What is discrimination, bigotry, racism, ageism, and sexism (and more) but variations on this theme of not respecting who people are? It’s all basically saying you don’t approve of that person as they are. You want them to change to be more like those you approve of. In other words, you want them to be more like you.
Expect my Resistance
I am going to assume for a moment you are reading this from a comfortable, non-threatened existence. Think through what what would happen if the tables were turned and you were the one being shown disrespect for your very existence. What would you do? If there is enough power arrayed against you, you might just get along as best you can, not cause trouble, not raise a ruckus, choosing to preserve your life and family over the conflict that would surely come if you stood up.
But what if this went on for decades and centuries, always finding a way to rear its ugly head no matter what supposed progress was being made. What if the disrespect was so violent as to actually threaten your existence and not just yours but your family, your tribe, your culture. Then what would you do? It’s the impetus behind every struggle for freedom and equality in the history of the world.
Whose Side Are You On?
If you do this thought exercise of putting yourself in another’s shoes it’s not hard to finally understand why people who have been threatened in this way are standing up and fighting back. The question is, are you on their side? Do you respect their existence, not as you want them to be but as they are?
Last night I had a few crackers before going to bed. Our cat, Mayru, was sitting on my lap and for some strange reason she was very insistent on wanting a cracker. This is not usual. But tonight she was crazy about it. I gave her a small piece and she actually ate it. Then she turned around on my lap and meowed plaintively, wanting another piece. I gave her another and she bit it, dropped it and jumped off my lap, walking away, never to return.
Now, I don’t think she contemplates will power and resisting temptation much. So, what happened? Well, what she does is go with her desire. She wanted the cracker, didn’t resist that desire and got the cracker. Then didn’t have the desire, no longer wanted it and walked away. The key wasn’t that she wanted it and pushed it away in spite of wanting it, it was that she just no longer wanted it.
I’m No Help at All
I sometimes am told that people are impressed with my ability to give things up. It seems I can give something up and stick with it. They might think I am good at avoiding temptation, that I have great will power, that I am disciplined. But the honest truth is that I can give it up not because I am good at resisting temptation, but because the temptation goes away. I am actually not good at resisting temptation, I am better at getting rid of temptation.
Saying I ‘get rid of temptation’ makes it sound like I actually do it. But the truth is, and one of the reasons I am not all that great at advising others in their attempts to get rid of bad habits, is they just go away. I usually don’t do anything to get rid of them beyond having the simple desire for them to go away. That’s it. Sometimes it takes years (one habit took 45 years for the temptation to go away). Sometimes it takes an instant. I don’t really know why, though I wish I did.
The Key, No Matter What
What I do know is that even when they just go away and I didn’t do much to make it happen but to wish for it, I still need to make a choice not to go looking for that lost temptation to see if it’s still hanging around out there. It’s like an ex-lover you are over but that you sometimes still pine for. If you go searching to see ‘how they are doing’ you are looking to see if the temptation is hanging around. And that temptation that is lost is suddenly found again. That is not a good thing. Let it stay lost, it can’t add up to much without you.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mae West, 1893-1980, American Actress and Playwright.
I didn’t change my mind, today is still going to be Resistance #2.
What’s Behind the Fear?
I like this quote a lot. It focuses one’s attention on what we really fear when it comes to change. We fear WE are going to have to change. Think about any change you fear and see if you don’t find that, at its essence, it isn’t a fear that it will lead you to have to change.
Isn’t that why we often don’t like new styles in hair, clothing, accessories? Aren’t we afraid, when you get right down to it, that we will have to change and wear that style ourselves? That is when the judgment seems to be necessary right? As a method to keep the change at bay, away from us and the resulting change that we would have to suffer through.
Do not resist the fact that it’s day #1 of a new series on Resistance.
Stealing From Susan
Last year I won a writing contest put on by Susan Steinbrecher. I won a weekend at the Gaylord Texan outside of Dallas and we went over the 4th of July weekend, 2012. It was a great time and I was able to meet Susan during the weekend, which was a great honor. She recently launched a new website dedicated to promoting her abilities as a speaker and I went to check it out. There were video samples of her speaking and this quote was the very first thing that she spoke about. I stole it from her because I liked it so much.
What Not To Resist
Susan was referring to the futility of resisting change in the business world. In particular she was talking about the technology, communication, globalization and more 21st century elements to modern business. She said people can try to resist, but that resistance won’t change anything. The future is going to come, whether you resist it or not. The future persists. Indeed, it is the most persistent element of life. Some things are bad to resist.
What To Resist
However, there are areas of life where it is good to resist. When you see racism or sexism or bigotry or corruption, it’s good to resist. When you feel yourself sliding into mediocrity, it’s good to resist. When you are tempted to blame, gossip or hate, it’s good to resist. These things also persist. But unlike the future they can actually fade, becoming lest persistent. And your resistance to them is one of the actions needed to help them fade away. Some things are good to resist.
What Do you Resist?
What is it you try to resist? Are you effective or not? Explain.
