her know I used her quote, ok?
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 15, 2010 | Benjamin Disraeli |
A vintage napkin from 2002
Just another way of saying stay focused, keep on task, don’t give up!
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The secret of success is constancy of purpose.” – Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, two time British Prime Minister
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 13, 2010 | Princess Diana |
Is there such a thing as moderately rich? Doesn’t rich mean you aren’t in the moderate category in the first place? Oh well, I don’t expect to find out soon!
Would you ever be moody if you were moderately rich? Would you be ever be miserable if you were REALLY rich? Do those things really have much to do with money and possessions?
I would be moody if I rang the lunch bell and the servant brought a cold tuna melt. That would make me moody.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?” – Lady Diana Spencer, 1961-1997, Princess of Wales
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 11, 2010 | Garry Trudeau, Palm Springs |
I got a great note today from a subscriber to The Napkin Dad Daily. She works with the homeless every day and just wrote to express her appreciation for the daily encouragement she gets from this blog. That means a lot to me! I drew this in honor of her efforts in life.
As funny as this is, it’s unfortunate that some really do think that the homeless are just out on the street trying to milk a system, avoid work, being irresponsible about life in general. I am not saying there are not some that do those things. Of course there are, just as there are people in upper middle class enclaves trying to avoid paying taxes and and wanting to get more than they deserve from the work they do. Those feelings of entitlement and being owed are not the exclusive domain of the poor or homeless.
The truth however, is that most homeless are just as complex as you are. They have reasons they don’t understand for why they chose to stay away from family homes, shelters, protected spaces. I know, I have had a few in my family that I have seen go through it.
They are afraid. Afraid of being controlled, of being given medication that will ‘infect’ them. They are afraid of disappointing others so they stay away from them. They are afraid of being a burden so they choose to forego contact with those they love.
There is a high probability that they have a brain disease. I know I am not saying ‘mental illness’, why not? I don’t like those words. They still smack of something the person has control over, as if they chose to think the way they do. But the words ‘brain disease’ is closer to the truth.
Would you say you have a ‘movement illness’ if you had a broken leg? No, you would say a specific part of you is hurt, the bone in your leg. Same with your brain. It is a specific part of your body with specific ways it works or doesn’t work. It can be fixed in many cases, just as a bone can be set and then heal. Even though ‘mental’ describes the process your brain engages in, it is not the physical elements of your brain.
When you see someone who is homeless it is fine to be wary, it is fine to keep safe. But don’t project your egotistical self-righteousness on them by saying ‘I wouldn’t be like that’ or ‘stupid scum, they are taking my hard-earned tax dollars’. Ask questions instead; Who is that person? How must their father or mother be in pain not being able to help them? What kind of compassion and help can I give, even if it isn’t hands-on?
You won’t contribute to the downfall of western (or eastern) civilization by caring for people, really.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“In Palm Springs, they think homelessness is caused by bad divorce lawyers.” – Garry Trudeau, 1948-not dead yet, American cartoonist, author of Doonesbury comic strip. Did you know that Mike Doonesbury, the lead character in the comic strip is from Tulsa, Oklahoma?
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 10, 2010 | Aging - 2009, Marty Coleman |
Here is a REALLY important lesson to not only teach your children, but show your children.
‘Growing up’ means there is a stopping point. You reach 18, or 21, or marriage, or kids, and you are done. You are grown up. But is that really true? Is it wise to teach that? Is it accurate? Of course it isn’t accurate. To teach a child that they are going to reach some point in the future when they are done growing does them a great disservice. They not only will be frustrated when that ‘grown up’ time arrives and they aren’t grown up, or they will be under the illusion that they don’t need to grow anymore, they are where they are going to be and that is that.
Imagine having the exact same opinions, tastes, styles, interests, abilities, and outlook on life as you did when you were half the age you are now. Are they the same? If not, then you have grown. If they are the same, guess what, you are stuck back in some prior era and need to get back on the growth track!
Just as important as your own growth is the example you set for your children. They are witnessing your growth or lack thereof. You want them to learn how to be a real adult? Then they better see you continuing to grow as an adult. They need to see you continuing to be interested and alive in the world or what will they think? They will think…great, I have a dead adulthood to look forward to with nothing new or energizing happening to me.
Show them you are continuing to pursue your interests. You liked art as teen? Well, go to a museum, learn about it, get a sketchbook, draw. You always wanted to learn to play the guitar? Well, get one and learn it. Your kids will thank you for showing them the real way to grow!
Drawing, commentary AND quote © Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 9, 2010 | Jim Eason |
I have a lot of friends, and yes they are mostly female, who worry a LOT about their weight and how old they look. I know guys worry about it too (I need to lose 15), but overall it does seem to be predominantly a woman’s issue. Tell me if you think I am wrong.
But seriously, even though the napkin is funny (at least I think it is), there is truth in it. BUT here is the experiment I would suggest you really attempt; don’t hang out with people who ARE old and fat, just hang out with people who THINK they are old and fat! See if you don’t start to realize that really, it isn’t as bad as all that.
Yes, you might be able to lose a few. Yes, you might be beyond the wrinkle free years, but really come on. Are you dying because of it? Are you unloved and unwanted and unable to have fun because of it? I am not talking about your emotions telling you that, I am talking about reality telling you that.
Did you see the Academy Awards this week? You think Gabi Sidibe doesn’t know she is fat? Of course she does. Did that stop her from bringing down the house with her fun personality and happiness? No, it didn’t. Did you see Sigourney Weaver, age 60? Do you think she doesn’t know she is 40 years older than some of the stars she was walking next to? Of course she does. Did that stop her from being elegant and classy and enjoying life? No, it didn’t.
So come on, you are who you are. Work towards the goals you have, that’s great. But don’t bemoan the fact that you are who you are. Love that you have the ability to think and feel and hear and see the world, that you can love and care and nourish whether you are fat, thin, young or old.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.” – Jim Eason, 1935 – not dead yet, Radio talk host
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 7, 2010 | Thomas Jefferson |
The pursuit of happiness versus the art of avoiding pain. Interesting contrast in the focus of one’s life. It is apropos to mention the pursuit of happiness because the quote above is by the same author, Thomas Jefferson.
So, my dilemma about pain is this: I am not surprised some people willingly allow pain into their lives for a purpose or goal that can’t be achieved without it. I just ran 16 miles yesterday in my training for my first marathon. It was painful afterwards (worse than while running). I KNEW it would be painful. I accepted I would face that pain if I wanted to achieve my goal. That is common and it is understandable.
What is much harder to comprehend, in myself as well as in others, is the pain that you create for yourself when you don’t want it. Why do people sabotage their pursuit of happiness? Why do they see the rocky shoals, know they should avoid it, but decide to flirt with it? Why do we purposely lose sight of the rolling green hills and the warm sun in the distance and the beautiful ocean we are sailing on and decide to focus on the rocks? What draws us to that pain?
What do we gain from that purposeless pain? Seriously, think about it. We aren’t drawn to the rocks without reason. There is a reason, even if we are not aware of it at the time. Maybe childhood, maybe self-loathing, maybe stupidity, who knows. But avoiding that pain is not just having a ‘happiness’ goal ahead of you, it’s also understanding how that pain brings you some perverted sense of happiness, how it fulfills you, why you need it.
Learn that and you are going to be the better pilot when you come close to those rocky shores.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman=
“The art of life is the art of avoiding pain; and he is the best pilot who steers clear of the rocks and shoals with which it is beset.” – Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, 3rd US president, author of the American Declaration of Independence
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It’s geographic Sunday!
In the last month The Napkin Dad Daily has been read in 34 different countries, including:
Sofia, Bulgaria
Algiers, Algeria
Tel Aviv, Israel
Doha, Qatar
Windhoek, Namibia
Luxembourg, Luxembourg
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Helsinki, Finland
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 6, 2010 | Eric Hoffer |
Don’t forget to enter the ‘Guest Blog’ contest from Friday. Look at the napkin drawing from last Friday, decide what would make a good quote to go along with it, then send the quote and a short commentary to me, either by posting it on the blog itself or emailing me at napkindad@martycoleman.com. I will post the napkin again next Friday with the new quote inside and the commentary below, with a link to your blog, email, FB or whatever you have!
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Here is a vintage napkin from way back when, probably 1999 or so.
There are some emotions and feelings I have a hard time recognizing when I feel them. Loneliness is one of those. It hasn’t been until recent years that I knew that was the word that I would use to describe how I felt sometimes. It’s odd realizing you aren’t really even sure you know when it is you are feeling something. Has that happened to you?
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 4, 2010 | Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach, Texas, Waco |
Hello again NapkinDaddians, I am in Waco still, making things run smooth for my daughter as she recovers from a bad back.
This almost looks like a Christmas type napkin, with all the boxes, but it’s apropos anytime of the year. Take it from someone who knows, having a lot of stuff isn’t any more satisfying than having a little bit of stuff. There are conveniences and luxuries and sweets momentary satisfactions indeed that come with having nice stuff. But look at any child who goes out into the world starting out and see if the ones that have everything handed to them are any more satisfied with life than those who go the more usual route of having to start anew as an adult, with just a little.
All four of my daughters are in that situation now. Small apartments and old houses, going to college or starting over, borrowed furniture, thrift store bargains, iffy appliances. They are making their way in the world and I am excited for them. It’s fun to build up a life with old or new stuff, and I am all for it. I am a believer in stuff. But I am not a believer in stuff giving me satisfaction in the long view. My best satisfaction comes from relationships, from helping, from creating. It comes from using stuff to further love and further good. That is when stuff satisfies.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“To be satisfied with little is hard, to be satisfied with a lot is impossible.” – Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach, 1830-1916, Austrian author and Countess
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by Marty Coleman | Mar 3, 2010 | James Baldwin, Texas, Waco |
Hola travelers! The Napkin Dad is on the road in Waco, Texas taking care of my daughter after her back went out. I thought I would take the opportunity to photograph (with my iPhone) the napkins in the situation I find myself in. This was taken at ‘Common Grounds’ a college coffee house near the Baylor University campus.
One of the things people forget is that treating other people well while treating your children badly is not very effective. They can’t just watch you as a witness, they need to see, feel and hear your direct care and love for them. Of course they do if you are a good parent, but even good parents have to make choices in response to childrens’ behavior and attitudes.
Are you the adult? Then prove to them you are one by responding as you would like them to respond to their children when it is their turn. There is no better and more effective way of paying it forward to the world than that.
Of course, the secret they can’t possibly know until they have a child of their own is that what they see as your ‘sacrifice’ or the ‘burden’ they are for you is so trivial compared to the complete and utter privilege it is to be granted the gift of loving someone so completely. They don’t yet know that good parents would rather take care of their children than do anything else in their life. Nothing else has the meaning, the value, the fulfillment of that.
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders. But they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin
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