by Marty Coleman | Jan 16, 2010 | Series |
Hello Napkin Dad Fans!
The 2009 Okie Blog Awards are open for nominations.
YOU MUST BE AN OKIE BLOGGER TO NOMINATE.
If you are, please consider offering The Napkin Dad Daily in the following categories:
- Most Inspirational
- Best Kept Secret
- Best Overall
Top 10 in each category will be voted on by okie bloggers.
Finalists will be reviewed by a panel & winners chosen.
Send nominations to: 2009okieblogawards@gmail.com
Remember to put a link to The Napkin Dad Daily in your nomination email.
For those of you outside the US and Oklahoma, this is for blogs within the state of Oklahoma only. But, if you know of another blog award please feel free to nominate the Napkin Dad Daily for that as well! Let me know if you do, ok?
Thanks!
Marty
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 14, 2010 | Helen Rowland, Marriage - 2012/13 |
My first marriage lasted for 20 years, 1979-2000. While I thought things were ‘ok’ for most of that time, my wife did not. When the damn finally broke in year 18 and I started to see how she really felt, then, and only then, did I really start to understand her, her depth, her feelings, her reasons, her ‘issues’, etc. I think it was probably a mutual thing. I believe she started to see me and my ‘issues’ more realistically, compassionately and insightfully as well.
We went to marriage communication weekends, counseling, religious retreats and other things. We talked more and listened more than we had throughout our marriage. Obviously all that talking and listening did not cause us to turn around and stay together. But that is not a lesson that teaches ‘Don’t bother trying to understand’. It is a lesson that teaches ‘The effort to understand and really see the other person is of value in and of itself, no matter the outcome of the relationship’.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“When people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign the ‘don’t understand’ one another but a sign that, at last, they have begun to.” Helen Rowland, 1876-1950, English-American writer
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 21, 2009 | Self, Thomas a Kempis |
As Professor Higgins says in ‘My Fair Lady, ‘Why can’t a woman be more like a man?’ That is a sexist version of what so many wish, that the people they deal with would be different than they are; less annoying, less hard to understand, less odd in the way they do things.
How often is that our first reaction because it is so much easier to desire that than to actually figure out, and implement, how we can change instead.
Not just because we have areas we would like to change, but also so we have a better reaction to those around us. So everyone else isn’t an annoyance, but is just another person to try to understand, like we hope they would try to understand us.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” – Thomas A’Kempis, 1380-1471, German Priest and Theologian
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 21, 2009 | Idealism - 2013, Winston Churchill |
A vintage napkin from 2004.
Intolerant idealism is the sin of both the extreme left and the extreme right.
Our Associate Pastor gave a sermon titled ‘Are You Expecting’ about advent and the season of expecting the divine to arrive.
She talked about her mother choosing to always love her in spite of some very unexpected directions she took in life. She used that as an example of how to have expectations but also keep a loose hold on them, since you can never be in control of enough of live to be assured of one particular outcome.
She closed her sermon with the announcement that she is expecting, she is pregnant. She then gestured for her partner, Jill, to stand so people would know who she is.
I don’t know what her mother’s religion or belief system was or is. But if she was like most parents it likely came as a surprise to know her daughter was lesbian. If you are a parent it would probably turn a couple of your beliefs upside down. But what would you do? Would you condemn, thinking that the condemnation is the only way to remain true to your beliefs, or would you accept and embrace, finding a way to be true to your beliefs while still showing love to them?
I can tell you this, if you chose the intolerant idealism route you would lose your daughter. You would have your self-righteousness intact, but you would not have her with you. You wouldn’t have that granddaughter. You wouldn’t have those birthdays and holidays and events with them. And for what? For an idealism that you disproved with your actions. That is a good definition of folly to be sure.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism.” – Winston Churchill
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 19, 2009 | Clyde Moore, Winter - 2009, 2011 |
Here is an uplifting, inspirational message about snow for all my east coast friends who are having a blizzard dumped on them right now.
Yes, your lawn is now as pretty as the neighbors’. Well, unless you count your car on cinder blocks, and the old transmission next to the flat tractor tire. Those still look like what they are, even under snow. But they are prettier versions, so that counts for something. Not much, but something.
Of course, the anal lawn people get upset at Mr. Snowmaker because their lawn, and by extension their very soul, isn’t obviously superior to the junk man that lives next door.
Ignore those persons. They reheat little vienna weenies for dinner and watch the weather channel 24/7. They would mow their snow if they could.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“There is one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbors.” – Clyde Moore
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 17, 2009 | Francis Picabia, Self |
This is a bit of a companion piece to the one yesterday about worrying about what others think of you.
Remember two things. If they are talking about you negatively behind your back they deserve the arse treatment.
If they are talking about someone else behind their back and want you to join in, protect yourself and honor the person not present by giving them the arse treatment.
See them for who they are. They are damagers (yes, I just made that word up) because they are damaged. They work desperately to find a way to make the world in their damaged image instead of changing themselves to a less damaged self. They deserve your compassion and help but not at the expense of your ethical and social safety.
Now, of course this sounds self-righteous talking about ‘they’ as if I, you, never gossip, never talk behind other peoples’ backs. We do. So, start to look around you. If you see a lot of arses you might need to reconsider your own way as well!
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“My arse contemplates those who talk behind my back.” – Francis Picabia, 1879-1953, French artist and poet. He contributed to the evolution of impressionism, cubism, fauvism, dadaism and surrealism.
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 16, 2009 | George Santayana, Self |
How many times has this happened to you? You are cruising along, feeling fine about yourself, your life, your career, when you hear someone say something negative about you and your day (and maybe week) just goes to crap.
I hate it when that happens! I especially hate it when I get all mopey and depressed about something they said that I ALREADY KNOW IS TRUE! It’s as if I think I am hiding it from everyone else and now that it is out I have to realize it all over again about myself.
My unfather-in-law, Dwight Johnson and I couldn’t have been more different one from another. Where I was extroverted and opinionated, he was introverted and diplomatic in discussions. Where I was artistic and distracted he was logical and focused. Where I was a ‘bad boy’ with innuendo humor and a flirtatious streak, he was a straight arrow and wouldn’t know how to flirt if Marilyn Monroe landed in his lap.
The reason I mention this is that I was a relentless teaser of Dwight in the early years of our relationship. It wasn’t hard to do. But his response was always in good humor. It’s as if he knew my teasing, my comments about his habits, his attitudes, etc. weren’t about him. They were about me. His stock response, the response I am now recommending you take, is simple and easy to remember. He used to say ‘I just consider the source’.
So, consider the source. Not just to understand the comment in it’s proper place, but to also be understanding of the person who said it, their weaknesses and eccentricities and insecurities that led them to say something like that.
By the way, Dwight eventually became the most important male adult in my life. I learned more from him about how to be a good husband, father and man than any other single person. I didn’t learn the lessons very well, I flunked many times, but nonetheless it was his example, and his good humor with me, that gave me much of what I deem of highest value in who I became.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.” – Santayana, 1863-1952, Spanish Aphorist and Philosopher
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 14, 2009 | Les Coleman, Travel |
At first I think, how pathetic – this stupid goldfish swimming around in circles going nowhere. But as an analogy how different is it from our own lives?
We are trapped on the earth, we aren’t going anywhere (well, except for the 20 million I am going to pay to go up in a rickety Russian spaceship, but besides that). Whether we travel all around the globe or barely make it out of our town, we still are contained by something.
The breakdown in the analogy is that we can change the size and look of our bowl while the goldfish can’t. But, in truth, we do not do that unless we feel some unmet need. Even then often times we will suffer with an unfulfilled dream or hope and not take the steps necessary to expand or change our bowl.
What is your bowl? Are you satisfied with it? Do you have the courage to reshape your bowl to encompass the world you want to swim in?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The distance a goldfish swims is not controlled by the bowl.” – Les Coleman (no relation), 1945-not dead yet), British guy
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 9, 2009 | Heart - 2010, Kelly Diels, Lianne Raymond, Marty Coleman |
Via a tweet from Julie Roads of ‘writingroads‘ that mentioned a blog named ‘Cleavage‘ by Kelly Diels that mentioned a quote within a conversation with Lianne Raymond that was rolling around in her head for 10 days I got part of this quote. I added the ‘every day’.
What is dying to be born in you? When is your due date? Is it perhaps overdue? Should you perhaps induce labor?
The pain of giving birth to this thing will be far outweighed by the love that will come from fulfilling your dreams.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Every day something is dying to be born in you.” – Lianne Raymond, Kelly Diels and Moi
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 6, 2009 | Napoleon Bonaparte, Stupidity - 2001-2011 |
One of my pet peeves is conspiracy theories. This quote is why. The vast majority of things that happen in the world are not controlled by nefarious, evil-doers bent on world destruction (though some are).
Most are a result of a guy falling asleep at the wheel, a woman leaving a pot on to boil and then taking a nap, a government official signing the wrong thing in the wrong place, or the engineer transposing a number after an all-nighter trying to finish a project.
So, remember, the store return clerk is not out to get you, they are just not very good at their job, at least today. The wedding coordinator is not working to make yours a disaster, she just forget to write something down on her ‘to do’ list.
Give people the benefit of the doubt about their motives, but don’t hesitate to demand competence. The incompetent person doesn’t really want to be that way, they may not know how to do the job right, or might just be lazy and not have the ideals or vision for themselves they really would like to have. Be kind about your demand, but demand it nonetheless.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Never ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence.” – Napoleon Bonaparte, 1769-1821, French General and Emperor
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