by Marty Coleman | Dec 10, 2013 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
The First Responder
My daughter, Caitlin, was driving from Dallas to Tulsa, coming home for Thanksgiving, a few weeks back. There was a car accident immediately behind her and she stopped to help. She steeled herself to perhaps see something pretty traumatic but luckily the guy wasn’t really badly hurt. She went to her car, got paper towels and other stuff and helped him with his injuries. She didn’t think of her actions as being about love I don’t think. But they were. She could have driven on. She could have just watched from a distance. But she didn’t. She chose to get involved and help him.
Acting
When I first came up with this I had it as ‘Think in terms of love’. But I quickly remembered another important lesson, ‘It’s easier to act your way into another way of feeling than it is to feel your way into another way of acting.’ and realized that many times the action of love has to come before the feeling (or thinking) of love. The action actually leads one closer to the feeling, they compound each other.
Thinking
Even though acting is key, acting without thinking can lead to many missed opportunities. The reason is this; just as a frame around a painting changes the painting itself, how you frame what you experience changes the experience. For example, when you see an activity, let’s say a business trip, as an obligation or duty then there is a certain dread attached to it. But if you think of it as an opportunity to show love, then there is much more excitement and enthusiasm for it.
Love to Whom?
But a business trip? How can I show love on a business trip? It’s actually a great opportunity to evaluate and frame what it is you do, seeing if what you do can be categorized as love, or, if not, can adjust your attitude or actions to be more loving? Think of all the people you meet on a business trip? Flight attendants, fellow flyers, cab drivers, hotel staff, business colleagues, restaurant workers. What better group of people to help you see if how you act (and think) is in terms of love?
Happy Living
The end result of acting and thinking in terms of love is that you feel happy. Happy with yourself, yes. But just as likely you will feel happy about the circumstances you are in as well.
And since it’s impossible to live a happy life all at once, the best we can do is to have happy moments within a life. Have enough of those and at the end you will discover you’ve lived a happy life. And it all starts with love.
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Smiling – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 7, 2013 | Illustrated Short Stories |
Prologue
She always remembers that day.
Chapter One
She hadn’t showered that morning even though she knew she should have. She had been out late and done something she wasn’t proud of.
Chapter Two
She got to church late and sat next to a woman wearing a lot of perfume. She could see the woman’s face reflecting all the bright lights on the stage. It looked like she had a lot of makeup on, bad acne scars and a top plunged down much farther than appropriate.
Chapter Three
Everyone stood up to greet one another. She turned to the lady shook her hand. It was warm and soft and made her feel wonderful. In the light she saw that she really was quite beautiful, her makeup wasn’t as heavy as she thought and she had pulled up her blouse so it didn’t show as much as it had before. The woman complimented her on her teal sweater and said she always was attracted to that color.
Chapter Five
After the service the woman asked if she knew of a lunch place nearby. She told her they had a cafe at the church and led her there through the crowd. The lady asked her if she would like to join her and she said yes.
Epilogue
She always remembers that day.
The End
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Drawing and story by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Dec 6, 2013 | Travel |
I am down in Texas to run my first marathon in 3 years. This is what it looks like throughout Dallas today. More coming tomorrow and temps are staying below freezing until after the marathon is suppose to be over on Sunday.
It looks like they will cancel but as of now (Friday afternoon) they have not.
I also came down to help my daughter move to a new apartment, which we did 2 days early to avoid the weather.
So, for now we are watching the news and waiting for an announcement from the Dallas Marathon organizers.
Running is an adventure!
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 22, 2013 | All is Vanity - 2013, George Sand |
It’s reasonable to assume today is day #3 of the Napkin’s ‘All is Vanity’ series.
Quicksand of Living
Here’s the thing about vanity; It’s distracted living. It’s can be while driving, or working, or talking, or texting, or studying, or dating, or exercising or having sex or….the list goes on. Vanity means you are consumed with self and how you are seen by others. This is usually accompanied by disregard for reason and logic. You do things that are dangerous, things that are counterproductive, things that are restrictive. You aren’t able to see and take part in the life you might want to take part in because your vanity won’t let you.
Quicksand of Activity
You won’t go swimming in a pool because your makeup might get messed up. You won’t stop putting on your makeup as you drive because you might be seen without it, and that just won’t do. You won’t go hiking because you might get sweaty or, sin of all sins, smelly. You won’t put on a coat when it’s freezing out because it might cover up your cute outfit.
Quicksand of Love
And in the end your consuming preoccupation with self will keep you from caring about others. You won’t be able to give love and even if you are given love, you very likely won’t be able to see it clearly over the full-length mirror you are staring into.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by George Sand (aka Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin) 1804-1876, French novelist and memoirist
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Vanity is the quicksand of reason.
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 21, 2013 | All is Vanity - 2013, Nathaniel Hawthorne |
I am not deficient when I say today is ‘All is Vanity’ day #2
Pet Peeve
I think I have mentioned before that I have a pet peeve, a big one. I really do not like when people brag about their shortcomings. I especially don’t like it when I do it. When I found this quote and it added a new layer to my understanding why this happens.
Bad at Math
Let me give you an example. I did not excel at math in school. I didn’t flunk it, but I didn’t excel at it either. So, if a conversation comes up about math, and I am asked directly if I am any good at it, it’s a simple declarative statement to say, “No, not very.” If I am feeling hopeful and positive I might say, “No, not very…YET.” meaning I might become better at it in the future. That is how I like to think about things I am not very good at at the present moment.
Bad at Math Vanity
But what if instead, when I was asked, or even if I was not asked and I was just a general part of the conversation, I said, “I am REALLY BAD AT MATH! I can’t balance my checkbook, I can’t pay bills very well, I HATE math! I don’t understand my IRA or my 401k and I am terrible at keeping a budget!”
If I said that, would I be stating a simple declarative statement? No, I would be saying to the world, ‘I am proud to be bad at math. I think it makes me pretty cool. It shows me to be a hip artist, or maybe a cool musician. It puts me in the ‘above all that mundane crap’ world of bean counters and bureaucrats and pencil pushers.
Wrong Vanity
And I would be wrong. It doesn’t do that. It just shows me to be vain about a deficiency. I am seeing a shiny gold tooth in the mirror worth bragging about when actually I just have an ugly black tooth that really isn’t worthy of attention. It’s nothing to be proud of, nothing to brag about and certainly nothing to be vain about. What it really is, is something to be better at if you can, just like any other optional deficiency in your life.
Right Vanity
You suck at your marriage? Don’t boast of it, become less sucky at it. You don’t know how to write? Don’t brag about, learn how to write. You are a lazy bum? don’t be vain about it, get the hell off the couch and start contributing somewhere. Turn that deficiency into an available gift. Then if you want to be vain about it, go ahead.
Have you ever been vain about a deficiency? Let’s hear your insight about it.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne, from his book – The House of the Seven Gables
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“It is very queer, but no less true, that people are quite as vain, or more so, of their deficiencies than of their available gifts”
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 20, 2013 | All is Vanity - 2013 |
I hope I don’t sound vain, but this is going to be the best series on Vanity I have ever done! Here’s day #1.
Plastic Stupidity
No, I am not against plastic surgery. I know many people who have had very successful changes made to their bodies and faces this way. They are very happy with the changes and I am happy for them. I think they look great and that it was more than likely a great choice.
What I am against is someone being coerced or bullied or otherwise manipulated into getting plastic surgery so someone ELSE can feel good about themselves, make more money, have more status, get more pleasure, etc. That is stupidity talking.
What might that manipulative stupidity look like?
- Maybe it takes the form of money making, like the strip club owner who might ‘persuade’ a dancer to get a boob job she really doesn’t want and can’t afford so the club owner will make more money.
- Maybe it’s a husband who bullies his wife into an eye lift so she will look more ‘western’ and he in turn feels more successful having a more ‘western’ looking wife.
- Maybe it’s a mother who pushes her daughter to have a nose job so she is more likely to get a husband which the mother wants so she can have grandkids.
- Maybe it’s a girlfriend who convinces her boyfriend he can have the chest he’s supposedly always wanted by getting pec implants so she can feel superior to her tribe of girls by virtue of having the BF with the hottest bod.
Plastic Vanity
But a person talking stupid or coercive or bullying doesn’t turn a bad idea into reality, vanity does that. Why does that happen? Somehow their vanity has convinced themselves that;
“if I get my ________ done, then…
…I will be more _________.”
…It will make me _____________.”
…My spouse will then ______________.”
…I will make more ________________.”
…I will feel _____________.”
How would you fill in the blanks for someone acting out of plastic vanity?
Positive Blank
Sounds negative, right? But here’s the rub. Can’t someone fill in those same blanks so they are positives? I mean, men and women have plastic surgery every day and they fill in those blanks with positive words all the time. What words would be positive? Any? Many?
What are your thoughts on this?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Victor Hugo, 1802-1885, French writer
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 18, 2013 | Travel Napkins |
Linda and I went down to Texas this weekend to visit Caitlin and go to the Baylor/Texas Tech game. We stayed at a Courtyard by Marriott and, as usual, I got up early and went downstairs to have breakfast and do some drawing and reading.
I was the only one in the restaurant at first and the woman who helped me was standing alone at the counter after I got my food. She was working on a clipboard, then was at the cash register. I caught her standing still, contemplating some numbers, and took advantage to get a quick sketch of her. She was wearing a Dez Bryant Dallas Cowboys shirt on as the hotel was doing a fall football theme.
One of the other restaurant workers happened to see me doing the drawing and told the woman, Karen, about it. She thought it was pretty cool and graciously allowed me to take her photo with the unfinished drawing. We had a good discussion about eyebrows.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Model – Karen of Courtyard
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 16, 2013 | Illustrated Short Stories |
Introduction
She went on vacation by herself.
Chapter One
When she looked at him she wasn’t sure if he was drowning or just goofing around. She decided he was drowning and went into the deep end and saved him. He revived and kissed her on the lips he was so happy. He looked at her lips afterward and asked if she was cold.
Chapter Two
She went down to the bar later that night and the man she saved was there with his wife. The wife didn’t have a bra on. He introduced her as the hero who saved his life. The wife didn’t smile, just shook her hand and said thanks. He asked for her address so he could send her a thank you card and a token of his appreciation. The wife glared at him.
Chapter Three
She watched them from the bar for quite a while. They both got drunk. She didn’t. She had a snack and went back to her room to watch TV.
The End
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 13, 2013 | Marcelene Cox, Shop 'Til You Drop - 2013 |
Here is a fashion statement for you: Today is day #5 of my ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’ series!
Getting To Know You – Camping
I had a girlfriend back in the early 2000’s. We got a long really well until we went camping together. She thought I was weird and picky on the trip. I thought she was weird and loosey goosey on the trip. That trip pretty much sealed our fate as being incompatible in the long run. We broke up shortly thereafter.
Getting To Know You – Cooking
I had a ‘not quite a girlfriend’ girlfriend, also in the early 2000’s. We were pretty focused on each other and it looked like we were about to become GF/BF. That is until we cooked a dinner together with me in the lead. She thought I was too intense in the kitchen. I reminded her of some relative, I think an uncle. She hated him for deep emotional reasons that somehow were triggered by how I was while cooking. We had a good dinner and a fun evening, or so I thought. But the next day she pretty much said we couldn’t go forward because of how much she disliked being reminded of this guy.
Getting to Know You – Shopping
When I was in my early 20s, single and living in San Francisco I had just started to date a woman. It was pretty much still at the friendship stage but it was leading to GF/BF status. That is until we went shopping. She had to go to a very fancy soiree for her Tennis Club, at which she was an up and coming star. We traipsed over to Union Square and headed directly to the top floor of Neiman Marcus. She knew pretty much what she wanted and focused on blue blouses to go with a skirt she already had. She found a blouse that went for $500.00. This was in 1978. That was a LOT of money for a blouse in 1978. She was 20 years old. She bought it and out we went. I expressed surprise that she would spend that much money on a blouse for one event. She waved it off and said, “Oh, I won’t keep it. I will wear it tomorrow night and bring it back. If I mess it up my mother will be mad but she will pay for it.”
I learned a lot about her during that short shopping trip. I didn’t pursue the relationship after that.
Lesson Learned
Now do I think you really can tell everything you need to know by going shopping with a woman? No, of course not. Women aren’t just their shopping habits any more than men are just their ‘tool bench in the garage’ habits. But I am saying you can learn a lot by shopping with someone, male or female. Doing something active is how you find out about people. That includes even those you have been married to for years and years.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Marcelene Cox, American writer
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by Marty Coleman | Nov 12, 2013 | Shop 'Til You Drop - 2013 |
I’d bet money today is day #4 of our ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’ series!
Sex and the City
This is a famous quote from the TV series ‘Sex and the City’, spoken by Carrie, the Fashionista narrator of the show. I think we all understand what she was saying – her clothes are a visual manifestation of her money. I get it and I think it’s a funny quote.
Money as Clothes, Clothes as Money
But when I imagined a closet where the clothes were replaced by actual money I saw a problem as well. What would happen if her closet (or yours) was suddenly transformed and all that hung up were the various denominational bills. Several 100 dollar bills hung on the hanger instead of the Alexander McQueen dress. A pile of 5-6 50s lay on the floor instead of a pair of Prada boots. A raft of 20s hung instead of the Hermes scarf. Those bills would be pretty useless to you in your closet.
Then again, clothes are pretty useless to you in your wallet or purse. You can’t spend skinny jeans on groceries, a cable knit cardigan on medicine or a pair of kick ass stilettos on rent.
The Aunt
I had an aunt who was obsessed with shopping. She had maybe 30 Coach bags, most of which were still unused. She had hundreds of blouses, skirts, dresses, pants that were in multiple colors…and never worn. She had trinkets and baubles and decorations up the wazoo, most of which were never seen. They had his and her Hummers.
In the meanwhile her family was in debt. The family business was having a hard time. Mortgage was overdue. Foreclosure was coming. Then she got sick and died.
We were worried about her widowed husband’s ability to recover and sustain his life. It looks for sure like he would have walk away from the house, losing it all. But, that’s not what happened. He was able to get back to work. He was able to pay down his debt and keep the house. Why? Because no one was spending anymore.
It’s great to have nice clothes. I love looking at great clothes and admire women or men who pay attention to that, I think it adds confidence to one’s life when you care about how you dress. But money is not really what’s in your closet, it’s the memory of money that’s there. If you need your money, save it in a bank, because it will never turn into money in your closet.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote from ‘Sex and the City’ script, spoken by Carrie
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