This is a drawing of my all-time favorite super bowl.
Big enough to feed a ton of people. I have had chips, salads, mashed potatoes, all sorts of stuff in it. It looks attractive and classy sitting on any table. It’s more tan than yellow, but you get the idea.
I have seen this to be true. They try and try and try to love and love and love. Then when that ‘too much love’ doesn’t stop the abuse or alcoholism or philandering or stupidity, they think it’s because they haven’t loved enough and the cycle starts over.
The strong woman, and in some cases the man, who can turn the corner and realize it isn’t the amount of love that is failing, it is the recipient of the love that is, will be able to get out of the situation and regain their emotional health.
Did you see the updated blog home page? I have some new links to napkin info that you might want to read some day. Check it out when you have a chance.
I had a couple of friends back in San Jose, California at the restaurant where I worked. They were a couple. The woman wanted the relationship to be more, while the man wasn’t able to decide what he wanted. They went out for many years. He was loyal to her, he was committed to her, he was happy with her. But he didn’t want to get married to her.
I remember sitting at the bar after a shift talking to him about it. His only reason was his fear of missing out on something. I asked what it was he might miss out on? Another woman? A career opportunity? Travel? He didn’t know. He just was worried about being boxed in and not doing what he wanted. What was it he wanted to do, I asked. He didn’t know, but he was afraid that when he did know he wouldn’t be able to do it.
My response? You are going to wake up in 10 years, not married, not having done any of the things you thought you would only be able to do alone because they turned out to be no fun to do alone. You are going to have a life that is free to do with as you please, and no impetus to live it because you have no one to share it with.
I suggested that his fear of being married had to do with an idea of what he thought marriage was suppose to be, instead of talking to his girlfriend about how they wanted to design their marriage, their love, their relationship. He was afraid based on what I thought was a lack of creativity and imagination about how to truly create what he wanted in life.
In the end, he didn’t ask her to marry him. I don’t know what became of either of them. Maybe they both found love. Maybe they are both still single. But I know that his inability to stick his neck out was keeping him from making progress in that relationship and in his life.
“Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.” – James Bryant Conant, 1893-1978, American Chemist, President of Harvard University 1933-1953
On and off over the next few weeks I will be posting ‘heart‘ napkins. Look for them, be the first on your block to collect them all and show your friends!
It’s funny how some people hate getting praise or compliments. They don’t know what to do with them, or they don’t believe them, or they see too many flaws in themselves to be a peace with a compliment.
It’s not so funny how some people are unable to take the blame. You can see the desperation as they find excuse after excuse to avoid what everyone else sees. It’s their fault and the solution won’t come until they admit that.
So, how do you have a tranquil heart when one’s world is peppered with one or the other of these things throughout a day or week or life? Isn’t it ok to enjoy some praise, to like it, to want it, to feel gratified getting it? And isn’t it even more important to take blame (responsibility) for those things that are properly yours to take? Are you avoiding these things, purposely detaching from them, so you can be at peace?
I don’t think so. While the quote seems adamant, my take on it is that it isn’t that these things aren’t enjoyable or critical to acknowledge. It’s that if one invests their heart in those things, if they are at the center of why you do what you do in life, then you will not have a tranquil heart.
I remember reading or hearing stories about the ‘good ol’ days’ when kids would get a candy treat or an orange for Christmas and it was the biggest deal in the world. A sweet dessert was something that happened very rarely and was akin to a special present.
I certainly don’t think that is now the case for most of in the US or most other developed countries. I wonder if just in general we lack joy and excitement in large part because we don’t have to wait for things. We get what we want pretty quickly, whether it’s a TV or a candy bar. We might be excited about something of course, but that uniqueness that comes from something being uncommon isn’t there nearly as much as it used to be.
I also wonder if some of our feelings of entitlement come from that abundance as well. The stores are stocked with candy. I want candy. I am in the store. I deserve the candy I will buy the candy. Candy costs a buck maybe, no big deal. But project that same entitlement to a TV or a Car and man, your debt balloons pretty darn fast!
Practicing the art of delayed gratification is not easy in a world of abundance.
How many people do you know are stressed as they eat desserts? So, the key to peace, serenity and fulfillment is, by logical inference, eating desserts. Anyone care to argue with that?
