This is what happens when I decide to ask the #NapkinKin on Periscope what I should draw! I had the quote and had just the word ‘wish’ in the top and bottom quote areas. They had to guess the quote as usual but this time I decided I would let them suggest what I would draw as well. The result? A funny, crazy, unique and totally original napkin! See the bottom of the post to read the chronology of the drawing’s creation.
Someone Else’s Help
Sometimes self-help is knowing when you need or want someone else’s help. You don’t have to NEED someone’s help like when you are in a burning building and need to be rescued. You can just need or want someone’s help because it’s more fun than doing something alone.
I do my drawings alone. I come up with the ideas and images and I find the quotes. I choose the elements, the characters, the backgrounds. I then choose the colors and the type and degree of shading and rendering. I do it all. What that means is sometimes you start to get in a rut. You do the expected thing a little too easily. You fall back on a character or a color or a concept you may have done a few times too often.
Better Together
How many of us have never said, “I wish it were easier.”? Maybe it was losing weight or getting in shape. Maybe raising kids. Perhaps your marriage or job or family or home ownership or….or all of it. People just wish all of life was easier sometimes. right?
What I’ve noticed is that often that desire for things to be easier is actually a desire for a sharing of the burden. You aren’t opposed to the hard work of life, you just sometimes want to have some support in making it through. I know it’s true in my life as a runner. I run 5 days a week in a group I coach. I do all my own miles obviously, no one runs them for me. But I am not alone. I have companionship and support as I run the miles. Most of the people I run with think I am there for them, since I am the coach. But that is not completely true. I am a coach in no small part because I want to run with others. They meet my need as much as I meet theirs.
Friend in the Head
This week and next I am off from coaching and so am running on my own. I have been running 12 years now and it’s STILL not easy getting out my front door for a solo run. I can think of a bazillion reasons to not go between my bedroom door and the front door. But if I had a friend waiting in my driveway for me? I would not have those bazillion reasons going through my head. I would have my friend in my head. That is the power of doing things better.
How It Came About
So, as I mentioned, this funny and strange drawing came about via crowd sourcing on Periscope. Here is how it came about.
The first suggestion was from @orion. He said draw stars (based on the fact that ‘wish’ was the only word showing).
@frogulox (Aaron) said there should be a top hat. I ended up drawing a sort of stove pipe top hat.
I had a suggestion of a rabbit from @futureartist123 (Mario). My attempt rendered a whale instead who fit snuggly under the top hat.
@feynwoman (Julia) suggested flowers. Since the whale was looking up, I decided flowers growing off the tree would be what he was looking at.
Then @ladyNynah (Antonia) said a tree and @JCahoonArtist (Jennifer) said a cactus about the same time. So, I drew a cactitree.
A cane with a bauble on top was then suggested by @frogulux, which I gave to the whale, along with a bow tie. Fred Astairewhale was born. He also asked for a hole in the tree for a gnome. I made the hole, but later @gintonics2 (Ginny) suggested a little bird instead so I drew a bird we named ‘Gnome’.
Then a turtle was recommended by @sfgianttortuga (Steve, a SF Giants and Turtle fan) and @Frogulox. I decided to make Turtle have a fascinator on her head and voila, we have Ms. Gingerturtle, the perfect friend for Mr. Astairewhale !
@LadyNynah reminded me Mr. Astairewhale needed water to survive so I gave him a swimming pool.
Then what to put in the middle. We had suggestions of a waterfall, a ladder, and from @PeteMtz, a stepladder. I decided a stepladder would be the right size.
@hammyton (Natalie) was thinking about danger and suggested a banana peel. I made it a whole banana to make it easier to comprehend quickly.
But what to put on the stool, anything? @VictoriaJamesUK (Victoria) suggested a vase of flowers and it seemed just right.
Then it was just the background left. @VictoriaJamesUK wanted a mountain and I fit it in behind Mr. AstaireWhale. I added a small hill on the other side, behind Ms. GingerTurtle. Then it was just a simple road going back into the distance and it was done.
The coloring was done to be as fun and bright as possible.
So, there you have what went into making this drawing, one I never could have made by myself!
She didn’t like her shoes. She worried they didn’t go with her skirt. Her husband said they looked good together but she wasn’t sure.
Chapter One
When Sonya arrived at Starbucks he was already there. She noticed his shirt first since it was the same color as her shoes. He didn’t see her since he was facing away and writing in what looked like some sort of notebook calendar type thing. It was hot out so she walked behind him without saying anything and stood in line. She stared at his head because he had gray hair and she was surprised by that. He looked old because of it but then again not that old because his hair was full. She thought it was probably thicker than hers.
Dennis was annoyed she was late. He had arrived a minute early and had already been there 6 minutes. That meant she was 5 minutes late, not a good sign as far as he was concerned. He started writing notes in his calendar book, hoping to get rid of his annoyance. It wasn’t working. In addition he hated the shirt his wife had picked out for him. He hated the baby blue color. He hated the buttons. He hated the scratchy label in the collar.
Chapter Two
Sonya got herself an iced cherry something or other, she wasn’t sure what it was called. But she liked the color and that usually was a good enough sign that she would like it. She walked over to Dennis’ table, speaking and putting her hand on his back as she passed. He jumped as she did that. He hated to be touched. He tried to hide his scowl but she caught a glimpse of it as she turned around to sit down. She smile and introduced herself, holding out her hand to shake his. She could tell his smile was forced as he reached out his hand. His hand was cold and clammy and his grip was non-existent, as if he was a young boy who hadn’t learned to grip yet. She got a creepy feeling from him.
Dennis was startled when he felt the hand on his back. Then this loud grating voice startled him even more. The touch, the voice then the face all all told him in about 15 seconds that he wasn’t going to hire her. She had straggly hair, too much eyeliner and eyeshadow that was a weird color. He couldn’t imagine her fitting in at the office. He could see his secretary making fun of her and the maintenance guy trying to hit on her. He could see his assistant not wanting to work with her.
Chapter Three
Sonya smiled as big and as often as she could. She told her testimony of how she became a Christian at the age of 17 after her mother had died. Dennis interrupted her constantly during her story, asking her theological questions about what it was she actually believed when she converted. He asked a number of questions about Calvinism, which she didn’t really understand at all. He was so focused on that he didn’t even acknowledge the loss of her mother. She continued to tell about her faith journey and how it led to her wanting to work in the missions area of the church he pastored. But she was getting angrier and angrier underneath the facade because not only did he keep interrupting but he wouldn’t look her in the eye. He did however look at her chest way too much. When he started talking he wouldn’t shut up. He bragged about his Christian journey, about his 3 degrees in Theology, about the increase in attendance, about how many times he had been on TV in the last year. She was hating the interview and starting to hate him.
Dennis had to go through the motions of interviewing her but he wanted to make sure she had no doubt she was not a good fit by the end of it. He pressed her on important theological questions that she could not answer. He told stories about his church that she should have responded to with enthusiasm. The fact that she didn’t showed she was self-absorbed with her own overly sappy story. She would not be able to see the church had to take priority over her autobiographical obsession. No matter how hard he tried though she kept wanting it to be all about her. He smiled and said all the right Christian things but inside he was starting to hate her.
Chapter Four
Sonya left the interview very worried. She needed the job and had felt God was calling her to it until she had met Dennis. He seemed creepier as the interview went on. She could see him trying to hit on her. When she got home she realized she hadn’t once thought about her shoes.
Dennis left the interview annoyed. He needed to fill the job and really did think Sonya was the perfect candidate until he met her. She seemed sloppy (she had a stain on her green jacket that he couldn’t not look at. Her Christianity was immature and overly emotional. She did her makeup worse than his daughter did. When he got back to his office he realized he hadn’t once thought about his annoying shirt.
Epilogue
Sonya eventually got a job as a secretary to a Roller Derby team, the Banford Banshees. She helped them get organized with social media and their attendance rose 3 fold in just 2 months. She got a tattoo of a screaming banshee on her butt.
Dennis left his church for a new pastoral position in Beaumont Falls. He served that congregation loyally until the voted him out due to declining attendance. He became depressed until he got a job selling shoes at the mall. Women loved how he put high heels on them.
Yesterday I watched a Periscope by a friend in the UK named Victoria (@victoriajamesUK). She is starting a new daily broadcast where she and her followers will all say one positive thing about themselves each day. It’s a good practice to get into, especially if you are prone to beating yourself up over anything and everything.
She was talking about using a hashtag so everyone would know where to find the broadcasts and tweets and she used a phrase that included the words ‘mind and flowers’. I wrote back, shortening it to just #mindflowers. She liked that quite a bit and decided to use it.
In the meanwhile, A few days ago I had written down some quotes on the topic of self-help. When I went to start my drawing, and the accompanying Periscope, I saw this quote among the ones I had chosen. It was an obvious choice to use today!
Patience
I got a text last night from a friend who was upset that she couldn’t argue a certain point very well. She had posted a statement on Facebook and had gotten some backlash for it. She tried to argue her point, and I thought she did it pretty well, but she did not. The reason? Because the person she was arguing with ended up not agreeing with her. Boy, if I felt I failed every time my simply brilliant arguments didn’t lead to the reader or listener to come to their senses and agree with me, I would feel like a failure ALL THE TIME.
What my friend was hoping to see was an immediate acknowledgement of the rightness of her position. Don’t we all, right? But the truth is most changes of opinion don’t happen like that. Changes of opinion do happen, and I am all for arguing your position. But changes happen when the time is right for them, not necessarily when you happen to make the argument.
Rain
Think about a garden. in the middle of winter you can have seeds or bulbs underground getting plenty of water from rain or snow melting, right? That doesn’t mean those seeds or bulbs are going to sprout and blossom. They have a much more complex dynamic going on, as does our minds. The water (argument) is essential. But so is temperature (society) and soil (biology) and fertilizer (circumstances) and more. One argument is like one watering of the garden. It isn’t going to grow the garden if there isn’t another watering later on, if there isn’t good soil, the right temperature, the right nutrients. The garden will grow in it’s own time, when it is ready to grow.
Our minds open and blossom in their own time, and it’s wise for us to be patient with ourselves and others as to when and how that is going to happen. It doesn’t mean you don’t put forth your beliefs and opinions of what is right. It just means you understand and trust the process.
Periscope and Katch
I am now having my Periscope videos automatically saved at Katch.me. Here’s the one from yesterday where I drew this napkin.
This is #6 in my self-help series. I have done them all live on Periscope. Some of them have been a ‘Guess the Quote’ style scope where I start with just a few words of the quote on a blank napkin and the viewers guess the quote as I draw. The drawing hopefully is illustrating the quote so the more I draw the more hints the viewers have of what the quote might be about.
The only rule is you can’t google the quote. You have to just guess live. While doing this drawing someone did look it up but it was towards the end so it wasn’t a big deal. Plus, I had forgotten to mention that rule at the beginning anyway.
Being Deliberate
The key to making the most of who you are is first, knowing who you want to be. Not ALL of who you want to be, just part. Then, you act deliberately to become that. As you create that part of you that will help you understand what more you want to do or be. Then you go about doing that as well. Yes, you may have a big picture vision of your overall ‘YOU’ but practically speaking you are going to be doing one small step towards that at a time. So, focus on that and don’t worry about the big picture, it will take care of itself.
Being Courageous
Another essential element is courage. Whoever you want to become, whether it’s the best burlesque dancer in town or the town librarian, someone is going to judge you negatively for it. You may be judged a loose woman of easy virtue as they used to say. You may be judged a prude and a spinster. It doesn’t matter what you choose, someone won’t like it. But it’s your life, not theirs, right? And if you want to live their life then bow to their judgment and be who they want you to be. But if you want to live YOUR life, then have the courage to say, “This is my life, my choice.”
The Juiciest Peach
There is a famous quote by Dita Von Teese, “You can be the juiciest peach on the tree and there is still someone out there who doesn’t like peaches.” It’s futile to try to persuade every random person on the planet that you are a juicy peach. You just go about being the peach you want to be and be that confidently. That confidence and courage will do more to persuade the world and gain you respect than any bending over backwards trying to please everyone.
Barbara woke up and took a walk towards the volcano. She got lightheaded on the walk and saw a vision of all her past boyfriends tumbling down the steep mountain.
She saw Josh, the young man she had the affair with at the beach resort. She didn’t know if he really should be included since he wasn’t technically a boyfriend, more like a one night stand, even though it did last 4 days.
She saw Bob, the guy she met at the photography store. He wanted to photograph her but she turned the tables and eventually got him to pose for her instead. He broke up with her when he realized she had posted the full frontal nudes of him on her Flickr account.
She saw Jared, the older man she had a fling with at her job. He was divorced and a bit pathetic, but he smelled nice and bought her things. She broke up with him when she realized he thought 9/11 was a government conspiracy.
She saw Benjamin, the Jewish guy from her AA group. They bonded when the both realized they didn’t believe in God. He broke up with her when he found the love of his life on Eharmony.
She saw Robin, the dapper fellow she met at the hair salon. He was great in bed and she would have kept him but she caught him with her makeup and panties on one day and couldn’t handle that he was prettier than she was.
She saw Trevor, the British Cad who she knew was cheating from the very beginning but she stayed with him because he had a nice penthouse apartment overlooking Central Park. Ironically he broke up with her when he caught her cheating with Benjamin.
She saw Kevin, the police officer who stopped her for speeding. The went out for almost a year, but then he was wounded in the line of duty and had to go live with his parents in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. They broke up when he reconnected with his elementary school sweetheart back home.
And finally she saw Tim, the bodybuilder she met backstage at some competition. She liked his big muscles but he had erectile dysfunction and it was something she just couldn’t get over.
When she returned from her walk she called her husband, who was away on a business trip, to say she loved him. There was no answer and that made her wonder what he was doing.
I have been doing a fun thing on Periscope lately (you can go to the ‘periscope’ tab above to read about what that is if you don’t know). I am calling it ‘Guess the Quote’. I start a drawing with just part of a quote. In this case I started it with what you see below. ‘_____is better’ on top and ‘______than’ below.
Here is a recreation of the napkin as I started.
Then, as I draw, my viewers (the Napkin Kin) try to guess the rest of the quote. It’s a lot of fun, very interactive and engaging.
While I draw I also write down the guesses on a napkin. Here are what they guessed. Don’t scroll past the list if you want to guess since the finished drawing is below it.
By the time I am done with the line drawing someone has usually guessed the quote. We then have a great conversation about the quote and it’s meaning. I usually don’t want the scope to end, it’s that much fun.
Here is the final drawing and quote.
So, what do you think of the quote? And don’t forget, if you are on Periscope (Android or iOS) make sure you follow me so you can enjoy the next ‘Guess the Quote’!
Also, if you enjoy this post (and any of my other work) I would love it it if you would be so kind as to share it with others via social media. The buttons on the left and below can be used to share on twitter, Facebook and more. Thanks!
I went to Shades of Brown Coffee House the other day to meet up with one of my favorite models in Tulsa, Meera Kazmi. I needed to get her signature on a model release form so I could submit a photograph I took of her to Getty Images. I’ve known her and her sister Anna for probably 6 years now. They started out simply as teenagers who liked to dress up in 30s and 40s retro clothing. I saw them at an art opening or two, they always made a splash at their arrival. I was able to meet their mother, Karen, as well. She was their driver and #1 fan for all those teenage years. They are very lucky to have such a supportive mom.
The Kazmi Sisters = Manic Pixie Studio Opening, 2012
Modeling as Art
They both slowly transitioned to modeling, becoming professionals. Because their background was in wearing fashion for fun, they had a natural and easy way in front of the camera. They are fantastic artistic collaborators and yes, they are artists.
I helped run a large photo club here in Tulsa for many years and had them as models for many shoots. One of the shoots was ‘Philbrook Museum in Black and White’ and I thought I captured some very nice shots of Meera. I recently sold some images on Getty and have been wanting to add to their collection. Some of the images from that shoot stood out as great candidates.
Waiting
Look
Meera brought Anna with her to the coffee house, which was great. I hadn’t seen either one in a while so it was great fun to reconnect. Here is a photo I took of Anna at a Halloween shoot a few years back.
Halloween
Periscope and Drawing
Even though I am the old one of the bunch, they were the ones that didn’t know anything about Periscope! I showed them the app and then let them talk and connect to my followers. While they did that, I drew them in my sketchbook.
Here is the line drawing I did at the coffee house.
Later, when I got home, I worked on it some more, coloring, rendering and shading.
Video
I wasn’t able to save the Periscope video with the comments and hearts, but here it is without them.
They both are wonderful young women; creative, independent, fun and smart. I was happy to see them again and get a chance to draw them as well.
There are good reasons to not change your mind and good reasons to change it. Solid reliable evidence is a good reason to change your mind. Faux news stories on the internet that claim someone said something about something and is written by someone to get you to click on a headline and is obviously biased is not.
The Blind Spot
I came across a Facebook post yesterday from an old friend. He was promoting a conspiracy theory about 9/11. I argued a bit about it with him and others. Another friend then private messaged me gently giving me the advice that I should let it go. The reason? This was a blind spot the conspiratorial friend had. He was blind to something he was fully aware of in other areas of his life; namely logic, reason, critical thinking. Me arguing using any of those tools wasn’t going to convince him because he had, for whatever reason, purposely blinded himself to them in this area.
The Mystery Spot
There is a funny little tourist attraction in the Santa Cruz mountains of California, not far from where he lives. It’s called ‘The Mystery Spot’ and it promotes the idea that the laws of space, time and gravity don’t apply in that locale. It has funny shaped rooms that make you think someone is small when you know they aren’t. It has other spaces that make you feel like you are defying gravity in some way.
Now a little kid might think this Mystery Spot really does defy those laws, that is the fun of it for parents and adults, to see their kids wonder about these tricks without understanding them. It’s a way to teach them actually. But it would be very disturbing if a full grown rational adult went to the Mystery Spot and actually believed those laws were suspended. We would think they had something go wrong in their brain because it would be obvious to all that it was just an amusing slight of hand trick and it would not be believable that a grown adult would fall for it.
The Emotional Spot
But that is what happens in life all the time. We have blind spots where we don’t change our mind in the face of evidence. It might be emotional, a person just has to believe their dog is coming back after being lost 25 years ago. We all know the dog is dead by now, but that person emotionally needs to keep hope and so suspends rationality for their emotional need.
The Mind Spot
But emotional, intellectual and physical health actually are better served in the long run by our ability to face truths, to face reality. That sometimes means changing our minds about something. If we can’t do that, we can’t change ourselves and we can’t change anything else.
What are some examples of this from your life and the life of the world around you?
