Are you thinking what i’m thinking? It’s Body Image #4!
Hair Brained and Empty Headed
I love a great hairdo. I love fun colors, bold shapes, great style. I think it’s awesome. But it’s not enough. To carry awesome style at it’s best you have to have the same investment in what’s under the hair as the hair itself. For a body image (which does include your head, by the way) to be solidly positive it has to be accompanied by a solid mind image as well.
Investing in your head
You invest $100 to have a great hairdo, but will you pay $100 to make your brain better? You would hire a physical trainer for your body if you could. But would you ask a trainer to help train your mind to think kinder, more loving, positive thoughts? You know your body (and hair) won’t be it’s best without you investing in it. The same is true of your mind. If you want to be a person with a great body image, you will need to have think highly of your mind as well. That takes work.
Can You Direct Me To The Mind Gym?
Never mind, I know where it is. It’s in my bookshelf in in my office and the book by my bed. It’s in my church. It’s in the Community College in town. It’s in good TV. And above all it’s in interesting conversations, curiosity driven adventures, and an open minded fearless attitude towards new ideas, people and places. That is what keeps my mind growing.
And that in turn, when combined with my paying attention to the body I have, leads me to feel good about all of me, my mind AND my body.
What do you do to keep body AND mind feeling good?
_________________
Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Garrison Keillor, 1942 – not dead yet, American Humorist and Writer, creator of ‘A Prairie Home Companion’ radio show.
I am making a splash today with #3 in my Body Image series.
Body Goals
Because I coach intermediate runners I have occasion to work with people who do not occupy what they envision to be their optimal bodies quite yet. There are various body goals they may have. They may want to get thinner, have more muscle tone, be more flexible, or have better heart health, to name just a few. Since they have already made the choice to join a running program I take that to also mean they have made a decision to do something deliberate to achieve their goals. I encourage them, do my part in training them, explain as best I can what I think will help them achieve these goals. I truly want them to be who they want to be and I love helping them get there.
Joy Goals
But there is something else I work on with them. And that is joy and happiness. I believe achieving goals can increase one’s happiness. But I also believe you don’t arrive at a body goal (or any other type of goal) and suddenly find happiness waiting there for you. As odd as it sounds, one needs to train for happiness, just like for an awesome body.
Cannonball Fun
For example, the joy in doing a cannonball in a pool is primarily in the fun of doing it. If you are big and round, it is still fun. If you are skinny and boney, it’s still fun. If you are 60 years old it’s fun, if you are 20 years old it’s fun. Now, it is true you might enjoy the walk to the diving board more if you are happy about your body shape. It is true you might be less self-conscious about something if you have the body you want. But if you want to experience fun you shouldn’t wait until you are ‘perfect’ to experience it. Suffer that bit of self-consciousness if you must because the act of doing that fun thing will show you, again and again, that your self-consciousness can be overcome, it can be put in it’s place.
Training Joy
But if you wait for that ‘perfection’ then while you are practicing and training your body to be it’s best you are continuing to train your mind to think it’s not. You are continuing to tell yourself that joy and fun and happiness is dependent on you being the right weight, or the right tan color, or the right bra size and that is not true. You actually may intellectually know it is not true, just as you know intellectually you will be in better shape if you run or work out. But that knowledge will remain academic and intellectual, unproven and unpracticed, unless you practice the happiness action the same way you practice the physical action.
In other words, train your joy and happiness as well as your body, then both will be in great shape!
How do you train your happiness and joy?
________________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Rosalind Russell, 1907-1976, American actress. Her autobiography is titled, ‘Life is a Banquet’.
I started a Body Image series a few months ago but only did one drawing for some reason. Easily distracted is my excuse. I am starting it up again today.
My Body Image
When I was young I had no fat on me. I didn’t work at it or think about it. Then I turned 30 and I saw my tummy popping up above the line between my hip bones when I laid down. Then I found my chest had a little layer of fat. Then I got some love handles. Then my abs disappeared.
Now I am working my way back towards that body I remember. Of course it’s 25+ years later so my goal is not to look or be exactly like that. But I have an updated vision of what I would like to look like. I can look in the mirror have a memory reference point of sorts. I know what I used to look like and I believe I can be close to that again. Who knows, maybe even better.
My Motives
I have many motives; some noble, some vain. I am doing it so the runners I coach will look at me and see a person who coaches by life example. I am doing it so I will look fit at my high school reunion this summer. So I will look fit when I am on stage giving speeches or being interviewed on TV. It helps my business to look fit. I am doing it to be an example to those I love; my wife, my daughters, my friends. I want them to have a real life example, someone who said they were going to do it and they did it. I want them to say, as one of my runners said yesterday, ‘I think to myself, if he can do it, I can do it.’ I want it so I am more productive and creative for the longest possible lifetime.
But those motives and reasons are all secondary. The #1 reason I am losing weight and getting more fit is because I want to look how I want to look. I am not under pressure from my wife or daughters or friends or career or doctor or anyone else. I just want it for myself. I want to look a certain way, a way I think looks good and is healthy. I am choosing to be deliberate about becoming that.
Beholding You
My question to you is, do you have YOUR vision (not someone else’s) for what you want your body to look like? If not, why not? Your mind didn’t get educated without you working at your education, did it? Your heart and morals didn’t develop without you practicing being a moral and compassionate person, right?
Your body is just as essential as those areas. Your body will be become it’s best when you are deliberate about helping it. It won’t do it on it’s own.
So, if the body you behold in the mirror is the body that meets your vision of beauty and health, then maintain it and cherish it. But if you look in the mirror and feel, not because of family or social cultural pressures but because of YOU feel it, that it’s not the body you want, then take action to help it become what you want it to be.
You can do it.
___________________
Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has lost 22 lbs and has 8 more to go.
Living in Oklahoma we have been prepared over the weekend for a tornado and the tornado aftermath. We have a storm shelter with all the essentials inside it. We have the TV on most of the time during these sorts of weather outbreaks, watching and listening for important news. While yesterday the major storms had lost their tornadic activity by the time they reached the Tulsa area, we were still on the path and were thinking the devastation we were seeing in Moore was something that could realistically happen to us as well. It wasn’t until the storms were within about 30 miles that it became likely they were not going to be damaging. Even then we knew enough to not let our guard down and we didn’t until the threat had completely passed around midnight.
As the sun set last night I went out back, took this sunset picture and uploaded it to Facebook to show my friends around the world that we were safe.
Oklahoma Sunset After the Moore Tornado
Glass Half Full
A running buddy of mine, Jack Nation, commented on the pic saying, ‘A new day brings hope for the future….because I’m a half full kinda guy, I choose to look at this as a sunrise.’
I had been searching for just the right words for my napkin drawing this morning and my response became my napkin the moment I said it, ‘A Sunset in One Place is always Sunrise Somewhere Else.’ It reflects what I know to be true, even as I know it is a terrible sunset for many.
Have you ever experienced a sunset becoming a sunrise in your life?
_______________
Drawing, quote and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has survived a large earthquake.
When I travel I draw and photograph a number of things that don’t make it into a travel blog post. In most cases it’s not that the drawing or photo is bad, but it just didn’t fit in with the flow of the story I was telling. Then again, sometimes the drawing or photo just sucks.
Here are some images that didn’t make it into my prior posts from my recent weekend foray to Arkansas where I attended to Social Fabric Conference. I posted 3 days worth of images while I was there but these took a little while longer to get together.
_________________
Annette McCormick
Lunch Break
I wandered into the Collective Bias Salon during a break and caught a few people taking their break as well. Annette, whom I had met the day before, said something about how I should draw people right then so I took her up on it and drew her eating a sandwich. I know it’s not proper etiquette to photograph someone eating but does the same rule apply to drawing? I choose to believe that rule does not exist.
There is a photo of her in my SoFabCon- Day 1 post, but I took another one on that same bus that I think is pretty cool as well.
Annette in Profile
Later I saw this photo in the SoFab blog of me showing something to Annette during the conference. You can follow her on twitter.
__________________
Danielle Smith
Danielle’s Boots
When it’s May in Arkansas you would think sandals and open-toed shoes would be the uniform for women. But when it’s 35 degrees and it’s Danielle, it’s going to be boots. She likes her boots and this snake skin pair were pretty darn cool.
Danielle is sort of like a movie star in the blogging world. So, here I am getting my picture taken with a movie star. She also happens to be one of the most amazingly positive, genuinely friendly and loving people you could ever hope to meet.
Danielle and Elizabeth
Here is she mugging for the camera with Elizabeth Mascali, one of her panelist cohorts. Dawn Sandomeno, Elizabeth’s biz partner is taking the pic.
I met Lana on the first day of the conference. She is originally from Oklahoma and now lives in Arkansas. She interviewed me for her blog the day after the conference. We met at a new museum called 21c. I drew her on a black napkin, something I had never done before.
I thought I would see how a set of metallic markers I had at home would work on it.
Here is the result. Very much like a woodcut relief print I think.
We walked around the museum and I got this shot of her about to sneeze. I think it’s pretty cool.
You can see the other napkin drawing and photo I took of her in the SoFabCon – Day 3/4 blog entry.
___________________
Natalie Aydelott
Like I mentioned in the day 1 blog, I met Natalie on Thursday night at the opening cocktail party. I also met a cool guy named Taylor Sigler. He was also helpful throughout the weekend.
Taylor Sigler and Natalie Aydelott
I ran into her Friday, working away on her phone, making things happen at the conference.
Natalie Working
Then on Saturday night at the big 80s bowling party (bus ride excitement below),
I saw Natalie again, ready to strike!
Natalie Bowling
__________________
Random
I drew, but did not meet, these two women at the cocktail party.
__________________
By the way, I am now an official part of Social Fabric, the blogger/Social Media community element of Collective Bias. We are currently looking for Millennial Bloggers (ages 18-24) so if you are one or know of one who is, let me know and I will get them connected.
__________________
Drawings and photos by Marty Coleman, who didn’t bowl but wished he had.
If you can believe your eyes and ears, it’s day #5 of ‘Women vs Men’ week!
‘Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears’
What think you of this idea? Is it true for you or those you know? Tell your Napkin Kin how so.
_____________
Drawing and questions by Marty Coleman, who is hard of hearing and good of seeing.
Quote by Woodrow Wyatt, 1918-1997, British Politician
_____________
As long as I am on a musical kick, here is a song from ‘My Fair Lady’ that exemplifies the frustration between the sexes, at least from a misogynist male perspective. ‘Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?’ This one should get some of my red blooded female Napkin Kin going!
I hope you didn’t forget…today is day #4 of ‘Women vs Men’ week!
Learning While Falling Apart
If you have followed me a while you know I was married the first time for 20 years. The marriage started breaking down around year 18 but ironically that was also when we started REALLY talking to each other about the marriage, who we were, what we wanted, how we felt. It really was a life altering period for me that I now deeply appreciate. Among things that I learned or I improved were my ability (and willingness) to listen and communicate, feel empathy, think ahead about consequences, and not assume the surface is the reality. I am grateful for those lessons, as is my new wife, Linda (though she knows I still have a long way to go).
Remember I Forget
But there is another thing those years taught me first hand. Kathy and I were in the middle of a long discussion about our marriage when she said ‘But you once said…’ and she then proceeded to say what it was I supposedly said. I didn’t remember saying it. I asked her when I said it. She said, ‘about 1991’. She was telling me this in about 1999, 8 years later. My response? ‘uh…1991? really?’ She not only remembered that I had said whatever it was I said, but she remembered the year. Now if this was an isolated incident I would chalk it up and forget about it. But Kathy did it other times as well when we were going over things from our past (including once remembering something I said from the year 1983!). My wife now, Linda, has also brought up something I said years ago with frightening attention to detail.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to get out of saying what I said. I wish I could remember things as well as Kathy or Linda. But I can’t, at least not yet. From my experience not many men can. I am sure some women can’t either, but I think overall they can remember a hell of a lot better than men do.
Remembering Concrete
But there is a problem with remembering so well and that is that one can easily get stuck with that one memory in your head, playing over and over, and it can blind you to subsequent events, words, deeds, that modify or change that thing that is in your head. So, while forgetting important things we say or do is not always a good thing, it can also allow new, more relevant and true things to come in, things that are who we are now, not who we used to be.
What think you about this?
________________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who does remember saying ‘I love you’ a lot to both my wives, no matter how far back it was.
Quote is anonymous
_______________
Here is a great duet from the musical ‘Gigi’ that brings this point out perfectly. My father used to sing the trademark line, ‘ah yes, I remember it well.’ when he would forget something from the past. I do the same thing now. Not many get it when I do that, but I don’t care. It makes me smile.
Speaking of remembering AND forgetting…While I was writing this I was browsing YouTube and came across something I remember very distinctly. My college roommates and I were LA Dodger fans watching the 1977 World Series when this happened. Funny though, in my memory she was wearing short shorts. Ah yes, I remember it well.
It’s ‘Battle of the Sexes’ Week! Chime in, answering the questions below. What are your ideas? Your Napkin Kin want to know!
In my life experience, there seems to be some truth to this. What do you think, is this true? True for others, true for you? Now or in the past? Discuss.
__________________
Drawing and questions by Marty Coleman, who, long, long ago, once looked in a mirror and saw myself as a Native American on a horse in the Southwest. It is safe to say I was in an altered state.
Quote by Elissa Melamed, Author of ‘Mirror, Mirror – The Terror of Not Being Young’
