by Marty Coleman | May 6, 2010 | Fred Astaire, Manners - 2010 |
Day 2 of The Napkin Dad’s Guide to Good Manners
I am not one to talk about the ‘old days’ as if they were better. I am not one to talk about how we did more with less or how good it used to be for kids and how hard it is now for them. For the most part I think that is just old people wishing for better days.
The truth is it’s always been hard for kids. There is always something unique about the culture and society they live in that bring out certain problems they face that earlier generations didn’t have to in the same way.
Today one of the things kids face in the US and many other countries is a very diverse culture. I think that is a good thing. But one of the negatives attached to it is having muddy guidelines about what is proper or improper behavior. It isn’t a uniform definition anymore. Even that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just that it makes the job of the parent harder. Not only does the child not see the example being set consistently among other adults when he or she is away from their immediate family, but the parent’s themselves might have been brought up very differently from one another and have different ideas about what is okay or not okay in personal behavior.
That doesn’t mean a parent gives up on teaching. It means they add a new element of discussion and illustration. When you as a parent see what you deem bad manners you explain to your child why you consider it bad. You explain why it is hurtful or inconsiderate. You give them reasons that help them understand that while others may not do it they way the do, they know it is a good and decent way to behave. And whatever you do, do not off load the responsibility to a school, a village, a society or worst of all, the child. It is NOT the responsibility of the child to learn it on his or her own. It is your responsibility as the parent.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” – Fred Astaire, 1899-1987, American entertainer
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by Marty Coleman | May 5, 2010 | Eric Hoffer, Manners - 2010 |
Day one in a series on manners
I found this quote on twitter and it hit me as a fantastically concise and perceptive statement about the truth of rudeness.
When I think about examples of rudeness it seems there are two main reasons for it. One, the person really doesn’t know they are being rude. We are not talking about that.
Two, the person does know and feels empowered by it. They like the expansion of their field of control. They stretch out their fork to get food off another person’s plate. They stretch out their voice into a phone and a waiting room or theatre. They stretch out their disrespect by never acknowledging people who serve and care for them.
The list can go on. But what they all have in common is the rude person attempting to be superior. subjugating others to their physical, emotional or psychological space. People who are confident and strong don’t have that need, they know who they are and can treat others with respect and good manners. The weak person is the one constantly trying to get others to see the strength they know they are lacking, usually in a passive aggressive way.
You can’t avoid rudeness in life. But you can contribute to it’s diminishing by not enabling it. Don’t be a weanie when it rears it’s ugly head. Say something. That is unless of course you live in Oklahoma where they just passed a law allowing people to wear guns in a holster on their hip like back in the wild west. In that case, be careful!
Seriously though and more importantly, if you are a parent raise your kids to not be rude by teaching and giving them experiences that bring out their true strength and confidence.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Rudeness is a weak person’s imitation of strength.” – Eric Hoffer, 1902-1983, American writer and social philosopher.
Posted on twitter by Lisa Merlo-Booth of ‘Straight Talk on Relationships’ blog
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by Marty Coleman | May 2, 2010 | I Draw in Church |
Here is my Sunday ‘I draw in church’ offering.
Taken from my 1997 sketchbook. I used a typical ball point pen. Drawn at Asbury United Methodist Church in Tulsa, OK where we were going at the time.
The woman in the foreground was a friend of ours. She had done some sort of magic to her hair that morning because it was perfectly coiffed and very shiny. The woman behind her had nice hair too, but it was SO wildly different that I was drawn to the juxtaposition.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | May 1, 2010 | Series |
It’s Silent Saturday. Just a drawing for you to enjoy.
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 27, 2010 | Oscar Wilde, Self |
Drawing © Marty Coleman
Be yourself, everyone else is taken – Oscar Wilde
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 25, 2010 | I Draw in Church |
Sometimes I don’t draw anyone in particular in my drawings done in church. I might notice something; a sleeve length, hair style, eyebrows, etc. of someone sitting close by or saw walk in. I will keep that in my mind when I start to draw and incorporate it as a starting point.
The rest of the drawing might follow the sermon line, maybe it won’t. By the way, if you are wondering if I remember the sermon or not due to my drawing instead of just sitting there, I can tell you I do remember it quite well. This one for example, was obviously about a door in the sky and on the ground with a turtle and box pointing at them. See, I remembered!
P.S. When you get this Sunday morning I will be in the middle of running my first marathon! It is the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. Wish me luck!
Drawing and commentary © 2016 Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 18, 2010 | I Draw in Church, Sunday |
On Sundays I am posting drawings I do in church. This one was done in March, 2006.
The beautifully coiffed mother sitting very still while her down syndrome child fidgeted and touched everything around him including his father but he never touched her once and she has a tired, strong face that speaks to her pain and vanity and dreams deferred and love she goes to church to find and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and tries and…
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 16, 2010 | Beauty - 2009, 2015, Francis Bacon |
Three out of my four daughters were in either Cheer or Pom squads as they were growing up. Some did it for many years, some just for one. I spent a lot of time watching cheerleaders.
Have you ever noticed how uniforms attempt to do what the name suggests? They are used to create uniformity. Uniformity is good to create the visual impact of a team working together. Identity and purpose is based on the team.
But uniforms did the opposite for me. They focused my attention on what made each individual cheerleader just that, individual. The uniform created a standard base by which I could see how they were all different, all beautiful.
And what made them beautiful? It wasn’t how they were similar, it was how they were different from each other. If there is one thing of utmost importance for a parent, especially a father, to instill in his daughters, it is that he sees them as beautiful in their uniqueness, in how they stand apart and are themselves, not how they look like everyone else.
That doesn’t mean you denigrate their desire to fit in. We all want to fit in, and that is ok. But as they work to fit in they will always find that they don’t completely. When they experience that, it’s a parent’s job to build the value of their uniqueness, the beauty in it.
If a woman isn’t proud of her unique beauty, she will only be proud of how she appears to be like someone else. That doesn’t lead to true self-confidence, just the temporary illusion of it.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“There is no excellent beauty that hat not some strangemess in the proportion.” – Francis Bacon, 1561-1626, Englishman, 1st and Only Viscount of St. Alban
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 11, 2010 | I Draw in Church, Sunday |
Sunday church drawing. I have been drawing in church most of my adult life (that’s a long time). I thought I might share some on Sundays for a while. This is one from 2006.
Here is the text in case it’s not legible on your monitor.
“The upper class woman with the bra strap showing and a tag as well listening to the simple sermon by the Methodist who looks like that character actor who later did infomercials whose voice is coming to her as a flying turtle translating it into what she wants to hear so she can live the life she wants as do we all.”
Drawing and single run-on sentence by Marty Coleman, 6/25/2006
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by Marty Coleman | Apr 9, 2010 | Doubt, Zen |
When my wife and I were dating we went to Pacifica, California for a day trip while we were on vacation. She had lived there for a while before we met and she wanted to see it again and show me the place. We went to the beach, which had a cliff off to the side. I wanted to climb up it but she was hesitant. She wasn’t very much into that sort of thing at the time. She decided she would do it and off we went. We made it up and down no problem, viewed the Pacific ocean and just drank in the beauty of it all.
I didn’t think much about it after that. But later, when it was mentioned to our daughter, my wife was very excited about having climbed the cliff. To her, the idea of being able to climb it was a BIG doubt. And being able to do it was, in turn, a BIG awakening. It stayed with her specifically because the doubt was so great beforehand. She now does all sorts of physical things she had no notion she could do before.
Have you ever heard an athlete or person involved in some endeavor tell of that one particular event that caused them to realize they could do it? They made a big play, or they made a big deal in business? That future confidence was a result of that awakening from doubt.
What is your big doubt? What big awakening can you envision if you overcame it?
“Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening.” – Zen Buddhist saying
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