by Marty Coleman | Mar 3, 2010 | James Baldwin, Texas, Waco |
Hola travelers! The Napkin Dad is on the road in Waco, Texas taking care of my daughter after her back went out. I thought I would take the opportunity to photograph (with my iPhone) the napkins in the situation I find myself in. This was taken at ‘Common Grounds’ a college coffee house near the Baylor University campus.
One of the things people forget is that treating other people well while treating your children badly is not very effective. They can’t just watch you as a witness, they need to see, feel and hear your direct care and love for them. Of course they do if you are a good parent, but even good parents have to make choices in response to childrens’ behavior and attitudes.
Are you the adult? Then prove to them you are one by responding as you would like them to respond to their children when it is their turn. There is no better and more effective way of paying it forward to the world than that.
Of course, the secret they can’t possibly know until they have a child of their own is that what they see as your ‘sacrifice’ or the ‘burden’ they are for you is so trivial compared to the complete and utter privilege it is to be granted the gift of loving someone so completely. They don’t yet know that good parents would rather take care of their children than do anything else in their life. Nothing else has the meaning, the value, the fulfillment of that.
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders. But they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Mar 2, 2010 | Bertrand Russell |
What do you think about Gossip?
Drawing by Marty Coleman of The Napkin Dad Daily
“No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.” – Bertrand Russell
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Mar 1, 2010 | Christianity - 2011-2013, Thornton Wilder |
Here is a little story about eavesdropping and the consequences it engendered.
My daughter loves to evaluate events she has been in, for example a choir show or cheerleading competition in high school. Afterwards we would sit around, maybe at a restaurant, and go over each and every routine we saw, telling her what we thought of them, good and bad. It’s a way for her to figure out her place in the world, to be reassured that she, and the group, did ok, maybe even great. She likes evaluating and critiquing, it helps her make sense of what she went through.
We were doing just that this past weekend after her performance in her College’s annual big singing and dancing extravaganza. Eighteen groups performed over 4 hours. Eight of them were to be chosen to move on and perform next fall at another big event. It is a very intense competition.
We were at Denny’s around midnight going over each group’s performance, giving our opinions of everything from the sets to the dancing, music choices, solo performers, etc. We were laughing about some of them, saying how impressed we were with others. Some were good, some great, some terrible, and we were saying so. We all had different opinions. I liked some that the others thought were terrible. It was interesting comparing notes.
While we were in the middle of this discussion a woman from the table next to us got up and came over to us. She looked angry and said in a pretty huffy manner, ‘Could you please stop talking about these performances. I have friends in that show and you are personally attacking them. I am very offended and I would like you to stop.’ She then went back to her table and sat down. She stared at us. I was facing her and stared back. She had a friend facing away from us who never talked or showed her face.
My ire was up a bit and I responded by saying ‘We will say whatever we want, wherever we want’. She responded ‘You are offensive to me, what you said was a personal attack on a friend of mine.’ Our daughter’s friend had her head on the table by then, our daughter was looking uncomfortable and my wife I knew was wondering where I was headed. I told the woman, ‘what we were doing was not a personal attack, but an honest critique of a performance, our comments were restricted to how they did on stage and we said nothing about them personally.’
She then said ‘You know, we are Christian in this place and you shouldn’t talk like that. You should just say ‘I liked this, I didn’t like that’ and move on.’ Anyone who knows me knows that if someone plays the ‘Christian’ card without knowing what they are talking about (in my opinion obviously) is going to get a response from me. I said ‘Being Christian does not mean you are not allowed to critique and evaluate performances’. It went on for a few more minutes and then we let it go. We continued our critique, albeit in lower voices.
The rest of the evening was taken up with discussing this woman’s comments, her intrusion into our conversation, her eavesdropping in the first place. We were in turn defensive, offended, understanding, compassionate, angry, self-righteous and in hysterics over it.
After we got home, my wife and I discussed our feelings about it. While she was proud of my measured response we also both felt that we perhaps could have said things differently to the woman. Her belligerence at the beginning led the way to my response but we wondered if I couldn’t have gone in a different direction with it.
We could have been more sympathetic to the possibility that the other woman in the booth had been in the show and was really hurt by our comments. We could have been less confrontational back to the woman. In the end I don’t feel bad about my response but I do want to always be able to evaluate honestly who I am and what I do, for my sake, for the sake of the people I interact with and for the sake of my daughters and the example I set for them.
What ideas do you have for how I could have responded, or how you would have?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
“There’s nothing like eavesdropping to show you that the world outside your head is different from the world inside your head.” – Thornton Wilder, 1897-1975, American playwright
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Feb 27, 2010 | Mark Beltaire |
A Vintage Napkin from 2002 but with an eternal message of hope, especially when it is so COLD outside!
“The nicest thing about the promise of spring is she has to keep it!” – Mark Beltaire
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Feb 26, 2010 | Fulvio Fiori |
I am not talking about REAL physical slavery, that is evil with a capital EVIL and is not the slave’s choice.
I am talking about the hamburger, the cloud, the plane, the sun and anything else you can get yourself emotionally, psychologically, physically, chemically addicted to. We are our habits, so choose them wisely.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“All my slavery is the fruit of a free choice.” – Fulvio Fiori, 1955 – not dead yet, Italian author, director, actor
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Feb 25, 2010 | Claude Roy |
If you ever get caught up in a theological debate about pre-determinism or free will, about being chosen by God or making the choice yourself, always remember this. No matter what the intellectual and philosophical answer you take as true, you had to choose that answer. You had to choose to go through that intellectual door and believe it.
You had to choose to call, to audition, to drive, to take the risk, to ask for her hand, to say goodbye, to stay home, to try out, to try harder, to give up.
There is always a choice and you always make one, no matter what. No amount of intellectual flights of mind can change that. It may be all is pre-determined, who knows. But in the meanwhile choose wisely.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Even if our choices aren’t free, we aren’t free to not choose.” – Claude Roy, 1915-1997, French writer and resistance fighter
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Feb 24, 2010 | Roger Staubach |
Perhaps this means the less dedicated people fall by the wayside and only the committed ones remain on the road in that last decisive effort.
But I have a different take on it. It is not others who are out of the way in that last mile, it is YOU that is out of the way. The many yous who stood in the way of running, or biking, or working, or loving, whatever you put your true effort into.
Think of the process of arriving at the extra mile. I will use the example of running since that is what I do. I first have to decide to get dressed to run. I have the traffic in my head of what to wear, if it will be too light or too heavy for the weather. I have mind traffic saying it’s cold out, maybe raining, maybe sleeting, maybe 100 degrees, who knows. I have to make my way through that traffic until I decide, yes I am going to go run.
Then I have to drive to where my group meets and I have real traffic to contend with. But also worries about if I will be tight, fatigued, sore. If the route will be hard hills, long and windy, dark and filled with potholes. A lot of traffic in my mind. I wonder how I will do, if I will keep up with the group, if they will be talkative, silent, helpful, oblivious, or demanding. Who will be there, who will not.
Then I start running. In fact my legs do feel sluggish, my lower back does feel tight, I am very cold, I am making my way through the ifs, ands and buts of traffic in my mind. I make my way through the physical traffic. I make my way through the social traffic.
Finally, after a while (a minute for some, 3 hours for others, doesn’t matter), I am at my final mile. My mind is clear, my pain and fear and worries and distractions…my ‘traffic’ is gone. I am free. I am running free. I am at peace and I am fulfilled.
That mile never, EVER exists except at the very end. Run towards that mile in all you do and you will be happier and and more free than you have been able to imagine so far.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” Roger Staubach, 1942-not dead yet, American football player with the Dallas Cowboys.
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Feb 23, 2010 | Gordon Webber |
I know what you are thinking…’wow, that is so very random.’
Want to have fun and smile? Do this via email with a co-worker or friend today. Write one sentence and ask the other person to write another one slightly, but randomly, connected to the first one. Not a story type connection, just random thoughts. You can’t answer any questions, you have to just move on with a new thought or new questions. Don’t get yourself fired by saying something stupid though, ok?
Like this:
Did I tell you that this week is National Pancake week? Where did pancake makeup come from, anyway? Isn’t all cake made in a pan? What tree did Pan make his flute out of? Is a fluted column always going to have a Corinthian top? Is Corinthian leather really made in Corinth? Is there a bank in Corinth called 1st Corinthian Bank? etc. etc. etc.
Drawing and Commentary © Marty Coleman
“Dare every day to be irreverent and bold. Dare to preserve the randomness of mind which in children produces strange and wonderful new thoughts and forms.” – Gordon Webber, 1912-1986, American writer and advertising executive. Died in my favorite summer place, Montauk, Long Island.
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Feb 21, 2010 | Courage - 2010, Mary Anne Radmacher |
I wonder what a lion actually feels after having failed to capture his or her prey. I wonder if there is regret, or anger, or embarrassment. It’s hard to imagine they have feelings organized intellectually like we do, being able to categorize them. But I don’t doubt they have the feeling we need to have that night or the next morning. They know they need to get up and try again.
A confessional and cautionary tale is needed here. Before I was the Napkin Dad, before I lived in Oklahoma and went into interactive and internet development and design, I was a teacher. I taught drawing, art appreciation, figure drawing, art and design at the community college level at 3 different institutions in Northern California. I was part-time for 9 years. I tried for 8 of those years to land a full-time position. I applied to hundreds of jobs all around the country.
The job with the least amount of applications over that time was in a west Texas town that had a prison as its main employer. They had over 100 applications. The job with the most applications was the University of Virginia, which had over 600 applications for the particular job I applied for. I was a finalist many a time, but never landed the full-time gig.
It took just as much courage for me to decide to give up on that dream and find myself another as it did for me to get up every morning for those 8 years and decide to try again. During the 9th year, instead of applying for teaching positions, I spent the time retraining myself as a commercial artist using computer software. I started applying for educational software design jobs and landed one in 1994. My family and I moved, sight unseen, to Tulsa and I began a new career as an entry-level employee at age 39.
Persistence is important, I believe in it. But wisdom is important too. Wisdom to know when to change direction, when to ask for directions, when to test the wind, test the waters, test yourself. Be wise and persistent.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ – Mary Anne Radmacher, American author
Like this:
Like Loading...
by Marty Coleman | Feb 19, 2010 | Luck, Mary Chapin-Carpenter |
As luck would have it, one of my favorite songs is about luck!
It’s also about the ebb and flow of life, of fortune. You aren’t always on top, you aren’t always at the bottom. Knowing how to live within that ebb and flow, when to row, when to sail, when to seek harbor, when to ask for help, when to see others need help, all those are just as much a part of being successful in life as is money or other, more obvious things.
Check out the lyrics to the song ‘The Bug’ by Mary Chapin Carpenter. Listen to a piece and then download the song from iTunes. It’s on her ‘Come On, Come On’ album, 1992. It’s a great song to run to, by the way.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
Like this:
Like Loading...
