by Marty Coleman | Feb 18, 2014 | Milton Berle, Mother's Day - 2011, Mothers Day |
The start of a new series on Motherhood.
Hard Moms
I always feel very sad when I hear from someone who had a mother that did not care for them as they deserved. I am not talking about moms that are a bit too controlling or a bit too demanding. I am talking about moms who abandon and abuse. It’s just really, really sad when I hear those memories come out.
Luckily it does seem they are in the minority. Most of those I know are very grateful for their mothers and what they did for them, even when there are shortcomings in them that cause hardship for us. I had that with my mother. She was an alcoholic and wasted many good years in a fog of liquor. But she became and stayed sober for 15 years before her death and that made a huge difference in the redemption our family had together. There is nothing quite as sweet as a family rebuilt and restored.
Emotional Hands
We read the quote above and look at the illustration and it seems to be about physical limitations. But what about all the emotional and psychological hands a mother needs? How many of those hands does one have available? It becomes a lot more complicated when we realize it’s not just about if they can do all the activities they need to do, but about all the emotional personas they have to deal with and be. It isn’t easy being a mom.
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Drawing and commentary © 2014 by Marty Coleman
Quote by Milton Berle, 1908-2002, American comedian
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 12, 2014 | Sketchbook History Tour |
I had to drop off one of our cars to be serviced this week. I waited at a Tulsa Starbucks for a few hours hoping the car would be done without me having to drive home and back.
Here is the finished version of the line drawing I did in my sketchbook while there.
I thought it might be fun for you to see how one of my drawings looks before it is finished so I scanned it before I shaded it. Here’s the flat, color-only version.
The original drawing was done in pen. Here it is before any color was added.
What do you think? Is the final drawing the best or do you like one of the other two better?
And another question, what does it look like they were talking about? What are their stories?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 10, 2014 | Breasts - 2012-2013, Joyce Grenfell |
I know many of the Napkin Kin would say the moment below is the moment, right?
Purchase the Original Drawing or Purchase a Print
The Sublime Moment
I don’t regularly have this sublime moment in my life repertoire, but I did have it once. The moment helped me understand the ecstasy of which my female friends speak. No, I didn’t enter a drag queen contest or dress up as a woman for Halloween (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I had to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours as part of my annual physical. It was strapped around my chest the whole time and what an annoyance it was. It was SO great to finally have it off. I figured out then that if I were female I would probably be one who takes her bra off the second she gets in her car to go home from work. I just knew I would want it off that bad.
Anyway, just a fun drawing today to let my female Napkin Kin know I understand your agony and ecstasy (at least a little bit!)
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Joyce Grenfell, 1910-1979, English actor and songrwriter. She actually used the word ‘corset’ instead of ‘bra’ in the original quote. I can imagine a corset would be even harder to keep on all day.
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Happiness is the sublime moment when you get out of your bra at night
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 4, 2014 | James K. Glassman, Launching a Business - 2014 |
I hope I don’t cause trouble with #2 in my ‘Launching a Business’ series.
Launch
Last night was the first meeting of the 2014 TCC (Tulsa Community College) Launch program for Entrepreneurs. Napkin Dad Publishing is one of 15 teams taking this 16 week program on how to launch a business. As a result of this I thought I would do a series on launching a business. #1 in the series is linked below.
Me, A Trouble Maker?
Some might say so. But honestly, I am excited to learn the ‘right way’ to do things. That doesn’t mean I am going to do things that way mind you, just that I am going to learn those ways. I might do them too, who knows!
What is ‘making trouble’ anyway? I don’t know much about the business world but it seems the intent and effect of an entrepreneur with a good idea is to stir things up, causing a change to occur. For example, they might change the accepted order of things in their industry by putting out a product that threatens an existing product. They might brand, market, advertise and sell in ways completely foreign and bizarre to established players, vendors and competitors. Just look at the technology, networking and communication changes in the last 10-20 years if you don’t think that is possible. In any number of directions the entrepreneur is a trouble maker. I like that idea so maybe I am a trouble maker.
The Napkin Kin
I love my Napkin Kin and feel you all are some of the smartest and most insightful people around. I will be asking you questions, throwing out ideas, announcing directions and changes over the next several months. I am looking forward to hearing your ideas, suggestions, critiques and analysis as we move forward.
Feel free to send me your ideas. You can reach me by commenting on this or any blog post, of course. You can also drop a line directly to me at marty@napkindad.com. You can always reach me on The Napkin’s Facebook page or on twitter @thenapkindad. I look forward to hearing from you.
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Dreaming It – Launching a Business #1
The Trouble Maker – Launching a Business #2
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by James K. Glassman, 1947 – not dead yet, American business writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 31, 2014 | Harry Truman, Philosophy of Life - 2014 |
I, S**thead
One day long long ago, when my first wife and I were headed towards a divorce, My wife was out and I was upstairs in the computer room seething about the situation. I was really, really angry. At the same time downstairs my daughters were being really noisy with each other. They were annoying me to no end. Instead of being calm and civil about it I stomped downstairs and yelled at them. One of them asked something along the lines of ‘Why are you so angry?’. At that point I had gone into the kitchen and had started to unload the dishwasher. I had about 6 full size stoneware dinner plates in my hand. I blew up, threw the plates as hard as I could straight down on the kitchen floor and yelled, “Because your mother hasn’t loved me for most of our marriage and forgot to tell me, THAT’S why!”
My words, actions and the breaking of the plates froze them in place where they were in the living room, eyes and mouths wide open in disbelief. It obviously scared the s**t out of them. It was, in my opinion, the single worst behavior I ever exhibited in front of my kids and I deeply regret any emotional damage it did to this day.
I calmed down almost immediately, apologized and started to clean up the broken plates. My wife came home right then and asked what happened. One of the kids said I had dropped some plates and my wife thanked me for cleaning it all up. I considered not saying anything and just letting her believe I was doing a good deed. But I didn’t. I responded to her compliment by telling her the truth. She later said that was one of the critical moments of our final year that tilted her towards divorce.
Girls, if you are reading this, I am still really sorry I did that.
No Blame
Now, of course, there was no way for my kids to know I was a pile of fresh s**t having a hot emotional day. They were not to blame in the least for my incredibly stupid outburst. I tell the story to illustrate that most of the time when we are confronted with a s**thead acting s**tty we haven’t done anything purposely to provoke him or her. We are just in the wrong place at the wrong time and aren’t to blame.
Philosophy of Life, Really?
So, how is this a philosophy of life? Well, in the small sense, when we know we don’t have to do anything to have s**theads come across our path way too often, there’s no reason on earth to make life even harder by purposely provoking a s**thead, right?
In the larger sense, it’s as simple as this, don’t do stupid things on purpose.
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Drawing and life story by Marty Coleman
Quote by Harry S. Truman, 1884-1972, 33rd President of the United States
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 30, 2014 | History Lessons - 2012 |
The UCLA Interview
Back in the late 1980s I applied for a job as an Assistant Professor of Art at UCLA in California. I got an interview and it seemed to go well. The person interviewing me was the chair of the painting department and he said that the committee had been taken by how fresh and unique my work was, that it was refreshing to see. He seemed impressed with me and my work.
The Question
He then asked me something along the lines of ‘where does your work fit in art history, who has influenced you?’ After his praise for my work’s uniqueness the question caught me a bit off guard. On the one hand they wanted a one of a kind artist, on the other hand they wanted him or her to fit in with other artist and their work. My answer was pretty much that I stood alone. Yes, there were influences but I was not directly and tightly linked to a style or movement, an artist or group of artists. I was proud of that.
Not Too Original
I didn’t get the job. I tried to figure out why and I think it was that answer that did me in. They wanted a leaf that was part of a tree, not a leaf by itself. They were an institution that needed to promote originality to their students and the art world, but not so much originality that they couldn’t explain how the art and artist fit into the rest of the art world.
At first this annoyed me but as time went on and I matured it made perfect sense. Understanding where we are in history matters to people. It reassures them, it helps organize the world. It also protects them, sort of like a warranty. I no longer begrudge people who want to place me somewhere. I might not agree with them, but I understand the need.
Knowing My History
If I could do it over again I wouldn’t change my work at all. But I would change my awareness of how my work is part of a continuum of art and also a compendium of influences outside of art. That it actually did come from somewhere; bits and pieces of the art that was on my Grandfather’s walls for example. The cartoons I watched as a kid. The artists who emphasized simplicity and elegance in composition and line, like Edward Hopper and Henri Matisse. My inherited Irish gift of gab. The truth was I didn’t connect my personal history or my art history back to my artwork. I was a leaf not connected to the tree.
It’s great to be a unique leaf, but it’s also of value to know what tree you belong to.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Michael Crichton, 1942-2008, American author
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 29, 2014 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
You can’t be depressed knowing today is #7 in The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living, can you?
The Funeral Reason
When my ex-father in law died I attended the memorial service. I didn’t give a eulogy and I didn’t sing. It appeared as if I just sat and experienced others expressing themselves. But they weren’t doing it just for themselves, they were representing a community of people. Their expressions were on our behalf and that made it our expression as well.
Later, at the reception, I spoke briefly of my memory and love for this man. It was my own expression but from the smiles and laughs and tears I saw around me I knew my expression was more than just my own. We were all lifting each other.
It’s often said we have funerals and memorial services for closure. But I am not sure it’s the main reason. After all we don’t close the book on that person’s life and forget about them, do we? The main reason, in my mind, for a funeral is expression. Why is that? Because, expression is one of the most important ways to defeat depression.
Depression By Any Other Name
Just to be clear, I am not talking about the clinical definition, but the broad, lay meaning of depression as you might find in these statements; ‘I am depressed my BF broke up with me.’ ‘I am in a funk that I didn’t get the raise.’ ‘I am really bummed my great Aunt passed away.’ There are all sorts of ways to say it but, whatever the word, the sentiment is pretty much the same, you are depressed.
Expressive Ways
How do we express ourselves out of depression and back to happiness? We might listen to the music or write the music, see the art or create the art, read the book or write the book. But whatever we do, we take expressive action of some sort. THAT is the key. It’s in our expressive action that we start the ball rolling back towards happy living.
So, if you are depressed, go get your pencil and draw, stand up and sing, find your keyboard and play, get your laptop and write that short story. Whatever it is you do to express yourself, go do it, see if it doesn’t help bring you back to your happiness.
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Home – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 28, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman |
The Shower in 1992
Prologue
Shannon was excited to go skiing but she didn’t realize until they got there that they were going to be living dorm style for the week. It made her nervous because she was very shy about her body.
Chapter One
The first 2 days she was able to avoid being in the bathroom when anyone else was by going very early in the morning to shower. Shannon freaked out the second morning when she heard the door open while she was washing her hair but whoever it was went to the bathroom quickly and left, leaving her alone again. She was relieved.
On the third morning she overslept and by the time she got into the bathroom someone was already in the shower. She was going to go back to the room and just forget the shower when the shower turned off and a woman emerged from it. She only had to take 2 steps to get her towel but she only took one step out and stood there. Shannon was frozen, looking in the mirror as the woman squeezed her hair to get out as much water as possible. She looked past the woman’s body to the snowy hills in the window above her. She could feel her face flush with embarrassment.
The woman, without looking at Shannon or asking if she was going to shower, said, “Sorry for taking so long but I think there is plenty of hot water left”. She grabbed a towel and started drying her hair.
Shannon, still looking anywhere but at the woman, said, “That’s ok, I don’t take long showers so it probably will last”.
Shannon’s body stiffened when she saw the woman take a step towards her, still with just one towel, which she had wrapped around her head. She could see her reach out her hand and knew she was going to introduce herself. She didn’t know what else to do but turn around and face her. She reached out her hand and the woman took it, saying, “Hi, my name is Sinann, what’s yours?” Shannon introduced herself in return. “Nice to meet you.” Sinann said as she turned back to get her second towel. She started to dry herself.
Sinann moved over a number of steps to a bench and said, “I’m out of your way, you can get in now.” Shannon was freaking out. She absolutely panicked anytime she anticipated people seeing her body, even in a bathing suit at the beach or a pool. She always wore a t-shirt and shorts over her bathing suit and never, ever took them off, even when going in the water, unless she was alone. The idea of someone seeing her naked was completely unbearable.
Finally, she realized she was going to have to say something. She looked at Sinann and said, “I’m sorry, but I am really, REALLY self-conscious about my body so I am going to wait until you are done, is that ok?”
Sinann, looked up, covered herself with her second towel and said, “Oh my god, I am SO SORRY! I didn’t even think about that. I will get out of your way asap. And I am REALLY sorry for not covering up right away. I am so bad about that.”
Shannon let her shoulders relax and smiled. “It’s not your fault, I am just super weird about it. It’s something I need to work on.”
Sinann smiled back and said, “Well, we both have something to work on I guess, right?”
Shannon laughed and said, “It seems we do!”
Epilogue
Shannon and Sinann found themselves on the same ski lift later that day and laughed hard about the morning’s start. They decided to have lunch together in the ski chalet and by the time they were done they had both made the decision in their own heads that this was the friend they had been looking for their whole life.
They have been best friends for 22 years now. Shannon still doesn’t get naked in front of anyone and Sinann still does.
The End
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Drawing and short short story by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 23, 2014 | Launching a Business - 2014 |
Launch
Tonight I am being interviewed for a spot in the Tulsa Community College Launch program. It’s a 16 week entrepreneurial boot camp of sorts. With the help of over 32 community mentors and once a week hands on sessions the participants are led through the steps in making a sustainable small business.
Everything
I have produced The Napkin Dad Daily for several years now, and started calling my company ‘Napkin Dad Publishing’ in 2013. I have a catalog of thousands of napkins on hundreds of topics. The blog is seen around the world, by hundreds, sometimes thousands, every day. How many see it via links and forwards, I don’t know, but it seems substantial. That number increases dramatically with my presence on a wide array of social media sites, including Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, Flickr, Instagram, Tumblr, LinkedIn, About.me, Meetup, Skype, and more. I have merchandise on Zazzle.com that sells with some regularity. I do sponsored blog posts on a variety of topics, from travel to fashion. I do speaking engagements about a variety of topics that sometimes pay, sometimes don’t. I get better than average publicity about my napkins in the local media. I sell the actual napkins once in a while. I even had a 2 page spread about me in a coffee table book about napkins, in Norway. I have a lot going for me it seems, and I am grateful and glad about all of it.
Everything But
What I haven’t done with all that YET is take the next step to it being a sustainable, money-making business. But I intend to and this is a possible step in that direction, if I get accepted. Wish me luck. If I do get in I will document the journey here, sharing what I am going through, learning, etc. Either way, you will start to see some some changes here at The Napkin Dad Daily. The content might change a bit, but not too much. It might be formatted and presented in a better, easier to navigate and read style. But the site itself, how it is designed and the technology behind it, that I think will change to a greater degree. The merchandise will change dramatically, that I know for sure. I am excited about that!
Rockets Away!
I look forward to the process of building a business and I look forward to the help you, the Napkin Kin, will hopefully give me. Thanks for your support so far, and here’s to the future!
Enthusiastically,
Marty
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Dreaming It – Launching a Business #1
Trouble Maker – Launching a Business #2
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 22, 2014 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
I judge today to be a great day for you to enjoy Happy Living #6!
The Ballerina in Your Living Room
Back in the 1990’s I taught Art Appreciation at a Community College in California. I once took my students on a field trip to San Francisco to do some gallery hopping. While in one gallery I noticed a student contemplating a certain Abstract Expressionist painting. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, “I wouldn’t put it in my house.” That statement got me thinking so I gathered up the class and asked how many others had thought that same thing. More than half raised their hands. I then said, “Well guess what? It is unlikely that that painting, or any of the other paintings here, will ever BE in your house. They all have price tags of $100,000.00 to $500,000.00.”
I continued, “Would you go to a Ballet and say, ‘Well, I wouldn’t have that Ballerina in my living room.’? Of course not. You KNOW she is not going to be in your living room. You don’t need to judge her as if she is. Actually, you don’t need to judge her at all. And you don’t need to judge the art in this room. You might enjoy the work more if you judge it less. Now let’s evaluate these paintings again, without the idea of possession and judgment in the way of our enjoyment”. We then walked around talking about the work without judging it good or bad or worthy of being over our couch. We were all much happier without the judgment.
Obsessed with Judging
I believe America is obsessed with judging and I think it’s debilitating to creativity, compassion and happiness. I don’t mean there is not a time to judge. I like talent shows and I don’t mind the judging that has to go on there. We also need to judge behaviors to keep ourselves safe. The law is all about judging, and I am a fan of the law in general. But think about how almost every aspect of American (and probably many other countries’ social life) is filled with non-stop judging.
The Non-Judgmental Tattoo
Let’s take one example, tattoos. I happen to like tattoos, yet I have none of my own. Neither does my wife. I am pretty sure none of my 4 daughters do either, but if they do, they aren’t apparent. But I like tattoos nonetheless. Why? Because they are interesting. And they aren’t mine. They are simply something I witness go by. Part of what I call the passing parade. I can witness, admire, observe, evaluate, investigate, explore, question, wonder, imagine, and otherwise enjoy a tattoo that passes in front of me. But I will unlikely do any of those things if I judge it first. Judging cuts off those things, cuts off happiness. Judgment says good or bad and done. Case is closed.
But why does the case have to be closed? What is so important that I have to render a judgment of a woman’s snake tattoo as she walks by. Why can’t I just enjoy it, experience it? What will happen if I just look at it, explore it, contemplate it’s color, texture, shape, and meaning. Why not ask her about her tattoo? Why not just let it pass without judging it? We will be happier, I know that much.
What other examples can you think of where we tend to judge quickly when there isn’t any real need to judge at all?
Don’t Judge
Here are some tattoos I have found and photographed over the years. It always makes me happy when I find one. See if you can simply explore them without judgment.
It’s not that easy, is it? But it is worth it to escape the debilitating, uncreative, unhappy prison of judgment.
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Home – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing, photographs and commentary by Marty Coleman, who might get one someday, who knows.
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